If you’ve been with your partner a while and kissing has taken a back seat in your loveplay…
We hope we can inspire you to pucker up your lips for a good smooching!
Remember those hours in the back seat of the car or some other hidden place as teenagers when the powerful feelings elicited by just kissing would feed your mind and body for days?
In the rush to get to the more overt moves available to us as adults in lovemaking we can forget the power of the beginning steps, and this is especially true of kissing.
Here are a few great reasons to get those lips moving:
Kissing makes your hormones react!
Kissing triggers your brain’s pleasure centres to release a cocktail of chemicals that leave you feeling ‘oh so good!’ These chemicals include oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, which make you feel euphoric and encourage feelings of affection and help you bond with your partner.
The rush of oxytocin (the chemical linked to pair bonding) released when you kiss causes feelings of affection and attachment, especially important in long-term relationships.
In addition to boosting your happy hormones, kissing can reduce your cortisol levels — potentially reducing your stress levels and improving your feelings of self-worth. Kissing and other affectionate communication, like hugging and saying “I love you,” impact the physiological processes related to stress management and helps keep us calm. This is definitely enough reason alone to bring kissing back!
And surprising pathways open
Kissing increases your heart rate in a way that dilates your blood vessels. Increasing your blood flow in this way decreases in your blood pressure, meaning that kissing is good for the heart, literally and metaphorically. Blood vessel dilation can also help relieve headaches and menstrual cramps. So along with the boost that occurs in your feel good chemicals, kissing at these unlikely times might actually be good for you.
Romantic kissing leads to sexual arousal and is often the driving force behind your woman’s decision to have sex. The longer and more passionately you kiss, the more testosterone (one of the body’s sex hormones) gets released and the more aroused you can both become.
Kissing affects the muscles at the other end of a woman’s body too. Kissing helps her vaginal muscles relax, allowing her to become open and receptive. In fact, early midwives used to encourage husbands to snog their wives to assist in bringing reluctant babies into the world!
Kissing can also give you a facelift!
The act of kissing can involve anywhere from 2 to 34 facial muscles. Kissing often and using these muscles on the regular acts like a workout for your face and can also increase your collagen production, which contributes to firmer, younger-looking skin. That sounds like the best kind of facelift out!
So what is the best way to kiss?
Start with good oral hygiene. Kissing someone with a freshly cleaned mouth is much nicer than trying to dodge their bad breath. Use a breath mint or mouthwash if this is an issue for you. Better safe then sorry. (It you generally have good oral hygiene this is not so much of an issue, unless you’re a smoker, have a dry mouth or you’ve recently eaten something like garlic or onions).
Start by looking your partner in the eye as you approach them, letting them know with your eyes how much you would like to kiss them and how good it’s going to feel for both of you.
Start tender and slow, slow.
Hold the side of their chin and stroke the opposite side of their face once or twice before honing in on their lips, as this helps their mind turn off and their body turn on.
Lick and tease their lips before moving in for the full on pash.
Vary your moves and rhythm (but if it’s really working don’t change too quickly).
Allow one person then the other to lead the kiss, as we all love to be wanted.
Nibble top or/and bottom lips.
Remember to breathe as this helps spread the passion through your bodies.
Imagine the tingling of your genitals arising up into your mouth. You can enhance what you’re feeling by doing a few pc (pelvic floor) squeeze and releases as this further awakens your sexual pleasure.
Stroke your lover’s lips, teeth and tongue with your tongue.
Leave full on deep throat until the moment the passion’s rising and you’re both really getting in to it – for too much too soon (and too much too often) is a definite put-off. Think of deep tongue as your secret weapon and bring it out only when the moment is right- then it’s like- wow!
Try one person giving the kiss and the other keeping their mouth still and receptive, this can be totally divine. The giver takes their time to fully explore the other’s mouth, lips and tongue, with a little more face caressing for good measure. Don’t be afraid to let yourself receive in this way. It can feel so good to let go of control and be in the moment.
Tease and taste it all!
If you have resistance to kissing, or to being kissed, without making this wrong explore it.
Literally feel the resistance in your body, where do you feel it and what does it feel like? Breathe for a few moments here.
Avoid mentally thinking the answer and let your body surprise you with one.
Perhaps your heart is closed from past hurt?
You might have fear of opening up and getting closer?
You might need to talk about what your resistance means for you before going further.
And remember if your partner has resistance it’s about them, don’t make it about you and get in the way of their exploration, you might learn something you can work with.
If you discover things that are difficult to sort out don’t hesitate to give Annette or Graeme and call on 1800 TANTRA or email us here.
Even better you might like to attend our upcoming weekend workshop, Sexuality of the Heart, where we explore all things intimate in a safe and respectful but fun way.