What are your desires for your relationship this year?

What would you like more of? What would you like less of?

Now is a great time of the year to reflect on your relationship over the last 12 months.

What worked, what didn’t.

It’s also a great time to discover your relationship desires for the coming year.

What you’d like more of, what you’d like less of.

Most of us spend more time trying to survive, rather than thriving

We focus on doing what keeps us safe and familiar.

Rather than on what might ultimately serve us best.

We do this because the oldest parts of our brain are focussed on protecting ourselves, keeping us safe and out of pain.

The downside is that this lets our defensive, unconscious habits run our lives.

Habits that can cause us more pain in the long run.

Rather than supporting us to make choices from the newer, more conscious parts of our brain.

Choices that will lift us into something new, more rewarding and fulfilling.

In truth, this way of being is serving our fear, rather than our love and our empowerment.

It is serving our smallness, sense of unworthiness, rather than our worthiness.

It is not an easy thing to break out of living in survival. There are so many models of fear, paranoia, power mongering, mismanagement and hate reflected around us.

Yet survival IS just a mindset (once our basic necessities are taken care of)

We can choose to be like the rest of the world, feeling unsafe, mired in our defence mechanisms.

Yet when we choose love, we find worthiness, trust, empowerment, healthy choices and freedom.

We cannot serve both these masters at the same time.

So what are you going to choose?

What are you going to bring into your relationship in 2023?

Are you going to serve your fear based negative stories about your relationship?

Or are you going to create beautiful new ones?

Are you going to continue purely mind-based sex that leaves you unsatisfied, and even hating of your limited self?

Or are you going to breathe new life into it, creating exciting new desires and possibilities?
Possibilities that will serve you both in and out of the bedroom.

Are you going to let your defence mechanisms win the day, keeping you safe but separate and alone?

Or are you going to reach out to your loved one and foster intimacy that comes from the truth of your heart?

Are you going to focus on everything BUT your relationship, letting the outside world dictate to it?

Or are you going to give it a life of its own by creating space for it on a daily basis?

The biggest danger to any relationship is apathy

Another danger is fearing making the wrong move and doing nothing.

Yet another is waiting for our loved one to do it for us.

Or worse, expecting them to and resenting them when they don’t. Without owning our own inaction.

You don’t have to make the right moves

You just need to make A move.

Then you can keep learning and adjusting and creating as you go along.

You’ll be surprised how self-empowering and relationship thriving this can be.

And we’ll be here giving you tips, tools and inspirations along the way, so you don’t have to do it alone.

Don’t let fear, hate and apathy win in your relationship (and in your life).

Let love, desire and action be the way.

That diminish their capacity for pleasure and satisfaction.

