Spiritual Sex Archives - Relationship & Sexuality Counselling Specialists

Sex Is Not the Ultimate of Pleasure…

May 3, 2023 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

So says the Guru Osho
(who didn’t get a lot of things right, but about sex he was definitely a master.)

It is the beginning.

It is not the bliss supreme

But an echo of it

Sex is

one of the most

sacred things

because it is

through sex

that life arrives

And it is through sex

that you can penetrate to

the very source

of existence.

What are you doing with the gift of sex in your life?

Does it unconsciously control your life?

Is it controlling you in the way you need to be constantly thinking about, or managing it? Are you using it as a form of relief from your life, from yourself?

Are you giving yourself permission to discover all of your sexual desires?

Are you having moments of feeling free in throwing off your sexual repressions?

Giving yourself permission to be free from the control of your social/sexual conditioning?

Perhaps discovering something that society doesn’t allow- the freedom of just being yourself in sex?

Feeling relieved, lighter and grateful as a result?

Then not being able to wait until you can do it all over again?

Or are you using it as a true tantra practice?

There is no right or wrong.

It is the choices that you make.

What is it you seek?

Sex as a meditation where sex is just the beginning? Where you come to the deepest possibility in it. Where you can transcend it. Where in deep sexual orgasm it is not sex that gives you the bliss. You see that sex is just the situation and that something else is giving you the euphoria and the ecstasy.

“Tantra says that it is a truth that sexual energy is the basic energy,
an energy that should be transformed into higher forms.”

The truth behind the erotic sculptures outside temples

The temple of Khajuraho has beautiful statues in all sexual postures. It was a tantra school that made the temple and those statues. And the first thing the student had to do was to meditate on each statue – and they are arranged in such a way that from one corner you go around the temple in a circle. It may take six months, but you have to watch each statue until you can see it just as a statue with no sexuality in it – and it is in a sexual posture. But just in your watching it, seeing it for months, it becomes a pure piece of art; all pornography disappears. Then you move to another. And all the perversions of human mind have been put into the statues.

And when you have circled the whole temple, only then will the master allow you inside the temple. Those six months are of immense meditation and of tremendous release, all repressions gone: you are feeling absolutely light. Then the master allows you in. And inside the temple there is no sexual statue; inside the temple there is nothing – emptiness.

Then the master teaches you how to go deeper into your meditation which has arisen in the six months, and now you can go very deep because there is no hindrance, no problem, no sexuality. And this going deep into meditation with no sexual disturbance means the sexual energy is moving with the meditation, not against it. That’s how it is transformed and takes higher forms. -Osho. Taken from The Path of the Mystic, Chapter 38

Most of us in the west are not ready for this true kind of tantra.

We are still enmeshed with the perversion of sex, the deliciousness of it as it is, without seeking transcendence through it.

We are not ready to leave it yet.

For some of us it has taken us a long time to get here and we want to enjoy it more.

We are so used to being controlled by external forces. We do not realise that we have a choice in controlling the most powerful force- sexual energy.

Yet it is entirely blissful when we can be in our sexual energy but not controlled by it.

When we can be at choice in it.

Not needing, grasping, struggling.

Non attached.

Allowing.

Expanding.

Surrendering.

Neither indulging or repressing.

Each moment dying to the past

and being born anew.

In freedom from all mind constructs,

Freedom from all mind games,

Freedom from all structures,

Freedom from the other

Finding the something more

That is the key towards the divinity.

If you would like to begin the path of finding more in your sexuality

Take some moments to pause in your sexual experiences. Whether you are making love with another, or self pleasuring.

Close your eyes, or look softly down.

Simply notice what you are experiencing.

Notice what feelings, sensations, awarenesses are present and allow them to be.

Notice what attachments, desires and limitations are present and allow them to be.

Breathe more deeply.

Allow

Let go

Surrender

Simply be.

Notice any shifts that happen within you.

Whether you call them divine or not, be open to what is.

If you would like to learn some tantric practices to take you beyond sex contact us here.

Active Receiving…it’s so much more than just lying there!

June 7, 2018 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

It’s obvious when we’re actively giving in lovemaking, those moments when we completely lose ourselves in service of our partner, totally there for them and loving every moment of it.

And there are those delicious moments when it seems like you’re just flowing together, not knowing where one person ends and the other begins, and nobody appears to be giving, it’s just happening (called entrainment by the way).

It’s less obvious when we’re actively receiving, for men or women. It’s less talked about and a skill not often understood.

The experience of it can transform our lovemaking experience from ordinary to magnificent!

