Tantric Sex for Men – Oztantra

February 9, 2015 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Tantric sex for men

In my journey of self exploration and discovery, I have had many realisations, and one of them is tantric sex for men is mostly unexplored and poorly understood.

Actually, the more I discover about Tantric sex, the more I realise I don’t know, as I also believe that learning Tantra is finding that place of limitless and connection that exists in all of us.

I have also reached an understanding that with heart and sexuality connection where there exists potential for significant increases in pleasure and heart felt satisfaction with your partner.

What this actually looks and feels like for a man, is in his ability to be able to fully tap into and connect with his own awesome power in all aspects of his life.

From the Boardroom to the Bedroom

This potential exists not only in the bedroom but from the boardroom to the clubroom and every aspect in between.

For a man connecting with his heart is also him connecting with his warrior self, as they reside in the same place in a man, in his heart.

Because, when a man confronts his fears and gives himself permission to fully connect his heart and sexuality also includes accessing and owning his warrior self. Warrior intensity comes from the power in a man’s heart, and the healthy masculine warrior is pure heart.

Our couples Retreat is the perfect forum for any man to learn these skills with his partner.

Warrior Sex

In recent times, the term “warrior” has had a bad rap, as so much of man’s unhealthy shadow is seen as coming from this aspect and most men have fear about this and hold this part of themselves in denial. As men, denying our warrior makes our unhealthy shadow aspect even deeper and much harder to manage.

If your wondering what this unhealthy masculine looks like, then examples are all around us. Watch any news media and nearly all the story’s are about money, sex or power. These aspects are all part of the healthy masculine as well, but the healthy masculine is heart connected which totally changes any outcome. Money, sex and power without heart is behind majority of conflicts, economic difficulties and environmental challenges. It takes heart connected masculine energy to change these problems, and that is the healthy warrior.

A man in his heart connected with his warrior is a man that will stand up and protect his heart, himself, family, community and his place in this world.

It is a challenge for any man to connect with and honor this part of himself, as so much of our cultural political correctness supports the shaming of this essential aspect of healthy and sacred masculinity. It takes real courage for a man to stand up for what he believes is right, as quite often this requires him challenging societal norms. Healthy masculine will also challenge and call out wounded feminine behaviours but in a way that is healing for woman.

Connecting with his warrior self is a journey deeply into himself and must include experiencing himself with other men in healthy masculine space.

A man connecting with his warrior is accessing his depth of inner masculine strength that all men have, yet most carry shame or confusion about connecting with this essential part of masculinity. Warrior is the healthy part of masculinity that grounds and holds safety for himself and those around him, especially when a man decides to open his heart and connect with his sexuality and with his partner.

Men have been shamed out of this place and have confusion as to what healthy masculine sexuality looks and feels like.

It is this healthy connection with his inner strength or warrior that will hold him grounded and safe in opening his heart in intimate sexual connection in his relationships.

Relationship Sex is the Best Sex

I also believe that for most men, this intensely pleasurable sexual potential is best achieved and maintained in committed and long term relationships, where all these aspects can flourish and develop.

This special and healthy gift of sacred masculinity requires nurturing, expression and connection.

Man’s fuel of desire for sexual connection comes from his open loving heart, and this is best achieved for most men in healthy relationships.

Healthy sexual desire is heart connected and heart energized for any man, and if in doubt ask a woman what she most desires in her man and it is usually to feel his loving open heart, to feel his power in loving presence.

Yet, for a man to tap into this sexual potential is much more than simply being physically capable, for it requires emotional awareness, connection and courage to really be able to connect to his true sexual heart capability.

This connection is internal and doesn’t require any mystical or esoteric skills from outside.

For any man, simply being emotionally aware and understanding and fully grasping and accessing his own vulnerable heart sexual connection is where it all begins.

Sexual Power

Strength of connection to his sexual power will require a man to be fully connected and grounded in his body and heart. This is not about being overtly sexual but simply recognizing and owning his heart intensity and sexual power. In this place, it is important for any man to claim and own his masculinity in how it is for him, and most often this may look different to how a woman would desire it to be. If in doubt, simply consider the differences between the romance industry for women and the porn industry for men. Both have their appeal, but don’t really appeal to the other. This is where men quite often become derailed in their journey into their masculinity, as they believe they have to play “the game” to get what they want from the opposite sex. This is why it is important that any man’s journey into his masculinity requires plenty of healthy masculine connection.

When heart and sexuality are accessed and activated and connected, a man begins to feel his true power. It is in this place that man can truly connect with his inner warrior and feel his own strength and power surging through his body. Making love from this place is like nothing else, for a man can be fully in his power and feel it surging through his body, or simply be quiet and in stillness.

Mastering the skills of separating ejaculation and orgasm requires a man to feel his power, as men require access to their feeling of inner strength to manage and hold ejaculation energy successfully with out needing to shut it down. Ejaculation energy in a man is pure heart and is the energy force that creates life and requires clarity and focus to manage this energy into full bodied pleasure.

Ejaculation energy is pure heart energy with the power to create life.

Tantric lovemaking is about creating more of everything, including ramping up your ejaculation heart intensity and multi orgasmic energy and this also applies to women as well. In tantric lovemaking, this combined energy is truly breathtaking.

This masculine ejaculation heart energy creates heat for intense full body multiple orgasms, which further deepens open heart and inner connection and vulnerability with the power of sexual connection holding all this together.

It takes a man who is fully in his power to hold himself in this place and meet his partner in lovemaking.

The stronger heart connection that any man can create for himself in his relationship, the more loving pleasure he will experience during sex.

And, so will his partner, for a women desires to feel this part of her man, and if in doubt, ask her…..

In this place of accessing his masculine warrior strength during lovemaking will also impact on his partner in a deeply loving and subtle way. A woman will feel met, held and safe enabling her to open into her sacred surrender.

Gspot

A women’s Gspot is an energy point that is highly sensitive and receptive to this masculine energy and both can easily experience deeply loving, satisfying heart connected lovemaking with very little movement.

This is tantric lovemaking in its simplest form.

Men and Sex

January 12, 2015 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Why do Men Want Sex ?

And why is sex important …. ?

Men and sex – as a man, have you ever wondered why sex is so important and why it can be such a minefield of confusion? And, if you’re a woman have you ever wondered why you are so often objectified by men?

It is also important to recognize that most men feel confusion over the intensity and power they feel in their sexual energy and how to be with this. This can also increase feelings of vulnerability and fear for a man, in how to be with this and what to actually do with the potent sexual intensity coursing through their bodies. Yet men have very few opportunities and places to learn about this in a healthy and constructive way.

Why are Boys Treated Differently ?

From the moment they are born, boys are treated differently. (as a father of 2 daughters and a son, I know this one) If you don’t believe this, then take note of how you feel when you see a baby, but aren’t aware of what gender it is. Then recognise how your feelings alter when you discover its gender.

