Replacing Pornography With Tantra
If pornography is an issue in your life or your relationship, then here is one pathway in Beating Pornography Addiction by introducing Tantra into your life.
Sexual images are used to sell everything from tractors to dishwashers, and is pervading through all types of media as a powerful attention grabber for slick marketing programs.
This use of sexual images that attracts attention because we are all wired with attraction to certain shapes, curves and body types is what pornography directly targets, particularly in men.
Young men are attracted and unfortunately porn gives false impressions in how a woman responds..
Because of this attraction, Pornography is impacting sexual relationships in all age groups and demographics.
Porn is Luring Young People into Abusive Relationships
Currently, more and more young people are being caught up in the negative impact of porn, particularly when used as an easily accessible form of sex education that is unfortunately more about “getting your rocks off” gratification than education.
Doctors are seeing an increase in sexual injuries, when young people attempt to copy what porn stars act out. Young women feel they must behave “like a porn star” to be liked or at least share naked “selfies” with their boy friend. Young men are believing the attitudes depicted in porn as how they are to behave towards women, and how they can expect women to respond.
This is creating real problems for young people, especially with out the healthy aspects of sexuality and relationships to bring back perspective.
Porn impacts because it does lure the watcher into a false world of images that are devoid of human contact and impossible to satisfy.
Porn Does Lure Watchers into a False Reality..
Continual watching of porn can lure the watcher into a world that is dissatisfying, lonely and sexually frustrating, especially if the watching of porn is shame based.
Sexual shame is often significantly amplified if some one has a desire to watch, and in many cases, this shame is far more destructive than the simple watching of porn.
Is There a Healthy Aspect to Porn…?
When placed in a healthy perspective, such as in your relationship, watching of porn can actually stimulate sexual desire between a couple.
Sometimes in relationship, especially if a partner feels threatened by the continual watching of porn, there may be something else going on that is being projected onto porn.
If your in a relationship and you enjoy porn, it is important to discuss this with your partner.
Not discussing, either from your own shame or apathy and hoping it will go away will damage your relationship far more than porn on its own ever can.
If your desire for porn is shared openly with your partner, then this may also have a positive impact in your intimate sex life as well.
Porn is an Act, and not how it is in the real world..
Simply watching porn is harmless, it is the shame and shaming that watching porn attracts that often does the most damage, and also believing that porn is how it is in the real world..
Shaming your partner or friend for watching porn will do far more damage than simply watching porn will ever do.
How to beat porn in your relationship
Beating porn addiction if you’re in a relationship is easier than if your single, as issue’s relating to continual watching of porn show up more readily.
There are several major indicators, such as lack of confidence in sex, finding it easier to masturbate than make love, avoidance of intimacy and also limited experience sexually with a partner, which usually are shame based issues.
Partners can usually feel frustration and abandonment if their partner is a habitual porn user.
Because of the nature of attraction that men particularly have towards porn, any negative or shaming comments will only make his problem worse by pushing him even further into his shame.
The best, safest and healthiest way in beating porn is to create a healthy sexual relationship and this is where learning Tantra comes in.
Oztantra specialises in refocusing your relationship and learning how to beat porn.
(Mens Focus Group, Brisbane & Melbourne)
An increasing number of young people are fashioning their sexual relationships on the mostly farcical and increasingly brutal theatrics the pornography industry are famous for, with doctors treating an increasing number of them for sexually inflicted injuries to their bodies.
Pornography has become the most commonly watched item on the internet, as it becomes so readily accessible that even children can access it at the click of a button.
But, which is the bigger problem, the pornography industry itself or the actual watching of porn?
Making the accessibility of porn more difficult will not solve men’s (the majority users of porn) underlying issue of desire for watching porn, but it may limit its access to younger children.
This alone would be a positive.
Those who already have a pornography addiction probably aren’t aware of the personal implications that watching porn creates.
Mainstream “conventional” porn in itself is not the problem, but what eventually develops from the continual watching of porn can be, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or single.
