Our sexual energy lies at our core
Most people think of sex, as just something they do between the sheets at night with an intimate partner, but it’s so much more than that. Treating the heat and tingling we feel in sexual pleasure as such will change your relationship with it and with each other.
Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe.
Everything that’s alive was created by it: animals, plants, humans, and even the universe itself by the first big bang. We ourselves were all created by an orgasm, even though most of us cringe at the idea of our parents having sex.
In fact, sex reminds us all of our humanity.
Almost everyone has succumbed to the urge to get vulnerable and naked (and let’s face, even slightly ridiculous, if you think about it!). We’re linked through the ages by those moments of total, sweaty abandon.
“Modern men and women are obsessed with the sexual; it is the only realm of primordial adventure still left to most of us. Human lives otherwise are pretty well caged in by the walls, bars, chains and locked gates of our industrial culture.”
Yet sexual energy is so much more than just biology.
It’s your animating life force energy, the creative part of you that brings new life within yourself, as well as bringing your offspring.
Sexual energy is present in:
A relationship as attraction, arousal, passion and pleasure.
It’s equally present in your enthusiasm for interesting projects in work or hobbies.
You’ll find it in the energy you use to run around the back yard with your children and grandchildren.
It lies in your inspiration for new ideas and creativity, and it’s the energy you feel when you’ve had a shift in your level of self-awareness.
You’ve probably noticed that after really satisfying sex, you find yourself with increased enthusiasm and vitality for living.
Sexual energy opens us and makes us available for life.
When sexual energy is transmuted up through the body to the heart (rather than drained away) it becomes love…
Equally, when sexual energy is transmuted up through the body to the higher chakra centres (rather than drained away) it becomes spirit…
At a physical level
Sex has multiple benefits from reducing high blood pressure and stress, producing dopamine to build confidence whilst inspiring action, oxytocins to enhance affection and bonding to opoids that produce feelings of happiness and wellbeing. Sex keeps us physically fit, and we keep fit to enjoy better sex (and we have to keep fit to have great sex!). Our pleasure may even boost our immunity and reduce chronic inflammation- the source of many disease processes through the production of Nitric Oxide.
Saying YES to your sexuality
Saying YES to your sexual self, connects you to a very deep part of yourself. Even deeper than the love and pleasure you share with your lover. That place within you has nothing to do with actually having sex, it’s your power centre.
Sex is power
This is why it’s used to sell everything in the world from cars to ice cream; and it’s also why the church, culture, society, parents and now pharmaceutical companies want to control it. Even science now tries to explain it- good luck with that! The explanation can never be the experience.
Being connected with sex in a healthy way makes you powerful within yourself
Healthy sex makes you available to deep vulnerability, compassion and healing. It’s worth cultivating your sexual energy for these reasons alone. And the more aware of, connected with, and authentic in your sexual self you are, the more your sexual pleasure flows. It’s a win-win situation!
It’s a natural human desire to want to feel good
Humans commonly seek experiences of altered or uplifted states of consciousness.
Feel good moments that can be as simple as having a glass of wine, watching a sunset, taking a moment in prayer – or as complex as taking mind-altering drugs, or doing a BDSM ritual.
This is part of our longing to break free from the burden of our ordinary minds, and to connect with something larger than ourselves to make sense of the world. Almost every community on earth has some kind of ritual or spiritual practice to access something they call God or Spirit. From shamanic plant use to whirling dervishes to seeking God through prayer.
Suppressing and corrupting this energy is life-taking and unhealthy
For it denies our true nature and makes us neurotic. Suppression of this energy comes from our fear of and conditioning around its power. Sexual problems generally relate to unconsciously acting out the repression, or the unhealthy expression of this energy, rather than by its healthy expression.
Sexual Energy is Natural, Powerful and Beautiful
Sexual energy is catalytic: you can’t see it or measure it, but you can notice its effects. This energy arises in you, changes your state and leaves you feeling different afterwards.
Sexual energy is not just physical
Sexual energy is emotional, psychic and subtle, and it impacts your soul-body. When you’re having sex you’re connecting a lot more than just your bodies. It fosters your capacity for wonder, your absolute confidence and your openness to the world and to your heart. If you can experience this simultaneously with another human being in a loving, sexual context, it’s absolutely magical.
Sadly, it’s the only way most people feel absolute freedom – in that moment of orgasm where they’re free of their everyday, ordinary, limited minds. This experience is known as the surrender or ‘little death’ of the ego.
Almost all of us have been there at some time in our lives, and we want to go back as often as possible
We promote our sexual energy by saying YES to it through how we live, as much as what we do in the bedroom.
You say YES to your sexual energy and potential for ecstasy by:
• Eating plenty of fresh foods
• Living in an aware and embodied way that minimises your negative stress
• Developing a ‘felt’ sense of your body so you know its real signals, including hunger, thirst, tiredness, sexual desire etc
• Minimising your addictions (as they take you away from your felt sense)
• Getting regular exercise, including some that challenges your body
• Getting adequate rest
• Taking a few minutes each day to stre-e-e-e-tch your body
Say YES also by:
• Taking regular breaks from your electronic devices
• Finding gratitude
• Appreciating beauty
• Doing something just for the joy of it
• Doing something purely for sensual pleasure daily
• Making life-affirming choices rather than life-defeating ones
• Being honest and in your integrity
• Doing something for others
• Doing something you love
• Keeping your mind active by learning new things
• Being willing to take healthy risks
• Finding a way to express your inner wild man or woman (the primal part of your nature) to balance the time you spend being civilised
• Developing some kind of spiritual practice, whatever this means for you
You can say YES in the act of sex by:
• Having life-affirming sex through tantric transmutation practices, rather than the energy-draining kind
• Keeping an open mind to the connection between sex and your spirituality
Reviewing your own relationship with this part of you
It’s important to explore the relationship you have with your own sexual energy so you can care for this awesome power in a healthy way. And so you can talk about it more clearly with your partner.
So ask yourself- How do you view your sexual energy? How do you manage it- both in sex, and in your everyday life?
Is it something you nurture, cultivate, savour, transmute, deny, avoid, shut down, drain yourself of or let it control you?
Your answers will give you insight into what is possible in this part of your life.
This post is an excerpt from our book, Coming together- Solving the Mystery of Intimate Sex and Relationship