Keep your woman wanting you by touching her.
Your woman needs to be touched.
Something that often stands out for us is the way guys are missing one of the most basic rules in lovemaking. 
Well, it’s more than a rule really, it’s a necessity!
What is even more surprising is that sometimes women don’t know this rule either…
Women need to be touched everywhere else before their genitals for them to work fully!
This is especially true in relationship sex- what we call sex for the long run. Any woman’s body that is not touched in lovemaking will sooner or later completely shut down, leaving her lover scratching his head wondering what happened.
This leaves him sadly buying into the belief, likely to be endorsed by his mates that a loss of interest in sex is “normal” in a woman. It is not.
A woman’s body is made to be touched, it’s not only luscious to look at its yearning to be fully appreciated.
Her body, not just 
her vagina, needs to be penetrated with attention.
Anything else leaves her uninterested in sex and sometimes uninterested in her partner. It will also leave her more over emotional, critical even bitter; or cold, withdrawn and unapproachable.
A lack of touch makes her more interested in being with her kids where some of these needs for physical and emotional (not sexual) intimacy get met.
The interesting thing is that these people aren’t lacking in intelligence.
They’re smart, caring, creative and competent so it’s not that they aren’t capable of touching it’s just that they literally don’t know the importance.
And they’re not alone.
Why DON’T men touch?
Of course many men do touch, we’re looking here at the ones who don’t yet.
Survival of the species
A guy’s primal drive in sex, as it is in his life, is to produce.
To get to his goal as fast and as efficiently as possible. His primal urge to “get there” can override everything else in his pathway, leading him to ignore anything he perceives as distracting along the way.
And at its most basic level a woman’s pleasure, or anything beyond the perceived openness of her vagina, is not 
required for man to achieve his primal objective.
This is not an excuse but it is part of the reason behind a guy’s blindness in bed.
We’ve moved on from sex being merely about the survival of the species.
We’re now capable of sustained physical pleasure, emotional closeness and intimacy in sex, closeness and intimacy that men, given the opportunity, will admit they crave as much as women.
They just don’t know how to go about it, and the complexity of a woman’s body can be overwhelming.
Part of it is that men lack the quality information that can teach them.
Nowhere to learn from
Men have little opportunity to learn from others in their environment.
Open, honest conversations about sex and how it happens are as rare as hen’s teeth and mostly what we hear is disinformation about sex that perpetuates the stereotypes we labour under.
It’s one of the things we most love about our work- making these kinds of conversations possible.
Of course, pornography is the master of disinformation about sex- about truly satisfying sex at least.
Porn is great for titillation and getting us to the end point but terrible at showing us how to make the most of the bit in between.
Porn shows men penetrating women increasingly without any kind of touching beforehand and mistakenly portrays the women screaming in pleasure from the mere act of having a cock inside her.
Porn is teaching women too that she doesn’t need to be touched. A woman’s body doesn’t work that way.
Except on the occasions she is really hot with all systems firing and there’s usually reasons behind this other than just the immanent sex.
Cultural conditioning
Men grow up in the bullshit culture of how men should be big, strong and tough, not sensitive or ‘girly’, primed for fighting rather than loving, leaving them numb in their bodies and less sensitive to touch than they’re capable of.
Believe us guys, the more sensitive you become (without losing yourself) the more powerfully masculine you become where it counts- in the lingam (cock) and in the heart.
Men often grow up in an environment where touching, even non sexual touching wasn’t a normal part of daily life for them.
Such as hanging out on the couch together, having hugs, being held when they’re sad or even being kissed goodnight at bedtime.
It can be true for women as well. This kind of touch may even have been shamed.
Growing up with a lack of touch makes it difficult to know what it feels like and what its benefits are.
Performance based touch
When men do take the time to become good at touching a woman they’re unfortunately taught to “turn her on”.
As Leonard Cohen so powerfully sang “I didn’t know how to feel so I learned how to touch”.
A man can even believe he knows how to touch 
so well that his woman ‘should’ like it, no matter what.
This external touch can leave a woman feeling pressured to perform in order to validate his skill and feeling manipulated rather than fulfilled no matter how pleasure she has.
It limits the connection possible in truly intimate lovemaking.
Men also carry shame about their sexual needs and often have anger towards women who as they see it, don’t provide for their needs.
This leaves them resentful about having to “give” touch in return.
Men haven’t been taught how to take responsibility for their own sexual needs and having unsatisfying sexual relationships makes this worse.
Not knowing what is possible
And finally it’s just that most people don’t know what is possible in sex, beyond having a “genital sneeze” type orgasm.
In the rush for the mechanics the intimacy in sex is lost. In relationship sex in the absence of intimacy much of the pleasure is lost.
