What is the art of self pleasure all about?
Isn’t it just fancy masturbation?
It’s much more than that.
It is a form of self love, and self healing of the sexual shame we are all born with. And a stepping into the power we are capable of…
So how do you Self Pleasure??
1. Decide that you have the right to experience feeling totally ecstatic and blissful! Leave any “should nots” at the door! Be proactive in your own sexuality.
2. Schedule selfpleasuring into your life as a priority. You make time for your other appointments, why not something as wonderful as this? Sessions can be either short, long or longer. Just choose 1 or 2 things to try each time. Use your instincts about what you feel like doing, trust in that.
3. Build the time and intensity with which you selfpleasure, slowly. You likely have an ingrained habit of getting “it” over with quickly that needs to be unlearned. This won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. Be gentle with yourself, it’s ok to make “mistakes” along the way- if you have the right attitude mistakes are just pleasurable learning experiences.
4. You are being encouraged to let go of the very unconscious masculine (not male) way of lovemaking that we have been taught to see as the social “ideal”. This pornographic way focusses on building lots of excitement through tension and hard rubbing or thrusting which results in a release of this built up “pressure” as orgasm. This is ultimately very desensitizing for both men and women. This is because it requires ever harder stimulation to produce “results” which frequently leads to frustration and boredom.
5. You are being invited to reignite your masculine (consciousness, awareness, focus, doing) and feminine (feeling, flowing, being, intuitive) energies, opening up the life force within you through “being” in the moment, transforming sex into love.
6. Regularly practicing any of the following breath practices below can lead you into experiences of full body or even multiple orgasms. The biggest factor is opening your mind to the possibility. Also letting go of the idea that orgasms only happen in your genitals- we can feel tingly, blissful, orgasmic sensations all over our bodies. And guys can too, not just girls! An orgasm is really just a gathering together and peaking ‘over the top’ of these tingly sensations, leaving us feeling released. And remember that little orgasms (or sensations) are important- as from little things, big things grow…
7. Be aware that whilst practicing these selfpleasuring practices are a beautiful and pleasurable thing, they can also bring up feelings that are not so pleasurable. This is often why we try to get our pleasure over and done with quickly, or take a more
controlling approach to our bodies. Emotions and other uncomfortable feelings are also energy in the body and if you move one you are likely to move the other. If you do experience feelings of resistance, numbness, blocks, shame, fear, anger or anything else don’t make them wrong, accept them as energy and breath deeply until they pass, as they will. If you have a history of trauma these
practices can help you feel safe in your body, but if they trigger or activate your trauma please contact us here or your therapist to help you move through them safely.
Breath Techniques to take the Art of Self Pleasure up a notch or two…
Remember all techniques are a place to begin. The object is to use technique until you feel your mind letting go and your body wanting to take over and then just go with it. The basis of all the techniques is a combination of presence, breath, movement and sound. Allow the body to shake or orgasm if it wants to, allow feelings to come, and return to the breath as soon as you can, whatever else is going on. Again, only try what feels right each time.
A cardinal rule: if you want to build energy breathe faster, inhaling more. If you want to spread energy breathe deeper and more slowly.
1. Remember to breathe fully, into your belly, genitals and upper chest, this helps keep you in the present moment and opens your energy flow. Breathe into your heart, allowing gratitude to be present. As you breathe deeply, slowly into your body, let go of thinking other than what is happening NOW. If other thoughts come in, let them go and breathe into your body! Focus on the sensations and staying present.
2. Now add in some Tantric Touch: What makes a touch tantric is not so much what you do, but the consciousness, or mindset, that you do it with, for energy follows consciousness. Pay attention to what your hands are doing whilst you are touching yourself. Be fully present, not thinking about what comes next. If you are fully present you will be inspired in what to do next. In fact tantric touch is a form of meditation- you are aware of your inner would as well as your outer one. Keep both hands on yourself at the same time- this connects the energy circuit and lets it flow! Try hands together over your heart, sacrum or any chakra. Try a range of body touches from very light and very slow to occasionally harder and faster, from taps, tickles to slaps, stillness holds where your hands melt onto your body, and everything in between.
Now try some breathwork. (You can try these breaths separate to self pleasuring for a start if you want to make it easier).