It’s a mindset firstly, an opening of your mind, a letting go of control and allowing whatever is happening to be utterly as it is.

Yet it’s not just passively laying there.

It’s having your mind fully engaged in the moment, actively breathing and feeling your sensations fully.

Letting go of any inner fear or resistance you might have.

Totally surrendering to yourself through your lovers touch.

Rising to meet your lover’s touch, with your lips, hands, breasts, legs or hips.

That’s the thing about surrender here- it’s surrender to yourself, not to your partner.

Although you automatically feel more connected to your lover as a result, and they to you.

Surrender to yourself can look like surrender to your lover but the internal reality is very different, for you remain connected to and safely in charge of yourself, trusting yourself that you will be ok in whatever happens.

It does not mean tolerating something that feels uncomfortable, but asking yourself the question of are you letting it in?

Can you move your body in a way that opens it further?

Can you breathe in the sensations you’re feeling, transforming them?

Can you open your eyes and let your lover see you?

Is there any resistance you can drop? Emotion you can acknowledge?

This can help us go underneath yourself into something unforeseen yet wonderful.

Expressing gratitude to your lover for the gift you’re receiving builds the connection and trust between you.

Sometimes surrendering invites activity, a rock of the hips, a surge of energy, heat, movement, coming from deep within.

At others it invites even deeper stillness, a sigh that opens into freedom, melts like wax in fire or expands into bliss with intuitive imagery of waterfalls, stars, mountains, earthly or spiritual beings. The potential is unlimited.

If what your lover is doing still doesn’t feel good, then ask for it to be changed.

Active receiving is one of the most precious gift you can give to both yourself and your lover as it opens not only the heart through the gratitude it brings, and the spirit through the acceptance it takes, but also the doorway to greater pleasure through the expansion it offers.

Give it a try sometime soon!

The Sexiest Organ In Your Body

July 5, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Wait for it…The sexiest organ in your body is not your genitals, or even your mind…

It’s your heart!

Your heart is a mechanical pump that pumps oxygenated blood & nutrients through the body in order to keep us alive. How can it be a tool for relationship, and as the sexiest organ in your body, be a tool for the best sex of your life? We show you how in 3 profound Heart practices below, but first a bit of background.

‘The heart is an organ if fire’ from The English Patient

Energetically, intuitively, psychologically and emotionally your heart is a whole lot more than a physical organ. It’s a whole lot more than the fluffy pink images we associate with Valentine’s Day cards as well. Your heart is the centre of love, courage, wisdom, gratitude and forgiveness with its own unique brand of intelligence and communication that makes it powerful beyond measure. Your heart is the union place of the inner masculine and feminine- where we cease to be just male and female and become simply human. It’s also the place of creative possibilities.

This more typically eastern way of viewing the heart is today being backed up by western science studies done by the HeartMath Institute, amongst others, who say that ‘Heart intelligence underlies cellular organization and guides and evolves organisms toward increased order, awareness and coherence of their bodies’ systems’ www.heartmath.org/FAQS.

At Oztantra we see the heart as an important part of creating inspired, magical relationship and lovemaking, whether you believe in it in this way or not…We see it over and over again, couples getting in touch with their hearts and opening to each other (and themselves) in ways that defy description. If we had to put words to it, we’d call it being touched by Big Love. Not love as in romance or the giving of ourselves to another (though these flavours can lie within it) but something much more-maybe we could call it opening to the mystery of love.

For those of you looking to get laid this might sound quite airy fairy and lacking a physical approach yet if you think back to the early days of your relationship wasn’t this some of the best sex of your lives, where the magic of it lived? This is not only due to the lust of young (or at least younger!) love but also the openness of our hearts, when you each thought the other perfect and there was no real hurt between you.

Your heart’s many qualities can offer moments of exquisite tenderness, boundless love, challenging lust, profound sadness, huge anger, blissful freedom, generous playfulness, fierce motivation and much more. Your heart has no agenda, it is not attached to things looking a certain way (like your ego), it just is. Your heart can help you see beneath your partner’s behaviour into their hurt that is driving their hurtful actions allowing you to choose an empathic response. And as surprising as it may seem your heart is a powerful tool for accessing greater sexual pleasure, as an open heart literally creates more room for sexual energy to flow freely through your whole body, leaving you feeling expanded, desiring and creative! Which sounds like a great place to make love from, or even just live life from.

The thing is, your heart might work mysteriously but there are things you can do to support this mystery to show up, starting with choosing to be in greater relationship with your heart.