Porn is targeted at Men’s Sexual Desire
Porn is mostly targeted at men’s desire, at their sexual vulnerability, their fantasy attraction to a particular type of sexual partner and choice of sexual style.
Basically, men are attracted to women (and/or men), they are attracted to the shape of their bodies, curves and particularly the look and feel of feminine sexuality.
Porn directly targets this natural and essential desire that men have.
By targeting this desire, pornography creates a fantasy experience for the watcher then leaves them “high and dry”, because this is all porn can ever do is create an illusion.
Problems start when this fantasy illusion over stimulates a desire it cannot fulfill, and this illusion is separate from reality in a healthy sexual relationship.
This creates frustration for the user and usually results in more porn watching in an unconscious attempt to achieve satisfaction.
From this point, most men want to ejaculate to finish this feeling, creating a habit of finishing quickly which subtly decreases emotional satisfaction and connection in sexual relationship.
Both partners in relationship feel this frustration and the non porn watching partner often feels inadequate on top of it.
Porn Creates a Fantasy of Sexual desire
Porn creates a fantasy of sexual desire that will give the viewer a mere perception of what they want. Plus it entices with its easy access and its privacy, particularly when a watcher doesn’t have to deal with messy emotional crap, rejection or fear of actually creating or holding a relationship. It is instant gratification with little effort.
This is also attractive to men who struggle with emotional intensity in relationship. But, it is important to understand that men are also highly capable of emotional work with the right encouragement. Choosing porn is an easy and unsatisfying alternative simply because they may lack confidence in a sexual relationship and choose instead to take an easy way out.
This will piss off most women, and rightly so.
Is Romance Porn for Women ?
If as a woman, you’re feeling the hackles on your neck standing up at this image of a man taking the easy way out of relationship work, then take a moment to see things from his
perspective through an example a bit closer to home. While focusing on watching porn and the problems that can arise, it is also important to recognize that this is only one side of the problem. The romance industry, widely available through movies, books, advertising and chats with your girlfriends, exerts an equally manipulative effect on a woman.
The story of instant attraction to a perfect man who offers everything a woman’s heart desires with very little real effort on her part is the female flipside of porn. The projections of these romantic ideals will have a similar impact on women by creating false expectations for men to fail to aspire to. It traps men into playing the romance game and leaves neither partner being authentic.
The difference is, romance largely has society’s support and slips beneath the radar while men suffer huge judgment from desiring porn, which adds even more intensity to men’s feelings of sexual and emotional inadequacy.
My understanding is this aspect is often ignored in relationship dynamics and once again, men are the bad guys with nowhere to go but further into porn or to shut down emotionally and sexually. Unfortunately, for a lot men, porn keeps them sexually alive in a limited fashion and this is part of the power of its attraction.
Pornography Can also be fun, is that Confusing ?
The dilemma for most men, (and increasingly for women) is that porn can also be fun in a healthy sexual relationship. It’s a fine line between this and when things start going pear shaped.
Learning Tantra is the opposite to porn
At Oztantra, we believe the most effective method for dealing with the negatives of porn is in creating your own healthy alternative, a healthy sexual relationship, starting firstly with yourself.
When this happens, the desire for porn is greatly reduced or may even disappear.
There is no substitute for the real thing, and when real sexuality is part of your life, porn is relegated to the occasional place where it belongs.
This is one of the fringe benefits of tantra, that accessing the greatly enhanced sexual pleasure that is possible for men requires clarity in heart connection with himself. How this appears from the outside for men, is most men only achieve a very small percentage of their capacity for pleasure from their sexuality. Pornography significantly reduces the watchers ability to feel their sexual pleasure, and is why addiction creeps in, as porn requires more and more as it becomes even less fulfilling.
If you want to find out more, a simple skype session will definitely get you started.