This is not wrong and is normal and healthy, but it’s the choices made with what to do with these feelings of difference is what can create problems. All to often, simply because they are boys, they are left wanting and craving affection as some adults “believe” it will toughen him up or they will grow up “unmanly”.

From birth, boys are treated differently from girls and unfortunately this difference equates to less intimacy, hugs and affection for boys than what they really need as they grow up. Boys need just as much loving touch, loving hugs, loving contact as girls. Most boys don’t get adequate loving attention, and this is where problems start.

Boys and Intimacy

When a boy is deprived of intimacy, he will feel neglected or rejected and will seek connection or solace outside of themselves through attention seeking behaviour, substance abuse, aggressive behavior or other shadow behaviors. Feeling this hurt or pain has become his normal, so instead of feeling nurtured and loved he may often develop emotional numbing behavior patterns to simply stop the pain.

Often, a man’s hurt is from unresolved issues with his mother and if left unresolved will often manifest in feelings of anger towards women in general, especially when he doesn’t get what he wants, such as sex. If a boy’s father is also emotionally or physically absent, he will have little understanding of what it means to be a man and will often be even more vulnerable to other shadow masculine behaviour.

Being a boy, and feeling inside of himself simply means he is in his feeling body and connecting with and feeling his emotional self. But, if these feelings contain too much unresolved hurt or rejection and he feels isolated with out support, then he most likely will begin to close down emotionally.

This possibly is one of the main reasons that as men they objectify women as they seek to detach from the painful feelings of rejection in their place of love. It is easier to feel outside of themselves and be objective than to expose their vulnerable and already wounded self. This can become his way of life where it is safer to detach than feel or express his pain. Men also suffer deeply from not having healthy masculine role models in their lives.

The importance of Sexual Connection for a man

Sexual connection is still a man’s preferred method of expression of connection with his emotional self and his partner. It takes a lot of repressed emotional baggage such as hurt and frustration for a man to close his heart and sexual connection.

When a man is feeling sexually connected and fulfilled, his heart is open, soft, vulnerable yet powerful and readily accessible to his partner and those around him. He feels himself in a way that nurtures his soul and has his life force energy pumping through his body.

When sex is not available, unfulfilling or has become a “relationship transaction” then his world is different, similar to how it was for him as a child. Most likely, he will become needy in his pursuit of sex and create a range of shadow behaviors, like shutting down emotionally in his relationship, watching porn, loosing respect for women and becoming emotionally or even physically abusive.

This is the cycle of sexual shadow that men often find themselves caught up in, and for too many men, it is an attractive option to simply shut down emotionally and opt out of the sexual drama game.

Cultivation of Sexual Energy

Yet when a man allows himself to fully feel his sexual heart energy connection, that powerful life force which most men feel intensely at some stage throughout their lives, they are often heavily influenced by the intensity they feel in this. Men who connect in this place are softer, more grounded with a stronger sense of masculine self, more emotionally available and expressive and generally, very happy.

Unfortunately, few men learn how to cultivate and grow this natural pleasurable life force energy. Most men spend much of their time and energy shutting this energy down or keeping the lid on their life force simply because they don’t know how to be healthy in their sexuality.

It takes just as much energy to keep the lid on this life force as to what is being contained and is probably why men who choose this way feel tired and with little zest for life. Men (and women) have very few healthy role models or examples of what this may look like in a healthy man (or woman).

Even those men who have created a healthy sexual relationship for and with themselves can still remain unaware of how to consciously develop, grow and maintain their sexual energy, especially as they get older.

Sexual Shame

Men do carry deep shame about themselves as sexual beings, yet it is most often this part of them they put forward in who they would like to be. Some men create unhealthy ego (or shadow) about their sexual prowess and their conquests over others, particularly over women, as men often fantasize about “conquering” a woman sexually.

The porn industry promotes this angle, and women are portrayed as thankful. For young adolescents this is seen as a measure of prowess by their peers, and sadly, something to strive for as a rite of passage into manhood. Some adult men also support this and there are business’s and clubs who actually teach men how to prey on women.

Unfortunately, all this does is to encourage adolescents in the opposite direction of what healthy masculine sexuality looks like. The end result is what we see far too often, a rite of passage for young men that is confusing, disconnected from themselves and the birth of a potential misogynistic mind set.

What Does all This Mean if You’re a Woman ?

If you’re a woman, imagine instead of feeling objectified by men over your sexuality, you could instead see a wounded little boy who is frightened and desperate for loving connection with you? It takes a courageous and mature woman to do this, to call out and hold space for the little boy to feel safe and drop his masks.

Most importantly, his objectification of you as a woman is all about him and his issues. His hurt and his response is his inadequacy in owning his feelings and communicating with you from his place of self respect. Most men will feel shame in this place but don’t have healthy supporting men to create change. They shut down.

It takes maturity for both men and women to see any man acting out his little boy yet still create a safe space for him to step into and claim his inner power through his vulnerability.

It is up to men to take responsibilities for their actions and create change, either on their own or with other men. When a man is acting out his shadow sexual behaviour on women, and this can be in many different ways, such as sexist comments, leering looks, petty acts to physical violence or sexual abuse, it is his problem or wound. It takes a healthy masculine community for these issues to be held and dealt with in a healthy way.

A woman can and does heal this wounding, but most importantly, it takes a healthy masculine community to create another healthy masculine man.

Simple awareness by both men and women is often all it takes to make a difference.

It takes both men and women acknowledging that wounds exist on both sides, and it is time for the games to stop.

True Sexual Potential

By being unaware or unconscious of their true potential, men often allow their sexual life force to wane and eventually die off as they reach middle age when the opposite is what is possible. Reaching middle age can be a time of sexual freedom for a man, as sex now more than ever becomes a choice and not driven by hormones, youth and other primal urges.

Sexual pleasure and satisfaction for men actually gets better with age…..

Men’s shadow behavior that emerges from a place in him of being unaware of his buried emotional hurts will project outwards from him as all those things that will push a woman away. These are simple and unconscious responses to unresolved hurts that nearly all men carry to some extent.

When a man has the courage to share his emotional self, that part of him that he is frightened of showing, will quite often remove relationship blocks and create a deeper level of intimacy and connection. Resolving these hurts or inner child wounds is essential on this pathway to empowerment and self discovery of his sexual power and life force.

The rewards are a deeper heart connected relationship with himself and his partner and the ability to experience pleasure like never before.

What Does a Sexually Empowered Man Look Like ?

Imagine what would it be like if pornography demonstrated the ability of a fully empowered sexual male who actually embodied the empowered sexual masculine from the inside? My guess is that few would accept or understand what true masculine sexual power can look and feel like, as masculine sexual power is not the traditional power “over” another, but actually radiates out from within his masculine essence….. The more connection a man has with himself in his sexual essence, the more his sexual power increases and his pleasure intensifies into full body pleasure.

And, most importantly, the less he actually has to do anything about it. It happens naturally, and his partner feels safe and held even more intensely.

