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Reclaiming Your Feminine Power- For Men too!

July 28, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Fleeing flat, stressed, tired or merely uninspired?

You may be lacking in your feminine power…

Here we show you why and how it can work for you…Feminine Power in Tantra is freedom

Please note, this article on feminine power is not just for women, men who are also wanting to lift their burdens of stress, disillusion, lack of inspiration and level of fun and fulfilment in your lives read on…it’s not about being more feminine, just more whole…

In my recent Power of Yoni workshop, I was once again blown away by how truly amazing women, and their bodies can be. In this 4 ½ day weekend we spend a lot of time reconnecting with our bodies, our feelings, our self-awareness, our sensual and sexual selves and the innate power of who we are as women and the results are stunning!  There is a radiant beauty about feminine power- a woman loving, trusting and connecting with herself and her body that cannot be recreated by any amount of makeup or photoshopping. The women themselves were also surprised by just who they are when they give themselves permission, to step out of their fears, limitations and their social conditioning.

No longer a place?

So often in today’s world it can seem like there is no place for the traditional values of the feminine but I can affirm they are as attractive as ever. And our sexuality is such a vital part of woman. Not merely through the act of sex but in her aliveness, her creativity, spontaneity, beauty and even her wildness. A woman owning her sexual self reeks juiciness and power in her own unique way- whether this is soft and loving, exuberant and fun, open and giving, wanton and abandoned or intuitive and wise. These are all part of the feminine gifts.Breathe

What does your own conditioning bring to mind when you think of feminine qualities? We’re definitely not talking about the good little woman at home here, aka The Stepford Wife, with no power, voice or substance of her own but someone quite different. The feminine in its essence is not afraid to speak straight, be seen and heard. She doesn’t allow fears of being abandoned or alone to prevent her from speaking up for herself and others as she knows she will always be in connection with herself and be able to renew connection with others. She doesn’t resort to playing games of covertness and manipulation because she is not afraid to be seen and to manifest what she needs. She gives of herself but not at the expense of herself. She is compassionate and loves nurturing others, giving the same to herself.

Now is the time…

suicide thinkingThere has never been a time when the gifts of the feminine are more needed. Western women are currently experiencing adrenal fatigue and emotional burnout in record numbers. As we rush constantly forward into more, bigger, better, harder and more competitive, even war like it can be easy to lose touch with our softness, openness, trust, vulnerability, radiant beauty and joyful sexual magnetism. We can even begin to regard these qualities as weak, or less than the external power of the intellect, achievement and outward success.

Power Within

We try to gain our power from our woundedness, resulting in a never ending war with men, treating them and therefore ourselves with disrespect and disdain leaving us wondering where all the good men have gone. When we claim the strength and beauty of our hearts instead of overly protecting them the good men will show up! Perhaps not in the Hollywood perfection our ego’s might desire but in a realness and loving that will be more than you can dream of.Empowering Sexuality

This may sound pretty full on but I can assure you, there is little more powerful than a room full of women discovering these very parts of themselves. It’s a power that would have many externally driven folk running for cover. This power isn’t about power over anyone else, it is power within ourselves. We find this power by connecting with our inner selves. Not in some mystical woo woo way but in a concrete, step by step process. It’s a process more and more women are recognizing is necessary for them to survive and thrive in our busy, controlling, achieving worlds.

This power is not about the pushing yourself to go further, be better, try harder ethos we are burning ourselves out through, but a gentler, wiser process of awareness, nurture and awakening. Where we stop making ourselves wrong- women don’t need anyone else to make us wrong we’re so good at it ourselves!

Coming home to ourselves is finding our power

When we take the time to connect with ourselves it is like coming home to who we really are- a body, heart, soul and spirit as well as an intellectual mind. We come away feeling relaxed, nurtured, more open and authentic, even playful, not to mention Experience healing through Gracesensual and magnetic, more easily attracting our desires to us rather than having to strive for them. We find our inner magic, our spirituality that lives directly in our bodies, as surprising as this may sound. We also find ourselves more confident, assertive, dynamic, creative, sexy and spontaneous. And guys, which ones amongst you would not like to find more of this in your lives, for these qualities live inside you as well? Not just in a woman but also in your hard working, over taxed and straight jacketed selves?