• His need to achieve external success through goal-oriented performance gets in the way of real success.
• Rather than it being selfish for him to fully feel his own pleasure, it is vital to good lovemaking.
• That openly feeling his pleasure will not detract from his lover’s pleasure, it will increase it.
• That his continued need to achieve success through his lover’s pleasure can feel like pressure (even control) to them. This increases the likelihood of fake orgasms and limits true felt pleasure for BOTH.
• When he gives himself permission to really feel his pleasure it allows him to feel more connected to himself. Which significantly reduces the pressure to perform that he often feels. This transforms his intimate connection into something truly magical.
• It is NOT selfish, or wimpish, for a man to let go of striving for the end goal and take the time to slow down and feel more along the way. For when a man is more familiar with feeling his pleasure it means he is more present and more in his body. This invites more potency, allowing his pleasure to arise, rather than his having to force it. Which can feel like letting go a of big burden, and precious feelings of freedom.
• Chooses to be present in his body, opens up men’s full potential for pleasure during the whole love making session. Rather than in just his usual few seconds at the end. It’s the beginning of his ability to become multiply orgasmic. With practice this allows a man to be more present with his lover, as well as his own pleasure, no matter how intense. His lover will eat this up!
• Women actually enjoy feeling a man feeling his pleasure, not just performing. As it means she can feel more of him open and connected to her, similar to him enjoying feeling her pleasure. Knowing this can help him feel himself more easily without disappearing.
• Feeling himself and being at ease in his own pleasure allows him to enjoy that place in himself where he just loves to give from. Where the giving comes direct from his heart, rather than his ego. It’s truly yummy for the receiver!
• Focussing more of his own pleasure takes away the burden of having to ‘provide’ his partner with theirs, whilst he is missing out. Although there are layers in this, ultimately each person is responsible for their own pleasure. This takes away the subtle (and not so subtle) manipulations that can occur in trying to make pleasure happen through the other person, allowing more intimacy and authenticity = even more pleasure.
• When he’s connected with himself he will automatically be more aware of the subtleties of his experience and where his partner is at. It makes him less reliant on having the right ‘technique’ and more available to intuitive understanding which is much juicier.
• Both lovers benefit from the resonance in the matching energy vibrations of pleasure (entrainment), where the pleasure in his body literally invites the pleasure in theirs to awaken, creating more pleasure for both.
• By not focussing on performance in sex men experience greater satisfaction, leaving them less needy of, and controlled by a need for sex.
• And lastly, both open to the possibility of a more intimate, loving and deeper connection that happens through being embodied and available in your feelings, senses, emotions and pleasure that needing to perform takes away.

It Works Because We All Love Being Appreciated…

That’s why this practice is a no brainer for creating real connection.

It’s a time honoured tantric practice called Honouring:

We all love to be respected, acknowledged and appreciated, especially​ ​by someone who loves us. It’s why this honouring practice works.

It leaves us feeling warm and gooey and more connected to the person who expressed these sentiments.

This is especially true because ​it’s more common​ ​to hear criticism and judgment in our daily lives. Most often from​ ​ourselves. 

At times, we can also feel a little uncertain of being loved. This can​ ​simply be because we’ve been too busy to connect. Or things have gone​ ​wrong at work or with ​family, or ​you​ haven’t made love for a while.

Do it even if your relationship already has you feeling well loved and appreciated. For there is always benefit in celebrating that.

Honouring is more than just words…

Done with presence, honouring and appreciation become more than just​ ​a mental exercise.

They remind us how to feel. How to be in our bodies​ ​and to deeply connect with each other. This is because they come straight​ ​​from our hearts. They can even awaken our desire to make love.

The benefits of honouring, love and appreciation 

The benefits of regular honouring are legendary. So legendary it’s a mystery why we don’t offer it more often.

• Your mindset changes. You start looking for more of the good, than the problems.
• Your mood improves.
• Your level of engagement increases.
• Like it or not, people hearts and souls are brought into their relationships. Honouring gives them more opportunity to show up- in both tears and smiles. We need permission and a place for both.
• You build trust.
• You want to stay longer.
• You inspire your partner to greatness.
• Your partner hears what really gets your attention in as affirming way and is likely to give you more of it. Becoming more creative and efficient in doing so.

The practice can be done as formally, or as informally as you like, depending on your relationship style.

The practice works even if you’re not feeling particularly open to your partner. It’s not where you start that matters, it’s where you finish!

So here we go with the practice…

The Honouring Practice:

The practice can be done as formally, or as informally as you like. It depends on your relationship style.

You can even give yourself this precious gift by using a mirror…

Allow 10 minutes. You can take longer if you want, but short and sweet can keep you coming back.

Beginning:

• First check out the steps below and agree to doing the practice.
• S​it directly​ opposite each other​ (or as direct as you feel comfortable with).
• Take a few moments to connect eyes and share a smile​. You can hold hands, or rest a hand somewhere on your partner, if this helps​. 

First person starts:

• Then, if you’re the person​ ​sharing first, close your eyes, take some deep breaths, exhaling out of your mouth. Centre into yourself and focus on​ ​your heart.
• If you’re doing this formally, hold your hands in prayer position, resting your thumbs against your sternum (this literally helps activate your heart energy). 
• When you’re ready, allow your words of honouring, love or appreciation rise from inside your heart.