And why do women accept it?
A woman is primally driven to open and receive in sex.
This leaves her without a voice to ask for what it is that she needs for her own arousal and continues to happen despite the growth in women’s liberation elsewhere in life.
It leaves her lover in the dark operating on instinct leaving her to just “go along” and hope that it’s over soon.
Woman’s strength has been in her capacity to endure rather than her ability to speak up.
She knows intuitively there is more but she is at a loss in how to create it, and with today’s orgasm performance based sex so much the norm she can even doubt her instincts.
So how DO you touch a woman in sex?
Begin getting into your own body first so she can feel you.
By touching her outside the bedroom to help her get into her feeling body too- not groping, just relaxed touch without an agenda.
Then by asking her.
Ask questions to make sure you understand her fully.
Dropping any expectations of a result, just enjoy each moment.
Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback as you touch her, not from a place of insecurity but from caring- would you like it slower/faster/softer/firmer/to the right/left etc.
And keep asking. She will love you for it.
If she really doesn’t know, start with kissing her a lot.
Then follow the basic idea of imagining she has a bikini on and touching her everywhere else but under her bikini.
Particularly the back of her neck, her head and her hair, her breasts (all of them not just her nipples), over her heart, her lower back, buttocks and inner thighs. For more see Tantric Touch
Once you arrive at her genitals (or yoni as we like to call it which means sacred space) take the same approach- touch from the outside in- pubic mound, outer labia, perineum, inner labia, clitoris, entrance to her vagina, gspot and aspots (at cervix).
If she’s liking it do more of it, at the same speed or keep coming back to it.
Touch her from a place of exploration rather than performance.
Breathe and invite her to breathe with you.
And women, ask for it. And love touching yourself too so he’ll want to join you.
Make it a team effort.
She will love you for it and so will you.
It helps us be more present with our lovers and will not only spread your pleasure into a more full bodied experience whilst increasing the intensity of your orgasm and build sexual stamina.
Here we outline a few of them:
Having sex also boosts your libido and your sexual desire. It reminds your body just how good it can feel and makes it want more. So if it’s been a while for you don’t stress about it just get started and believe it will get even better as you practice more.
including prostate massage (massaging the area between the balls and the anus, or internally on the prostate itself) in your love play is even better than overly focussing on ejaculation. Prostate massage helps spread sexual energy through the body rather than just releasing it through ejaculation. Having sex helps to balance your hormones, increase the blood flow, elasticity and lubrication of your vaginal walls sex is an important addition to your menopause management (whilst boosting your libido along the way).
Look Better and Get Smarter!
Mark was working long hours, successful in his business but paying for it through the stress he carried, stress that lead him to slump down in front of the TV at night, with a ‘leave me alone’ wall emanating from him. Which was better than the nights he had to take his anger out on Jenny by picking a fight with her. He wondered if he might be a bit depressed, but this thought was too hard to deal with so he avoided it. He did worry about his almost non existent libido, but didn’t know what to do about it. Mark felt very much in charge at work but when it came to the bedroom he didn’t have the answers and was scared to look. He dealt with his fear by being angry and keeping Jenny at a distance.
Jenny was a very loving, passionate woman. She longed for more lovemaking in her relationship but she was scared of Mark’s anger and found it impossible to breach his unavailability. Feeling powerless, she carried a lot of frustration about the lack of passion in her relationship, as well as the lack of intimacy that stemmed from it. So much so that she had a luscious affair a few months ago, that ended when her lover ran away from her emotional intensity. This left Jenny even more angry and now feeling guilty as well. She’d was having therapy that helped her feel more normal and less guilty but left her still burdened with a deeper level of ongoing frustration.
accommodation, including an abundance of great cafes, succulent fresh fish, daily walks and swims, even a local yoga class.
Jenny had her beliefs about her sexuality validated. It wasn’t that she was needy or demanding, more that she was following her body’s intuition about the importance of sex for her as part of her vitality and life force, her very survival. In fact, she had felt like she was dying (or crazy) having to shut it down when sex was unavailable. She learned new ways to nurture her sexuality outside of sex that gave her a new lust for life itself.
home because it takes more than just a few days to change life long patterns, Annette and Graeme 
offered a follow up Skype session at home, included in the cost.
In doing so he unknowingly avoids his own vulnerability, the vulnerability it takes to be an amazing lover, as this involves getting more present, more fully into his body, feeling more and opening his heart.
Unfortunately it is all too easy to put it in the too hard basket and flake out in front of the TV or your laptop instead for those few minutes of ‘me’ time.
Simply begin with sitting down opposite each other, facing each other directly. This allows your body’s energy systems to move into alignment without doing anything other than just sitting there breathing. (Holding hands is optional).
