What Does a Sexually Empowered Woman Look Like?
This question came up after reflecting on my sexual journey over the years and writing it has stunned me to see all 
the benefits I have found in embracing this part of myself. I am not all of these all the time but I have definitely experienced many such moments of each.
Do any of them resonate with you?
A sexually empowered woman is: (in no particular order)
She is comfortable in her skin, in her body and at ease with who she is in the world.
Her self esteem is not related to men’s (or anyone’s) opinion of her.
She makes her own choices and does not need to conform to the roles required of her by others.
She has deep friendships with women and relates to them as sisters rather than competitors.
She is without the need to compete with other women for attention from men.
She can enjoy feelings of sexual arousal that may arise within her through contact with another knowing that she can fully embrace these feelings of warm, melting, tingling aliveness without needing to act on them , unless it is right for her to do so.
She doesn’t perform in sex , instead experiences it fully as an expression of herself, whoever she is in that moment- maiden, lover, wild woman, slut, healer, Goddess and many more.
She has her own inner moral code that she can trust without needing to rely on external rules of behaviour.
She buys clothes and lingerie to enjoy for herself rather than to impress or manipulate others.
She doesn’t have to dress sexy (although she can!) because she IS sex and she knows it.
She has an open heart that sees sex as an expression of love rather than being separate from it.
She is connected with her own body and is able to touch herself sensually, sexually and with love.
She releases shame from her body by owning it as an instrument of love and pleasure.
She doesn’t limit herself to genital pleasure but experiences it in every part of her body.
She nurtures it by eating well, exercising regularly and attending to its needs.
She has a relationship with the wisdom of her Yoni (vulva/vagina/womb) and takes the time to listen to Her messages.
She sees sexuality as a power within herself rather than a power over others to manipulate or dominate them with.
She knows the feeling of freedom that comes from within.
She experiences an expansion in herself as well as pleasure in her sex.
She is creative, playful, spontaneous and intuitive.
She will leave you feeling sated, energized, nurtured, inspired and loved.
She knows that love will arise in all moments of full presence in intimacy with another and accepts the magic of this without needing to attach any further meaning to it.
She chooses to breathe consciously when making love, to ground, connect and expand her awareness and pleasure.
She heart openly embraces her inner slut, not allowing the shame of her conditioning to stop her.
She is not afraid to talk about sex.
She knows there is a time for sex and time without it.
She is willing to feel everything– pleasure, emotion, bliss, pain and love for they are all pathways to herself.
She is not afraid to feel the pain of rejection.
She lets go the stories from her conditioning around sex knowing they come from shame and fear.
She is clear and respectful in her desires and boundaries. If she is not clear she will be willing talk to you about it.
She does not attract men who are abusive, controlling, manipulative, shaming, disempowered or otherwise unconscious as they are afraid to approach her clear, grounded power.
She is not afraid of having a good time, of creating a good time for all, not just for herself simply by being who she is.
She has a good understanding of her body from hours of practice in self pleasuring and is able to ask clearly for what she wants.
She doesn’t expect her lover to everything for her.
She is able to open herself in lovemaking and actively receive her lovers touch, increasing the pleasure for both.
She is able to greatly enjoy giving her lover pleasure without giving herself away.
She knows to nurture herself with her sexual energy by moving it up through her body where it nurtures and awakens her.
She is not afraid of intensity in her feelings.
She seeks to enjoy her yearnings and longings for another rather than suffer in them.
If she desires sex she becomes it, so there is no further need to desire.
She knows the power of sex to heal, nurture and awaken.
She sees sexuality as a part of spirituality, her very aliveness, part of the world’s big mystery.
She can equally participate in a really earthy fuck, a loving and gentle caress or moments of divine union. In fact she likes a little of each!
She comes to her partner as a loving equal wanting to share and create together.
She will demand a safe, respectful space to make love in and if she doesn’t feel safe she is willing to help create safety or leave where this is not possible.
She will not seek to own her lover and if she feels jealous she will see it is because she has stepped away from her connection with herself and will come back to herself again.
She will want you to go deep with her, as deep as she can go with herself.
She will want you to fuck her from an open heart, as that is what she will be doing with you.
She will be a Goddess not a Princess.
She IS radiant beauty and power.
She can have one lover or many but she will make it a choice.
She will crack your heart open with her capacity for vulnerability and surrender- to her own heart and to you.
If you crack she will hold you with the utmost presence and tenderness making it a moment of safety, love and joy.
She will be fully in relationship with herself, her sexuality and with love.
She will give to you, teach and change you just through being who she is, through bringing light to your own darkness.