3. Energising breath: Breathe deeply, expanding your belly, pushing down slightly on your anus and perineal muscles as you do so, allowing them to expand and relax.
4. Ecstatic Breath: Breathing in through your nose down into your belly, imagine that you are drawing life energy from the universe all the way down into your genitals to gently awaken this sacred part of you. As you breathe out allow yourself to relax and surrender to the mysteries within your body, allowing your sexual energy to spread upwards from your genitals through your whole body.
5. Transmutation Breath (1): Breathing deeply (in thru nose or mouth, out thru mouth), imagining you are breathing from your genitals up along your spine, breathing sexual energy (or pleasure) away from your sex centre and spreading it through your body. Relax on the exhale.
6. Transmutation Breath (2): Breathe in 1/3 breath (thru your nose), pause and contract your pc muscle (the one you use to stop the flow of urine) x10, breathe in another 1/3 of your breath, pause and contract your pc x10, then breathe in fully, contract your pc x10, take a sniff of air and exhale slowly, again allowing the sexual energy stimulated in your genitals to spread through your body. Repeat x3. With practice this breath can be used in lovemaking.
7. Feminine Breath: Knees are up and leaning in. Feet are under hips. Sacrum is contacting the ground. Stay relaxed. Move very slowly. Pelvis curls up with deep inhale. Breathe in through the mouth, breathing energy into the Yoni. Breathe all the way up to the chest. Expand the chest and then expand more. Draw the shoulders back and apart and inhale more. Keep the inhale larger than the exhale as you breathe out so that you can take the next in breath. Breathe out through the nose constricting the throat slightly and sighing or making an “mmm” sound. As you breathe out slowly release the pelvic curl to sink into the ground. Let go, let go, surrender all control. Visualise or feel the energy moving up from the pelvis and radiating out the heart. Pause at the bottom of the exhale. Repeat at your own pace for 5 to 10 minutes, breathing in everything you need. Allow the body to shake or peak orgasm if it wants to, allow feelings to come, but return to the breath as soon as you can whatever else is going on. Pause, rest and observe your feelings for a few minutes.
8. Masculine Breath: Keep knees up but allow legs to fall apart slightly. Feet are under hips.
Continue to move very slowly with the pelvic curl but in the reverse direction to what you’ve just done. Tilt the pelvis down (or arch the back, pressing the sacrum into the ground) as you
breathe into the heart. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth making the exhale bigger than the inhale. Pause at the top of the inhale and slowly curl the pelvis up as you exhale out through the genitals with an open mouth, making a “ha” sound. Let everything go on the exhale. Repeat at your own pace for 5 to 10 minutes. Slowly moving your pelvis together with the breath.
9. Using either the masculine or the feminine movement, breathe in and out through the mouth a bit more rapidly, keeping up a steady pace. Focus your attention in the center of the pelvis and at the throat, third eye, or crown. Continue for 5 to 10 minutes. Pause. Cease all technique and feel your body/mind. Lie quietly and notice what you’re experiencing.
10. If you feel orgasmic energy rising, slow down, relax, breathe deeply. Take the energy up the spine on inhale. Add in pc squeezes, as you exhale or inhale. Move the energy away from the genitals up your spine, to your heart or generally throughout your body. Play with it.
11. Try breathing into the orgasmic energy as you are actually having an orgasm. The longer you can inhale the longer the orgasm (a great reason to practice deep breathing!). Try one long breath, or several short, sharp ones. This is great for women to explore opening up their clitoral orgasm- reducing that “too sensitive” after coming feeling to allow for more.
12. Use your hips- try rotating as well as thrusting, move your pelvis to free up your sexual energy, try Firebreaths– breathe in thru your nose as you arch your back, squeezing in pc muscle/ breathe out as if thru a straw as you flatten your lower back, releasing your pc muscle. Also try rotating hips forward, including plenty of pc squeezes anytime. Make “ah” sounds- this really opens your heart chakra, or “mmm” sounds as this connects 5th and 2nd chakras.
13. Talking about sounds, really give yourself permission to make sounds. For when we make sounds it happens through the vibration of the vocal chords and this sets up vibrations in the rest of the body. So try little sounds and expand them as you gain confidence- sounds can be soft ahs, giggles, laughter, squeals, shouts even screams. Make sure your sounds are coming from inside you, rather than trying to give a porn like performance!