So how do we connect with ourselves and our bodies and find these gifts?
So we’ll have more of ourselves to share with the world…

 

  1. Practice acknowledging your perfect imperfection. Say to yourself daily “I am whole, desiring and desirable.” Even if you feel fat, ugly, powerless and worthless do it anyway. See your resistance come up and just let it go, don’t be willing to play into its game any longer. Just be ok with who you are. Doing this daily for 6 weeks has been shown to increase our overall self-esteem. The more you believe this the more you will readily seek to change the areas in you that are not working the way you would like them to. From a desire to discover more of you rather than a need to fix yourself.dancing woman
  2. Take some time for yourself to connect, to be IN your body as we need to balance the amount of time we spend in our intellect and come back to it renewed. Yes, I know this is not easy but just 10-20 minutes a day will make a difference. Time to say YES to yourself without needing to be there for others. In your 10-20 mins sit somewhere comfortably (preferably in your special place if you can create one, even if it’s just draping a special fabric over your chair, cushion or yourself). Stop, breathe deeply, exhaling out through your mouth and simply noticing your thoughts and letting them go. Not trying to avoid thinking, as this is the way to madness, just noticing them and letting them go. Becoming aware of your body and then what you’re feeling within it. Just allowing whatever you find to be there. If you find discomfort, make this ok and see if it changes with acceptance. Accepting our feelings is paramount to accepting ourselves.
  3. Listen to your body’s messages. Notice when you are feeling hungry, thirsty, tired, sore etc and DO something about it. We are so good at pushing ourselves sometimes we’ll even put off going for a pee for hours! Our bodies are smart, they know what they need it’s up to us to listen, for the more we listen to them the more our bodies will give back to us in wellness and ease. This is especially true in taking breaks. Take a break not only when your boss says you can or the clock strikes 10am, take one whenever your body tells you to. Even just going for a walk around the office or the street, standing up and doing some stretches. If you’re at home put on some music and have a dance or put your barefeet on the grass. Our creativity stops if we push ourselves past our limits: the best thing you can do is take a short break and let your motivation and creativity flow again. Even workplaces like Google encourage this.heart connection makes fear your friend
  4. Connect to your heart. Literally take your awareness to your heart and notice what it is feeling. Breathe life into it. Again accept and allow what you find. Let its love radiate literally inside you, filling yourself up rather than forcing yourself to always give it out to others. Ask your heart a question, something about yourself or life you would like to know and listen quietly for the answer. Our hearts are infinitely wise and just waiting for us to listen.
  5. Give yourself more rest. Women are cyclical beings and like the moon and the seasons we have periods of productivity eg. spring/summer and full moons. We also have periods of regenerative rest like winter and the dark moon. Just because we now have artificial light doesn’t mean we have to be “on” all the time.
  6. In your moments of giving to, or doing for others be fully present and mindful, fully enjoy the experience of giving from your heart, for if it’s not from your heart it’s not worth doing. Feel the joy of your devotion so you receive whilst you are giving, a complete surrender that makes the hardest task seem like a gift. Then you’ll come back to yourself renewed Boundaryrather than drained. You’ll also sense when it is enough, for both yourself and them.
  7. Practice setting your boundaries. To conserve your energy and nurture yourself sometimes you might need to say NO here and there, especially if saying no is hard for you. How can you give energy that you don’t have, or that is blocked from resentment? Sometimes we need to say no before we can say a full YES! It is not selfish but being centred in yourself.
  8. Nurture your sensual and sexual energies as these are drivers of your enthusiasm and spontaneity in life. Take a moment to check out these sensual suggestions from our recent blog on “Women Aren’t Losing Interest”. Play with with your pelvic floor muscles, these muscles are drivers of your sexual life force energy. Sit with a rolled up towel between your legs (or you can sit with your heel tucked in there) and practice squeezing and releasing these muscles you use to pee with. Make sure you fully relax them between each squeeze. Inhale as you squeeze, exhale as you release. Imagine you’re squeezing and releasing a big pool of energy that lives in your pelvis.Transformation & Celebration
  9. Become aware of your hips as you walk. Exaggerate the swing from hip to hip. Feel your hips and legs connecting to the ground underneath you as you walk. Breathe. Exaggerate the swing a little more, really get into this part of your body, own your sexual self and it will pay you back in spades. Do it for yourself not anyone else. The more you own your sexual self the more power you will have in feeling its pleasure and attracting the attention you want rather than the attention you don’t.
  10. Don’t get lost in playing the game of goal or orgasm directed sex. There is so much more to enjoy, and so many other feelings and things to experience that one “O”. Not that orgasms are bad (heaven forbid!), it’s just that if they are your only sexual focus you will miss out on so many other experiences that begin more subtly but become equally powerful! Invite your man there with you.