So what is your current relationship to your own heart? Do you see it as mere mechanics, or are you open to the possibility of it being something more? Can you think of time when you felt heart open and really close to your partner, or you ‘just knew’ something in your heart that helped you, that you needed to listen to? Or a moment when even though you might have felt like strangling your significant other you suddenly notice how cute they look sitting there or you’re reminded of how much you love their smile you fall in love with them all over again in a single moment?

Yet we have a tendency to ignore our heart

We do this for one of four reasons:

We haven’t connected with it in this ‘intangible feeling’ way, we judge it as ‘woo woo speak and don’t believe in listening to it.
2. It takes a moment or two of ‘dropping our story’ to hear what it has to say.
3. We often don’t like what it has to say, for the heart cuts through the bullshit of the ego mind, the part of us conditioned to stay safe and look for approval, and gets to the ‘heart’ of matters.
4. Our heart is where we can carry our deepest emotional hurt and we’d rather avoid this than take the time to feel and heal it.
Are you willing to listen to what your heart has to say?

In the beginning it can be tricky to know what is truly your heart and what is your ego’s needs masquerading as your heart. How do you tell the difference?

Your head (or Ego brain) speaks from 2 Value Logic:

Amongst much analysing, thinking and questioning your Ego Brain uses both positive and negative judgements, along with self-justification and an underlying need to be on top of, or in control of any given situation or person. Head talk is driven by our internal programming, our belief systems, our memories and our self-identity with its fears about the future or blaming from the past. Your head focusses on two value logic- this is black and white, right and wrong thinking, saying ‘I am this’ or ‘I am that’, or ‘It is this’ or ‘It is that’ with no other possibilities. Often these choices leave us in a conundrum in our relationships, struggling with win/lose, good/bad choices, where one person has to lose and of course we never want to be that person.

Your heart (and Soul) speaks from 4 Value Logic:

Heart talk is simple yet limitless, infinite and unrestricted, possibilities and is ok with not knowing. Your heart won’t tell you to ignore your fear, instead it will take you beyond it given a chance, to a place of deeper logic. This is four value logic, rather than just the two value logic of right/wrong, good/bad, all/nothing. Four value logic is ‘I am this, I am that, I am both, I am neither’, ‘this is right, this is wrong, this is everything, this is nothing’ all at the same time. It allows us greater understanding of a situation and of ourselves. For example, from our hearts we can say, it is ok for my partner to love another person even though they already love me because the heart is capable of much greater love than our minds can comprehend, instead of only listening to our fear based ego that says because this person is in a relationship with me they cannot love, look at or even think about anyone else’.

The heart uses simple language

It may speak about letting things be, letting them go, finding compassion, acceptance and understanding. Sometimes it might say it’s time for you to get off your butt and having a go or doing the one thing that is the scariest for you, such as maintaining a boundary or giving out some tough love. Heart outcomes are ultimately the most satisfying, better for you and those around you (even if they can’t see it straight away), helping you break out of old ways of being and motivating you to maintain the new ones you choose. Our hearts never seek power over another but power within ourselves. Our hearts also have a very good in-built bullshit detector and will call us on the places we (or others) might be avoiding our/their higher truths.

Love is not blind- it sees more not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. Rabbi Julius Gordon.

Whatever energy we expend in our lives comes back to us either directly or indirectly so it’s worth putting out there what you really mean from your heart because this is what you’re going to get back!

This has been true in Annette & Graeme’s own lives, our hearts started off being a very nebulous woo woo concept to us and have now become a rock solid part of our self-understanding, a pathway to connecting with each other and those around us. Whenever our minds are overly busy with unhelpful thoughts we know our thoughts are probably out of alignment with our hearts inbuilt bullshit detector so we better take a moment to check in and listen…We offer you 3 Hea

Practice 1: Connecting with your Heart

Take a moment now just to stop and feel your heart. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, feel into your body then focus your attention in the centre of your chest, slightly to the left. Think of something that you appreciate in your life and feel the physical sensation of that for a few moments. Is your heart open, closed, full, warm, heavy, light or blank? Is there sadness, love, gratitude, even anger or shame there? Whatever the feeling is just be with it exactly as it is for a few moments. Do this as often as you can to start building your relationship with your ‘energetic’ heart for the more you connect with it the more it will speak to you. Your heart doesn’t speak in words but in intuitive knowing’s- those things you just know, even though you might not understand how you know- it’s magic.

Practicing when you’re in a place of ease can help you access your heart’s intelligence more easily in times of intimate challenge, to hear it speak from wisdom rather than fear or resentment, creating connection rather than dissonance.