Embodied Tantra can heal porn addiction, because tantra for men is heart connection
A foundation aspect of Tantra for men is in opening and validating his open heart connection. This is crucial in moving past porn addiction, as his open heart connection with himself is his pathway to opening up his pleasure pathway.
In this place, his authentic sexuality, which is deeply heart based starts to emerge and will greatly impact by reducing his need for porn. Porn becomes less attractive, because he has found something much more fulfilling. It is this heart connection with himself that porn gets in the way of.
This sounds simple, but for a lot of people it is far from being an easy choice.
If you’re in relationship and your partner is a significant porn watcher it can definitely help to seek professional guidance in moving forward in your relationship.
Porn limits your pleasure to less than 10% of your capability
If you’re a man, it is important to understand that watching a lot of porn will significantly limit your sexual experience and sexual satisfaction. This will limit your sensual pleasure, either on your own or with your partner is an equally important concept to grasp. A regular problem that develops with long term porn users is the inability to last during sex.
This is incredibly frustrating for both and can increase the man’s feelings of shame and inadequacy and will also impact on his partners self esteem as well..
If this is happening for you, then you have a choice beginning in simply recognizing the impact the porn connection may have to what is happening for you. Again, seeking help in learning some basic Tantra and how to last longer will make a difference.
Because, when watching porn, you’re largely focused outside of yourself and on the screen by allowing the images to “feel” for you. When this occurs regularly, it is desensitizing for a man, and the end result usually is loss of sexual and emotional feeling, either numbing down, becoming trigger sensitive or having issues achieving an erection with out intense stimulation.
This can then result in loss of overall desire, confidence, feelings of inadequacy and fear of being in real relationship. There is very little satisfaction in this place, which further adds feelings of shame and inadequacy. If you’re in a relationship, whether your partner is aware of your porn use or not, the feelings of shame and inadequacy are magnified.
If you’re single, then your feelings of shame and sexual inadequacy may multiply if you are not able to find a partner.
Either way, these feelings create an increasing desire for the seclusion, isolation and gratification from watching porn and this is where problems deepen.
Healthy Sexuality Overpowers Desire for Porn
It is important to develop a program to get off porn, either by yourself or with help, but most importantly this program needs to work with your sexual desire rather than against it. Pressure on any one who watches porn is intensely shaming and most men respond in squashing their feelings of sexual desire by going into shame. If in doubt, get support for yourself.
Creating healthy sexual desire is crucial for a man to live a happy and fulfilling life especially if you want to be in a relationship long term.
Understanding the following concept is crucial in reversing the grip that porn can exert and in creating your own healthy alternative.
This concept is that in a happy, healthy sexual relationship, the masculine brings his open heart while the feminine brings her open sexuality.
This is a powerful understanding that may be challenging for some to grasp. Yet simply ask yourself what does a woman most desire from her man, and what does a man most desire from his woman? Putting porn into the middle creates chaos in this dynamic as it takes a man away from his heart and locks a woman into a limited way of being sexual. If porn is an issue in your life, simply recognizing and treating porn as a result of a deeper challenge is a healthy beginning.
If you’re a woman, and the man in your life watches porn, validating his desire to feel and
keep his sexuality alive is a good start in creating change. As is believing that underneath his current behavior his desire for you, a real live woman still exists. Treating this desire as pure gold will bring him back into desiring your realness, even if he is not behaving like the Romeo or Christian Grey (50 Shades) that your romantic conditioning may crave!
When you can trust in this and show him the sexual woman you are and your desire for him, chances are that you will soon start getting more of his attention. Men are different to women (wow) and women, trust that your man desires you, because you’re real, you have curves and when open and connected to your own sexuality, a hell of a lot more fun than a computer screen.
Beating Pornography Addiction by simply creating real relationship, and if you desire to find out more, email link or a skype session will definitely get you started in a positive way.
There are some very good Tedtalks via Youtube that may help you in understanding the depth of this issue for some men.
Call us TOLL FREE 1800 TANTRA (826 872), email link