 

If you would like to experience more of this part of you come along and join me at m next Power of Yoni event Nov 2-6 where we pull all of this together and much more…

Getting to know the stranger

January 25, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Listening with curiosity rather than judgement…

It’s human nature to get into habits…

And these habits are also a way of avoiding  living constantly in the unfamiliar, which can be highly stressful for some…

In relationship, habits can work both for and against us.

Creating habits does work for us in the building of unique little rituals only we share, creating feelings of connection.

Some habits can also work against us, in creating and allowing  unhealthy relationship patterns, such as taking our partners for granted.

Habits like taking our partners for granted can be a fast track to relationship boredom and dissatisfaction.

Here is how it can happen, and that it is also possible to learn embodied listening with curiosity as a way out of  boredom and  into fascination.

In new relationship there seems to be so much to talk about.

In the bubble of new love you’re completely fascinated by each other, literally hanging on each other’s words.

You’re fully engaged in the moment with them, hours seem to disappear, making time seem meaningless.

If you think back on it, you were probably not only hearing their words you also noticed their facial expressions, the nuances of their body language, subliminal messaging and even their tone of voice.

Your own body was involved in the conversation as well, feeling tinglings of excitement, an openness and an aliveness that felt totally engaging.

But after a while it begins to seem as if you’ve heard it all before.

You assume there’s nothing new coming and your interest level wanes.

It becomes easier to check out the TV, Facebook or your emails rather than give your partner your full disconnected coupleattention.

You believe you know what this once fascinating person is going to say before they even open their mouths and quickly start to tune out and think of other things.

It’s the same thing with your own sharings, you think they’ve heard you all before, that they’ll be assuming they know it all and that you will have little new to say.

Sharing becomes a bore and you wonder where has the spark gone?

But the spark hasn’t really disappeared, it’s just that where you’re coming from in your listening isn’t creating or allowing the spark to ignite.

You’re listening to your significant other from your intellectual self, where your judgements and assumptions come easily.

Are you judging your partner based on the past rather than experiencing them fully in the now, as you used to do ?

Are you assuming you know what the other’s talking,  rather than actually listening to what they are trying to communicate?

This becomes an assumption that you know everything about who the other person is, and listening to answer, rather than listening to actually hear and feel into what they trying to communicate.

You might actually know who they’ve been, but you don’t know who they’re being right now if you’re not truly listening, and miss out on seeing their growth and change.

And you’ll miss who they’re becoming as it hasn’t happened yet.

Don’t you want to be there to find out?

The information they’re sharing may be the same as they (or you) have shared before.

But this person has lived more of their life since the last time they shared and their life experience makes the different.

They may be in a different space emotionally or energetically.

Don’t just listen to the story and assume you know all about it, and therefore all about them (which is not only Creating Safety in Intimacylimiting it is also shaming).

Do yourself a favour and see your spouse in this moment as a whole new being you’ve never met before.

Do all those things you used to do without thinking, put all of your attention onto who they are being right now, observe rather than judge, listen with your body, listen with your heart rather than your head, feel into them as well as hear them.

Ask open questions, inviting more of them to emerge..

Ask opening questions that invite deeper sharing such as ‘how was that for you?’ or ‘can you tell me more about that?’

This spark of curiosity in you allows previously unforseen questions to arise in you so you can ask them.

All this extra information will be totally new and interesting as it has never happened before in exactly this way.

The same is true for you, you’re different from the person you were when you last heard this information. What is it that you are noticing in yourself?

Relationships are either growing or dying

One of the things that stops us from fully seeing or listening with our whole self is that we may feel uncomfortable or have fear over what we may find.

We may hear our partner’s pain, feel their walls or maybe their lack of presence with us.

We’re tempted to make this about us but the skill is in seeing that where they’re at is about them.

How we perceive them is about us.

If you can separate yourself from them and hear, see and feel them as a multi layered, unique being at this particular moment in their own world, having their own experience from a place of curiosity you will find a fascination that never leaves.

Offering our presence in this way can allow our significant other to share more openly as well.

There’s nothing like an engaged, available listener to inspire a person to new heights.

After all, isn’t that what used to happen?

Your partner will feel seen, heard and even loved, unconsciously inviting the same from them.