Practicing when you’re about to, or are making love will bring you into a deeper place of openness and connection with yourself. Breathing this openness through your body allows your sexual pleasure to become more full bodied as you’ve made room for it, for pleasure that you can then share with your partner, along with the openness that created it. Again, it’s magic!

Practice 2: Falling On Your Sword

There is no doubt about it, feelings can really hurt sometimes, especially those in our hearts. They can even occasionally be overwhelming, too much to bear, leaving us instantly overwhelmed, lost, light headed, nauseous, cramped up, bent over, filled with intensity or thoroughly wretched. And it is a very natural impulse to want to resist this hurt. Yet we have found in our own experience, and in working with others, that welcoming these feelings in (remembering that our feelings are just energy in motion) and literally letting them penetrate us, even penetrating our hearts, helps them to shift more almost immediately.

It’s a bit like imagining you’re falling on the sword of your feelings…taking a breath in helps. The only difference being that unlike with a real sword, being penetrated by our feelings won’t kill us. In fact, it will free us from the quite thick walls most of us have built around our hearts. It sounds like a crazy thing to do but if you give it a try you’ll see it really works.

However, this doesn’t stop our logical ego minds from believing the intensity of the feeling is going to kill us. This is merely the ego’s desire to protect itself. The opposite is actually true, not feeling is more likely to hurt us if we block and lock these feelings into our bodies, turning them into stress and eventually disease.

Letting these feelings in can feel like the most illogical thing in the world, yet we’re not trying to be sadistic here. It is like the beautiful Buddhist practice called Tonglen, which is about letting go of resistance to suffering and having it transformed into joy or love.

Rather than trying to avoid the inevitable hurt in intimate relating you can see it as a tool for moving beyond itself. Over time you minimize your suffering and build on your moments of Big Love by being able to live more inside your heart.

The only way to understand the benefit is to try it for yourself, perhaps beginning with a small moment of hurt. Rather than contracting, take a breath in and imagine the energy of the hurt literally penetrating and moving through you. You will find, if you can totally let go of resistance the hurt transforms immediately.

It works with big hurts as well. Although big hurts such as betrayal by a partner, loss of a job, an unexpected financial loss, death of a spouse can have several (or many) layers of hurt to move through. It may take longer, but the practice is still the same. The gift of this practice is that your vulnerability in it will invite your partner closer to you rather than pushing them away, creating a deep intimacy rather than chaos and withdrawal. The intimacy of being with a partner in this depth of process is indescribably beautiful.

Heart Practice: Re-Opening Your Heart

Just as your feelings are either flowing or not, your heart cannot be fully open to one person and closed to another, it is either open or closed to all. This means that you cannot fully embrace a new lover (even though it might feel like you have) until you’ve let go of the hurt from lovers of the past. In fact, you might find that opening your heart to a new love releases hurt from the past, this is the gift that love brings. Just because you choose not to live with a past love doesn’t mean you can’t still love them from a distance, your heart is large enough for all, the more the merrier!

Take a moment just to stop and feel your heart as in Practice 1. Once you can feel your heart imagine your past love in front of you and feel any feelings that arise in you, whether there is grief, anger, resentment, fear, shame etc. Don’t judge them or be in the story of them, just focus on the feelings in your body and let the memories move through your mind. Breathe any associate feelings through you, feeling yourself becoming lighter and your heart more open. Acknowledge any regrets, allowing your 4 Value Logic to find you a new perspective on this love. Notice something about them or your time with them you can feel grateful for, even if it is just something that you learned, because gratitude is a great heart opener. You might need to do this a few times till you feel complete but it is time worth spending for the greater love you will have access to as a result.

We trust you have a newfound (or newly reinforced) appreciation of your heart and its capabilities as the sexiest organ in your body. If you have any concerns or fears about trusting your heart in this way we can support you so contact us on 1800 TANTRA or email here.

Deep lovemaking strokes

June 7, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Take your lovemaking out of the ordinary into the extraordinary with these deep lovemaking strokes.

Try one or two of these once you’re warmed up and are ready for more.

Add in some deep breathing and eye gazing to any of these strokes and feel your connection in deep lovemaking go off the scale!
A vital key is not to strive for orgasm in this. If the orgasm begins to arise feel free to follow it without striving to make anything happen, allow your body to lead your mind, rather than the reverse. Amazing things can happen this way!