The more pleasure a man can allow himself to feel in this place when he allows himself to be selfish first and feel himself, the more his partner will feel his heart opening. Men quite often focus on their partner and their sexual pleasure to the detriment of their own pleasure.

When a man in this place opens his heart and his pleasure to himself, the more he is available for his woman to feel him. Ask a woman what she desires to feel from her man, and most often she will respond by saying “I want to feel his heart opening to me…”

Healthy Sexual Power

In this space, the ultimate sexual power is feeling your own power and not needing to do anything with it. This allows your partner to not only feel safe but most importantly to feel her surrender fully. The shadow of this healthy masculine sexual power is when it is used to dominate, control, abuse or manipulate.

This can be confusing for both men and women, as this is how power is often depicted in Hollywood productions and especially in porn as what women want, which can have a certain truth about it, but just not in the way it’s portrayed.

A healthy woman desires equality with empowerment in sex and not have you do it all for her.

So, what does this healthy sexual masculine essence look and feel like?

If you’re a man and you enjoy connecting in sex, next time take note of how your energy moves in your body, what it actually feels like to be hot and sexual and where those feelings are. Try this watching porn, or with your partner and notice where you attention is, and if it is on the image (either on the screen or your partner), then you’re probably not feeling in your body.

If your focusing all your attention on your partner, you may be still having fun but missing out on what could be happening for you. It is important for a man to be selfish at this point, to focus on what he is feeling in himself. Trust that the more of yourself you feel, the more your partner will feel of you, and this is what she wants first.

Connect With Your Own Sexual Power and Learn To separate Ejaculation and Orgasm

If you enjoy the visual and enjoy touching, take note of how you feel and where in your body your energy or intense feeling is. If you recognise that your sexual feeling is located in one spot, simply stop, close your eyes and feel into this spot using some deep breath’s.

Imagine how it could be for you if your whole body was feeling as intense and pleasurable as that one spot and if you could maintain this for hours, and this is before ejaculation. Simply focus on that place and breathing deeply will help spread that feeling through out your body.

For a man, ejaculation and orgasm are two separate functions that just happen to occur at the same time.

Separating these two is not about feeling less or stopping something that means a lot to you, but recognizing that you are capable of so much more pleasure. Ejaculation is a different experience to orgasm. Cuming quickly or being very trigger sensitive is frustrating yet easily to turn into a gift. Also, not feeling enough heat sensation to cum but lasting a long time is again different to orgasm, but still pleasurable.

Choosing delaying ejaculation techniques will rapidly increase orgasmic pleasure with all the corresponding benefits, including higher self esteem, sexual satisfaction, satisfaction in life and more life force energy available for life in general. If you have issues in achieving or maintaining an erection then this can also be reversed relatively simply, the same as not being able to cum.

Finding Your True Sexual Self

This is your beginning in feeling your healthy sexual masculine essence, feeling and owning your own sexual energy. Being in your body simply means that regardless of how much “heat” you feel, your pleasure will expand, deepen into limitless full bodied orgasmic bliss. Your heat is in feeling your ejaculation energy, and by holding back on ejaculation (for a little while, at least) which will dramatically increase your pleasure experience.

This is the beginning of learning and understanding separating ejaculation and orgasm and also learning the holy grail of lovemaking for any man in becoming multi orgasmic.

For any man, this potential is what is in front of him, regardless of age but particularly as he gets older and chooses to deal with his unresolved emotional issues.

If your feeling challenge around any of these frustrating sexual issues, it may help to understand they are usually the results of long term ignored and unresolved inner child wounding, and they are not permanent.

It takes courage, commitment, and trust in choosing to deal with these child hood patterns, as well as a therapist who actually knows how to deal with sexuality, masculinity and femininity together.

This journey into pleasure is definitely worth the effort

Sex For Men Over 40

December 9, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Better Sex for Men (and Women)

Awareness of our capacity for sexual pleasure for both men and women in this age of information, technology and numerous other gadgets and toys, is declining.

Our capacity for pleasure hasn’t changed, yet our awareness of our unique ability to achieve pleasure has significantly declined. I believe this is because of our increasing use and thirst for knowledge has taken us away from our feeling body into our intellectual mind.

Sexual pleasure for men (and women) over 40 can be a totally different experience when both consciously choose to own their real sexual pleasure, especially from an intimate and emotionally heart connected place. There are a lot of different factors in conditioning men (and women) away from real full bodied pleasure .

It doesn’t matter how many sexual partners a person has had, or how much sex is experienced as this unfortunately is how we experience or measure pleasure from our own external experience. The pornography industry has created farcical illusions of what sex looks like, and part of the reason porn has such impact is because real, meaningful heart connected sexuality is diminishing.

From my own personal experience, and in working with couples and particularly men, I am also aware that very few men realise what their sexual capability really is, or in extreme cases, if their capacity for pleasure even exists. Through my work, I firmly believe that most men achieve less than 10% of their capacity to experience their own pleasure during sex.

Understanding is key

Surfing the edge

If a man’s focus on ejaculation is his goal then most likely he experiences only a small percentage of his orgasmic potential. Ejaculation pleasure still does feel pretty damn good but it is a separate experience from orgasm and when a man stops when he “cums” then that is his finish. The actual reality at that point of finishing is also the beginning of his awesome potential in feeling his separate orgasmic pleasure, which he mostly misses out on. Delaying ejaculation, or simply “surfing the edge” is a simple yet powerful beginning of achieving so much more pleasure.

Surfing the edge is a practise of playing near the edge with out ejaculation. In this place, orgasmic energy begins to emerge, and with practise will dramatically increase not only the length of love making but also the pleasure experienced.

This is an attention grabbing concept even for those who are aware of this potential experience of separation. And even for those who are aware, it can often be a struggle to achieve pleasure from separation as it may feel like giving up something familiar. Yet the potential beyond this point is limitless pleasure and a life changing experience that is well worth the effort of exploration.

Multi orgasmic Man

As a man, take a moment and imagine your point of no return, your point of ejaculation as a 10 on your scale of orgasmic pleasure. Then, with 1 being the start and 10 being the finish, imagine how it would be if you could keep going after 10 (without cuming) and feeling your orgasmic self for as long as you chose. Maybe even hundreds of times, without needing to actually ejaculate or desiring to finish? Are you, as a man even aware that this is what you are capable of, of being truly multi orgasmic ? This is what is available for a man when he can choose to not ejaculate and cultivate his orgasmic energy beyond his “10”.

As a man, your real sexual orgasmic pleasure begins at your current “10”.

Converting your ejaculation intensity into orgasmic energy will keep your real orgasmic pleasure happening. This will create for you, a whole new world of pleasure each time you achieve your “10” and each time in this place it deepens, past 10 to 11, 12 or more. Your experience of pleasure increases, becomes easier to achieve and stays with you longer. Each time you go into sexual space, your “10” has moved, your pleasure is deeper yet closer to the surface and becomes more accessible as your normal feeling experience. This experience gets better with age and this pleasure is already happening within you. Simply by allowing yourself to experience your sexual potential with out limiting your pleasure sounds easy, BUT there is a condition attached. And it is not negotiable and we’ll get to that, but before we do, a bit more about men’s conditioning away from pleasure.

