Do you find that your communication with your partner never seems to hit the spot?
Are you often left feeling unheard?
Unseen?
Or uninspired? (You’ve heard it all before…when you used to hang on their every word)
Even disrespected?
Today’s tantric communication practice can help bring about a radical change in your communication style with minimal effort.
Like much of tantra, this is a ritual, a practice
And like any practice the more you do it, the more satisfying it becomes.
It’s simple.
It allows each person to feel heard.
It invites you to listen to each other. To listen from the heart, rather than the head.
We often rarely listen to each other
In normal communication styles there is often very little listening going on.
We are so used to constantly thinking, our partner has barely got started when we are busy analysing what they’ve said. And how it will impact us.
Sometimes we are so busy waiting for our turn, working out what we want to say, we don’t really hear what our partner is saying.
Sometimes we check out of the conversation because we think we’ve heard it all before.
We can disagree with what is being said, and immediately try to impose our own point of view.
Occasionally we can be in fear of what our partner might have to say. So we either interrupt, ignore, invalidate or check out of their conversation. Because we literally want to protect ourselves from hearing it.
Also too, we can be emotionally triggered by our partner’s words and either explode into unrelated emotion, or withdraw from it.
This simple tantric practice bypasses all of the above
It does so by getting us to focus on listening and really hearing each other. And nothing else.
It’s not trying to resolve anything.
It’s not trying to get to an outcome.
It’s about really listening, from the heart.
With practice the space between you gets safer and safer to speak from the heart.
This can truly transform your communication by building trust and intimacy.
Which then allows you to, at other times, more easily resolve issues that arise between you.
It’s pretty good for your sex life too!
The tantric communication practice is called Heart Sharing. It doesn’t have to look as formal as this image but it gives a sense of how tantric communication feels.
Heart Sharing
How does it work?
- You sit opposite each other.
- Both partners take a moment to feel into their hearts. You can close your eyes or place a hand on your heart to do this. (This sounds corny but it works.)
- See yourself and the person opposite you as divine, empowered beings, creating their own realities. (Ditto.)
- One person shares for 3-5 minutes (It’s good to set a timer here).
- Once the first partner’s time is up, the listener just says thankyou, NOTHING more.
- Then you reset the timer and the second person has their turn, the same as above.
The Speaker
The speaker just speaks, whatever is there.
Without any agenda, or trying to get a particular response.
They really hear themselves more.
Which can help them gain insight into what they are actually putting out there.
A valuable tip is that if you run out of things to say, you just wait, until something else arises. If nothing does, you just sit in silence.
The Listener
The listener just listens. (Yes, God, the Universe or evolution DID give us two ears and one mouth for a reason!)
Whilst they listen, the listener focusses on their heart (keeping their hand their can help).
This helps them hear their partner from as open a place as possible.
The listener notices any inner response or reaction they might have, like those listed above. And instead of speaking or reacting they simply take a deep breath or two…This allows them to stay present with what is being said.
It’s more than just talking
Sitting opposite each other allows more non verbal communication to happen as well.
The important thing to remember is that this is NOT about AGREEING with your partner.
It’s about LISTENING.
It’s about believing that everyone benefits from being truly heard.
And that being seen is a form of being loved.
As we said, this practice is not about resolving your issues. It’s about building trust.
Over time your sharings will get more and more clear and heart centred
Because you will feel safe, seen and heard.
With practice you can let go of the timer and just let each person hare until they feel complete. (However, if it starts to feel one sided it’s good to use the timer again).
It works for women because they can speak without needing to be fixed. As she hears herself she can get clearer in what she has to say.
It works for men because they have the space between the words to feel heard. Men can tune in to a woman’s body language without being overwhelmed by her words.
This mindset can also lead us to unconsciously see our partners as a source of pain, rather than one of love or pleasure. Which causes us to unconsciously put up walls to protect ourselves when we’re around them.
Vulnerability is always scary but any danger comes from our lack of understanding and inability in dealing with it. When we think of vulnerability we’re conditioned to think of something being wrong, that we’re literally in danger. Vulnerability has warning signs around it saying ‘don’t go there, don’t go there’. From here we make the logical choice to try and defend ourselves or attack that which is making us feel vulnerable. When we do this we miss out on the love, connection, healing and self-understanding that lies on the other side of our vulnerability.
vulnerability within ourselves becomes a place of strength, going beyond our weakness to where we no longer feel the need to hide or protect ourselves. We find we are not weak and helpless but vast and powerful. We’re less dependent on our partner’s response. We’re totally emotionally open and available to ourselves and to our partners, even to love itself. We surrender to ourselves, our mind sinks into our heart. We’re freer and more connected to our essence.
you have probably remained contracted in your feelings rather than fully dropping though them into the essence of you that lives underneath your pain and your story.
Our intimate relationships are potentially the most important and fulfilling part of our lives yet we receive very little training for them.
This is why it’s vital to get the training you need to address the challenges your relationship offers rather than bury your heads in the sand, becoming machine like and operating from habit, wishing things were different without taking action. Or doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. This is just suffering.
It helps us be more present with our lovers and will not only spread your pleasure into a more full bodied experience whilst increasing the intensity of your orgasm and build sexual stamina.