For Both Lovers:

Rock your hips rather than thrusting them, as thrusting creates tension in your muscles and rocking opens them up, allowing much more pleasure to flow. You rock your hips by arching and flattening your lower back.
Play with your breath- breathe out as you rock your hips forward to penetrate/be penetrated, breathe in as you rock your hips back. Then try the opposite.
Breathe in short and sharp to build your sexual energy, alternating with deep and slow to spread it through your body.
Without moving both of you contract and release your pelvic floor muscles together as this releases energy from your two lower chakras.
Move slow, really slow, all the way out and all the way back in. Relax your Yoni (vaginal) muscles as much as possible. This helps activate the positive/negative energy exchange between your genitals exponentially increasing your pleasure.
Imagine your heart energy penetrating/being penetrated by your lover.
Place a pillow under your woman’s butt as this changes the angle of penetration.
Try rear entry for deepest penetration. Be guided by your lover’s degree of openness.
Introduce moments of complete stillness to explore the valley orgasm.

For men:

Stay centred in yourself and aware of your internal energy flows as this will help you last longer and be heart open and emotionally available to your lover.
Play with your lovers gspot prior to being inside her so it is awake and receptive.
Go slowly until you can feel your lover’s Yoni fully open to you.
Vary your speed rather than maintain a set rhythm.
Move in and out just two or three inches (5cms) at a time as this helps stimulate the gspot.
After moving all the way in move back and forwards just an inch or two whilst remaining deep as this helps stimulate the A (along the front wall of the vagina just before the cervix) and O spot (at the back wall near the cervix) for deep heart opening pleasure. Be really present with this one, give it the time it deserves.
Move your hips around in a circle, first one way then the other, this can drive a woman wild!
When you’re in deep stop moving and squeeze and release your pelvic floor muscles (which you’ve been practicing with, right?).

For women:

Stay centred in yourself, in your heart and aware of your internal energy flows as this will help you be emotionally available to your lover.
Contract and release your pelvic floor muscles- short and sharp. Long and slow.
Your Yoni (vagina) has three rings of muscle- an outer, middle and inner layer. You can learn to contract and release these individually and awaken deeper pleasure in both of you. If you can’t do it yet you can have fun trying!
Place your legs as high up around your lovers back as you can manage. Try over his shoulders if you can. Then try having your legs straight just resting over his ankles, changing the angle of the penetration.

If you experience any difficulties in exploring these deep lovemaking practices, especially if you encounter pain in the yoni please contact us for support via email or Ph 1800 TANTRA

Entering The Void- why it’s good for your relationship

April 17, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Building relationship with the void is a necessary relationship skill

Contrary to our fears the void is a place of abundant healing.

In the feeling realm there is a vital piece of the puzzle which is a feeling state called The Void. The Void is the place inside us of nothingness, or no-thing-ness. It is a place inside us of high awareness with an absence of feeling, of emotion. The void, if we are willing to allow and experience it is a place of exquisite wonder, beyond calm, beyond peace, a different flavour of Big Love. For us in our world of things, of possession, of needs, this idea of nothing can seem at best pointless, at worst terrifying. We can even label it depression, yet it is not the bleak greyness or blankness of the depression family (some may say it is underneath depression), it is profound nothingness. This is what the eastern mystics do so well, and whilst we might not need to rid ourselves of our worldly possessions and live on the road without money like a sadhu, a life of nothingness it does have much to teach us. If we can be OK with our experiences of nothingness we can let go of the endless need to get, to have, to do, to accumulate, to be and to achieve. Not that these are bad things in themselves, our lives are richer for them. But if they control us we are out of control of ourselves. And the way to find this control within is to be willing to be OK in our nothingness, to welcome it in as a precious gift and experience for a time and receive its profound healing. Just like the night sky can be a relief after the intensity of a hot, sunny day. So if you come across nothingness in your ABC practice welcome it in!

Being comfortable will help you deal with any feelings of abandonment that might come up for you in relationship. After all our partners can’t always be there when we need them. Instead you can get in connection with yourself by actively going into your inner void rather than suffering in your external one…

Practice: The Void Meditation

Sit comfortably upright with your eyes closed.
Breathe deeply and slowly, scan your body and get present with what you’re feeling.
Concentrate your gaze into the back of third eye.
Imagine the crown of your head has opened and you can see through the roof of your building, up into the sky, through the clouds, way, way out into the blackness and stillness of space. At first you can see the stars above you then you see them all around you. You pause here feeling the beauty and the wonder of it.
Then you move further out and the stars are further apart and the blackness and stillness is all you’re aware. The blackness that seems like nothingness. Beyond feeling, beyond desire, beyond all. Experience whatever this is like for you.
Allow the nothingness to envelope you until all you are aware of is your breath in the nothingness. Stay here until you feel complete.
Then bring your awareness back in through space, clouds, sky, ceiling and crown back into your body grounded with the earth. Welcome back!

