Our sexuality offers us SO many opportunities to explore, pleasure and play.
Yet it is so easy just to fall back into what is familiar, what is comfortable.
Even while longing for something new.
We’re often still operating on the insights we first learned in our teens, or from our first sexual experiences.
Or from the girls over coffee, or locker room after footy. Or from porn, which can be great entertainment, but which creates problems when we try to be like this in real sex.
Rather than from people who have studied the art of sex for years and its unlimited possibilities aka. us!
That’s why today we’re offering you some suggestions to play with to expand your spectrum.
The key word here is ‘play’.
It’s a great skill to not take sex too seriously. At least at the beginning. As you open into it the depths can appear. But if you get too serious at the beginning it can end up in performance anxiety. This leads to all sorts of unhelpful behaviours as we try to cover our anxieties by being cool and in control. Rather than just being our authentic selves.
Here’s a list of things you might like to play with (especially as it’s a long weekend):
- One thing sex – choosing one aspect to focus on and doing it reaaally well.
- Breathing sex – actively breathing in different ways – deeper, slower, faster, shorter and seeing the effect on your pleasure.
- Sensory sex – awakening your senses with different smells, feels, music, sights, tastes.
- Seasonal sex – consider the time of year and season, what does it inspire? Outdoor sex, by the fire sex, hot and sweaty sex, slow and relaxing under the covers sex?
- Rocking sex – instead of thrusting, try rocking your hips, it’s opens up your energy and can make a world of difference. then try different strokes.
- Playful sex – where the object is to play like children innocently exploring for the first time.
- Slap and Tickle – play with different touch styles- stroking, scratching, licking, blowing air, soft, firm, fast, slow, just holding, biting. Always get consent and start slowly with the more intense styles.
- Handcuff and Blindfold – everything can feel more intense this way. Again, always get consent first.
- Heart Connected sex – take time to actively feel into your hearts as you make love. Breathe into and put your hand over your heart to help make the connection. Give it time. Make whatever you find ok.
- Blowing Raspberries – blow raspberries on each others’ bodies and genitals.
- Dess Sexy sex – each person dresses sexy and stays dressed, with clothing that has the right access. This can be really sexy for blokes to do too.
- Grinding sex – like the sex you used to have as teenagers, grinding your genitals together, with lots of kissing.
- Kissing sex – while we’re on the subject, explore each other’s whole mouths and lips. Start light and teasing, then slowly get deep and hot.
- Edging sex – come up to the edge of orgasm, pause, breathe deeply and start again.
- Teasing sex – give each other permission to flirt and tease, bring out your inner vamp!
- Tantric sex – breathe white light in from the soles of your feet, up through your body out the top of your head and back down again, becoming light and love beings.
- Kegel sex – practice your Kegels together. Squeeze your pc muscles to increase each other’s pleasure. Kegels have never been so pleasurable.
- Valley sex – after you’ve been making love for a while and have some intensity built up, drop into stillness and just breathe deeply, exhaling out of your mouths. Amazing.
- Giving/Receiving sex – one person receives what the other suggests, after checking it feels good in their bodies. Then swap.
- Taking/Allowing sex – one person does what they really want to the other, with the other’s full consent. Consent is what really makes this one work for both people.
- Emotional sex – give yourselves and each other permission to show and express any emotions that may arise during sex, taking it to a whole new level of intimacy.
- Sounding sex – give each other permission to make sounds, as it amplifies whatever you’re feeling. Try a variety of sounds, make them real.
- Slippin’ and Slidin’ sex – if you have outdoor privacy, put down a plastic sheet, cover each other in body friendly oil and start slipping and sliding.
- Energy sex – touch each other lightly, slowly, all over, whilst breathing deeply to activate your energy bodies.
- Chakra sex – put your hands over each other’s different chakras and breathe into them, whilst imagining their colours and see what happens.
- Fantasy sex – explore one of each person’s fantasies and if it feels right to both, find a way to act it out, even if it is in your imaginations (which can be better and more creative than the real thing, and your mind can’t tell the difference).
- Gifting sex – start sex by each giving your partner a gift of some kind that is a unique expression of you ie. a dance, a compliment, a simple gift, a poem, a song etc.
- Oral sex – it matters less about skill and more about whether you’re really enjoying it. Relax and find what is enjoyable.
- Oral sex – Talk dirty. We all know it can start out embarrassing, but it gets better as you go. Start gently, don’t think too hard about it, build as you go. Research it online together and see what might work. Refrain from judging each other’s preferences, say yes where it feels right.
- Oral sex with a difference – tell each other what you love about each moment in sex, and about the other person you’re having it with. It’s completely different, but just as opening as dirty talk. Try that too, if you like, next time.
- Spot sex – explore a spot together- start with a GSpot or a PSpot.
- Lab sex – make a sex time for experimenting non judgmentally with what might feel good. Start with some of the suggestions here, with no expectation on the outcome.
- Erotic sex – read a sexy book to each other, or watch a sexy movie, try a new sexy toy.
- Tired and Hungry sex – often we use being tired or hungry as a reason to not have sex, yet these states taken into sex can find us with either our walls down or our desire up, as long as you start with lots of deep breathing (with mouth exhale) your state will shift and your energy will start to move powerfully.
- Daily Devotion – less is more, read about it here.
- Gender sex – focussing on sex that has gifts for your gender – for women, for men.
- Swapping Roles sex – try putting one person in charge of the sex, especially the one who is not usually in charge. Make it an exploration, rather than an expectation. Given time and space it can be very freeing for the one receiving and empowering for the one being dominant.
- Tantric Massage sex – explore a deeper way of touching.
- Scheduled sex – sex doesn’t need to be spontaneous. Put it in your calendar and look forward to it. When the time arrives feel into what you would like- is it something slow and gentle, hot and heavy, playful etc. and talk about what you can create together to get into the mood. Using this list might help.
This list is a great beginning, use it to help make your way all through the year.
So there are no excuses for staying in a sexual rut, or having the same sex you’ve been having from the start.