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The No.1 thing to know about you – you are more than your Ego!

August 29, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

You are not who you think you are.

And you are about to learn why knowing this matters.
It matters because knowing will give you a pathway to the most powerful and meaningful relationships of your life and if you desire it, to HOT, soulful sex.

Because what stops you from achieving these things are the elaborate power plays especially designed for you by your Ego to avoid real connection with another.

Such as:

– Fighting back to gain control over the person or situation
– Freezing and holding on to your position no matter how unhelpfulTantra is freedom
– Avoiding and shifting your attention onto something safer
– Projecting your emotional pain onto those around you
– Or getting the hell out of there altogether…

But your Ego is just a part of you.

Until you know this its limited strategies will control you. When you access what follows struggle disappears, the heart opens and ease follows.

This story starts with a trip to New Zealand, the adventure capital of the world by Graeme and his 3 teenage children all of whom are excitement junkies. Along with me, Annette, who somehow ended up on the trip even though she is afraid of heights!

First though let’s go on a tour of who you think you are right now.

I’m going to get a little heavy here but…stay with me it will be worth it!

So who are you?

Who you think you are is a manifestation of your Ego. This is your personality or persona, the part of you that thinks, judges, worries, plans, expects, desires, fears, achieves. It is the story that runs in the Left Side of your brain (the big spongy part at the top of our brain) and forms your Self Consciousness- the part of you that is aware of yourself. This part of you is linear and concerned with what is logical and what is known- the past (memories), future (at least its idea of the future) and lots of details, details, details like ”I must remember to buy bananas” or “she really hurt me last time”. It is what connects you with your external world, with those around you in your “ordinary everyday” reality. It does this by a language of logic, rational thinking, understanding and expression.

For example right now your L Brain is helping you read and hopefully understand this article.

Your Ego is the psychological part of you that thinks you are separate from everything and everyone else and seeks to be unique and special enough to get the attention it needs to feel connected ie. loved. This is why you work hard to achieve in life (and why there is such a boom in TV reality shows, Australian Idol and Instagram). It is also why you create the many masks of your

Attachment is vital for the Eg

particular persona- the good girl, the successful man, the hardworker, the honest one etc, ways of being that are more likely to get you approval. Sometimes you might create masks that protect you from this dance of approval eg. the rebel, the joker, the depressive, but underneath you care just the same. This is because your Ego holds your innate drive for relationship and sex at a psychological (rather than biological) level – in order to end your sense of separation and feel connected. Also because of this separateness your Ego loves to attach itself to anyone and anything. If a person isn’t available then work, food, alcohol, stress and anything else you can get addicted to will do. And because your Ego is always oriented to the future any satisfaction we gain from these things is momentary. This is not because you are inadequate or lacking, it is because you are functioning at a purely Egoic level.

As you can see there’s a lot of effort in this place…and its why having an orgasm is so blissfully freeing as it is your most familiar way of going beyond the Ego.

Going to get a little Zen here for a moment…

The Right side of your brain is how you experience your Soul. It has God, Infinite or “Everything” Consciousness rather than Self

R Brain is the doorway to heaven on earth

Consciousness and is the part of you that is aware of more than yourself. This part of you is global and not concerned with needing or knowing as it already “is everything” and “knows”. It is fully in the now, with no past or future, just being with what is without needing to understand, strive or achieve. It is what connects you with your internal world, with internal self, your “extraordinary reality”. Its expression is through feelings, senses, images (internal eg. Dreams, meditations) and uses descriptive, poetic language. It accesses your body, your heart, your creativity, spontaneity and intuition.

Your R brain is what is allowing you to experience yourself actually sitting in your room reading this article- do you get the difference between R and L Brain functioning?