14. Occasionally really treat yourself. Let go of the ordinary and prepare for the extraordinary by setting the space- have a special spot ready for you, clear of clutter, containing some objects that have meaning for you, bring in the senses eg. Incense, oils, soft lighting, music, shower/bathe. Come into the present moment, and open your heart using a simple ritual that has meaning for you. Try a heart salutation. See yourself as an aspect of the divine feminine/masculine- dissolve your ego through honouring yourself with simple words of love and appreciation.
Heart Salutation This brings you into the present moment with yourself.
Sit upright, hands in prayer position point down at floor.
Inhale whilst bringing hands up to heart and breathe into your heart.
Exhale as if into tantric kiss (lean forwards, bring attention to 3rd eye for the moment of exhalation)
Inhale upright, Exhale as hands go back down to the floor.
15. Awakening your Chakras: If you don’t know (or don’t believe in) chakras don’t worry, just play with the idea of them and eventually they will speak back to you!
Taking your time, lying down with your knees up and feet flat on the floor. Take 3 long exhaling breaths for each area of your belly, chest/throat, and forehead/crown. As you exhale for each section breathe all the way out tightening the muscles fully and holding the breath out until you absolutely have to breathe. Then breathe in, letting all the muscle contraction go. Repeat 3 times for each section, resting in between. This is powerful for awakening your energy body and releasing sexual trauma. Chakras can be areas of exquisite sensation, back & front, breathing in and out of them, visualising their colours and energy moving through them.
White Tantra Practices
These practices are great to include if you do a lot of the energy expansion exercises in the art of self pleasure above to balance yourself, stay grounded and real.
Centreing (for deepening connection with yourself)
1. Allow yourself to stop and just be for a moment.
2. Focus on your breathing, breathe deeply into your belly, letting go on the exhale.
3. Become aware of any physical sensations you are experiencing in your body.
4. Allow any thoughts just to pass through your mind, without attaching to them.
5. As you continue to breathe become aware of any feelings or emotions present-
Angry, scared, sad, joyful, happy, peaceful etc or blank
6. Keep breathing and allow, allow, allow.
Complete Breath (for relaxing and destressing)
1. Breathe into your chest fully expanding each area of your lungs, creating more spaciousness and relaxation. Breathe into your belly, allowing it to expand as you breathe in and contract as you breathe out. Follow with the middle of your chest, your upper chest, the sides then the back of your chest, allowing each area to expand as you breathe in and contract as you breathe out. Repeat as desired.
Grounding- as we open to increasing experiences of pleasure, or even as we deal with times of pain and challenge it is important to practice the art of Grounding. Grounding is what it sounds like- feeling ourselves connected to the earth, forming a steady, solid and supportive place from which to open to pleasure or higher states. Or to face the challenges life can throw at us that can leave us feeling unbalanced. To ground yourself, visualize great tree roots growing up from the earth and wrapping themselves around you, or imagine a thick rope coming from the base of your spine going all the way into the earth, way down to its fiery centre. As you breathe in, for the next few breaths breathe the earths powerful energy up into your body until you feel connected, centred and “grounded”. Relax on the exhale.
This is the art of self pleasure.
It is helpful to keep an open mind when playing with your sexual energy. Know too, that it is not just about sexual pleasure, although it is that. It is also your Life Force energy you are playing with- that which created you, which energises, nurtures and vitalises you. The energy is experienced more as a dense “sexual” feeling when low in the body. It transmutes to a finer quality as it rises up through your body, feeling more like love in your heart, and more like spirit, or even pure awareness around your third eye or crown. Your Life Force energy is also called Kundalini energy, although in truth mostly what we experience are only echoes of the true Kundalini experience. Don’t try to force a Kundalini experience, if it happens it needs to happen in its own time, rather than when your Ego thinks it should. As it brings challenges as well as joys, for in rising it brings psychic stuff up as well as releases it. These techniques are active enough to get energy rising, and to do it safely. Listen to your body, keep your practices balanced. And Enjoy!
Our newly released book, “Coming Together” has more on this topic…