Don’t rush:

• Be OK​ ​if this takes a minute or two. The trick is to not try and work​ ​this out beforehand or think about it too much. The more you​ ​focus on your heart and speak from it, the more real your words will be.
• Share five things that you honour, love or appreciate your partner​ ​for.
• The things can be little or large – it doesn’t matter. The main idea is​ ​that they’re genuine, rather than trying to be romantic.
• Take your​ ​time. This is a precious gift you’re giving your partner.

Keep it clean:

• Make sure your words don’t carry any hints of negativity or covert​ ​sarcasm. This needs to be a totally safe space. One that you and your​ ​partner can trust if you’re going to build love in it.  You can use humour, just be clear you are being open hearted in it.
• The person receiving your appreciation is to be quiet, saying nothing.​ Other than, “Thank you!” at the end. This helps you receive your honouring fully. It helps your partner feel their gift has been received too.

Add some magic:

• Finally, share a mutually happy memory from your relationship – one that​ ​reignites the feelings of loving connection all over again. This is not only enjoyable, it helps to overwrite any​ ​negative re-writing of your relationship you might have going on.
• When you’re done, swap over. Give a bow first, if you’re doing the formal version.

Finish with a melting hug, or a third eye kiss (melt your foreheads together).

If you would like further connecting practices check out our book Coming Together: Solving the Mystery of Intimate Sex and Relationship.

Sitting in front of us is a man who is hurting and he doesn’t know why.

All he knows is that he’s hurting.

He is feeling stressed, maybe depressed, or bewildered, controlled or burdened by life. What he longs for is freedom from his pain.

He seeks this freedom in sex but finds it is leaving him less and less satisfied.

He also longs for some kind of connection with another human being to help him feel human again, loved and desired instead of isolated and alone. He believes that sex should give him this but these desires too, are going largely unsatisfied.

It’s getting harder for him to propose sex as his fear of rejection, of his pathway to the things he longs for, is annihilating.

His erections frighteningly are becoming less reliable.

He covers his pain with store of bitter throw away lines, off colour jokes, bravado and silence.

What is happening here is a man victimized by his conditioning, unable to find a way out.

We let him know that his way out is becoming more sexual, not less.

He looks at us with bewilderment on his face.

“Isn’t my focus on too much sex the thing that is getting me in trouble in the first place?”

We say again that the way out for him is a gaining greater love for himself and his sexuality.

Not to just go through the motions of what he’s been taught sex is.

But to find true freedom in it, all the way through, rather than just at the end.

And that doing so will bring him more of the pleasure and feelings of connection that he longs for. Feelings that will not disappear with the end of his erection.

He says that the sex he’s having now is pretty good, he could just learn to perform a bit better.

We ask him if his sex is truly satisfying, if it leaves him him sated for hours, if not days, and feeling energized rather than spent?

“Is that really possible?” he says.

We reply “Not only is this possible but it’s not reliant on your ability to perform, give your partner an orgasm or even have an erection”.

We ask him too, if the sex he’s having now touches his heart?

Or does it rely on some form of control or shame- an edginess or dirtiness for it to work for him?

Or is he free to flow from the edges of intense passion to exquisite tenderness and back again?

Deeply fulfilling sex is mandatory for a man to live a truly satisfying, happy and healthy life.

Despite what he might have been told, this doesn’t have to look a particular way, it’s more about where the man is being inside of it. His sex can be hot, passionate, naughty, edgy and more, the difference is his heart is open and his sex is not controlled by power games or shame.

This world is suffering from the majority of men being shamed about and disconnected from their true sexual nature. Their conditioning leads them to seek tension and release, needing to perform and finding freedom in their ejaculation rather than in the act of sex itself. Not to mention causing them to miss out on the infinite pleasure and love they are capable of. This leads to sex with a partner soon becoming a thing of the past.