Male conditioning

Men are conditioned away from experiencing deeper pleasure right from the beginning of their sexual journey. From when they first become sexually active, boys are conditioned into ejaculation. In the early days of self pleasuring (masturbation) the pressure is on to get it up and over and done with before they get found out- stage (1). The next stage (2) is to get it up and over and done with before their girlfriend changes her mind, then (3) before the kids wake up and finally, (4) before they lose their erection.

Sadly, at no stage, or very rarely, are boys exposed to the real meaning of the sacredness of their sexuality and heart connection and what this means to be a healthy sexual male.

Generally, as a result of this conditioning and lack of awareness of what is possible, men struggle in accepting that there is so much more to their sexual experience.

Men become “addicted” to ejaculation as their pinnacle experience.

Some men only experience ejaculation and very limited orgasmic pleasure, even though there is so much more pleasure to experience and it is already available inside them.

This disconnection conditioning also encourages a man to focus on pleasing his partner in order to be a “good lover”. This is another potential that may take him further away from this place inside of himself and into a place of “performance”. The pornography industry is more manipulation that specifically targets these areas of masculine desire of performing and visually “coming” which even further separates a man from his heart. When watching porn the screen is where a man’s awareness is focused. When watching porn, the focus is on the screen and in this place pleasure is significantly limited . As a man grows older and his habits become deeper and more entrenched as testosterone fades, his normal type of sex has less feeling and becomes more difficult. This is also a part of male menopause, which is another issue for men (and women).

BUT, for a man to experience what is beyond his so called “normal” is simply realizing there is so much more, and that he can choose to experience and discover this for himself. If you’re a guy, ask yourself what it would be like if you could have your orgasm but not the “down” of ejaculation? Ask yourself what it would be like to get to your point of “no return” and instead of ejaculating choose to have your deeply pleasurable orgasm as many times as you desired?

Man’s ultimate challenge

For a man to move away from performance and go into his deeper full bodied pleasure within himself, is about him opening to and connecting with his own loving heart.

For a man to achieve these wonderful things in himself, requires his sexual energy and intensity be totally heart connected and driven. This place of heart connected sexuality in a man creates life force sexual energy that is pure heart, and is an unlimited source.

A man feeling and connecting with his deeply penetrating loving heart is also creating his fuel for sexual intensity and pleasure in lovemaking with his partner. And, if you’re a woman reading this, how does that sound and feel for you? (pretty f…g amazing would be my guess…)

For you as a man in achieving your sexual heart connection, a deeply loving and connected relationship container is ideal. This will enable you to create your fuel for your open heart, which creates more feeling of depth of pleasure. Masculine ejaculation energy is pure heart energy and this is what a woman desires most of all from her man, and this is what men are capable of bringing into relationship. Surfing the edge for longer will keep your ejaculation energy and dramatically increase your heart energy that you bring into your sexual connection. This is about a man being able to experience his heart opening in a way that will enable him in experiencing more loving sexual power centred within himself .

Sexual shame

Most men carry a deep pool of sexual shame, from male conditioning around their identity and their sexuality that interferes with their capability in connecting with and experiencing more pleasure. This shame is also a large part of the reason why most men find it challenging to accept unlimited pleasure can exist beyond separation of ejaculation and orgasm.

Men are conditioned from the beginning of their sexuality, to get it over and done with by ejaculating, resulting in conditioning men into being trigger sensitive, numb or lose interest in sex. This shame will also significantly impact on a man’s emotional availability, as most men will withdraw from relationship as a result of feeling this shame . Ejaculation mostly prevents a man from achieving the best bits in his pleasure, and will also enable him to retreat into his shame pool. There is also some primal conditioning in this as well, about survival and getting your seed planted before something eats you. The point being, men have a lot of conditioning to undo, and it is why most men are addicted to ejaculation and at the same time, unknowingly diminishing their capacity for pleasure. Men have a choice and can choose pleasure, but most simply lack awareness about their true capabilities and sadly remain disconnected from their own pleasure selves. It is a matter of choice, but most importantly, simply being aware that they do have a choice, and that there is more, much more.

As a man, you have a choice and how would it be for you in choosing to finish, because you felt totally complete without ejaculation? Imagine what it would be like for you, if each time you went into this place, that your orgasmic energy became deeper and more full bodied, and that it remained with you for days afterwards, and you remained in that place of heart connection with your partner ?

Imagine if this was your natural orgasmic state of aliveness, presence and potently heart connected? How would you feel? How would your partner feel as you shared this deep heart connection with them? How would this impact on those around you, if this place in you became your normal? This is the state that all men are born with, yet are conditioned out of for a variety of reasons, but mainly through cultural shaming of their sexuality and deep wounds carried from growing up as a boy.

Learning to separate and become full bodied multi orgasmic is not easy, but it is real and does involve having a good time that is all about more pleasure and true sexual fulfillment. And if you’re learning this with your partner, then it is a relationship game changer.

Numbness and Prostrate

Men who experience numbness or have issues achieving or maintaining an erection will also benefit from these techniques, but just require different practises. Men who have had prostate surgery will especially benefit from these tantric techniques. In those cases, it is important to realise that a man can still feel orgasmic with out an erection.

How to get started

A simple process to try during lovemaking, or self pleasuring, is when you start to get close to your point of no return, is to simply stop and take 3 – 4 deep breaths. As you’re breathing deeply, focus on what you’re feeling inside of you, in your genitals. You will notice that your intensity of pleasure has relaxed and moved away from your genitals. This will spread pleasure through your body. Then simply start again and keep repeating, the more you surf the edge, the more full bodied your pleasure. The first step is being aware of what you’re feeling inside of you. This will make a difference simply because you’re feeling in yourself and you’re choosing to feel more pleasure. As you increase your awareness of how your sexual energy moves so will your awareness in the difference between ejaculation and orgasm. Focusing on the difference and choosing to bring the ejaculation intensity forward then stopping and breathing will expand that intensity further into orgasmic pleasure. And, practice practice practice… This is the main difference between the expansion techniques of Tantra and the control techniques of Taoist .

A holistic journey

Also, a preparedness for emotional work, to really connect with and release shame, heal deep seated wounds, be intensely vulnerable and really opening your heart are beginning places. Connecting heart and sexuality is a beginning step, and this one particularly challenges most men to their core, yet is what a woman desires most to feel from her man. From this beginning place, becoming multi orgasmic is a complimentary and continuing journey. Let her know what you are doing and invite her to breathe too!

From my personal experience, (and yes, this place exists) and in my opinion, once a man starts down this pathway not only is there no turning back, but it becomes a limitless, timeless and never ending journey. This place in man, when actively introduced into himself and his relationship will create a depth of heart opening sexual loving that will keep growing and deepening. And it definitely gets better with age as it is an internal journey rather than purely physical technical journey.

