By expanding everything around it,
giving you more than what only “pushing for the goal…” can do.

There must be a billion articles on how to have a bigger, better orgasm.

It’s got to the point that orgasm is the main, if not the only focus of sex.

It’s short, sharp foreplay, then her orgasm (if she’s lucky), penetration, huff and puff to his orgasm, then sleep. Sex done!

In this format orgasm is the ultimate goal.

And let’s face it, orgasms can be totally delicious and renewing! Or at least, stress releasing.

But how much is orgasm the ultimate satisfaction?

Especially when you’ve spent the whole time trying to create this required outcome in a minuscule few seconds.

We’re here to say there is MUCH more than this, and we don’t want you to miss out on it!

And playing with this “more” can create an openness in you that invites a bigger, better orgasm.

Or, if an orgasm you’ve longed for doesn’t actually happen, you can feel fully fulfilled by the rest!

Step 1: Drop the goal of orgasm

This might seem totally contradictory, yet it doesn’t mean orgasm is NOT going to happen. It means that you are not in your head trying to manufacture a specific outcome.

Instead of focusing on where the moment is hopefully leading…you can stop performing and just relax!

Bringing your attention to who you’re with, rather than on what you’re doing.

What is actually happening between you? How is the energy between you – flowing or waiting? How is the breath – deepening or staying shallow? How are you allowing yourself to be seen and seeing the other person?

These are observations, not judgements.

What more of them can you bring? Without focussing on the other person, start with you. Allow yourself to flow naturally in the moment. The connection and intimacy here bring natural rises in pleasure and energy. All over you, not just in one place…

Step 2: Trade doing for feeling…

Doing is about stimulation…feeling is about sensation.

Stimulation is about looking for a result. Sensation is about being IN the experience.

Slow down. Stop noticing what you, or your lover are doing, and notice what is happening in YOU. Notice what your partner’s touch actually feels like. Notice where it’s landing in your body.

LET GO of judging whether it is going to take you where you want to go. Notice where it is impacting you RIGHT NOW.

Breathe into the sensation, notice how it changes as you exhale thorough your open mouth.

Deepening into any sensation allows for even the most simple moments to feel absolutely electric.

The more you do this, the more your whole body opens to sensations of all kinds. Take time to notice what is happening in your lover’s body as well, so the experience is shared.

Step 3: Practice building pleasure without searching for climax

Most people don’t know that an entire world of pleasure exists right at the edge of orgasm.

Or even at the edge of feeling intensity, whether you sense an orgasm coming, or not.

Instead of pushing past intensity because you think the next moment will be even better, pause there.

Feel into the No. 7 , 8 or 9 of sensation, before you disappear into No. 10.

Breathe into it and soften around it…

Allowing energy to build and move without rushing to a release.

Smile, exhale, open, be at ease with what happens.

This creates more space in your body for even more inviting feelings, including orgasm, to be felt.

Enjoy this new moment of experience without missing out on it. Make a sound of how wonderful it feels, letting both yourself and your lover know how it is.

Feel your body come deeply alive in a variety of ways… Feel connected to your partner, as well as to yourself. This is what is possible when you stop defining sex as a single, solitary goal.

It’s releasing pressure and enjoying the potential of each and every moment.

So that if, and when orgasm arrives, it’s a fuller, richer experience.

We love mind blowing orgasms as much as the next person…

We just don’t want you to miss out on all the possibilities of pleasure along the way…

Moments when your entire being can feel awakened and alive. Moments that can feel entirely different compared to the blissful disappearing in an orgasm.

Moments that you might not have known were possible.

Ones you can appreciate and talk about with your lover for ages to follow.

So the next time you have sex, or make love, slow down and feel each moment deeply, as above.

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is everywhere today. 

AI is incredibly fast and expansive. Whether we know it or not, we are seeing it daily. In the websites we see, the articles we read, the videos we watch and the ads in our faces.

We are not here to judge whether AI is right or wrong, it’s here no matter what.

We’re here to help you make the most of it in your love lives…

What AI is capable of is providing us with… 

is more and more intellectual knowledge, about everything from A to Z. 

According to AI, there are nearly 12,000 data centres in the world, a number that is on the increase. Storing information about everything we can imagine and more, including information about us.

The interesting thing to remember is that AI is a service. Focussing on information from our and other algorithms, AI tells us what it believes we most want to hear, rather than what is most correct. It makes us feel right, legitimized, authorized, enabled etc, whether this is actually true or not.