Yet this is about being curious for ourselves, to create our own satisfying relationship experiences rather than expecting anything in return, for expectations deny possibilities.

Practice: Experience your next conversation with your partner as above rather than just listening with your intellect and see what happens!

Instant Beauty: Get it Here!

October 1, 2016 By admin 2 Comments

How Can You Look and Feel More Beautiful?

By Recognizing More of What Lies within You!

Tanric coaching can make all the differenceAfter one of our Power of Yoni Workshops a group of participants headed out to a local restaurant to celebrate 4 days of empowering self love, nurturing and discovering pleasure. It so happened the local race meeting was on the same day and the bistro was full of very glammed up ladies who could easily have won “Lady of the Day”. Surprisingly, it was obvious that however glamorous their exteriors were they couldn’t compare with our gorgeous Goddesses who were spilling over with a glow and a vitality from deep within, making them beautiful both inside AND out!

This difference raises the point, what are we actually doing when we simply focus on (or obsess about) our external appearance? Focussing on our outsides rather than accessing and accepting our beauty that comes from within? A beauty that Young girl in sexual shamecan only enhance the best outfit and beauty routine whilst giving us confidence to burn? I believe what we’re doing is actually abandoning ourselves, or at least abandoning the little girl inside of us that longs for love and acceptance…no matter what age we are…

Read on for ways to connect with our inner beauty and bring our little girl in out of the cold…

Challenges to Looking Good

When it comes to looking good (and loving and approving of ourselves in the process) I‘ve noticed that we as women come up against 4 main challenges:

  • Every time we look in the mirror we’re holding our own image up against the ones we carry in our minds, of the impossibly perfect (and unreal) body images displayed in almost every advert we see, magazine we pick up, dress shop we look into and movie we watch.
  • We face a vast array of publications with articles screaming about how we can “improve” ourselves. Treatments including everything from weight loss programs, breast enhancements to genital reductions. Not to mention enough products to cover ourselves from the hair on our head to the toenails on our feet. All aimed at telling us we’re less than perfect so we will buy, buy,buy!
  • A lifetime of conditioning telling us how we “should” be, what rules we need to follow and what good girls do and bad girls don’t do in order to be approved of, accepted and loved that doesn’t leave us now matter how old we are, unless we let it go.

And finally there is the shadow in our sisterhood, which receives unending satisfaction from us putting ourselves, or our potential female competition down, and giving us the sympathy vote in return for our “insult-athons” on our bodies.

We Hate Ourselves Too Often

No oral sex orgasmAs a result, several surveys report that over 91% of women have regular days of “hating their bodies”. It seems as if when things aren’t going right in our world, if we’re unsatisfied in our relationships or our jobs, if we’re having uncomfortable emotions such as stress, loneliness and boredom we’re more likely to criticize our bodies than deal with what is actually behind our dissatisfaction or negative feelings. So how we perceive we look is based more on how we “feel”, rather than the physical reality of how we “look”. When we perceive ourselves negatively we abandon the little girl inside of us that longs to be loved for who she is…Good Girl

Have you ever looked into the mirror and judged yourself as looking that supposed worst of all body sins, “really fat”? Only to have something good happen in your life and then catch yourself looking in that very same mirror shortly after thinking you look “pretty fabulous”? Where nothing has changed except your perception?

Even more interestingly, have you noticed how much pleasure you feel when you’re body shaming yourself vs when you’re feeling beautiful and appreciated?

Neuroscience has shown that whatever you focus on shapes your brain. So if you focus on how defective your body looks it actually translates into a numbing down of how it feels. And the opposite is true, if you focus on how wonderful your body is, so it will become!

How to find Instant Beauty:

Make a radical choice to think and do things differently.

