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Sex Is Not the Ultimate of Pleasure…

May 3, 2023 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

So says the Guru Osho
(who didn’t get a lot of things right, but about sex he was definitely a master.)

It is the beginning.

It is not the bliss supreme

But an echo of itwomen's pleasure

Sex is

one of the most

sacred things

because it is

through sex

that life arrives

And it is through sex

that you can penetrate to

the very source

of existence.

What are you doing with the gift of sex in your life?

Does it unconsciously control your life?

Is it controlling you in the way you need to be constantly thinking about, or managing it? Are you using it as a form of relief from your life, from yourself?

Are you giving yourself permission to discover all of your sexual desires?

Are you having moments of feeling free in throwing off your sexual repressions?

Giving yourself permission to be free from the control of your social/sexual conditioning?

Perhaps discovering something that society doesn’t allow- the freedom of just being yourself in sex?

Feeling relieved, lighter and grateful as a result?

Then not being able to wait until you can do it all over again?


Or are you using it as a true tantra practice?

Tantra
There is no right or wrong.

It is the choices that you make.

 

What is it you seek?

 

Sex as a meditation where sex is just the beginning? Where you come to the deepest possibility in it. Where you can transcend it. Where in deep sexual orgasm it is not sex that gives you the bliss. You see that sex is just the situation and that something else is giving you the euphoria and the ecstasy.

“Tantra says that it is a truth that sexual energy is the basic energy,
an energy that should be transformed into higher forms.”

The truth behind the erotic sculptures outside temples

The temple of Khajuraho has beautiful statues in all sexual postures. It was a tantra school that made the temple and those statues. And the first thing the student had to do was to meditate on each statue – and they are arranged in such a way that from one corner you go around the temple in a circle. It may take six months, but you have to watch each statue until you can Tantric Sexualitysee it just as a statue with no sexuality in it – and it is in a sexual posture. But just in your watching it, seeing it for months, it becomes a pure piece of art; all pornography disappears. Then you move to another. And all the perversions of human mind have been put into the statues.

And when you have circled the whole temple, only then will the master allow you inside the temple. Those six months are of immense meditation and of tremendous release, all repressions gone: you are feeling absolutely light. Then the master allows you in. And inside the temple there is no sexual statue; inside the temple there is nothing – emptiness.

Then the master teaches you how to go deeper into your meditation which has arisen in the six months, and now you can go very deep because there is no hindrance, no problem, no sexuality. And this going deep into meditation with no sexual disturbance means the sexual energy is moving with the meditation, not against it. That’s how it is transformed and takes higher forms.   -Osho. Taken from The Path of the Mystic, Chapter 38

Most of us in the west are not ready for this true kind of tantra.

 

We are still enmeshed with the perversion of sex, the deliciousness of it as it is, without seeking transcendence through it.

We are not ready to leave it yet.

For some of us it has taken us a long time to get here and we want to enjoy it more.

We are so used to being controlled by external forces. We do not realise that we have a choice in controlling the most powerful force- sexual energy.

 

Yet it is entirely blissful when we can be in our sexual energy but not controlled by it.

 

When we can be at choice in it.

Not needing, grasping, struggling.

Non attached.

Allowing.

Expanding.Doing some Sexploration

Surrendering.

Neither indulging or repressing.

Each moment dying to the past

and being born anew.

In freedom from all mind constructs,

Freedom from all mind games,

Freedom from all structures,

Freedom from the other

Finding the something more

That is the key towards the divinity.

If you would like to begin the path of finding more in your sexuality

 

Take some moments to pause in your sexual experiences. Whether you are making love with another, or self pleasuring.

Close your eyes, or look softly down.

Simply notice what you are experiencing.

Notice what feelings, sensations, awarenesses are present and allow them to be.

Notice what attachments, desires and limitations are present and allow them to be.

Breathe more deeply.man meditating

Allow

Let go

Surrender

Simply be.

Notice any shifts that happen within you.

Whether you call them divine or not, be open to what is.

 

If you would like to learn some tantric practices to take you beyond sex contact us here.

The Myth Called Porn Addiction

July 29, 2022 By Annette & Graeme 1 Comment

Porn addiction is a myth.

On numerous occasions, we have come across people in relationships who are struggling with what they believe is an obvious problem. They believe their problem is one partner’s addiction to big bad porn.  We commonly find it is not actually the porn addiction that is the the problem. It is a symptom.

In his article “Why we Should Stop Calling Porn Addiction an Addiction”, Sex Psychology 2015, Dr. Justin Lehmiller has measured brain waves of drug addicts and porn users. He found that porn has the opposite effect on brain waves that drug addicts experience This indicated that porn should not be called an addiction, the word addiction should be replaced with something else.

Porn is easy to blame

It is confronting for couples to realise that blaming porn merely shifts the focus away from what is really going on in their relationship. It shifts responsibility to something that is cloaked in shame and conveniently easy to blame.porn user

Anything which is done in secrecy and isolation usually leads to shame. Isolation and shame then make it difficult for those involved to share true intimacy with others.  Especially with society turning up the heat by publicly blaming or shaming porn.