Your Soul identity is the timeless, boundaryless, perfect whole. There is no trying or struggling as you are perfect already. It is comfortable in the unknown as being everything means you are also nothing and you’re ok either way. There are no desires to fulfil as you ARE desire. You have no need to achieve or connect as you’re already there. You have no sense of separation, you feel connected to everything. At its deepest level there isn’t even a “You”, there is just everything. Strong R Brain experiences are like sitting on the beach enjoying the sea, sand and surf or having the best hippy like high…lots happening on the inside, not much outside.

Stay with me here as I hope understanding this will be as life changing for you as it was for me. And we’ll get to the thrill seeking side of a mountain in New Zealand shortly I promise!

Left and Right Brain are so different- how do they work together?

In addition to these two brain halves you have a pathway between them called the Corpus Callosum, this is the neural pathway which allows Brain Imagethe two sides to communicate with each other giving you access to both. For an amazing insight into how these two sides function watch TEDx Talk My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor. Your experience of life will be determined by which side of your brain is most activated and how well the two halves communicate. You began on the R side when you were born, moved into the L as you developed into an adult, then will seek to bring in more of the R again as you mature. To be psychologically healthy you need both. This is why you also have the Transpersonal or Witness Consciousness, the consciousness that is beyond or bigger than the persona, contains both Ego & Infinite Consciousness and is the gatekeeper between them. Tantra helps us access this part of ourselves and is what Tantra is all about for us. As the more developed this triangular pathway becomes the more present, capable, fulfilled and joyous as we humans can be.

Now picture me on the side of a mountain…

This is where my fear cultivating trip to Queenstown New Zealand with four adrenaline junkies seeking all kinds of thrill experiences came in handy as an experiment with my Ego, for how we deal with fear is a mind game. Picture me on the side of a mountain, all suited up in a parachute harness with 3 very lovely adventure guides (1 a hot American guy by the name of Drew hooked up behind me) all doing their best to convince a totally terrified me it would be great fun to jump off the edge. The things we do to ourselves!
Because your Ego’s number one desire is attachment it fears anything that threatens this.

My story is extreme but will show you the games that your Ego can play, see if you can resonate with any of these…

Here is what was happening in my Egoic mind:

Fear 1: Being In The Unknown- not knowing how it was going to feel when I jumped caused my body to go into a state of high tension. Even though the logical part of my brain was saying yes the negative part of it was creating all sorts of fear stories and saying no! My adventure coaches were telling me that once I was off the cliff I would love it but because I did not know this from experience I was staying right where IYOu are not your Ego - the MOST important thing to know about yourself was.

Fear 2: Being Out of Control- imagining jumping off felt like being pushed off this cliff and tumbling out of control down it, not being able to right myself or keep myself safe. My Ego wanted to stay in on the cliff and in control.

Fear 3: Being Overwhelmed- imagining jumping off also brought a feeling of being ‘too much’, like a big wave coming over the top of me and dumping me at the bottom of the ocean unable to breathe! I wasn’t looking forward to that either!

Underlying these three fears is the Ego’s major fear:

Annihilation- complete destruction or obliteration, in other words ceasing to exist. This was ultimately my fear standing on the edge of the mountain. That if I jumped I would simply cease to exist. My fear was so great I believed if I jumped, as my amazingly encouraging supporters so wanted me too, I would completely disappear. Not logical but 100% real to my Ego self.

How is all of this important to you?

As you go about your day your Ego is continually offered many and varied opportunities in dealing with people and with life that challenges these fears. These challenges feel like your own internal “edge”. Such as applying for a job, asking for a date, negotiating boundaries in your relationship, talking about sex with your lover etc etc. And how you manage them determines your quality of life.

Do you fall into the trap of thinking the only tools you have are the defensive tools of your Ego described above?

Or do you trust your knowledge of your Corpus Callosum and Transpersonal Consciousness and access the responsive tools of your Soul? Tools which offer you infinitely more creative, inspired solutions with ease and joy? This is where a strong pathway between your 3 levels of consciousness- Ego, Soul and Transpersonal offers you so much.

Authentic Intimacy

And relationship is just the place to practice as you have lots of material to work with and a committed partner at least once they see the benefits to them!).