  • You’re as beautiful as you tell yourself you are, so tell yourself you’re beautiful often!
  • If someone else tells you that you’re beautiful, let it in and say thankyou!
  • Find one thing to appreciate about what your body can DO each day, taking the focus off just how it looks. Put your full attention on this body part and stroke it for a moment with love, baby!happy oral sex lover
  • Notice something you find beautiful about the women around you and tell them. Drop the need to compete and see yourselves simply as a reflection of each other. (You may want to omit the stroking part unless you know each other very well!)
  • Use beauty products with the mindset of enhancing the beauty that is already there, rather than fixing any problems.
  • Avoid participating in body shaming conversations, even choose to express something you like about your body instead.
  • See the abundance of treatments and products as a money making device for those making money from them, not necessarily something that you need.
  • Dress with the primary aim of expressing and feeling good about yourself rather than trying to fit in with the latest fashion.
  • Avoid trying to “fix” yourself. Instead, do things for their enjoyment value. Find an exercise that you love and it will be a joy rather than a chore.
  • See your body as your temple and choose to nurture it by attending to its needs as a good servant would do for its master.
  • Follow this link and listen to our Self Loving Meditation.
  • Do 3 pc squeeze and releases (pelvic floor contractions) then take a deep breath, enjoy the feeling. Do this often.
  • Learn to feel more pleasure and you won’t care how you look because you’ll feel so great! And consequently you’ll look more beautiful as a result of your inner glow…

So if you’re looking for even more ways to get your inner glow on and love yourself from the inside all the way out click here for details of Annette’s upcoming workshop just for women the Power Of Yoni Nov 10-14 2016.  Contact her for a chat to see how this workshop might work for you!

 

 

 

Sexual Healing

February 11, 2016 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Sexual Healing, the Myth…

 

As a man, and a sexual male who is in a long term and committed relationship, I find it challenging to hear and read the current debate around sexual healing by male “healers” with women.

With this in mind, I have decided to speak out as a professional who works with men and women, both singles and those in long term relationships.

Sexual Healing Sessions

I have had many sessions with men and women, both as couples and singles, and most importantly on my own or with my partner Annette.

Either way, always following up with debriefing about my experience with her.spiritual-image-woman-hands-reaching-for-butterfly

I am also speaking from my place in my long term relationship with Annette, who is my lover, teacher, critic and business partner.

How I show up with her is my measure in how I am with a client, as it is also with her and her clients.

The relationship we share is a powerful space of deep clarity, challenge and compassion, and a gift that we both bring into our work.

We are “owner operators” in every sense of the phrase…..

Don’t get me wrong, I have on many occasions had sessions that involved varying degrees of nakedness and sexual touch.

One thing that I have not heard, in any of this “debate” around male sexual healers, is just how powerful a sexual healing experience can be for a woman, where she is fully clothed and not being physically touched.

Imagine a world where your intimate relationship is a source of connection and meaning...

How would it be, for you as woman to feel safe, and sexual in a way that is invited by a space that is clear, intense and healing?

Where the healing is in simply experiencing a deeply personal loving open hearted man in his sexuality, without personal agenda?

Where the opening is to herself rather than to the man, in a space held by clear masculine presence ?

“The myth is that sexual healing must involve nakedness or sexual touch, even sexual penetration”.

In fact, I believe the exact opposite is true in most cases.

Sexual Healing is not about sex

It is healing simply for a woman to be penetrated by clear masculine sexual heart presence while remaining fully clothed and not being physically touched.

In this space of not having sex, but in feeling her sexuality opening deeply as she opens her heart to herself, especially in a space held by deeply personal and loving masculine heart space.

Experiencing the difference between “universal” love and “deeply personal” love is a big part of what sexual healing is about, particularly while being held by clear healthy masculine presence, and this is not about having sex or even being sexual.

How many women have opened their hearts, only to have it quickly closed down by unconscious sex ?

Remembering, that most women have been hurt by unconscious men, and in too many cases, this masculine shadow or unconsciousness can also be cleverly disguised as “healing”.Witch at the stake

Abuse can happen when the woman opens to the healer rather than herself and is where she may loose herself and be susceptible to being taken advantage of.

Especially when she is moving towards her sexual empowerment and freedom.

Opening to herself

Clothed or not, a woman opening to herself will soon feel and tell a man with a hidden agenda where to go with it!

Over the years through our work, I have had many conversations with men “desiring” to learn the art of sexual healing and with out exception my direction with them is to learn about their own sexual heart connection first.tantric yes

How many women out there want to do something sexually empowering for themselves, but don’t want to have to bare their souls to more of the same, especially if it is even more cleverly disguised as “healing”.

Increasingly, people and particularly women have become fed up with the co dependancy that has plagued the modern Tantra movement and are expecting more depth and clarity from their experiences.

As a woman, simply trust your feelings first and foremost, and seek out a session that brings YOU in touch with your own awareness, coming into your feeling body and your heart, then from that place, connecting with what it is that you desire for yourself.

 

 

 

 

Women are Wrong and seeing how is Freedom

July 10, 2014 By admin Leave a Comment

Women are wrong? How can this be?