A man can journey as far and as deep as he has the courage to go into himself connecting his heart and sexuality, his power and this grows stronger and deeper with age………This is the place in a man that woman craves for, to feel safe, protected, nurtured and met.
Better Sex for Men, definitely, a game changer

Both will never be the same again.

Call us TOLL FREE 1800 TANTRA (826 872), email link

Pick up Artistry

November 27, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Pick up Artistry….

As a man, I was relieved to see the community response to a certain recent “pick up” artist and how he and his product was basically booted out of Australia.

I think this form of manipulation (pick up artistry) is despicable, as not only is it putting woman down as “commodities”, but also lowering men to believing seduction will give them total control over women. Both loose, big time, including the sad lonely men who believe the only way to get what they want is too learn brutish techniques that give them control over women. I feel sickened that some men can prey on the normal feelings of inadequacy that most men feel in their relationships with women. I totally get why women are pissed off that this bullshit is out there. I have 2 adult daughters, and as a dad, I feel sickened by this despicable type of manipulation. Both men and women deserve better, much better than this and I am relieved to see that this person and his product got the response he deserved.

More Orgasms more often?

September 17, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Orgasms, Orgasms, Orgasms…

With more women apparently “coming” with greater ease in lovemaking than ever before (especially the women in porn) it is a hidden secret that many women as yet don’t have the pleasure of coming at all, in fact up to 1 in 3 women don’t. And up to 80% have trouble at times.

You have to remember that what you see in a porn flick is acting…

So how can YOU come more often? Here are some tips to increase your orgasmic potential…

And you don’t have to wait for your partner to get the right “technique”, there is much you can do to help yourself.

There are lots of different things you can play with:

Understand that the reason it is not happening has nothing to do with you not being good enough or sexy enough. Sexuality is a very complex part of us and is not determined by this one particular factor.
Don’t push yourself into trying too hard! It IS frustrating but the harder you try the more focus you put on your mind (the opposite place to where your orgasm will happen). And the greater tension you create in your body. As sexual pleasure (energy) flows through relaxed muscles this is not what you want.
Breathe more. Breathing is extremely powerful in sex (don’t get me started!), just begin by noticing how you are breathing wherever you are in your orgasmic cycle. Breathing more deeply into your belly and out though your mouth helps you relax and opens your energy.
Touch yourself with love, seek to connect with and honour yourself rather than just stimulate yourself. It is a subtle but very powerful mind shift.
Do you notice that you build up towards orgasm but then it dies away? See if you are tensing your body and stopping your breath as you peak? This is creates a block.If you notice this breathe more deeply.
Find ways for your mind to help you rather than distract. Fantasies can help but take you away from yourself. If your mind is all over the place (as it often is!) give it a job that keeps your focus inside you. Imagine your mind is filled with the colour white, the more thoughts come the whiter you imagine it. White is soothing and healing. Then make a connection to your sex centre (genitals) by imagining drops of red slowly forming and dropping from your brain down through your body to your sex centre. It’s weird but it works.
Let your body move. As you relax your body will want to move, give it permission by encouraging it, without caring how it might look, let your hips rock backwards and forwards. If you usually clench and tighten your body this may feel wrong, but again give it a try.
Sometimes what blocks us is what lies between our head and genitals- our heart. Breathe as if you could breathe into your chest and heart, notice what you feel there. Does it feel closed or blocked? There may be something that needs to be felt and released there. Whatever it is just feel it.
Spend time on your breasts and nipples. Often we are very genitally focussed but our breasts are a path to opening our heart and our genitals to pleasure. Massage the whole area (going to the nipples last) to fully awaken here. If you are with a partner ask them to join in with kisses, licks and sucks. If not do it yourself, you deserve it.
Include pc squeezes. The muscles between your legs (your pelvic floor or pc) are like a sexual pump. First relax, then tighten and release these muscles. Do it in a way that feels good rather than as an exercise.
Play with using your voice. Your vocal chords vibrate to make sound and if your body is aroused making sound will accentuate it. Start small and build. A lot of it is about self permission, don’t let shame keep you small. If you have to, placing a pillow over your mouth (not your nose!) will allow you to make a lot of sound quietly.
If you feel yourself beginning to build up to a peak imagine fireworks going off in your brain as where the mind goes the energy follows…
Understand that as women we have a place in us that is beyond having an orgasm, where we access our ecstatic orgasmic flow where there is no trying just being, and our breath + relaxation are the keys to taking us there. Keep your mind open to this possibility.

Tantric Sex For Women

August 12, 2014 By Annette & Graeme 1 Comment

Tantric Sex For Women- a journey into self love

If you listen in to a conversation between women about sex these days you will find the topic most commonly focussed on is orgasm. Whether she had one, how many she had, whereabouts she had them- clitoris, gspot, uspot, aspot, deep spot, heart, throat, anal, full body, skin, energetic; how she got there and how good her partner/vibrator was in getting her there. Sex has become about peak and performance, heavily influenced by visual and orgasm based pornography. Tantric sex focuses on the inside, it is much more about what you feel than what you see and it feels wonderful.

Some years ago after the completion of one of my women’s Tantric workshops I took all of the participants out for a celebration dinner. It just so happened that the day coincided with the running of the local Horsham Cup. This was back in the days when I ran my workshops in rural western Victoria. As we trouped up to the Exchange Hotel (the best place to get a nice, reasonably priced evening meal in the sticks!) I noticed a couple of tables containing women who, given the tres chic way they were dressed, had obviously been out to this fashionable event.

Tantra’s inner radiance

I noticed the women looked wonderful on the outside, quite ready for a spot in Vogue or Cosmo, but even allowing for the fact that they’d probably had a long day the inner spark, the radiance I look for in a woman’s beauty was missing. It seemed that the outfits were wearing the women rather than the other way around. Unlike the post workshop attendees who (after also having had a full on day) were looking totally radiant, beaming with life and love from the inside out. And what they were wearing, whilst also very nice, was taking a back seat to the women themselves. I have never forgotten this striking comparison as it was a reminder for me of what Tantra is all about for a woman- connecting to and experiencing all of who she is from within. This takes sex to a whole other dimension- a place of surrender, expansion, ecstasy and union with spirit.

A woman spends a lot of her life looking for who she is. She learns very early in life that for her life is about how she looks and how she fits in to what is expected of her. This is because woman is The Other, made from Adam’s spare rib. Mankind is the centre of life and woman is created to reflect in man’s image. She is born without a sense of herself and spends the remainder of her life trying to find it. The model for success she is given is masculine based, focussed on external motivations taking her further away from her feminine essence. With feminine qualities seen as less than by the majority of society she quickly loses contact with her innate way of being. In her uncertainty she embraces the external world of doing, of achieving, trying to “have it all”, or feels guilty for not doing so. This is how she approached sex as well.