This trust allows you to choose your inner nothingness rather than your outward defences because you know that is just your Ego’s game. Depending on the level of challenge to your Ego’s desire for attachment this letting go into this nothingness can result in a slight feeling of unease or the deepest terror. But its only for a moment. The more willing you are the quicker it happens. To do this you need to trust yourself and the process. And remember its a bit like letting go into an orgasm and feels great afterwards!

The degree of surrender is relative to the degree of challenge.

There is no right or wrong choice here. Once spiritual teachers would say that Ego is bad and the only path is the dissolution of the Ego in order to connect with Soul and Spirit. But there is also value in building a healthy Ego first as without one you can get totally lost and overwhelmed in the nothingness that exists between head and heart. Learning to trust and rely on your ordinary everyday sense of self is important before trusting yourself enough to go into the momentary nothingness required to access your extraordinary Self- your body, heart, soul and spirit.

It is vital is to know you have a choice.

To know there is more to you than your Ego, and that when you are ready you have a map of how to get there.

HOW do you access ALL of your self?

1. When you feel your edge Stop.
2. Decide that rather than go out you are going to go inwards.
3. As you do you will have a sense of emptiness, confusion or not knowing. It is just your Ego surrendering. Trust that all is well.
3. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply into your belly exhaling gently. Observe your thoughts but don’t act on them, just let them come and go, keep breathing. This is your Witness or 3rd consciousness coming into play.
4. Now bring in your R Brain to feel- first on the outside- feel yourself sitting, lying, your hands, feet, buttocks etc.
5. Then feel inside your body- does it feel tense, relaxed, warm, cool, tingly etc. Whatever is there just breathe and allow it. Don’t TRY to judge it or fix it.
6. Then take your attention inside the trunk of your body, especially the front- your belly, solar plexus and chest. Notice what you can feel there. This is where you find your emotions and more subtle feelings. Whatever it is, again just breathe into it and allow it. Even if you feel blank or numbness, that is also a feeling.
7. Stay with whatever is happening until it shifts. Listen for the language of your heart in this place. Have an open mind, a solution or new ease, choice or beginning will arise.

With practice these steps take only moments and are life changing. The struggle disappears, the heart opens and ease follows.

This is the joy that deep relationship offers- when the unceasing struggle between Egos invites the desire to end the pain and

Tantric Intimacy

trust the surrender into the heart. That rather than avoid or leave you stay, surrender and connect in a way that offers so much more than your Ego alone has ever known. You bring all of who you are to the relationship.

This is also why Tantric lovemaking is more than the physical. For rather than the Ego’s momentary goal of orgasm you access the power of your R Brain through your senses, feelings, internal images and move into extended extraordinary reality…

Oh, and by the way, if you want to know what happened on the mountain, eventually I ran out of arguments, went silent and the guys took this as assent and pushed me and my Ego over the edge…where it dissolved in an overcharged screaming heap of adrenaline release that shifted into a huge enjoyment of the moment!

Painful Sex – Is this you?

March 12, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Sex is Meant to be Pleasurable

Sex is meant to be pleasurable and satisfying, making love blissful, nurturing, and more. What if it is none of these things but a source of frustration or even misery, for the both woman and her lover? This has been my own story and is an increasingly common scenario, with Drs who specialize in women’s gynaecological health reporting it is on the increase, particularly in young women. If you fear making love more than look forward to it,

Painful sex can feel like a red hot poker

if your lover is at his wits end because he it hurts him to know he is causing you suffering you are not alone. Some studies say the rate of painful sex for women is as high as 30%. One US study has put the figure of women between the ages of 18-64 who have suffered from chronic painful sex, a condition known as vulvodynia, as high as 16%. The cause of vulvodynia is said to be unknown but has an important psychological link. This does NOT mean that it is all in your head though, the physical symptoms of stinging, itching and burning from mild to intense are very real.

