Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that sex after 50 needs to be a distant memory!
Many studies have shown that humans are interested in sex well into their 80’s, it’s just in our youth obsessed culture we ignore this intriguing possibility…
Sex changes as we get older, and that’s all because if we change with it, sex will become even better as we get older…
At 57 years of age, whenever I’ve had sex and I look in the mirror I think “Wow, you’re looking great!” My eyes are huge and luminous, my skin radiant, my body relaxed and sensually alive. I not only look good, I feel pretty good too.
Even though I have to admit my libido is not what it used to be. It very much comes and goes.
But what IS always there is what I call the ‘grown up’ factor. This is the part of me that recognizes even if I don’t ‘feel horny’ at the thought of sex, I always have the choice to make it happen.
Getting Into The Driver’s Seat
This is the difference between having sexual desire driving me, and me driving my sexual desire. This is the difference between hormonal driven ‘youthful sex’ and the choice driven sex that can happen once the hormonal flush is over.
Part of me, and of most people I speak to, still longs for the effortless ‘horniness’ that allows sex to ‘just happen’. I liken it to the part of me that sometimes longs for someone bigger than me to take charge, someone that will cook dinner when I come home late or will come up with a sensational new idea I’m after. It’s that part of me not willing to take full responsibility.
Once I recognize what is going on I can drop it. For of course, I can take charge in my own life and want to do so.
Saying YES to Sex!
This is what happens with our sex lives. As we move out of hormonal driven desires we need to take responsibility for what we can create in our sex lives. WE need to say YES to sex before it will say YES to us.
When we do say YES, our sex drive will show up even better than before. To want the many benefits sex can bring. (see benefits of sex article)
When we say to our partners “I would really like to make love with you tonight” and remember delicious times from the past and have an open mind about what can be created right now great things can happen.
Rather than sex being a rush to orgasmic relief, each moment can be a choice to feel, to breathe, to be fully in our bodies, fully in the moment, to be present to the opportunities arising.
To start by just holding each other and relaxing.
To drop any agendas about what sex ‘should’ look like and go with what is.
To be willing to take your time.
Breathe and pc squeeze.
To love wanting the feel of aliveness and connection inside us that great lovemaking can bring.
To be right here now.
To be willing to trust that desire will arise given an atmosphere of trust and understanding.
Confident enough to be intimate, vulnerable and open.
With more of ourselves to reveal than ever before.
Less drive, more skill and so much more to discover!
If you would like some support to upgrade your lovemaking skills to make the most of getting older sex contact us about an Ultimate Couples Getaway, a chance for you to chill out in a beautiful beach or rainforest location whilst your very own bedroom specialists come right to your very door and respectfully (clothes on) lead the way!
energy to be an “hysterical paroxysm” requiring some form of “treatment”, or that she wasn’t capable of sexual enjoyment, but to “bear these things” ie sex for the benefits of motherhood. Nowadays the modern woman is claiming her rights to “her” orgasms and finding new and creative ways of experiencing them. Yet awareness of a woman’s G-spot is a relatively recent phenomena, for many years it was thought to have been as real as a “UFO”. This very real Sacred spot provides yet more possibilities for women to further know, enjoy and accept their bodies, their sexuality and themselves.
clitoral orgasms only, some have a mixture of both vaginal and clitoral, with or without the lingam/vibe/dildo. For many other women, the G spot still remains an unknown experience. and generally takes a greater level of self awareness and even self acceptance in the woman for it to awaken in her. It is part of her emotional body, one of the major energy centres in her body and experiencing it can bring an emotional intensity that can be unexpected or even frightening. But with knowledge and practice a woman (by herself or with a trusted lover) will find awakening this centre can allow her to access new levels of satisfaction in her sexuality that go a long way to fulfilling the intense emotional longings and frustrations that she usually hopes her partner can fulfil for her. Knowing her body in this way can allow her to share with her partner from a place of wholeness rather than a craving for fulfilment.
Gspot requires. So when you feel arousal happening remember to relax, let your muscles go and deepen your breathing.
-The fear of ejaculation. This is the fluid that can be expelled from a woman’s prostate gland (yes, she has one in the erectile tissue around the urethra, which the Gspot forms part of) when the Gspot is aroused. Because little is known about female ejaculation it can be viewed as urine by the woman and/or her partner. But it actually has a different chemical composition, smell and taste from urine. It is believed to help lubricate the urethra from the acidity of urine, reducing infections and also sweetens the acidic environment of the yoni to enhance sperm survival. In tantric terms it is known as Amrita, the nectar of love and is thought to be a Gift from God, and is seen as a source of rejuvenation. Letting go of Amrita can be an exquisite bliss that is beyond words, leaving a woman and her partner renewed. But a woman can often hold back in fear of “wetting herself”. In fact it is very difficult for a woman to pee when highly aroused, just like it is difficult for a man to pee when he has an erection. Knowing this can help a woman to relax and let Amrita flow when she has the urge to “pee” that comes from stimulation of her Gspot. It can happen separately from orgasm, or with orgasm.
She is no longer the mother as she once was (menopause often occurs as kids have left home), her body is forcing her to face the fact of getting older, even of death. She too, like you, may have fears around her sexuality, she faces a a great deal of social conditioning around older women not being seen as sexual beings or having a place in the world, although this is very slowly starting to change.
All of the above create tension in the genitals. This tension manifests itself most commonly through tightness/stiffness in the yoni (genitals) that never fully relaxes, even during intercourse. The feelings and emotions that are unacknowledged or expressed in this collect in the genitals as blocked energy and over time this is reflected as either numbness or as we are talking about here- physical pain.