Many men are already afflicted by sexual shame, due to unresolved sexual projections from society, religion, the media and even therapists’ unresolved issues about sex. Demonising porn just makes it worse.

We believe that porn itself is not wrong

It’s the behaviours that go on around it that make it so.

Porn targets sexual desire and sexual vulnerability. It’s also reliable, and without fear or rejection, something sex in the real world is definitely not!  It gives the watcher a place to indulge their desire for sexual variety without risking going outside their relationship. Porn creates a fantasy of fulfilled sexual desire, enticing with its easy access and its privacy. Particularly when the watcher doesn’t have to deal with any messy emotional crap. It can leave men thinking this is how all sex should be, instant gratification with little effort or emotion.angry woman

This pisses most women off, and rightly so.

Many men struggle with the emotional intensity of relationship. Not because they are incapable of feeling. But because they have been shamed about, or indoctrinated not to feel or express their emotions.   It is important to understand that, given the opportunity, men are highly capable of emotional work. We see it all the time. Especially with the right motivation – the potential for truly fulfilling sex.

A different perspective

As a woman, you might be feeling the hackles on your neck standing up at this image of a man taking the easy way out. Take a moment to see things from his perspective, through an example a bit closer to home. The romance industry, widely available through movies, books, advertising and chats with your girlfriends is like porn. It exerts an equally manipulative effect on a woman, similar to the impact that porn has on men.  Stories of instant attraction to a perfect man offering a woman everything her heart desires with very little real effort on her part is the female flip side of porn.  These romantic fantasies have a similar romantic couple“passive making” impact on women. They create many false expectations for men to live up to, and leave women frustrated when they don’t.

The difference is, romance has general society’s support and its effects slip beneath the radar. While men carry the worlds’ unconscious judgment and shaming of their desires for sex and porn. This adds even more intensity to their feelings of sexual shame and emotional inadequacy. Shaming any man about his porn habit is shaming the man deep into his core. This shame accumulates and can eventually shut him down, both sexually and emotionally. Leaving women frustrated at his increasing lack of availability.

Whether we like it or not, porn is spreading

According to Pornhub, women are the fastest growing demographic of porn consumers, especially younger women. Women are reported to watch porn out of curiosity, to spice up their sex lives and learn new techniques. Some women, like men, watch it to satisfy their lust. Children as well are becoming exposed to porn, and doing so at earlier ages due to its easy availability. This is a concern if they are viewing it without the context of real life sex to balance it with. Yet the vast majority of porn users remain men.

There are some positives with porn, as is it can be way to keep sexuality alive when sex is not available. It can also spice things up in the bedroom for a while… But, by targeting these desires, pornography creates a fantasy experience for the watcher that will still ultimately leave them “high and dry”.

It’s a visual performance, not a reality.

Because that is all porn can ever do is create an illusion of satisfaction.

A Lingam Massage will open your man's heart
One that will ultimately end in frustration for the user. This frustration usually results in more porn watching in an unconscious attempt to achieve the fulfilment is truly longed for. This is desensitising, ending in a loss of sexual and emotional feeling. Either numbing it down, making it difficult to get, or maintain an erection, or to ‘come’ without intense stimulation. More and more young men are resorting to use of Viagra to deal with what is essentially, a disconnection from self.

At this point, the issue IS porn

It’s vital to track back to what is behind the need for porn, the need to dissociate from the full spectrum of feelings we are capable of.  A something else that makes it so much easier to blame porn and overlook what is really happening.

Each couple are different, unique, so one size does not fit all, but the negative influence of porn can be beaten, all it takes is the right approach and mindset.  Each couple must find their own solution. It starts with understanding the solution is ultimately found outside of where they believe the problem lies.

Learning the skills in tantra is a great next step

Porn is something that we watch, it’s focussed on the visual. Where women are effortlessly wet and men are permanently hard. In tantric sex, thrusting doesn’t need to be continually hard for pleasure to be had. In fact, a man does not even need to be hard at all to experience full bodied orgasm.

Tantric sexuality
Truly satisfying sex, as in Tantric sex, comes from how it feels rather than how it looks. In fact, when it’s really good, we don’t give a damn about how it looks! Tantra is actually pretty boring as a visual medium, as the action (and the magic) is more internal…(Tantric sex would never become an Olympic sport..) Tantra teaches us that there is incredible pleasure, and satisfying connection to be found in the slower, deeper moments, as much as the active ones. Especially if you consciously deep breathe, which is not something you’ll see actors doing in mainstream porn…

 

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Recent Posts

  • Sex Is Not the Ultimate of Pleasure… May 3, 2023
  • How to Melt Your Partner’s Heart in 4 Steps April 19, 2023
  • Are You Letting Unexamined Myths Run your Sex Life? March 29, 2023
  • Managing Stress In Your Relationship March 16, 2023

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