There are Many reasons for Painful Sex

There are many reasons sex can be painful, most commonly it is due to emotional tension, vaginal dryness, infection, low libido, hormonal imbalances due to the pill or menopausal changes to the vaginal tissues.  Prolonged and over enthusiastic forceful “porn” type thrusting. Even some medications affect lubrication, particularly anti depressants.

Focussing on emotional aspects underlying vaginal pain:

1. You’re saying yes to sex when you really mean no. This can be for a wide variety of reasons- you’re just not in the mood but feel compelled to go there because you think you should  eg.  for your lover’s satisfaction, because you believe it is more important than yours or because your believe there is something wrong with you if you don’t want to have sex. Or perhaps saying no is a difficulty for you in general, especially if you see it hurting another.

2. You’re angry with, or in fear of your partner and have closed your heart to him, the heart is a very powerful factor in a woman being able to open sexually and if you are carrying unresolved hurt vaginal pain can result.

3. You’re not connected with yourself sexually, you don’t yet know how, or don’t take the time to become fully aroused before penetration and override your body’s innate needs.

4. You have sex that you don’t enjoy, or continue to have sex long after it has ceased to be pleasurable.

5. You may have guilt about being sexual at all, or for having sex, self pleasuring or masturbation. Painful sex makes us want to say no to sex

6. You have repeated experiences of failing to reach orgasm, or been “left hanging in midair’ whilst your partner was already “over the edge”.

7. Sex has become goal orientated, with your mind forcing your body to perform rather than following its natural desires.

8. You and your lover have ‘porn focussed performance sex’, with long periods of forceful thrusting and little intimacy.

9. You make love as a way of avoiding intimacy, or confrontation with your partner or covering up your anger.

10. You may be  carrying some unhealed sexual abuse.

11. Even the experience of a caesarean section or difficult birth, a hysterectomy or an abortion can leave an impact on your sexual body.

12. Your pelvic floor muscles, the ones that hold your vagina, and the structures around it, such as your uterus, bladder and bowel in place have become weakened, allowing them to prolapse into your vagina, creating pain when they’re pressed against. This weakening can be caused by lack of use, childbirth, poor overall health and hormonal changes; generalized stress that causes you to chronically tense your pelvic floor which over time weakens it. Loss of pelvic floor tone affect 50% of women at some stage in their lives! It can be fixed by learning proper pelvic floor health, or more serious cases require surgery.

13. You may mistakenly believe you are not worthy of receiving pleasure. This is so not true, it is your birthright!

14. The cycle of pain can develop a feedback loop in your belief and nervous systems, taking on a life of its own. This doesn’t mean you’re crazy, you just haven’t learned how this pain cycle works and what to do about it.

15. Either you, or your partner fear your sexuality and its power.

Or perhaps your pain has turned into numbness. A woman’s vagina has an extraordinary capacity to tolerate pain by numbing it away. It does this to make giving birth more tolerable. The only challenge with this is that it numbs pleasure as well.

Tension in the Genitals

Witch at the stakeAll of the above create tension in the genitals. This tension manifests itself most commonly through tightness/stiffness in the yoni (genitals) that never fully relaxes, even during intercourse. The feelings and emotions that are unacknowledged or expressed in this collect in the genitals as blocked energy and over time this is reflected as either numbness or as we are talking about here- physical pain.

There are many ways to support you with managing your pain, the first is believing that it is real,  and not something that you need to ‘put up with’ in any shape or form. The next is believing that you are a sexual being that is capable of extra ordinary pleasure and that you want what you’re made for.

In you:

  • Learn to relax your pelvic floor. Imagine your muscle between your legs as a triangle of chocolate melting in the warm sun. Literally feel the area letting go. Do this regularly so that you can do it during sex as well.
  • Once your muscles have learned to relax start to tone them and make them healthier. In this case try identifying your pelvic floor muscles by standing with both feet facing inwards and squeezing the muscles between your legs as if trying not to pee. Once you’ve identified them squeeze and release them gently. Make sure you relax them fully by imagining the area melting like chocolate in the warm sun. Once this feels ok do the same but pull the muscles up higher inside you by imagining you’re sipping them up like a thickshake up a straw (sipping your breath in at the same time helps) and hold in for 1 second then release. Do 10 times, releasing fully in between each one. Over a few weeks build up to a 10sec hold.

