It’s obvious when we’re actively giving in lovemaking, those moments when we completely lose ourselves in service of our partner, totally there for them and loving every moment of it.
And there are those delicious moments when it seems like you’re just flowing together, not knowing where one person ends and the other begins, and nobody appears to be giving, it’s just happening (called entrainment by the way).
It’s less obvious when we’re actively receiving, for 
men or women. It’s less talked about and a skill not often understood.
The experience of it can transform our lovemaking experience from ordinary to magnificent!
It’s a mindset firstly, an opening of your mind, a letting go of control and allowing whatever is happening to be utterly as it is.
Yet it’s not just passively laying there.
It’s having your mind fully engaged in the moment, actively breathing and feeling your sensations fully.
Letting go of any inner fear or resistance you might have.
Totally surrendering to yourself through your lovers touch.
Rising to meet your lover’s touch, with your lips, hands, breasts, legs or hips.
That’s the thing about surrender here- it’s surrender to yourself, not to your partner.
Although you automatically feel more connected to your lover as a result, and they to you.
Surrender to yourself can look like surrender to your lover but the internal reality is very different, for you remain connected to and safely in charge of yourself, trusting yourself that you will be ok in whatever happens.
It does not mean tolerating something that feels uncomfortable, but asking yourself the question of are you letting it in?
Can you move your body in a way that opens it further?
Can you breathe in the sensations you’re feeling, transforming them?
Can you open your eyes and let your lover see you?
Is there any resistance you can drop? Emotion you can acknowledge?
This can help us go underneath yourself into something unforeseen yet wonderful.
Expressing gratitude to your lover for the gift you’re receiving builds the connection and trust between you.
Sometimes surrendering invites activity, a rock of the hips, a surge of energy, heat, movement, coming from deep within.
At others it invites even deeper stillness, a sigh that opens into freedom, melts like wax in fire or expands into bliss with intuitive imagery of waterfalls, stars, mountains, earthly or spiritual beings. The potential is unlimited.
If what your lover is doing still doesn’t feel good, then ask for it to be changed.
Active receiving is one of the most precious gift you can give to both yourself and your lover as it opens not only the heart through the gratitude it brings, and the spirit through the acceptance it takes, but also the doorway to greater pleasure through the expansion it offers.
Give it a try sometime soon!
you flatten your lower back your pelvis curls up. Add a deep inhalation as you do so. this in breathe is in through the mouth, breathing energy into the Yoni. Breathe all the way up to the chest. Expand the chest and then expand more. Draw the shoulders back and apart and inhale more. Take in everything you can imagine needing on your inhalation, on your breath. Take in all you have ever missed out on receiving on your inhalation. Take in so much so you feel totally full. Keep the inhale larger than the exhale..
slowly with the pelvic curl but in the reverse direction to what you’ve just done. Tilt the pelvis down (or arch the back, pressing the sacrum into the ground) as you breathe into the heart. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth making the exhale bigger than the inhale.
around pleasure and this in itself takes receiving (and giving) touch for pleasure to a whole new place. For those of us who can recall being told not to touch ourselves in ways that felt good and usually “down there” by agitated grownups who, would immediately tell us this was on a good day, best to be kept private or on a bad day, we are bad or dirty for doing it. Yet how many of us continued to touch ourselves (albeit furtively) just because it felt good? When we did it was with associated guilt or shame, forever linking these two feelings with pleasure and creating much confusion in our psyche.
There is an exchange of energy
In Tantric touch there is more space for pleasure to arise without judgement. Most of the pleasure we feel either feels time limited, guilty and short lived. Or we have the desire DO something with the pleasure, to take it to some sort of completion, either orgasm or intercourse. In Tantric touch we breathe into the sensation of pleasure and enjoy it for what it is and that is all, knowing the pleasure in itself is healing, opening and nurturing in itself. We can choose to expand and prolong pleasure by surrendering deeper into our pleasure but never withholding it. This leads to an incredible sense of freedom and heightened states of feeling, connection and awareness.
the energy circuit, allowing energy to move by having both hands, or some fingers from each of your hands on your partner’s body at the same time (a little like plugging the electrical cord into the socket). Move your heart energy through your hands as you touch. You can imagine this energy as a white light coming from your heart down through your arms and into your hands. Play with this, and remember where the mind (consciousness) goes the energy follows.
beyond your hands and fingers and into your partner’s body.
his woman’, unconsciously encouraging her to see the male lover as the one holding the power and prowess in the bedroom. But does it have to be this way? One of my recent Hollywood idols (yes, there still lives a teenager inside me!) Matthew McConnaughey (think Magic Mike) was dethroned in a live interview on The Actors Studio (see You Tube) by his wife Camila when she stated she wished occasionally when Matthew was home that he behaved more like the ‘throw her against the wall and ravish her’ kind of guy he portrays in his movies! Matthew grins and agrees.
The autonomic nervous system is very sensitive and requires nurturing. This is where it is important for us to know our own bodies, to be familiar with them through self pleasure, to not only know what they are capable of, but to love spending time there because if we are unwilling to spend time with ourselves, then how can we expect anyone else to?
themselves in denial. As men, denying our warrior makes our unhealthy shadow aspect even deeper and much harder to manage.
more consciously, getting in some regular exercise and feeling good about yourself in the process. The same is true of our spiritual selves. We seek to become better at relating with others more consciously, doing our best to move beyond limiting thoughts and draining dramas whilst becoming a little more enlightened along the way.
to a greater or lesser degree by our interaction with others? No matter which it takes much practice to bring clarity and ease to our relating. The messiness of sorting out whose stuff is whose (even if it’s all ours) is both the challenge and the joy of relationship. And the healthy shame that goes with recognizing where we stuff up is an important part of the process. Just like the shame that serves as a motivation after eating cheesecake or lazing in bed to get us back on the health wagon so the shame of saying or doing something that hurts another (or ourselves) inspires us to make a wiser choice next time.
spiritualizing ourselves we play out a covert, but equally addictive cycle of appearing blameless- to ourselves and those around us. This is really an elaborate way of avoiding feeling the associated shame of being wrong. Of being human occasionally.
energy to be an “hysterical paroxysm” requiring some form of “treatment”. Or that she wasn’t capable of sexual enjoyment, but had to “bear these things” ie. sex, for the benefits of motherhood.
clitoral orgasms only, some have a mixture of both vaginal AND clitoral, with or without the lingam/finger/vibe/dildo.
Gspot requires. So when you feel arousal happening remember to relax, let your muscles go and deepen your breathing.
-The fear of ejaculation. This is the fluid that can be expelled from a woman’s prostate gland (yes, she has one just like a man, in the erectile tissue around the urethra, which the Gspot forms part of) when the Gspot is aroused. Because little is known about female ejaculation it can be viewed as urine by the woman and/or her partner. But it actually has a different chemical composition, smell and taste from urine. It is believed to help lubricate the urethra from the acidity of urine, reducing infections and also sweetens the acidic environment of the yoni to enhance sperm survival. In tantric terms it is known as Amrita, the nectar of love and is thought to be a Gift from God, and is seen as a source of rejuvenation, empowerment and freedom!
