We’ll show you why failing isn’t a time to blame yourself…
In the information age there is SO much information out there to help us get what we want.
We can instantly Google information on any topic we need and get thousands, if not millions of responses.
A search on YouTube instantly reveals videos on absolutely any topic. From how to install venetian blinds to stopping your partner from snoring, to how to never be boring in conversation!
On relationships and sex too
We can find information on relationships from how to recover from infidelity to how to attract your soulmate. From how to balance the power dynamic in your relationship to learning your attachment style.
We can discover how to find your GSpot, and how to make the most of anal sex. Even snuff sex, tea bagging and more than you can ever possibly want to know.
All at the click of a button
Information can make us feel better because we feel like we’re doing something.
Afterall, knowledge is power.
We’re in information overload
But it’s a passive kind of action as we’re just taking information in, we’re not necessarily doing anything with it. Just letting our over clogged brains categorise it and file it, often never to be seen again. Information can help us fantasise about getting what we want, it helps by soothing our nervous systems for a while.
Yet, we need to DO something
Quality information can inspire us to actually DO something and make the changes in our lives we’re looking for.
Until the custom made settings in our psyches reassert themselves and we fall back into old habits.
And then we sadly often see ourselves, or our partners, as the cause of this failure. We judge ourselves, or them, as being inadequate or faulty.
Yet our failures are more often about not understanding the process of change, than not being able to change. (And yes, we realise that this is MORE information to take in!)
Change takes more than taking information in
It requires us to take action.
And the best actions are backed up by having a well rounded plan that includes all the different aspects of change that true change requires. Including the parts where we might look like we’re failing, but we’re really not.
Planning successfully for change
Step 1. Recognise that you don’t want what is happening any more. Like you really don’t want it.
Step 2. Recognise that the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear, or the pain of change. This is an incredibly freeing place to get to.
Step 3. Discover what you really desire instead. Our desires can absolutely lead us in the direction we need to go. Even more than focussing on fixing what is wrong. Because we can get stuck on focussing on what is wrong and simply keep creating more of it.
Step 4. Formulate a clear and achievable goal, composed of your core desires. Along with any important accompanying smaller desires that arise in the process. Getting high quality information about your goal so that it feels actually achievable.
Step 5. Spend time exploring the 5 senses reality of what achieving your goal will look, feel, sound, taste and smell like. This is more than just mental fantasy. This is harnessing the power of the universe at a primal level.
Step 6. Believe in the possibility of your achieving this goal. Because if you don’t believe it, it won’t happen. This can be done by reflecting on areas in your life where you have already achieved a similar goal. Or where you have gained a real sense of achievement in any area of your life. This is so you start out feeling like a winner.
Step 7. Get clear about your obstacles, so you can be motivated to surmount them to take action.
Step 8. Bring unaligned pieces of your body mind (usually held in your subconscious) into alignment. This is so they don’t sabotage your efforts along the way.
Step 9. Feel worthy and deserving of achieving your goal by clearing out any opposite beliefs/feelings.
Step 10. Develop a clear map of the inner and outer work needed to achieve your goal. Then developing a plan of action to put those into your life.
Step 11. Setting up accountability, so you actually take the steps you have planned to.
Step 12. Celebrating your achievements along the way, large and small to keep you motivated.
This is the true value of having external support to hold space for you while you do this work of creating change. It applies whether you want to create more connection in your relationship, resolve unhealthy power dynamics or have more orgasms!
The most successful people in life have some kind of external support.
- help them thoroughly explore and get clear on their desires
- formulate achievable goals
- believe this goal is truly possible for them
- clear any resistance to achieving their goal (that they couldn’t uncover by themselves)
- bring into alignment any inner parts of them not on board
- magnify their self worth and deservability
- develop a clear plan of action
- keep them accountable
- celebrate the changes that they do make
- be open to magic (surprise opportunities that come along)
Dealing with roadblocks
External support can provide a reminder that when we create change we will automatically create pushback. Either in ourselves, or in others.
A western view of this is that our psyches have a set point, just like our fridges do. When we put a whole load of new foods into our psyche in the form of change, we challenge it. Our psyche will work hard to return to its former set point (colder temperature). It takes continued change to create a new normal, or a new set point.
An eastern viewpoint of this is that the universe will challenge us to really own what we want. It will do this by creating affronts to our new beliefs or actions as if to say “Are you really serious about this? Show me.” An affront might look like us deciding we are worthy of a goal. Then having someone immediately put us down and say “Who do you think you are to want this?”
Roadblocks are part of change rather than obstacles
In either case, continuing to affirm the changes we are making is the fastest route to real change. As is seeing the challenges as part of the change rather than an obstacle to it.
The other important aspect of change that having external support can help you with is celebrating the changes that do happen. Sometimes we can be so focussed achieving the end result we can forget to celebrate the steps along the way. Celebration has been scientifically proven to be highly motivating. When it’s real, no matter how small.
And remembering to have some fun along the way. This helps relax our nervous systems and make them ready for new challenges. Fun makes change happen more quickly and can allow more magic to happen!
Real change is not a quick fix
So if you are wanting to create change in your life, don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen straight away.
Know that real change is a process, not a quick fix. Especially in a relationship. Where one person might be trying to change alone. Or both people might be trying to change together.
Supporting people to create lasting change is our passion
If you would like some support to be successful in creating the change you want contact us here or on 1800 TANTRA.