The deeper, more expansive his sex the more life, love, true power, freedom and happiness he will feel in himself and bring to his world.

When his heart connected sex closes down man clings to what he knows and fears change.

When he is closed off, emotionally unavailable and shamed he cannot express his fears, share his true desires or respect his partners boundaries. The messages he receives about how he ‘should be’ in sex come from other men equally in the dark, from women who want him to be something that he is not or from today’s overwhelmingly negative sex culture. Messages about how wrong he is shame and disrespect his sense of self and leave him less able to respect his own, and his partner’s desires and boundaries.

Patriarchy, civilized and politically correct society shame him for wanting the rawness of sex and lock him into performing, denying him the freedom of really feeling, enjoying and opening into it. Easy access to the powerful medium of porn, whether it’s online or in the ads he sees on his way home from work manipulate him into believing porn sex is the only form of sex there is. Porn hijacks man’s wild side and steeps it in shame, leaving him desiring sex that is disconnected from who he really is, despite appearing to serve it.

Even today man has been raised to have a tough exterior shell against the world, to be sexual from this shell and go for what he ‘thinks’ he wants. To take, or to give at the expense of himself, rather than to express who he truly is.  His conditioning leaves him unconscious in his power over woman in sex, not seeing her willingness to override herself and fake sex in her need to please him. Or it leaves him unable to fully meet her genuine sexual desire because of his own place of shame in the #MeToo age.

He will not tell the truth of his experience because it is unsafe for him to do so.

Even if a man has a clue that there is something more to be had in sex the pervading anti sex, porn sex and the derision of toxic masculine culture will shame his voice before it gets a chance to be expressed.

Man needs permission to unleash his full masculine energy and access his wild warrior heart to allow his spirit to soar and his soul to be free.

As well as allowing him to receive love and holding giving him to access his tender heart as a man, rather than grasping at it as an unformed boy.

Only at this level can he truly trust and love himself enough to be fully seen.

This is a man worth being with for a lifetime.

We have seen this over and over again in the men we have worked with over the years. This is how to make a beginning…

As a Man it is time to change your sexual goals to give you more of what you want

Rather than following your instinctive nature to pursue, catch and bask in the achievement of woman instead pursue your understanding of your own sexual nature. Pursue its ultimate pleasure, power, freedom and yes, even love. Not love of the romantic kind but mysterious love that lies beyond words, that is about you as much as your partner, that is about the very essence of life itself.

Learn to enjoy sex in full bodied relaxation and unlimited pleasure. Know that your whole body can become as pleasurable as your cock if you breathe and relax. Be free to play in the moment, opening yourself to the potential of meaningful, real time connection. Connect your cock to your heart and find your masculine divinity through your sexuality rather than learning to make love like a woman. Discover your open your masculine heart, for the softer you become in your masculine heart the harder you become where it counts.  

Supporting Man to move beyond his conditioning

Rather than criticize his performance and drive him further into shame, insensitivity and numbness ask him what he is truly longing for in sex (this is going to lie outside of his shame and his conditioned responses and will take time for him to access it).

Let him know you desire to meet him there.

Keep asking till he believes you really want to do so.

Support and validate his vulnerability in this place.

Keep asking till he unravels a lifetime of conditioning- of beliefs, habits, body tension and genital numbness.

Touch his genitals and spread your touch out the rest of him, so he can learn to relax and let go, rather than leave this bit of him till last. Encourage him to breathe deeply and go slow.

Explore with him to find what IS possible, that which lives beyond your wildest dreams, because this is where you will BOTH get what you most want.

For support contact us on 1800 TANTRA or email here

Coming Together Book: Solving The Mystery of Intimate Sex and Relationship

Sitting in front of us is a man who is hurting and he doesn’t know why.

All he knows is that he’s hurting.

He is feeling stressed, maybe depressed, or bewildered, controlled or burdened by life. What he longs for is freedom from his pain.

He seeks this freedom in sex but finds it is leaving him less and less satisfied.