If you would like to add more layers to your own sexual journey contact Annette on 1800 TANTRA or email here
Or join her for this event in Brisbane on Sept 5th
themselves in denial. As men, denying our warrior makes our unhealthy shadow aspect even deeper and much harder to manage.
more consciously, getting in some regular exercise and feeling good about yourself in the process. The same is true of our spiritual selves. We seek to become better at relating with others more consciously, doing our best to move beyond limiting thoughts and draining dramas whilst becoming a little more enlightened along the way.
to a greater or lesser degree by our interaction with others? No matter which it takes much practice to bring clarity and ease to our relating. The messiness of sorting out whose stuff is whose (even if it’s all ours) is both the challenge and the joy of relationship. And the healthy shame that goes with recognizing where we stuff up is an important part of the process. Just like the shame that serves as a motivation after eating cheesecake or lazing in bed to get us back on the health wagon so the shame of saying or doing something that hurts another (or ourselves) inspires us to make a wiser choice next time.
spiritualizing ourselves we play out a covert, but equally addictive cycle of appearing blameless- to ourselves and those around us. This is really an elaborate way of avoiding feeling the associated shame of being wrong. Of being human occasionally.
energy to be an “hysterical paroxysm” requiring some form of “treatment”, or that she wasn’t capable of sexual enjoyment, but to “bear these things” ie sex for the benefits of motherhood. Nowadays the modern woman is claiming her rights to “her” orgasms and finding new and creative ways of experiencing them. Yet awareness of a woman’s G-spot is a relatively recent phenomena, for many years it was thought to have been as real as a “UFO”. This very real Sacred spot provides yet more possibilities for women to further know, enjoy and accept their bodies, their sexuality and themselves.
clitoral orgasms only, some have a mixture of both vaginal and clitoral, with or without the lingam/vibe/dildo. For many other women, the G spot still remains an unknown experience. and generally takes a greater level of self awareness and even self acceptance in the woman for it to awaken in her. It is part of her emotional body, one of the major energy centres in her body and experiencing it can bring an emotional intensity that can be unexpected or even frightening. But with knowledge and practice a woman (by herself or with a trusted lover) will find awakening this centre can allow her to access new levels of satisfaction in her sexuality that go a long way to fulfilling the intense emotional longings and frustrations that she usually hopes her partner can fulfil for her. Knowing her body in this way can allow her to share with her partner from a place of wholeness rather than a craving for fulfilment.
Gspot requires. So when you feel arousal happening remember to relax, let your muscles go and deepen your breathing.
-The fear of ejaculation. This is the fluid that can be expelled from a woman’s prostate gland (yes, she has one in the erectile tissue around the urethra, which the Gspot forms part of) when the Gspot is aroused. Because little is known about female ejaculation it can be viewed as urine by the woman and/or her partner. But it actually has a different chemical composition, smell and taste from urine. It is believed to help lubricate the urethra from the acidity of urine, reducing infections and also sweetens the acidic environment of the yoni to enhance sperm survival. In tantric terms it is known as Amrita, the nectar of love and is thought to be a Gift from God, and is seen as a source of rejuvenation. Letting go of Amrita can be an exquisite bliss that is beyond words, leaving a woman and her partner renewed. But a woman can often hold back in fear of “wetting herself”. In fact it is very difficult for a woman to pee when highly aroused, just like it is difficult for a man to pee when he has an erection. Knowing this can help a woman to relax and let Amrita flow when she has the urge to “pee” that comes from stimulation of her Gspot. It can happen separately from orgasm, or with orgasm.
relating to another?
e from us, even seeing them as a perpetrator. So although conflict is part of our growth cycle in the midst of this intensity our inbuilt survival system- the primal part of our brain- will create an instinctive fear, flight or fight response in us, causing us to freeze, pull away to protect ourselves, or fight back. Occasionally these responses ARE appropriate, more often they are a limitation to growth and change.
where they are coming from. Keep your attention on your breath and your heart as you listen. This does 3 things- it means you are dealing with what is real rather than what your fear based brain might hear in its place of trigger. It allows the other person to relax as they feel really seen and heard. It also allows you to remain in connection with the other. This creates a little space in the conflict.
11. If you find yourself going into a fight mode rather than a freeze the same steps apply, make your anger ok. Choose to feel it rather than making it wrong. Let it move through you. Use it as a tool when you express your part of the situation, use “I” language, own it without dumping your anger onto the other, let the heat of it be felt in you but from a place of control rather than explosion. Anger is the energy of change and can be a powerful ally if used well. You can also check underneath your anger, especially if anger is a recurrent theme, and if something bigger is driving the anger response such as fear or shame. If you become aware of these self soothe as above.