Society has also skewed the essence of woman for its own purposes in praising her for her ability to nurture, to feel love and compassion at the expense of her other qualities. This has led woman, in her need for love and approval to over focus on those around her to the detriment of herself. This takes her further away from her core strengths and leaves her vulnerable, depressed and insecure, or with a wall of pseudo confidence and independence yet unfulfilled within. It leaves her empty.

This is where Tantra and Tantric Sex comes in. Tantra invites a woman to more fully embody her feminine state, giving her access to the qualities that nurture, sustain and fill her up. This process is about surrendering rather than effort. It doesn’t mean that she needs to abandon her drive for independence and achievement but offers a way to help her sustain it. Tantric sex is more fulfilling than a tension focussed performance straining an already empty tank.

Our feminine qualities

What are these much maligned feminine qualities? Feeling, emotion, intensity, sexuality, vitality, nurturing, intuition, creativity, beingness, spontaneity, movement, receptivity, softness, vulnerability, fullness, submission, yielding, surrender, play, mystery, fluidity, changeability, connection, magnetic attractiveness, inner radiance, beauty, wisdom, embodied spirit.

Many of these qualities are denigrated as weakness or fragility. But is a being capable of carrying and giving birth to a new life (whether she chooses to or not) fragile? Is a being capable of a wild, intense fury to chase after the one trying to steal her child a weakling? Is being fully in a moment of spontaneous and revitalizing play somehow deficient? Is a being that can surrender into her heart and softly nurture your deepest wounds pathetic? Is a being who can magnetically attract you with her beauty and radiance, then vulnerably receive you into her body and the deepest, most intimate recesses of her heart and soul helpless? Is a being that can offer wisdom from her intuition spirit and years of experience merely irrelevant?

Perhaps it is a misunderstanding of what these qualities can offer that leads us to deny what they offer? As women we are guilty of supporting the societal view of the feminine as we too are disconnected from ourselves and our truth. We fear vulnerability as a loss of control and see it as a source of suffering, we see surrender as a loss of power. From this place of disconnection we put up barriers to keep others (especially lovers) out of our hearts. We forget is that these barriers keep us out of our own hearts, and our sense of self.

Connecting it with sex

You might ask what does all of this have to do with sex? I say everything, as a woman who is fully connected with herself and her heart experiences sex from this holistic and Tantric perspective, rather than merely a physical or mental one. It can be sex for pleasure, for procreation, making love, or experiencing sexuality as her vital life force, feeling it alive and vibrant inside her as she goes about her day.

Yes, we can have sex that focuses on the physical mechanics of peak orgasm, this is a great beginning place. It would be a tragedy if this was all a women ever sought. As exploring the nature of her feminine qualities will open a woman to her sense of self, and her body to pleasure the way the predictability of a vibrator cannot. I suggest taking time out to explore the qualities listed above and finding ways to experience them. You’ll have a sense of remembering who you “are” and fall more and more in love with yourself, leading to greater life and sexual confidence, openness and pleasure.

To take yourself to the heights of your sexual possibilities you need to go inside yourself; trust, connect and surrender to your flow that lies within you – this is the unending orgasmic ecstasy you are capable of.

The following steps will begin this exploration of what lies within you.

Try them with yourself first (allow a minimum of 30 mins, with practice it will take a few mins only) and then share with your partner:

1. Breathing- the more you breathe the more you feel and connect to yourself. Breathe deeply down into your belly and “let go” or relax as you exhale through your mouth. Allow your body to relax. Don’t worry, you don’t need a lot of tension to orgasm, in fact tension will limit it.

2. Drop your attention from your mind into your body. Notice your breath, scan your body and notice the sensations and feelings. If you aren’t feeling anything don’t make it WRONG! This will just create more thinking. Just keep noticing and allowing what is, trusting that it will change. It can feel like you are dropping into nothing, this is where you need to trust yourself.

3. Then do the same with your attention to your genitals- breathe, notice and allow.

4. Continue deep breathing and now drop into your heart, when you do you will feel your body become soft, safe and receptive. If you feel any resistance or fear just allow it to be there, accept it and it will shift.

4. You may be noticing tingling sensations in your body, this is the activation of your ecstatic energy. Begin to breathe in through your open mouth as you rock your hips forward, breathe out through your nose as you rock your hips back. Imagine you are filling yourself full of breath, energy or love.

5. Relax and play with the size, speed and rhythm of your breath and movements. Add in some pelvic floor squeezes if you like. Enjoy yourself and see what happens. Be in the flow.

6. Give yourself permission to make sounds. Don’t fake it like a porn star, just ask yourself is there a sound there that wants to be expressed, start gently. The vibrations in your throat amplify the ones in your body.

7. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes (even if it’s not you!)- pleasure, power, ecstasy, love, wet, messy, emotion, connection, expansion, spirit etc etc.

Above all stay connected with yourself, keep and open mind and from here you can fly. Once you get this combination adding in touch will feel electric and super pleasurable. You are well on the way to connecting with the truth of who you are and the ecstasy that lies within. Connecting with this place in yourself will energetically invite your partner to meet you there. From this place move on to explore your orgasmic spots, especially your gspot, allow them to take you their heights with you in the driver’s seat. This is the Tantric approach to sex for a woman, so worth the journey!

Tantric Sex For Men – taking it to the heart

August 12, 2014 By Graeme Sudholz Leave a Comment

Tantric Sex for Men

Tantric sex is a tool for bringing the life, pleasure and meaning into the bedroom for men, here we tell you why and how to get started. In our modern world of information, technology and numerous other gadgets and toys, it has slipped past most of us that our awareness of our potential capacity for sexual pleasure is declining. Men (and women) are being slowly conditioned away from their real sexual pleasure. There are a lot of different factors in causing this, but I believe the single and most significant factor is that men (and women) simply have lost awareness of just how much pleasure they are capable of, both sexually and emotionally. Sexual capability simply means our individual capacity to feel full body pleasure. It doesn’t matter how many sexual partners a person has, or how much sex is experienced as this unfortunately is how we experience or measure pleasure from that place of limitation. The pornography industry has created farcical illusions of what sex looks like, and part of the reason porn has such impact is because real, meaningful sexuality is diminishing, particularly with younger people. From my experience in working with couples and particularly men, I am aware that very few men realise what their sexual capability really is, or in extreme cases, if their capacity for pleasure even exists. Through my work, I firmly believe that most men achieve less than 10% of their capacity to experience their own pleasure during sex.

Understanding is key

Something as simple as separating ejaculation from orgasm for men is real, yet most men don’t realize this is possible for them. Just because both usually happen at the same time (ejaculation being the release and orgasm the pleasurable peak ) men just aren’t aware that they’re separate functions. Most men believe that their experience of ejaculation is their actual orgasmic pleasure. If a man’s focus on ejaculation is his goal then most likely he rarely experiences his orgasm and if he does, it is only at a very small percentage of his true capacity. Ejaculation still does feel pretty damn good and it is a separate experience from orgasm. When a man stops when he “cums” then that is his finish. The actual reality at that point is this is his beginning of feeling his separate orgasmic pleasure. This is an attention grabbing concept even for those who are aware of this potential experience of separation. And even for those who are aware, it can often be a struggle to achieve pleasure from separation as it may feel like giving up something familiar. Yet the potential beyond this point is limitless pleasure and a life changing experience that is well worth the effort of exploration. As a man, take a moment and imagine your point of no return, your point of ejaculation as a 10 on your scale of orgasmic pleasure. Then, with 1 being the start and 10 being the finish. Imagine how it would be if you could keep feeling your orgasmic self for as long as you chose. Maybe even hundreds of times, without needing to actually ejaculate or desiring to finish? Are you, as a man even aware that this is what you are capable of, of being truly multi orgasmic ?