He also longs for some kind of connection with another human being to help him feel human again, loved and desired instead of isolated and alone. He believes that sex should give him this but these desires too, are going largely unsatisfied.

It’s getting harder for him to propose sex as his fear of rejection, of his pathway to the things he longs for, is annihilating.

His erections frighteningly are becoming less reliable.

He covers his pain with store of bitter throw away lines, off colour jokes, bravado and silence.

What is happening here is a man victimized by his conditioning, unable to find a way out.

We let him know that his way out is becoming more sexual, not less.

He looks at us with bewilderment on his face.

“Isn’t my focus on too much sex the thing that is getting me in trouble in the first place?”

We say again that the way out for him is a gaining greater love for himself and his sexuality.

Not to just go through the motions of what he’s been taught sex is.

But to find true freedom in it, all the way through, rather than just at the end.

And that doing so will bring him more of the pleasure and feelings of connection that he longs for. Feelings that will not disappear with the end of his erection.

He says that the sex he’s having now is pretty good, he could just learn to perform a bit better.

We ask him if his sex is truly satisfying, if it leaves him him sated for hours, if not days, and feeling energized rather than spent?

“Is that really possible?” he says.

We reply “Not only is this possible but it’s not reliant on your ability to perform, give your partner an orgasm or even have an erection”.

We ask him too, if the sex he’s having now touches his heart?

Or does it rely on some form of control or shame- an edginess or dirtiness for it to work for him?

Or is he free to flow from the edges of intense passion to exquisite tenderness and back again?

Deeply fulfilling sex is mandatory for a man to live a truly satisfying, happy and healthy life.

Despite what he might have been told, this doesn’t have to look a particular way, it’s more about where the man is being inside of it. His sex can be hot, passionate, naughty, edgy and more, the difference is his heart is open and his sex is not controlled by power games or shame.

This world is suffering from the majority of men being shamed about and disconnected from their true sexual nature. Their conditioning leads them to seek tension and release, needing to perform and finding freedom in their ejaculation rather than in the act of sex itself. Not to mention causing them to miss out on the infinite pleasure and love they are capable of. This leads to sex with a partner soon becoming a thing of the past.

The deeper, more expansive his sex the more life, love, true power, freedom and happiness he will feel in himself and bring to his world.

When his heart connected sex closes down man clings to what he knows and fears change.

When he is closed off, emotionally unavailable and shamed he cannot express his fears, share his true desires or respect his partners boundaries. The messages he receives about how he ‘should be’ in sex come from other men equally in the dark, from women who want him to be something that he is not or from today’s overwhelmingly negative sex culture. Messages about how wrong he is shame and disrespect his sense of self and leave him less able to respect his own, and his partner’s desires and boundaries.

Patriarchy, civilized and politically correct society shame him for wanting the rawness of sex and lock him into performing, denying him the freedom of really feeling, enjoying and opening into it. Easy access to the powerful medium of porn, whether it’s online or in the ads he sees on his way home from work manipulate him into believing porn sex is the only form of sex there is. Porn hijacks man’s wild side and steeps it in shame, leaving him desiring sex that is disconnected from who he really is, despite appearing to serve it.

Even today man has been raised to have a tough exterior shell against the world, to be sexual from this shell and go for what he ‘thinks’ he wants. To take, or to give at the expense of himself, rather than to express who he truly is.  His conditioning leaves him unconscious in his power over woman in sex, not seeing her willingness to override herself and fake sex in her need to please him. Or it leaves him unable to fully meet her genuine sexual desire because of his own place of shame in the #MeToo age.

He will not tell the truth of his experience because it is unsafe for him to do so.

Even if a man has a clue that there is something more to be had in sex the pervading anti sex, porn sex and the derision of toxic masculine culture will shame his voice before it gets a chance to be expressed.

Man needs permission to unleash his full masculine energy and access his wild warrior heart to allow his spirit to soar and his soul to be free.