In the bedroom:

  • Take your time, breathe deeply into your heart, and into your genitals, allowing you to relax and open as much as possible.
  • Have your partner use full body strokes before massaging the outside of your Yoni (genitals) well, making sure you have a ‘Yes’ for penetration.
  • Try a variety of touches to help expand your body’s awareness rather than continually going over and over the same ground, as this helps to break the pain cycle in your brain.
  • Use personal lubricant- there is no such thing as too much lube and it’s not a sign of failure to use it.
  • Encourage your partner to go slow, look each other in the eyes, breathe together and build trust.
  • Stop when you need to.

Outside the bedroom:

  • Investigate any underlying medical causes with your Dr.
  • Get medical or naturopathic support for your hormone levels.
  • Find out if you can change your medication to one with less side effects.
  • See a physiotherapist who specializes in pelvic floor management can help you relax and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and also release muscle tension inside your vagina.
  • Having some counselling to investigate what might be going on for you emotionally with your sense of self and in your relationship can help.
  • Explore the idea of some sexual healing.

Communication is Critical

And of course talking to your partner about this, if you haven’t already ,so he can understand what is happening for you and more appropriately support you, as well as

Energy sex reduces painful sex

having a chance to express his own fears and pain in a situation where to make love with you hurts you. Especially when it becomes chronic sexual pain is a situation where the solution will involve both of you. Learning how to  have more energetic lovemaking with less thrusting and more flowing will help.

Express your Emotions

Allowing yourself to express the emotions that come up will help release the energy that is blocking in your vagina., which is also the area of your first, second and third chakras live- where your safety, sexuality, creativity and power centres reign. For me personally, as well as looking at all the areas above I have found that my pain was asking me to go deeper inside myself and connect to the power that lies underneath my sexual pleasure, my sense of my personal power and who I think and I am, to be the one in the drivers seat of my sexuality (and my life). When I am thrusting forward in my hips I am surrendering to power within, releasing all fear, resistance and pain.

Sexual Healing

A further option is to seek some training in sexual healing for both yourself and your partner with a practitioner you trust, which addresses both the psychological, emotional and energetic release of what you are holding in your body. This is something Annette is intimately familiar with herself and knows the power that sexual healing offers- read her story of healing sexual shame. Check out her Power of Yoni Workshop and Sexual Healing page.

If you would like to find out more about tantric sexual healing email her at info@oztantra.com or call 1800 623 262 to make an appt.

For more on Vulvodynia, physiotherapy for the pelvic floor and/or Naturopathic treatments check out Equilibria where I highly recommend Alyssa Tait

Sexual Healing – Annette’s Journey of healing sexual shame

March 12, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Annette’s journey of sexual healing

My journey of sexual healing shame has been a powerful, at times painful, yet always rewarding one, for which I have much gratitude. As I’ve healed my shame I’ve identified the associated limiting beliefs about myself that were holding me back in being open and loving towards myself and others. It’s also given me greater self knowledge to create more of what I want in my life, rather than what I don’t. It’s allowed me to access greater sexual pleasure and heights of ecstasy that I hadn’t even dreamed of, which I really enjoy sharing with my loving partner Graeme. Working with sexual energy has also given me access to a personal pathway to spirituality which I use in meditation, making love and for simple but profound moments of connecting to spirit in every day life.

