Why you’re Bored in the Bedroom…

And 3 Things to Inspire You

Let’s face it. 

We’re having less sex than ever before. It’s even happened for us.

And that’s a very sad thing. Because sex can be the glue that not only holds a relationship together. It can also be the way that we celebrate, expand and uplift it. And how we celebrate, nurture and uplift ourselves.

So why aren’t we getting it together between the sheets anymore?

None of the following reasons are our fault. It’s how we’ve been conditioned to think about sex from the moment we first learned about it. That’s why we’ve loved learning about tantra, its helped us let go of our conditioning and find freedom in the bedroom. We want it to do so for you too.

It’s likely you’re bored in the bedroom because:

1) You don’t have the time. Work, family etc get in the way.

2)  You’re too stressed.

Unfortunately, this causes extra stress on our relationship, as guys generally find sex is a form of stress relief. And most women find sex is the last thing they’re up for when they’re under stress. So neither end up satisfied.

(That’s why helping with the dishes or putting the kids to bed can be a real aphrodisiac for a woman).

3) Sometimes there are no sex periods in your relationships for one reason or another- work, illness, other responsibilities. Or your relationship has become distant or too much hard work to make sex happen.

4) The sex you’ve been having has dropped into the boredom zone. Where even the orgasms have become a bit meh. Let’s face it, orgasms don’t automatically make for great sex. Great orgasms certainly do, but most of the time we have no, or merely ordinary orgasms. We take the fastest and easiest route and end up with fast food sex. Which appears satisfying in our imaginations, but ends up being disappointing.

5) You’re too scared to talk to your partner about it. Great sex takes good communication. No matter how much you hope, your partner is not going to intuitively ‘guess’ all of your sexual needs. This only happens in books and movies.

6) You’re having performative sex, doing what you think we ‘should’, rather than having real sex. Where you’re stuck in your heads and there is no real connection.

7) You’re having transactional sex. Where “I’ll do this for you, so I’ll get that for me”. It’s the quickest way to dampen sexual fire and get bored in the bedroom as it turns sex into a waiting game that’s full of obligations. When what turns us on is desire, not ‘should’s’.

That’s the bad news.

Here comes the good news…

Here are 3 ways to turn your sex life into the truly satisfying experience you truly desire.

1) Trust that sex is capable of offering you the magic you somehow believe it can. Believe that your partner wants sex just as much as you, they just want good sex. And believe that good sex is the quickest way to transform the challenges in your life and your relationship.

2) Talk about where you’re at with your partner. Yes, we know it’s scary but if you go there you’ll likely be surprised at what you find. Your partner is likely to be more on the same page than you possibly imagine without talking about it. Here are some tips for how to begin that conversation, without blame and judgement. And below are some things to talk about.

3) Drop the idea of performative or transactional sex, the kind of sex you’ve been conditioned to have. This is largely where being bored in the bedroom comes from!

Instead, find freedom and pleasure by choosing to: 

• Trust in the magic of sex- that it IS real. 
• Slow waaay down. This is vulnerable because it means we’re being seen.
• Move through this vulnerability by breathing more deeply, exhaling out of your mouth. Take some deep breaths together. Relax. Open. Let stress go.
• Be in the moment. Enjoy each of the small things, because from small things big things grow.
• Avoid being goal focussed on orgasm. Take the pressure off and have fun along the way instead. (You’ll be surprised how they can happen anyway).
• Make the genitals the last place explored on the woman, so her body can relax and open. Include some genital play on the man regularly so he’s not just waiting until ‘the end’ for his bit of pleasure. Explore places you normally ignore. Places like ear lobes, scalp, back of the neck/knees, feet, inner thighs, perineum, anus (touching not penetrating) and testicles.
• Take the time to notice what is happening in your OWN body. What are the sensations, where are they, what does your body actually feel like? 
• If you are not feeling what you think you should, DON’T make it wrong. Ask it what it needs, for our bodies are incredibly intelligent and will let us know if we listen to them. This is vulnerable because it is about letting go of performing, yet it is where great sex lives.

• As you focus on your bodies, going slow and breathing more deeply you’ll start to notice the energy of sexual pleasure. That tingling, warm, alive, expanding, even melting feeling. This is the life force that flows through you. The more you notice and follow it, the more you’ll feel you drop into ‘a state of being’. A state of flowing together, where two become one, where there is no mind, with no ‘shoulds’, there is just what arises. This is freedom.
• If it feels safe enough, breathe into your heart and feel how it expands in this energy (for your heart has an energetic aspect). Breathe the love you find there into yourself, because we all need to be loved. Your partner will likely feel safe with this kind of love as it makes no demands, and possibly inspired. Your worlds will expand all over again.

Isn’t this worth giving up MacDonald’s sex and being bored in the bedroom for?

Isn’t this worth making time for?

This kind of sex gives much more than it takes.

If you would like confidential support to begin this conversation with someone who can help you feel instantly comfortable in it contact us here.