As well as allowing him to receive love and holding giving him to access his tender heart as a man, rather than grasping at it as an unformed boy.

Only at this level can he truly trust and love himself enough to be fully seen.

This is a man worth being with for a lifetime.

We have seen this over and over again in the men we have worked with over the years. This is how to make a beginning…

As a Man it is time to change your sexual goals to give you more of what you want

Rather than following your instinctive nature to pursue, catch and bask in the achievement of woman instead pursue your understanding of your own sexual nature. Pursue its ultimate pleasure, power, freedom and yes, even love. Not love of the romantic kind but mysterious love that lies beyond words, that is about you as much as your partner, that is about the very essence of life itself.

Learn to enjoy sex in full bodied relaxation and unlimited pleasure. Know that your whole body can become as pleasurable as your cock if you breathe and relax. Be free to play in the moment, opening yourself to the potential of meaningful, real time connection. Connect your cock to your heart and find your masculine divinity through your sexuality rather than learning to make love like a woman. Discover your open your masculine heart, for the softer you become in your masculine heart the harder you become where it counts.  

Supporting Man to move beyond his conditioning

Rather than criticize his performance and drive him further into shame, insensitivity and numbness ask him what he is truly longing for in sex (this is going to lie outside of his shame and his conditioned responses and will take time for him to access it).

Let him know you desire to meet him there.

Keep asking till he believes you really want to do so.

Support and validate his vulnerability in this place.

Keep asking till he unravels a lifetime of conditioning- of beliefs, habits, body tension and genital numbness.

Touch his genitals and spread your touch out the rest of him, so he can learn to relax and let go, rather than leave this bit of him till last. Encourage him to breathe deeply and go slow.

Explore with him to find what IS possible, that which lives beyond your wildest dreams, because this is where you will BOTH get what you most want.

For support contact us on 1800 TANTRA or email here

Coming Together Book: Solving The Mystery of Intimate Sex and Relationship

Sex and lovemaking come with such high expectations.

You want to be desired, pleasured, thrilled and fulfilled.

A big ask when you and your lover most often come to bed late at night after a hard day.

What probably most often happens is sedative sex, a quick way for you to get the job done and go off to sleep.

Still, probably somewhere deep in the back of your mind exists some deeply ingrained ideas about the kind of sex you should be having.

These ideas come from your ideal longings, past experiences (good and bad), romantic and pornographic images, as well as the messages you’ve received from your parents, friends, religion, society and even big Pharma about sex.

All of this leads to pressure to perform and live up to your unspoken expectations.

This is not your fault but it does create HUGE potential for disappointment when you actually get around to connecting sexually and making love.

We have a simple suggestion for quickly turning this recipe for disaster around.

When you move into the bedroom drop ALL of your expectations that come from your IDEAS about sex.

And while you’re at it, forget everything you currently think you know about sex.

Simply show up and see what happens.

How does this sound? Scary? Exciting? Exhilarating?

It’s actually freeing. Freeing yourself from your mind’s limitations.

This is simple but not easy to do.

If your lover is unwilling to join you and tries to stay in agenda be strong here and invite them to share the moment HERE and NOW with you. Let them know you’re not disappearing, you’re exploring something NEW.

To make lovemaking amazing…

You start by taking the time to breathe, relax and FEEL into your body.

And notice what’s present there.

Make whatever is there OK.

This is the fear point right here. Because our stories of infinite and exciting sexual possibilities will try to make where we’re at right now not enough.

Don’t allow this BULLSHIT to control you, because that is just what it is.

Then share what you’ve found with your lover. Allow your feelings to be there and say “no thanks, I’m not interested in you right now” to your should’s and expectations.

Even if one of you is hot to trot and the other is feeling more like a cuddle, it doesn’t matter if you don’t make it WRONG.

Not making it wrong allows it to soften and shift, allowing you each to connect in a new and more authentic place.

Start by simply being in each moment.