As we spend hours scrolling through our computer screens, or smart phones, we enter into its programmed, perfect world. Often taking it at face value.

How does this impact our love lives?

What do most people say they love about their love lives, and the pleasure that goes with them? It makes them feel good.

The important word here is “FEEL”.

People describe feeling loving, happy, excited, inspired, nervous, aroused, warm, open, connected, orgasmic and more. All feeling words.

Where do we feel our feelings? 

In our bodies.

(And a little in our thoughts.)

We feel in our hearts, stomachs, genitals and all over our bodies. Tingling, tickling, awakening, drowning, softening, enjoying and more.

Where does AI keep us? 

Thinking, judging, planning, critiquing, outside of our internal reality.

AI can “talk about” feelings and emotions, it can describe them in intimate detail, but it does not experience them. 

And neither do we when we are reading it.

We might “think our feelings”, in our heads, which is where AI wants us to be. 

But we are not fully feeling them inside of us, in our bodies, in the here and now.

Our Internal Reality is Where Our Love Lives Happen.

So AI can help by reminding us to spend time away from it. 

To get off our screens and turn to our partners. 

To really see, feel and enjoy the reality of YOU with THEM.

To breathe into, and expand the feelings we enjoy. Including love, pleasure, connection and orgasm.

To breathe through, and past the feelings we find uncomfortable, so they no longer separate us.

To be fully in the here and now, outside of external control. With ourselves and each other.

With ourselves and with our families and/or friends.

This is the gift you can choose over this Easter holiday period.

To take the time out to fully be in the here and now, with each other, to discover, enjoy and share what is real!

And if you want more of this, or support to work with any uncomfortable feelings call 1800 TANTRA or email here. (Note: All contact is confidential – no AI!)

Because the skills to make love and to thrive crazy are the same…

There is so much going on in the world at the moment
it’s easy to feel like you’re out of control. 

If it’s not negotiating work hours, navigating children/family activities,
it’s managing budgets, your internal stress or finding “you” time. 

From a background of trying to understand the politics screaming at you on social media and how they might affect you. 

None of which can sound very sexy…

Yet it’s just what Annette and Graeme (we)
have found as the very motivation for connection these days,
even if it starts out as the exact opposite!

Annette and Graeme share this with you, as it has become our most common way of connecting. It’s been about about letting go of all the external ideals, rules and should’s that we’ve been taught about connecting with each other. About how it should look. Because all of these ideas have come from outside of us, or from our past, and haven’t really been authentic to us.

Doing the following steps has stopped us from hiding from each other, and given us the power to be real with ourselves, and with each other. 

Which has allowed the energy to flow between us in many and surprising ways.

Learning to be connected to ourselves, and real with each other, is helping us deal with all the ‘craziness’ of the world around us.

And from our feedback, it is working with our clients as well…

The part they can benefit from a hand with is being able to connect with, and express themselves as they are, where we are happy to be of support.

Because all of this stuff, even though it can seem extremely important, 
actually happens on the outside of us.

Making love, being sexual, or even just connecting,
demands us to connect with the inside of us.
Which is the most vital, life affirming and thriving part of us.

It’s first about how you are feeling,
and then how you connect.

In order to do this you and your partner can try the following:

1. Agree to take the time to connect. 
This can be challenging, believe it is worth it!

2. Drop any expectations of how it should look.

3. Show up as you are, connect with the inside of you and share it.Even if it is messy; when you own it as yours, it works. Acknowledge each other here, because it can be a scary, yet healing and transformative thing to do.

4. Share what you most desire in this moment.
(It doesn’t need to be the same as your partner, or fill any sexual playbook.It can be to share, pause and breathe, or have a long hug. Or it can be very hot and sexy, there are no wrong answers).

5. Express yourself, and hear your partner, without judgement.(This can feel so good it’s all you need!)

6. Feel into how you can make both desires happen,in a way that works for both of you. Be open minded and get creative here.Once you start desiring it can be surprising what arises.

7. Get started and enjoy yourselves!(Remember to breathe deeply along the way, as this expands everything and makes it better.)

8. If one of you needs an orgasm to feel completed and it hasn’t happened as part of your desires, make it ok for you/them to do it themselves to finish.

9. Compliment each other after and even celebrate your mutual outcome, for celebration is powerfully motivating!

10. Take the nourishment and awakening this brings to help you make the most of you in the rest of your lives.

Make the most of what is yours!

Going one layer deeper…

Is it a desire, or a fear?

Last newsletter we talked about this idea of one partner for life. It seemed to resonate with a lot of you.