There is something in woman that lives deep inside her, unseen and unacknowledged.

Unidentified will control and limit her.Sexual Shame

Awareness of this wrongness begins as a spark and grows to a torrent. This is when she can choose freedom from it…

I am taking a deep breath and sharing my experience here as it has been for me and trusting that it has value for others…

I am a woman strongly in her feminine aspect.

I believe this is why I have experienced what follows so deeply.

What I speak of here I relate to the feminine collective, it’s part of each individual woman’s personal history but it is also somehow part of all women.

I have been ‘working’ as they say, on myself for a long time- over 30 yrs, experiencing, learning and enjoying much. Sometimes along the way I have made mistakes and felt appropriately wrong as a result, I’ve been able to deal with it and have learned from the consequences.

Yet it seemed I had another place of wrongness inside of me. One that was something else altogether- a painful, bottomless pit of icky, yucky, discomfort I labelled toxic SHAME.

Toxic shame is “I AM wrong” rather than I have just done something wrong.

This shame was like an automatic default setting I continually fell into, regardless of the circumstances. Recently I decided to take a good look at this monster, to stare it into submission and learn what it had to teach me. woman in self loveWhat opened up was a new world of ease, openness and self love.

A journey of discovery

From sitting with this shame, sometimes for hours at a time (no easy task let me assure you!)

Womens Shame pool

it became clear there were two things operating here – a mental belief in my wrongness, and the physical feeling of shame attached to it… Once I was fully inside this very familiar and very uncomfortable feeling I saw my belief often WASN’T TRUE.

And once I saw this I saw that the big, juicy pool of shame that was attached to it now didn’t feel like MINE either.

I started looking at where this belief (wrongness) + feeling (shame) was showing up in my life and I found them everywhere, in both minor, and major parts of my life.

I saw them in basic things like needing the “right” clothes, hair, shoes, accessories, makeup, nails, skin, look, size, shape to feel acceptable.

And also in important things like my relationship – realising that so often when my man opened his mouth I would believe he was making me wrong. My automatic response was to feel wrong and get defensive. It became obvious to him that something was not right because he wasn’t trying to make me wrong, he could see I was doing it to myself. No matter what he said I would twist his meaning into making me wrong so I could feel my familiar sense of shame. He reported great frustration in trying to relate to me when I was in this shame pool, figuring he might as well do anything else rather than try and talk to me. Then I would feel abandoned along with more shame.

Unconscious belief in my wrongness would:Woman in shame

  • Put me constantly on the defensive, in my relationship and in my life, ready to collapse into shame, or to argue vociferously that I was NOT wrong (even if this was completely irrelevant to what was being discussed).
  • This self justification led me to feel powerlessness.
  • Feeling powerless made me want to lash out at those I perceived had power.
  • I felt ashamed, scared and angry.
  • I refused to believe it was just me being an illogical, menopausal female.

After reflecting on my work with women over the last 15yrs it seemed that some degree of this innate sense of wrongness was a common, if not universal experience in women.

I came across a study that reported men at work will blame their equipment, their boss or the system when things went wrong. Women would always blame themselves.

This wrongness appeared to infiltrate all levels of the feminine: body, mind, feeling, psyche and spirit…

Where does this sense of wrongness come from?

I believe it comes from the feminine being lost and her inner truths dishonoured from:

  • A patriarchal society that devalues the feminine qualities of feeling, emotion, intuition, wisdom, creativity, playfulness, pleasure, beingness, receptivity, surrender, vulnerability, embodied sexuality and spirituality; seeing these qualities as weak or irrelevant rather than powerful, mysterious and magnetic.
  • The desecration of ancient Goddess cultures where Spirit was earthy and embodied, rather than an external perfection to be ascended to.  And through the burning at the stake of tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of women as so called witches during the dark ages, removing this font of wisdom from our culture.Witch at the stake
  • The physical, emotional and sexual abuse perpetrated by unconscious patriarchal men and the lack of healing available to women wounded at a soul level.
  • The social, sexual, cultural and political repression of women that remains around the world today.
  • The overt honouring of the Good Mother and Madonna roles vs the shaming of the Bad Mother, the Whore and the Invisible Older Woman.
  •  The loss of understanding the true nature of female sexuality, limiting it to mechanical stimulation and arousal rather than relaxation and awakening. So depriving woman of true connection to herself and her spiritual power.

How does this overwhelming history impact us as women?