As a man, your real sexual pleasure begins at your current “10”. Converting your ejaculation intensity into orgasmic energy will keep your orgasm happening. This will create for you, a whole new world of pleasure each time you achieve your “10” and each time in this place it deepens, past 10 to 11, 12 or more. Your experience of pleasure increases, becomes easier to achieve and stays with you longer. Each time you go into sexual space, your “10” has moved, your pleasure is deeper yet closer to the surface and becomes more accessible as your normal feeling experience. This experience gets better with age and this pleasure is already happening within you. Simply by allowing yourself to experience your sexual potential with out limiting your pleasure sounds easy, BUT there is a condition attached. And it is not negotiable and we’ll get to that, but before we do, a bit more about men’s conditioning away from pleasure.

Male conditioning

Generally, as a result of this conditioning and lack of awareness of what is possible, men struggle in accepting that there is so much more to their sexual experience. Men become “addicted” to ejaculation as their pinnacle experience. Some men only experience ejaculation and very limited orgasmic pleasure. Even though there is so much more pleasure to experience and it is already available inside them. This disconnection conditioning also encourages a man to focus on pleasing his partner in order to be a “good lover”. This is another potential that may take him further away from this place inside of himself and into a place of “performance”. The pornography industry is more manipulation that specifically targets these areas of masculine desire of performing and visually “coming” which even further separates a man from his heart. When watching porn the screen is where a man’s awareness is focused. When watching porn, the focus is on the screen and in this place pleasure is significantly limited . As a man grows older and his habits become deeper and more entrenched as testosterone fades, his normal type of sex has less feeling and becomes more difficult. This is also a part of male menopause, which is another issue for men (and women).

Man’s ultimate challenge

For a man to move away from performance and go into his deeper full bodied pleasure within himself, is about him opening to and connecting with his own loving heart. For a man to achieve these wonderful things in himself, requires his sexual energy and intensity be totally heart connected and driven. It is a limited and energy draining experience for a man if his heart and sexuality are disconnected. A man feeling his deeply penetrating loving heart is the fuel for sexual intensity of pleasure in lovemaking with his partner. And, if you’re a woman reading this, how does that feel for you? (pretty f…g amazing would be my guess…)

For you as a man in achieving your sexual heart connection, a deeply loving relationship container is ideal. This creates your fuel for your open heart, which creates more feeling depth of pleasure. This is what a woman desires most of all from her man, and this is what men are capable of bringing into relationship. This is not about giving your heart away but experiencing your power within yourself as your purveyor of pleasure.

Sexual shame

Most men carry a deep pool of sexual shame, from male conditioning around their identity and their sexuality that interferes with their capability in experiencing more pleasure. This shame is part of the reason why most men find it challenging to accept unlimited pleasure can exist beyond separation of ejaculation and orgasm. Men are conditioned from the beginning of their sexuality, to get it over and done with by ejaculating, resulting in conditioning men into being trigger sensitive, numb or lose interest in sex. Ejaculation mostly prevents a man from the best bits. There is also some primal conditioning in this as well, about survival and getting your seed planted before something eats you. The point being, men have a lot of conditioning to undo, and it is why most men are addicted to ejaculation and unknowingly diminishing their capacity for pleasure. Men have a choice and can choose pleasure, but most simply lack awareness about their true capabilities and sadly remain disconnected from their own pleasure selves. It is a matter of choice, but most importantly, simply being aware that they do have a choice, and that there is more, much more.

Imagine if you had a choice, how would it be for you in choosing to finish, because you felt totally complete without ejaculation? Imagine what it would be like for you, if each time you went into this place, that your orgasmic energy became deeper and more full bodied, and that it remained with you for days afterwards?

Learning to separate and become full bodied multi orgasmic is not easy, but it is real and does involve having a good time that is all about more pleasure and true sexual fulfillment. And if you’re learning this with your partner, then it is a relationship game changer.

How to get started

A simple process to try during lovemaking, or self pleasuring, is when you start to get close to your point of no return, is to simply stop and take 3 – 4 deep breaths. As you’re breathing deeply, focus on what you’re feeling inside of you, in your genitals. You will notice that your intensity of pleasure has relaxed and moved away from your genitals. This will spread pleasure through your body. Then simply start again and keep repeating, the more you do so the more full bodied your pleasure. The first step is being aware of what you’re feeling inside of you. This will make a difference simply because you’re feeling in yourself and you’re choosing to feel more pleasure. As you increase your awareness of how your sexual energy moves so will your awareness in the difference between ejaculation and orgasm. Focusing on the difference and choosing to bring the ejaculation intensity forward then stopping and breathing will expand that intensity further into orgasmic pleasure. And, practice practice practice… This is the main difference between the expansion techniques of Tantra and the control techniques of Taoist .

A holistic journey

Definitely, a game changer

Both will never be the same again.

Women are Wrong and seeing how is Freedom

July 10, 2014 By admin Leave a Comment

Women are wrong? How can this be?

There is something in woman that lives deep inside her, unseen and unacknowledged.

Unidentified will control and limit her.

Awareness of this wrongness begins as a spark and grows to a torrent. This is when she can choose freedom from it…

I am taking a deep breath and sharing my experience here as it has been for me and trusting that it has value for others…

I am a woman strongly in her feminine aspect.

I believe this is why I have experienced what follows so deeply.

What I speak of here I relate to the feminine collective, it’s part of each individual woman’s personal history but it is also somehow part of all women.

I have been ‘working’ as they say, on myself for a long time- over 30 yrs, experiencing, learning and enjoying much. Sometimes along the way I have made mistakes and felt appropriately wrong as a result, I’ve been able to deal with it and have learned from the consequences.

Yet it seemed I had another place of wrongness inside of me. One that was something else altogether- a painful, bottomless pit of icky, yucky, discomfort I labelled toxic SHAME.

Toxic shame is “I AM wrong” rather than I have just done something wrong.

This shame was like an automatic default setting I continually fell into, regardless of the circumstances. Recently I decided to take a good look at this monster, to stare it into submission and learn what it had to teach me. What opened up was a new world of ease, openness and self love.

A journey of discovery

From sitting with this shame, sometimes for hours at a time (no easy task let me assure you!)

it became clear there were two things operating here – a mental belief in my wrongness, and the physical feeling of shame attached to it… Once I was fully inside this very familiar and very uncomfortable feeling I saw my belief often WASN’T TRUE.