So this time we’re looking at going one level deeper in relationship- how the relationship you have with yourself affects the one you have with your partner. See how to gain clarity in just x 5 mins per day!

In a world of endless options and swipe-right dating, the idea of staying with one partner for life can feel… well, suffocating, if not downright terrifying. 

Once upon a time, it was the norm—relationships were for life, and people rarely questioned it. But today, things are different. The illusion of infinite choice has changed how we see love, commitment, and even ourselves.

And in this time of instability and change across much of the whole world, can we believe in stability and longevity?

Many people now ask: Can one person really meet all my relational needs—mentally, emotionally, sexually, spiritually—for decades?

We enter modern relationships with massive expectations. We want our partner to be everything: lover, best friend, co-parent, adventure buddy, life coach, therapist and soulmate—all while we hold on tightly to our individual identities. We expect relationships to provide both security and excitement, belonging and autonomy, mystery and predictability. It’s a paradox, and a tall order for anyone.

The truth is, the magic we seek in love still exists—but it isn’t just about finding the “perfect” person. Or even the perfect persons, if you’re into more than one. That magic lives in the deep work of intimacy, in showing up authentically and vulnerably. Especially over time.

Real intimacy challenges us. It pushes our buttons, yet it’s where the magic lives. It allows us to blossom like a flower in the warm sun. It brings up our past wounds so they can be healed. Real relationship is like a mirror—it reflects to us the beauty, and also the shadow parts of ourselves.

At Oztantra, we believe your No. 1 relationship is the one you have with yourself. And what you bring into your relationship with another shapes the connection you create with you. 

So the question becomes, not why isn’t my partner meeting my needs and desires in the exact way that I want them to? It’s whether you’re bringing your best self into your relationship, or just your expectations and frustrations?

Are you bringing complaints and high expectations of your partner and holding them to standards you are not willing to hold yourself to? 

Are you protecting your own fears and vulnerabilities as you stay inside your own little emotional box and making your partner wrong?

Where are you willing to stand up and be seen in your relationship, rather than hiding?

Where are you giving your relationship active priority? 

Where are you creating your relationship, rather than expecting it to be done for you?

Your partner can’t be in relationship with you when you are on your phone, slumped in front of the tv, at your computer, out with friends all the time or still at work. 

You can create intimate relationship by meeting your own needs:

• by exercising after work and allowing the feel good chemicals from exercise flow into a happy desire to see your partner at the end of the day
• by meditating on the love in your heart for yourself and coming to your partner from a place of fullness, not resentment.
• Sleeping separately for a couple of nights to reconnect with yourself and see your relationship self more clearly.
• Inviting your partner to share something enjoyable with you, and helping them remove obstacles to doing so.

Instead of being in judgment of your partner can you see them as a person just like you? Someone who dearly wants connection, just like you? Who is probably trying just as hard (or not trying) as you, and as uncertain as you? 

How about seeing them as just like you, rather than as your enemy? 

Can you give them a warm hug, rather than a cold shoulder?

You can also do this by seeing your own shadow, rather than focussing on theirs.

X 5 mins a day to change your relationship

Even just giving yourself x 5 minutes of your full presence a day whilst with your partner can create a powerful shift in your relationship. Whether you believe your partner wants to be with you or not.

Being in the here and now moment with your partner can help you see yourself more clearly. Shining a light on your truth, rather than on a (self affirming ego) story in your head.

Not by trying to fix your relationship. Just by:

• Actively being with your partner, (putting your phone down). 
• Being aware of yourself and how you’re showing up, or not, with them.
• Actively seeing your partner as human, just like you, rather than your enemy, and noticing how YOU are being.
• Are you open or closed? Judgemental or accepting? Offering or avoidant? What walls do you have up right now and how can you lower tham a little?
• What could you choose to bring right now in this moment, that is relationship affirming?

No matter how your partner responds, this is about YOU. Being in your heart, being connected to yourself and being truly open to what might happen. It can be magical.

It’s not always about finding someone new when things get tough (though on occasion it needs to be, when all options are exhausted). Because if you haven’t cleared the mirror to seeing yourself in this relationship, from your fog you’ll just recreate your lessons in the next. Your new partner will somehow seem to turn into to same one you just left, causing you the same frustrations.

It’s about learning how to see—and be seen—by yourself, and by the person already in front of you. Sometimes, even just five minutes a day of full presence can create a powerful shift. For people are magnetised to our presence, our aliveness and our self ownership. Really. That’s the kind of magic that lasts.

Start here. Start with you.