Young girl in sexual shameMy early self beliefs

When I was growing up, like a large proportion of the community, I was sexually abused. I was an older child at the time, and the abuse was imposed by two people I knew. They were minor encounters but the effect of them was life changing, the energy of sexual shame is so powerful. I created three beliefs in response to these two events. One that I was “bad” in a way that I couldn’t understand but felt to my core. Secondly, that I was powerless to speak up and no one could help me, which caused me to become even more reluctant to express myself than the shy child I already was. Thirdly, that “I should have known better,” so beginning a life of readily taking on guilt, and over responsibility for everything in my life.

Beginnings of change

In my forties I developed an interest in personal growth, wanting to make some changes in the many areas of my life that weren’t working for me. Surprisingly to me at the time, part of this growth turned out to be sharing my experiences of abuse with a supportive group of people and healing, through conscious witnessing, the feelings attached to them. This process helped me to identify the beliefs I had formed as a result of these experiences and how to recognise where they were still operating, unhelpfully, in my life. This was the beginning of reclaiming what I had lost in myself. I had no idea it would lead me to sexual healing!

Learning about sexuality

The next step was deciding to consciously embrace myself as a sexual being and explore what that meant for me. This included things as simple as allowing myself to feel any sexual feelings that came along and enjoy them for what they were, rather than shutting them down, or taking on shame messages about myself for having them. And wearing some flowing skirts, feeling soft, feminine and sensual (and somehow vulnerable at first). I even occasionally went without knickers to enhance the effect and let go of the “stories” that came into my mind about how bad I was! Another thing I did was to dance for myself, making sensual, then sexual movements with my pelvis, freeing up this area of my body that had become locked up into stiffness and pain, feeling and releasing the shame as I went.Annette and Graeme

Relationship challenge

Then I took a more complex step of choosing to get into relationship with a new man in my life, when after the ending of a 20yr marriage 18 months prior, I felt more like withdrawing, staying single and safe.  Graeme was, and is, someone who really enjoys the sexual side of life and this was a real challenge for me. As my journey entwined with his I was given the opportunity to act out my sexual feelings in the heady excitement a new relationship brings.  I was being encouraged to not only have sex, but give myself permission to enjoy it to the max as never before. I’m happy to say I did!

Oh no!

Some months down the track I began to develop a reoccurrence of pain in my yoni (vagina) during sex, which I had experienced during the later stages of my marriage. This was not what I wanted at this time, let me tell you! But try as I/we might, there it was. It turned sex from bliss to a highly emotionally charged and painful event, very difficult for both of us.  Avoiding it didn’t help. Nor did any medical investigations, psychology sessions, creams, medications to numb the pain, relaxation techniques, lubricants or other treatments ad infinitum. One Dr even suggested cutting the lining of my yoni and stretching it to cover up the painful bits- I retreated in horror. There had to be another way.

Tantra and sexual healing

Discovering tantra and sexual healing taught me that the way forward in this situation was to have the courage to go through it, not avoid it. That my pain was there to challenge me to fully embrace my sexual (and ultimately spiritual) self. So with the loving support of my beloved Graeme (who has his own journey in this as you can Tantra is represented by the lotus flowerimagine) I have discovered a way through. By continuing to open to my sexual energy, through tantric lovemaking and sexual healing practices, telling myself it is ok to feel sexual pleasure, consciously witnessing the feelings as they come up to be healed, and by discovering and removing any layers of resistance my pain has slowly resolved. As those of you who have been on a conscious healing path will know, many opportunities will come up when you are seeking to heal, and I learned to trust myself to take up any which seemed like they would provide a pathway to remove any pockets of shame or pain- even if the “how” didn’t always become clear until I was actually into it. Through loving, respectful, honouring and sacred practices I have learned to allow myself to feel as much pleasure as it is possible for me to feel, as I have a right to feel. I am slowly learning to love and trust myself and others, as a sexual being, then as a human being, and finally as a spiritual being, able to truly open myself to love.

This is the abridged version of my journey here and the journey continues.

For any of you who may be considering sexual healing any for your sexual shame, which I believe we all carry at some level, then take heart and dive in. Your journey will be different to mine, but I assure you, if you persist you will find that it is worth it.

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