Nothingness is an important key in your sexual practice too. For if you cannot let go of doing, of striving in sex you will never experience its true gifts, you’ll never find the magic that can arise within it. This is the meaning behind the Indian Tantra Temple at Khajuraho which is covered with thousands of highly erotic sculptures, considered vulgar or pornographic in the west. A student of this temple must meditate on each erotic image until he has come to peace with the lustful desires it inspires before he is allowed to enter the vast space that lies within the temple itself. A lustful mind will imagine a real orgy going on inside these temples, even more sex than is depicted on the outside, when actually inside is the vastness of nothing, where true peace lives. This understanding allows us to no longer be controlled by sex, to no longer destroy love at the expense of lust.

Daily Devotion
The practice: To join in sexual union with no foreplay and no orgasm.
The Reason: Why would we suggest you give up foreplay & orgasms altogether? The practice of Daily devotion is to take you to the place that is beyond doing in sex, to the place of being, as in meditation.

It allows men to let go of performance anxiety, having to get it right, and for women to relax with no expectation of having to give anything. This practice will also take you beyond orgasm, and beyond orgasm focus is where you need to go if you want to take your sexuality to its highest level.

The How: Can be done at the beginning or end of the day x 10 mins. Or anytime for any length of time.Or for a total relationship renew optimally x 1 hour, each day for 14 days (a great to start on your holidays).

To commence the practice get into sexual union without foreplay, using lots of lubricant. You can use your hand to create an erection or you may like to experiment with “soft entry” where the soft, lubricated lingam is taken between the thumb and forefingers and “threaded” into the yoni.

Using just enough movement to gain an erection (if you’ve used soft entry) and to maintain the physical connection. Get into a position that is comfortable- scissors is good (see below).

Move just enough to sustain erection! Even if you lose your erection just having your genitals so close will have a similar energy boosting effect and if you do the practice last thing a night you can even fall asleep this way.

Just breathe and be present with each other, have eyes open occasionally.

Use this time of being in union as a lovemaking meditation, eventually you will discover there is no orgasm like no orgasm. You may also experience a range of other phenomena such as visions, moments of exquisite peace, bliss etc.

Regular practice even for a few minutes will increase your energetic connection and increase levels of desire for connection with each other.

The Position: Scissors position- man lies on his side, woman lies on her back with both legs over his hips then slides her uppermost leg between his so your legs are entwined. You can support yourself with pillows if desired. You may like to connect a hand to your lover’s heart to connect your upper bodies to complete the energy circuit.

Women are not losing interest

March 9, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Women are not losing interest in bed…

They’re losing interest in the sex they’re having…

There is much said about lack of feminine libido in the world these days.

Yet when we we get a bit closer to women and hear what they really have to say it is not sex they’re losing interest in.

It’s more that they are losing interest in in the sex they’re having- disconnected, performance based sex.

Sex that is not a shared experience.

Sex that is not pleasurable, that is even painful.

Sex that leaves them feeling like a semen receptacle.

Women are as caught in this conditioned way of having sex as men are but are more fed up and wanting something different.

Women generally are interested in mutually connecting, equally pleasurable and deeply satisfying, even magical lovemaking.

This is the sex they will find the time and motivation for. And why wouldn’t they?

Women are looking for connection

There can be many reasons behind why a woman’s libido has gone out to lunch but here we’re going to focus on the aspect of connection.

Women are not losing interest in connection, and will only do so when hell freezes over…

Men want connection too.

Yet don’t we connect through the very act of sex, through two bodies becoming joined into one?

Well, yes. But this is only the most basic layer of connection.

There is more…

It’s where we are inside of us that takes connection to a whole different place.

It’s starts with how connected are we to ourselves.

If we’re stressed, worn out, living in our heads, not feeling our emotions, living in unused bodies then the sex we’ll have will have a minimum of connection.

So how do we get more connected?

Say YES to this part of yourself.

Your body listens to what your mind says and the more you say YES to it the more it will say YES to you! (The opposite is also true and you don’t want that!).

Recognise that you are a sexual being and take ownership of it.

Make the time to put some physical exercise into your life, awaken your body through brisk walking, taking the stairs, playing sport, bike riding, yoga, gardening anything to get your blood pumping, your muscles working and your energy moving.

