Would you like to have a more magical and meaningful Christmas this year?
One with more real, and heartfelt connection?
Christmas is becoming more conflicted for many of us, unless we’re in the years of having young children caught up in the excitement of presents and Santa Claus. Many others find great joy in the simple gathering of family members they don’t get to see very often outside of formal family events. Some see it just as a holiday break and still others enjoy Christmas with its original intention- celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.
For some Christmas is a time of increased stress from spending time in close proximity to family members they find difficult or have unresolved issues with. Others find Christmas the loneliest time of the year as they face being without relationship or family.
No matter what the season is for you there’s little escaping the frenetic intensity of advertising, gift buying, carols in the shopping centres, present wrapping, house decorating (we have a splendid example just down the street from us, we only hope their neighbours’ opposite can get a good nights’ sleep!) food preparation and end of year partying.
If you’re finding it hard to make any real connection to, or meaning in, your Christmas season we offer a few tips that we use to help you come through it nurtured and energized.
Take time to centre yourself:
Yes, we know Christmas is all about giving and sharing with others and we’re not suggesting being with yourself in order to be selfish. Rather, taking the time to connect with yourself allows you to give and share from connection with your inner abundance and wholeness rather than expectation, obligation or entitlement.
So take a few precious moments as often as you can to pause, any where and anytime, place a hand on your belly, breathe deeply and quietly, take your attention within, drop deeper and deeper inside yourself,
notice what you’re feeling in:
-your physical body: tense, relaxed, hot, at ease, achy etc
– your sensory body: tingly, pressured, tight, overwhelmed, grounded etc
– your emotional body: sad, excited, scared, irritated, resentful, joyous etc
– your heart- full and warm, happy, light and open, loving, grateful, closed, numb etc
– your subtle body: timeless, spacious, infinite, abundant, free.
For all of these live inside of you and the more you connect with, acknowledge and accept them the more at ease you will be with those around you, ready to give, share, laugh and love!
Feel into your heart:
Go underneath the stories, the stresses, hurts and cynicism, feeling what is really happening in this important, and intelligent, part of you.
Do something that feels honouring and relevant to you, no matter what is as long as it touches your heart in some way, even if it’s outside the usual offerings. Such as giving a donation of time or money to charity, going for an early morning walk, calling a forgotten friend, the possibilities are endless. It may or may not include your partner, if it doesn’t make sure you talk about the importance of it for you with them, so they share in it this way.
Take the opportunity to express your love:
Especially if you haven’t done it for a while, or even ever before. It can be a simple phrase or an intimate conversation.
Give someone- yourself, your partner, friends or family the gift of your presence.
Give them your full attention for a time- face them, look into their eyes, really listen to what they’re saying, ask curious questions and attempt to understand their perspective rather than thinking about how to reply.
Let your partner know something about them you appreciate or feel grateful for, as gratitude is a great heart opener. Do it without expectation of their response, just for the joy of expressing this part of yourself.
Be of service:
Do something for your partner just for the joy of giving. It may be as simple as opening the door for them, carrying food or presents, even rescuing them from their difficult relative. The benefits of giving work both ways.
Drop the drama:
If you feel yourself get triggered by something your partner says or does give both of you the gift of dropping the need to give voice to the drama that the trigger manifests. Instead of venting and needing to justify yourself just breathe deeply, exhaling through the mouth until the emotion from the trigger passes, come back into your heart and enjoy the day. There will be other days to sort it if you need to.
Remind each other of good times:
Share a time when you recall either a funny moment, a triumph, an adversity you overcame, a challenge you met together, even the moments you first met and what attracted you to each other as these create connection between you.
Yes, it is a traditional time to over eat, have those few drinks more and generally more of everything. Instead challenge yourself to consume slowly, savouring every morsel, and saying no to extras. Extravagantly praise the preparer of the food/drinks so they don’t feel slighted by your refusal to indulge, and end the day feeling good in yourself, still connected with yourself, rather than flat, overfull and uncomfortable. Then you’ll have more energy for the remaining tips!
Find your flirty self:
Imagine you’re getting to know your partner for the first time and try flirting with them just for the juiciness of it. Think of ways that feel fun, energizing, a little sensual, naughty, even provocative and let yourself fully enjoy it. The important thing here is to do it for the juiciness it brings you in doing it, without expecting any particular response from your partner. This takes any fear or triggers out of it and lets you relax and enjoy the moment. You might want to start in private and if you’re game, take it all the way up to underneath the Christmas dinner table…
Touch without agenda:
In the busyness of the season there might be no time for lovemaking or it might feel like too much effort with your limited energy. Instead, give yourself and your partner permission to just hold, stroke, touch without any need to make anything happen. Just relax and breathe, letting go of any tension or places where you’re holding on in your body. Use a natural oil like coconut or almond to help your touch glide over your genitals. Look each other in the eyes and let the love be there- or reconnect with it if it’s been missing for a while.
Drop into beingness:
If even this feels too much just lie together (preferably naked), hold each other and breathe, harmonizing your bodies’ energy fields. You’ll wake up with a smile on your face.
These tips will forever change your experience of Christmas, once more giving it that element of magic and heart-warming that you used to feel as a child, or even something better!
And finally, expand your Christmas spirit and share these tips with those around you (you can keep the last few just for your partner), increasing your connection with your family and friends, real time rather than just through text or Facebook.
Include yourself in your gratitude and appreciation messages.
Especially include those in the service and sales industries, people increasingly treated poorly in our rush to expect, demand and accumulate, include them by giving them a smile and a gracious thank you on the phone, at the desk or checkout.
If, for any reason, you have difficulties in your relationship this festive season that feel insurmountable you can contact us here or call 1800 TANTRA…
Happy Christmas Everyone!