To a greater or lesser degree it makes us:

Feel wrong somehow for no longer being the “good” girl we were supposed to be.

Apologise for our existence, making it much harder to stand up for ourselves and ask for our needs to be met.

Vulnerable to the marketing that serves to fix our “wrongness” worth billions of dollars of cosmetics, clothes, hairdos, diet, beauty treatments and plastic surgery etc.

Women as BDSM bad girls

If we’re lucky we might get to play in our wrongness sexually, in all kinds of edginess and bdsm play.

Yet there is much more than that – we are like the abuse victim who internalises the shame of the act long after the abuse itself is over.

It leaves us disconnected from our feminine selves, striving to live up to the masculine perception of  power. We do this whilst feeling increasingly exhausted and unfulfilled within.

We miss out on the feminine qualities mentioned above. Our lack of these qualities leaves us  bitter and complaining. We focus only on feminine nurturing and giving to others in the hope this will make us worthy of receiving in return. We then feel frustrated and even more wrong when our “goodness” is not seen.

Disconnected from our embodied truth and sense of self, we say yes, when we mean no. We say nothing when we mean yes.

We toughen up and tolerate bad treatment by others (and by ourselves), and often inappropriately blame ourselves for what is wrong.Couples Communication getting violent

Our ability to suffer in silence makes us hard and unavailable to others, and to our own hearts.

We develop a false strength, an ego based power that doesn’t allow us to take responsibility when we ARE in the wrong. This is because in feeling so wrong already there is unconscious resistance to feeling even more wrong.

Our inner rage at this wrongness leads us to project our shame onto, and emasculate men in a thousand different ways, fatally damaging our relationships with them.

All the while we will desperately fight to get or keep men to avoid feeling wrong for being alone.

In this place we see our sisters as competition, often criticising and shaming them, denying ourselves this inherent support system.

For women female sexuality more than just lingerie

We neglect our need for pleasure as a necessary part of our wellbeing, cutting ourselves from this powerful source of inner radiance. We use our pleasure to service others rather than ourselves. We suffer under rough or inadequate touch, rather than asking clearly for what we desire, leaving both the giver and receiver lost.

And finally it leaves us as THE VICTIM rather than the POWER PACK– unhappy, frustrated, scared, uncertain, complaining, not knowing and not loving ourselves, living small.

How can we create something new?

Like an abuse victim we cannot change what has happened.

Bringing to account those responsible for our abuse can help, receiving acknowledgment and apology is part of the healing. But much of this pain is beyond the individual, in both victim and persecutor. Limiting ourselves by focusing our attention only on the perpetrators does not fully resolve the attached shame and unhelpful belief patterns WE now carry within US as a result.

People with disabilities stepping out of shameYet we CAN help to set ourselves free of this shame and disempowerment.

Very much like the movement out of cultural shame by people with disabilities. Disabled athletes are now very much a part of the everyday world rather than hidden in the corner. They have done this not with blame, as often there isn’t anyone TO blame, but through empowerment in the individual, focussing on their abilities and strengths rather than their limitations.

We can choose to trust in the power of the feminine, that still exists despite ALL the efforts to sublimate it.

We can move beyond this wrongness, this shame by meeting it head on, actively seeking it out, understanding that it is not ours, it never was. Acknowledging our victimhood with compassion, moving beyond its disempowering control.  Knowing that as we do so we are empowering both ourselves and our sisters from within.

We can join with the growing numbers of women across the globe who are reaping the benefits of integrating the feminine more fully into their lives.

Reclaiming your POWER PACK

If you can relate to what has been spoken here join me in:

Setting an intention to see this pattern more clearly
Taking moments to FEEL this yucky shame, breathing into it (rather than unconsciously reacting from inside it)
Allowing it to nail us like an insect on a pin
Like a stake into the wall of our closed and suffering hearts

If we can give birth to babies, we can do this!
Consciously breathe into the discomfort and feel it fully just for a moment or two
Just long enough to see what it is- a feelingSelf connection is key to more intimate sex.
If it is yours own it
See where it is NOT you

Then let it go
This is freedom. This is power from within
This is self love
This is Love birthed in compassion
For yourself, your sisters and those around you
Giving the world the gift of a truly empowered and feminine YOU.

To experience more of where Annette is coming from join her

Power of Yoni Workshop 

CONTACT US:

Graeme 0457 966 696
Annette 0437 966 696

or Email us here

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