Where has the connection gone?
Where has the passion gone?
Long term relationships are your life’s joy and if you know how to keep the juices flowing and liven up your relationship, then its most likely good for you as well! Be willing to stretch yourself a little to reignite the spark.
- Remember how to feel- the most common reason relationships go stale is that we shut down emotionally from each other. Make all of your feelings ok, remembering if you can’t feel yourself you have no hope of feeling someone else. Sex is a feeling too!
- Don’t assume that the man is not feeling just because he may not talk about them or use a language that matches yours. Men do feel they just have less permission to show it.
- Don’t assume that you as a woman are feeling– because women are viewed as being the emotional ones don’t assume you are doing it automatically. Often women get into the habit of thinking their feelings rather than actually feeling them.
- Be willing to be vulnerable– being vulnerable is the way we are able to connect with another and invite them into our world and can be scary to do. Consequences of not doing this will ultimately lead to the loss of the relationship. Actively choosing to go there is less scary.
- Know that all feelings are energy, including your feelings of pleasure, and you’re either feeling or you’re not. If you are emotionally closed your sexual pleasure is less than it can be. And you will miss out on the magic that emotional, intimate sex can bring.
- Sleep together naked– Our skin is the largest organ in the body and is longing to be nurtured. As adults we are often touch hungry, especially for touch that has no agenda to it. Relax & snuggle.
- Honouring- Open your hearts with words. We don’t realize how much we dampen our spirit by the literally hundreds of negative judgements we make about ourselves. Offer honest appreciation daily.
- Bring love back into sex- Sex becomes boring and hard work when we let love run out and start performing instead. In sex, seek to connect rather than stimulate, go slowly, connect eyes, breathe.
- See each other clearly- Take the time to really listen to what they are saying (like you used to do) and get to know a whole new person, and do things together seeing each other with fresh eyes.
- Remove your exits- long term relationships can get leaky, where we drain energy away from the relationship becoming the “invisible divorce”, too much tv, work, talking with friends, focussing on the kids, porn, becoming unfit and uninteresting etc.
- Sex Date- Now you have extra time together, set up a regular time to be sexual. Set the date and time and not late at night. You have other essential appointments, why not make sex one of them, like having an affair. Send texts looking forward to it. Ask your partner what they want, enjoy it with them if it feels ok for you. Vary it so you both get to share.
- Spend quality time on your own– sometimes couples can get enmeshed and lose that sense of unique, separate identity that attracted you in the first place so it is good to have some time out on your own now and again.
If you’re looking for more ways to reignite the spark try our 10 Day Relationship Detox offer- it’s free!