And remember to stretch afterwards to keep your body supple and give the energy room to move.

Practice breathing.

Yes, we know you’ll be doing it anyway, but why not optimise it by regularly taking deep, full breaths into your belly, expand up into your chest and then just let go (preferably exhaling out through your mouth)!

Ah, it feels SO good. Breathing optimises your body’s energy levels so make the most of it anywhere, anytime!

You’ll be so glad you did.

Put your attention inside your body and experience what you’re feeling inside you.

You know what the biggest resistance people have to feeling their feelings? They don’t like what they find!

If you can let go of any negative judgements about what you’re feeling and just feel, breathing into your feelings (whatever they are) turns them into energy for living and loving.

Do something sensual with your body.

Put on your favourite sensual songs and move to them, feel their chords moving through and uplifting you.

Or stroke your body all over in a way that feels good to you (yes, even guys benefit from this), including your breasts and your butt (guys too).

Moisturise your body with oil or lotion.

Anoint yourself with your favourite essence.

Slowly eat something raw and bursting with vitality like a juicy peach or a fresh salad.

Appreciate something visually beautiful, whatever grabs your attention.

Find something to be grateful for and feel it opening your heart.

Do something sexy.

Wear something that has a sensual feel, looks good or moves with you.

Show a bit of cleavage, bare shoulders or legs.

Go without knickers.

Flirt with your partner, have some fun with yourself.

Don’t focus on your partner’s reaction, focus on having a good time in yourself, this way you can’t lose!

Watch a sexy movie.

Take it up a notch and self pleasure, taking time to breathe your energy through your body, nurturing and energising you.

Lighten up about life…Enjoy all of this for yourself!

The more you own your own body and the pleasure it is capable of the more you will experience it.

Fill yourself up with how good it feels.

Invite your lover to share you.

Let them feel your wanting.

There is nothing more desirable than feeling desired (when the desire is clear and not manipulative).

Get together and drop into the here and now moment. Just look at each other and take a few breaths, feeling your own bodies.

As we always say, sex is better when you relax at the beginning rather than just at the end.

Don’t react from those tired old sexual habits you’ve been using, instead just wait to see what inspires you right now and go from there.

The more you live in each moment the more the next step will arise. And the more authentic and juicy it will be!

When you feel sexual desire, breathe it up through your body to your heart, either along your spine or straight up through your centre.

Or take it right up to your Third Eye.

Where your mind goes your energy will follow.

Feel it energising, nurturing, opening and expanding you.

Be open to magic happening.

Not all sexual pleasure is about orgasm.

We can also experience other felt senses such as feeling at one with our lover or the universe;

feeling the sky, the sea or all of nature inside our bodies;

sensing that you’re somehow standing at the beginning of time itself;

seeing the earth appear inside your lover’s eyes.

If you open to your potential by being fully in your body you’ll activate your intuitive mind where all sorts of things can happen.

Does this feel like sex you would both be interested in?

If you would like support putting these suggestions in place or removing blocks to doing so email us or call 1800 TANTRA.

Overcontrolling In Bed?

March 9, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Are You Overcontrolling In Bed?

And is it limiting your sex life?

Sexual pleasure is about freedom, expansion and surrendering control. Ultimately it is about moving beyond the control of the mind into the freedom of just being. When it’s not happening for us in sex we can get into the habit of overcontrolling in bed ie. micromanaging our experience. You know, where we’re trying to make it happen by taking long enough, getting rid of our thoughts, holding our body in the right way, getting our lovers to do A-Z in the right order for the right length of time in the right way…we can have a whole ritual of what needs to happen before we think we can go there. The trouble is all of this puts us in the opposite place to where pleasure happens- in our analytical minds judging what is or is not happening. What we’re looking for doesn’t live there. Controlling our lover in this way doesn’t allow them to connect with their own place of freedom either, further limiting the potential of your sexual space.

How to find our freedom from overcontrolling in bed:

Drop using any techniques that are about cranking your pleasure up for the moment.
Go underneath your desire to control and be willing to just feel what is there instead.
Feel what is there without judgment because this allows you to shift out of control.
Give yourself permission to be sexual. As silly as it sounds it works. We can have a whole lot of shame that keeps our body numb to pleasure and saying YES to this part of ourselves helps us burn it away. Keep saying “I give myself permission to be sexual and love it” until you feel a shift in your body.
You might just feel resistance at first, if you do this is a good thing because it means you’re in the right place. Keep going.
Let yourself feel desire in you, drop needing it to be about your lover. Bring it home to yourself as this is where your power lives.

