Our inner wall is the one thing we all have inside of us…
And it keeps us from what we most desire…
For those of you who are like us, devotees of The Game of Thrones, you’ll have seen the staggeringly impressive Wall, in the image above, many times. For those who haven’t, it’s a 700-foot tall, 300-foot thick, 300 mile long fortification made of ice that spans Westeros kingdoms’ northern border. The Wall was originally built to defend the realm against the icy creatures of death called the White Walkers, and defended by men who pledge their lives to The Night’s Watch.
Become your own Super Hero
This fantasy wall is a reminder of the equally impressive psychological walls we carry inside of us- walls we rightly erect to protect ourselves, not from White Walkers causing our physical death, but from emotional hurt and the death of our egos. And we not only have our own internal wall, we also have our very own Night’s Watch to help us become our own inner superheroes, allowing our ego to die over and over again and always come back to life.
It seems no matter how thick we build our wall, our emotional White Walkers still find us and we still get hurt. In fact, often the bigger the wall, the more hurt we feel, for the cracks have to penetrate more powerfully to reach us, so when they do, look out! And if our wall isn’t penetrated from the outside we find traitors rising from within to hurt us- traitors of loneliness, isolation and despair.
In reality our ‘Wall’ is still a fantasy one. It’s what separates our perception of our ego selves from our whole, soul or freer selves, depending on which language works for you, and it is often triggered in the intimacy of relationship. All you need is to see it for what it is and learn how to make the most of it.
Make it a practice to observe yourself.
This is not mentally obsessing about what you’re doing but simply noticing it.
Be your own man of the Night’s Watch, keeping an eye on your internal wall.
Notice when your wall appears.
It might appear as fear, a holding of your breath, or a tension, a physical resistance in your body.
It may appear as anger, resentment, self righteousness, superiority or contempt.
Or it might appear in the form of lack of trust, self doubt or thoughts of not being good enough.
It can even appear as a lump in your throat, a lump of words unable to be spoken.
Your wall may feel like loneliness, isolation and despair, a sense of the pointlessness of life.
And, surprisingly, it can manifest as a lack of sexual desire, a need to hold back, or a desire to come quickly.
Or finally, your wall might be something you have no idea about, it’s just a ‘sense’, hard to capture but real.
Once you’ve noticed it you become in charge of it, giving you the choice of how to deal with it.
- You might take a few deep breaths, allowing your fear, resistance and the tension in your body to dissipate.
- You can breathe into your heart, allowing your anger, resentment, self righteousness, superiority or contempt dissolve into gratitude or compassion (not thinking it but feeling it arise literally from your heart).
- You can sit beside your lack of trust, self doubt and thoughts and speak to it as you would a small child, letting them know you’re there to support them and that you see how capable they really are.
- You can bring your attention to the lump in your throat, breathe into it and see if the words you want to say appear. Then see if they need to be spoken, or just identified.
- If your traitors are coming up from the inside, again just sit with them, feel them fully without making them wrong, and you will find your connection with the you that lives inside them, bringing you back to your connection with your humanity- whether it’s good or bad, being here is the point.
- If your wall is manifesting in your sexuality, without making it wrong in any way, take the time to feel into it and see what lies beneath it, go under all the obvious reasons, let your body answer you, you might be surprised with what you hear.
- And if your wall is of the subtle kind, not very clear but it keeps tripping you up, invite it to come close, sit next to it and make friends with it. Imagine holding it in the warmth of your hand and letting it dissolve like an ice block.
With stronger, deeper walls you may not get all the way there the first time but with practice you will.
Wth this practice you no longer have to fear, or be controlled by your walls, letting them limit you and keep you separate not only from your partner or those around you, but from yourself!
If you have any questions about this practice you can email us here or call 1800 TANTRA.
uncomfortable feeling we as humans are emotionally capable of would you, Yet it does! This feeling is shame. In intimate relating we find ample opportunities for both creating shame and for healing it, particularly in our sexual intimacy. Dealing positively with shame will take your intimacy and sexual pleasure to a whole new place.
Breathing this openness through your body allows your sexual pleasure to become more full bodied as you’ve made room for it, for pleasure that you can then share with your partner, along with the openness that created it. Again, it’s magic!
you have probably remained contracted in your feelings rather than fully dropping though them into the essence of you that lives underneath your pain and your story.
Our intimate relationships are potentially the most important and fulfilling part of our lives yet we receive very little training for them.
This is why it’s vital to get the training you need to address the challenges your relationship offers rather than bury your heads in the sand, becoming machine like and operating from habit, wishing things were different without taking action. Or doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. This is just suffering.
attention.
limiting it is also shaming).