And once I saw this I saw that the big, juicy pool of shame that was attached to it now didn’t feel like MINE either.

I started looking at where this belief (wrongness) + feeling (shame) was showing up in my life and I found them everywhere, in both minor, and major parts of my life.

I saw them in basic things like needing the “right” clothes, hair, shoes, accessories, makeup, nails, skin, look, size, shape to feel acceptable.

And also in important things like my relationship – realising that so often when my man opened his mouth I would believe he was making me wrong. My automatic response was to feel wrong and get defensive. It became obvious to him that something was not right because he wasn’t trying to make me wrong, he could see I was doing it to myself. No matter what he said I would twist his meaning into making me wrong so I could feel my familiar sense of shame. He reported great frustration in trying to relate to me when I was in this shame pool, figuring he might as well do anything else rather than try and talk to me. Then I would feel abandoned along with more shame.

Unconscious belief in my wrongness would:

Put me constantly on the defensive, in my relationship and in my life, ready to collapse into shame, or to argue vociferously that I was NOT wrong (even if this was completely irrelevant to what was being discussed).
This self justification led me to feel powerlessness.
Feeling powerless made me want to lash out at those I perceived had power.
I felt ashamed, scared and angry.
I refused to believe it was just me being an illogical, menopausal female.

After reflecting on my work with women over the last 15yrs it seemed that some degree of this innate sense of wrongness was a common, if not universal experience in women.

I came across a study that reported men at work will blame their equipment, their boss or the system when things went wrong. Women would always blame themselves.

This wrongness appeared to infiltrate all levels of the feminine: body, mind, feeling, psyche and spirit…

Where does this sense of wrongness come from?

I believe it comes from the feminine being lost and her inner truths dishonoured from:

A patriarchal society that devalues the feminine qualities of feeling, emotion, intuition, wisdom, creativity, playfulness, pleasure, beingness, receptivity, surrender, vulnerability, embodied sexuality and spirituality; seeing these qualities as weak or irrelevant rather than powerful, mysterious and magnetic.
The desecration of ancient Goddess cultures where Spirit was earthy and embodied, rather than an external perfection to be ascended to. And through the burning at the stake of tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of women as so called witches during the dark ages, removing this font of wisdom from our culture.
The physical, emotional and sexual abuse perpetrated by unconscious patriarchal men and the lack of healing available to women wounded at a soul level.
The social, sexual, cultural and political repression of women that remains around the world today.
The overt honouring of the Good Mother and Madonna roles vs the shaming of the Bad Mother, the Whore and the Invisible Older Woman.
The loss of understanding the true nature of female sexuality, limiting it to mechanical stimulation and arousal rather than relaxation and awakening. So depriving woman of true connection to herself and her spiritual power.

How does this overwhelming history impact us as women?

To a greater or lesser degree it makes us:

Feel wrong somehow for no longer being the “good” girl we were supposed to be.

Apologise for our existence, making it much harder to stand up for ourselves and ask for our needs to be met.

Vulnerable to the marketing that serves to fix our “wrongness” worth billions of dollars of cosmetics, clothes, hairdos, diet, beauty treatments and plastic surgery etc.

Women as BDSM bad girls

If we’re lucky we might get to play in our wrongness sexually, in all kinds of edginess and bdsm play.

Yet there is much more than that – we are like the abuse victim who internalises the shame of the act long after the abuse itself is over.

It leaves us disconnected from our feminine selves, striving to live up to the masculine perception of power. We do this whilst feeling increasingly exhausted and unfulfilled within.

We miss out on the feminine qualities mentioned above. Our lack of these qualities leaves us bitter and complaining. We focus only on feminine nurturing and giving to others in the hope this will make us worthy of receiving in return. We then feel frustrated and even more wrong when our “goodness” is not seen.

Disconnected from our embodied truth and sense of self, we say yes, when we mean no. We say nothing when we mean yes.

We toughen up and tolerate bad treatment by others (and by ourselves), and often inappropriately blame ourselves for what is wrong.

Our ability to suffer in silence makes us hard and unavailable to others, and to our own hearts.

We develop a false strength, an ego based power that doesn’t allow us to take responsibility when we ARE in the wrong. This is because in feeling so wrong already there is unconscious resistance to feeling even more wrong.

Our inner rage at this wrongness leads us to project our shame onto, and emasculate men in a thousand different ways, fatally damaging our relationships with them.

All the while we will desperately fight to get or keep men to avoid feeling wrong for being alone.

In this place we see our sisters as competition, often criticising and shaming them, denying ourselves this inherent support system.

We neglect our need for pleasure as a necessary part of our wellbeing, cutting ourselves from this powerful source of inner radiance. We use our pleasure to service others rather than ourselves. We suffer under rough or inadequate touch, rather than asking clearly for what we desire, leaving both the giver and receiver lost.

And finally it leaves us as THE VICTIM rather than the POWER PACK– unhappy, frustrated, scared, uncertain, complaining, not knowing and not loving ourselves, living small.

How can we create something new?

Like an abuse victim we cannot change what has happened.

Bringing to account those responsible for our abuse can help, receiving acknowledgment and apology is part of the healing. But much of this pain is beyond the individual, in both victim and persecutor. Limiting ourselves by focusing our attention only on the perpetrators does not fully resolve the attached shame and unhelpful belief patterns WE now carry within US as a result.

People with disabilities stepping out of shame Yet we CAN help to set ourselves free of this shame and disempowerment.

Very much like the movement out of cultural shame by people with disabilities. Disabled athletes are now very much a part of the everyday world rather than hidden in the corner. They have done this not with blame, as often there isn’t anyone TO blame, but through empowerment in the individual, focussing on their abilities and strengths rather than their limitations.

We can choose to trust in the power of the feminine, that still exists despite ALL the efforts to sublimate it.

We can move beyond this wrongness, this shame by meeting it head on, actively seeking it out, understanding that it is not ours, it never was. Acknowledging our victimhood with compassion, moving beyond its disempowering control. Knowing that as we do so we are empowering both ourselves and our sisters from within.

We can join with the growing numbers of women across the globe who are reaping the benefits of integrating the feminine more fully into their lives.

Reclaiming your POWER PACK

If you can relate to what has been spoken here join me in:

Setting an intention to see this pattern more clearly
Taking moments to FEEL this yucky shame, breathing into it (rather than unconsciously reacting from inside it)
Allowing it to nail us like an insect on a pin
Like a stake into the wall of our closed and suffering hearts

If we can give birth to babies, we can do this!
Consciously breathe into the discomfort and feel it fully just for a moment or two
Just long enough to see what it is- a feeling
If it is yours own it
See where it is NOT you

Then let it go
This is freedom. This is power from within
This is self love
This is Love birthed in compassion
For yourself, your sisters and those around you
Giving the world the gift of a truly empowered and feminine YOU.

To experience more of where Annette is coming from join her

Power of Yoni Workshop

« Previous Page