Instead of doing what your mind’s agenda believes should happen just wait and see what your body might want, if you give it time to let you know.

Start simply and slowly.

Breathe.

Notice.

Feel.

Hold each other.

Discover the mystery that lies inside each of you, that will be better than any ideas you can come up with because it will be real and it will make lovemaking amazing.

For more bedroom tips click here for our book Coming Together

No, this is not a trick.

It really works!

Surprisingly the key to accessing a woman’s unlimited female pleasure isn’t found in a woman’s genitals, or even in her mind- the key lies in her breasts!

Breasts- no matter what shape and size they come in, represent the positive expression of a woman’s heart energy.

And they are the most powerful pathway to her sexual pleasure.

For when her heart energy is fully flowing a woman opens into love and trust.

Fully energised breasts spill their heart energy down into her genitals, opening them into deeper receptivity and capacity for pleasure (even if the breast(s) have been removed the energy is still activated through touching the skin here).

Massaging a woman’s breasts also helps regulate her endocrine system, stimulating her natural oestrogen supply, so it’s especially important during her menopausal years. This massage can minimise the risk of lumps, bumps and breast cancers so it’s great to do for health reasons alone.

Most excitingly breast massage actively increases a woman’s feelings of self-love and nurturing; activating her vaginal lubrication and turning her into one heart open, sensual and down-right sexual being…

This pathway to pleasure is often left under explored due to the ignorance of its power.

A woman’s breasts often receive none, or just a few seconds attention on the way to the main event- her genitals.

Or her lover might give them lots of attention but it is for his enjoyment rather than hers.

A woman herself might rarely touch her breasts (except for a functional check for lumps), expecting her man to do it for her rather than taking the initiative and doing it for herself.

Breast attention is a beautiful way to build trust and love between lovers.

It’s an equally beautiful way for a woman to love and open to herself.

Steps to Awaken Pleasure Through a Woman’s Breasts

This practice can be done by you or with your lover.

• Begin with rubbing your hands together and energising them with heart energy.

• Place your hands over your breasts, spreading your fingers widely to encompass as much of them as you can fit. Just hold your breasts feeling the warmth from your (or your lover’s) hands penetrating the breast tissue. Breathe deeply and slowly into your breasts.

• Focus your mind on your breasts, feeling their fullness (no matter what size or shape your breasts are they will all feel this fullness given the chance). Spend at least 5 minutes here.

• Allow any feeling present to move through you on your breath, even if it starts with numbness, nothingness, shame (wrongness), sadness, anger etc.

• Once your breasts feel warm and full use your fingers and palms to circle your breasts in a clockwise direction for 1 minute, then circle in an anti-clockwise direction for another minute (avoid the anti-clockwise direction if you have a history of lumps or cysts as this can encourage them to grow, just repeat the clockwise stroking).

• Allow your hands to brush over your nipples at times but with no intention to arouse, relaxation and opening is the key.

• Then stroke in an infinity symbol around and between both breasts, smiling to yourself as you do so for 1 minute.

• Before touching the nipples directly stimulate your sexual energy by squeezing and releasing your pelvic floor- squeeze inhale, release exhale. As you inhale imagine the energy rising up your central energy channel to your heart and to the centre of your brain.

• Stroke your nipples from the outside in- begin with the areola around the nipple itself, which can tolerate quite a firm touch. As you move to the nipple stroke lightly then as this feels pleasurable slowly increase the firmness, being guided by how good it feels (you might want to lubricate them a little if desired).

• Remember to continue to contract and release your pelvic floor as above.

• Continue for 5-10 mins, as feels right to you, there is no goal to end with firm massage, listen to your body and take it one step at a time.

• Complete with just cupping your breasts, noticing how your whole body is feeling and smiling.

Do this practice a few times and you’ll notice your sexual response, and even your response to your partner change significantly (even if you do the practice by yourself).

You’ll feel more nurtured, loved, abundant and safe which means energised and turned on- to life, love and your partner.

It’s a win/win/win offering!