Have a play with what will help you give yourself permission outside the bedroom as well.

Spend a little time naked at home.
Dance to some highly sexual music until you can embody it in yourself.
Buy a very erotic outfit and wear it in front of your mirror until you can feel yourself embodying inside you what it represents.
Take some risks: try some simple flirting with your lover (or someone else), make eyes at your lover, say sexy things, expose parts of your body for a moment, feel what is happening for you inside yourself as you do so and let it move through you.
Self pleasure in front of a mirror and acknowledge this part of yourself.
Gain control in a healthy way by consciously playing with your breath- short and fast, long and slow, all combinations.
If you want to be in control in sex set it up with your lover and get their permission to do it consciously, playing with your power can help free up where your power lies in shadow.

If you’re a soft, heart open, “spiritual” person and this sounds completely inappropriate or the opposite to what you’re looking for in our experience it isn’t. Sex has a very powerful shadow and to be fully in your heart and expanded into your higher self you need to learn to deal with it. And dealing with it in a healthy way is seeing and owning it. There is also a lot of energy in our sexuality, it’s our life force energy, so the more we consciously access it the more we have to transmute into love and light.

And having a good time whilst you’re doing it!

If you would like to find out more about finding freedom and greater pleasure in the bedroom email or call us on 1800 TANTRA

Genital Appreciation

September 30, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

Genital Appreciation Week…

Yes, last time we offered Breast Appreciation Week and from the response we received it sounded like a lot of people out there rose to the call- both Men & Women.

This time we’re going a little lower and inviting you to consider the art of genital appreciation.

Yes, you did hear us right, we said GENITAL Appreciation.

Think about it…we spend much time either denying or ignoring our genitals until we demand they respond big time to our desires for maximum pleasure and connection.

This focus on ignorance vs performance can leave them a little disconnected or neglected.

And if you’re into high friction sex or masturbation without conscious breathing (which maybe you aren’t if you’re here) your genitals will also be desensitized.

And believe it or not your genitals are more than just physical bits of us that wiggle, harden and flow. They are their own distinct and individual entities that can feel taken for granted, neglected or abused due to a very subtle level of awareness that you can tune into if you take the time to listen.

They will respond to your, and your lover’s love and attention and reward you with heightened sensitivity and a feeling of the sacredness that lies within them that makes making love feel more than just having sex.

So how do you go about a bit of genital appreciation?

Allow 20 mins per person (use a timer if you wish)
If you are doing this with your lover you start with taking turns.

The person being appreciated lies down and exposes as much of their genitals as they feel comfortable with. The person doing the appreciation finds a comfortable position from which to view and casts their eyes on their lovers sexy bits with love and appreciation. The receiver just allows themselves to be viewed appreciatively. Then swap.

If you are by yourself you can use a mirror to view yourself with.Sounds pretty simple? Yes. Sounds pretty weird? Yes. Sounds pretty boring, too? Yes.

So when does it become beneficial?

When you go under the doing of the act and move into the being.

male groin Such is the power of our sex organs they can transport us into an expanded reality if we allow them.

You have to get really, really present with yourself and with them otherwise you’ll miss it..

It can be incredibly sensual and intimate.

Giver: Pause. Breathe. Drop into your own body. Rather then using your mind to to think and judge here just experience, as if nothing else exists. Let the shape, curve, length, roundness, softness etc draw you in. Breathe into your heart and open your subtle senses, notice what happens.

Receiver: Pause. Breathe. Drop into your body. Take your attention to your genitals and think of their shape, definition without judgment. Get really, really present with them, as if nothing else exists. Observe any embarrassment and breathe into it, give it love and it will fade. Go a little deeper and ‘sense’ them, do they feel,seem open, closed, happy, neglected, appreciated etc. Ask them if they have a message for you. Don’t think it, just wait and see what comes. Then just breathe and be. Let the love in.

When the time is up thank each other and swap over.
On completion spoon together for a few minutes then share your experience. Keep your words positive and descriptive as the vulnerability can be high.

Nb. For those purists who may consider these images too “sexualized” for a “spiritual” article we believe that love and enlightenment can be achieved through the body and its sexuality, rather than being kept separate from it. It can be hard to see in this age of sex image overwhelm but underneath this truth remains. If you’re not sure then try the exercise above.

For comment or further information contact us today on 1800 TANTRA or email here

So says the Guru Osho (who didn’t get a lot of things right, but about sex he was definitely a master.)