Orgasms: What kind are you having?

September 13, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Orgasms, Orgasms and More Orgasms

As humans we’re capable of many different types of orgasms- 23 kinds in fact!

We often limit ourselves to the idea of just one- peak orgasms, therefore missing out on the many other possibilities that the orgasm offers. Sometimes thinking we’re not even having one when we actually are…

Orgasms come in many shapes and sizes and all of them are valuable- even the little half, almost, ones shouldn’t be dismissed. Why? Well, from little things big things grow!

Orgasms and the search for them (when not under pressure) can bring in some playful and beautiful moments of sexual intimacy too.

So what types of orgasms are there?

As mentioned the most common idea of orgasm is that of peak orgasm: the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure, often associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, general euphoric sensation and, frequently, body movements and vocalizations (this is the Oh God, I’m coming moment). In a man, orgasm is generally accompanied by ejaculation, or release of his semen. The period after this orgasm (known as the refractory period) is often a relaxing experience, attributed to the release of oxytocin, prolactin and endorphins.

Other types of orgasm:

Orgasms can be bone shaking and spine tingling; they can also be so subtle that we don’t even realise they’ve happened…even a pleasurable shiver is a kind of body orgasm. Orgasms are generally accompanied by pleasurable sensations of heat and/or tinglings (what we call orgasmic energy), tension, fullness and release but they can also be accompanied by others such as expansion, opening, bliss, freedom- where our ordinary minds switch off and we feel the freedom of being mindless- what is known as the ‘little death of the ego’. We generally feel a change in our physical state after orgasm, we feel relaxed, expanded, lighter, more open or somehow different.

Genital focussed- where the sensations of heat, tingling etc are experienced only around the genitals, generally peak style.
Full body orgasm- where the sensations are experienced in many or most areas of the body. Sensations can be more fluid.
Ejaculatory- the orgasmic energy is accompanied by the pleasurable release of semen, or female ejaculate called Amrita.
Non ejaculatory- orgasmic energy peaks without fluid release (for men too).
Explosive- where the pleasure seems to explode out of your body.
Implosive- where the pleasure expands through your body, can feel like pleasure or melting/opening sensations.
Multiple Orgasms– several ongoing peaks and releases of orgasmic energy, generally without fluid release every time.
Spot Orgasms- P spot for men (either external or internal); Clitoral, G, P, A, C, U and Cervix for women. Clitoral orgasms are usually limited, others can be multiple, particularly the P and G spots.
PC Orgasm- yes, contracting your pelvic floor muscles and breathing fully can actually take you into an orgasm.
Valley Orgasm- this is where it can seem like nothing is happening but if you allow yourself to drop into it (in those moments of stillness during lovemaking that we so hope you’re having) where surrender happens and you open into something else, hard to define, it can be filled with connection, love, peace, expansion and more. You know it’s happening as your state has changed, worth exploring.
Solo Orgasm- the ones you have by yourself can be truly delicious if you take your time.
Anal Orgasm- your anus has a large range of nerve endings that can be awakened to pleasure.
Non genital orgasm- arousal and peak/release of orgasmic energy can be experienced anywhere in the body- not only nipples but given time and consistent tantric stroking virtually any area of the body can become orgasmic.
Breathgasms- through breathing alone.
Mindgasms- where your fantasy takes you all the way.
Spontaneous Orgasm- can happen anywhere at anytime eg. during exercise, if you’re energy sensitive or just lucky.
Chakra Orgasm- energy expansion and release in a chakra ie. the heart or third eye (can be visual).
Transcending orgasm- where the orgasmic energy expands up your spine.
Emotional Orgasm- the pleasure that can arise after a release of emotion in lovemaking.
Soul Orgasm- may not be associated with physical pleasure but contains images or senses that relate to us personally eg. feeling reborn or having a glimpse of infinity. Afterwards you feel a profound shift in the state of your body.
Spiritual Orgasms- a sense of being at one with everything.
Firebreath Orgasm- this is one we teach at our workshops and is a combination of many of the above!
Anorgasm- no orgasm, or at least orgasm as we traditionally think of it. This occurs in 1 in 3 women during sexual play and up to 2/3 of women during penetration. It is rare, (or rarely reported as a problem) in men.

How do we experience more orgasms?

The main skill in experiencing more varieties of orgasms is in understanding what is possible, having an open mind and being willing to hang around in lovemaking long enough to experience it. Men are generally more single genital orgasm focussed but this is by no means what they are limited to.
The next step is to explore:
Stroking new areas of your body with your full presence, for touch helps to awaken your sensations, and your presence helps you (and your lover) to experience them.
Playing with your breath as breathing is the driver of your pleasure, (especially as you get close to orgasm and as you go into it. Most people stop breathing here not knowing they’re depriving themselves of greater pleasure!).
Keeping your body relaxed rather than tense as energy flows through relaxed muscles!
Keeping your attention inside your body as this is where orgasms happen.
Make friends with your pelvic floor as its contractions are literally a sexual energy pump!
Try some different positions.
Using your imagination (for where the mind goes the energy follows)
Letting go of trying too hard to get there, tensing up and overriding your pleasure.

Make orgasm a pleasurable journey of exploration rather than merely a goal to achieve.

Deep lovemaking strokes

June 7, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Take your lovemaking out of the ordinary into the extraordinary with these deep lovemaking strokes.

Try one or two of these once you’re warmed up and are ready for more.

Add in some deep breathing and eye gazing to any of these strokes and feel your connection in deep lovemaking go off the scale!
A vital key is not to strive for orgasm in this. If the orgasm begins to arise feel free to follow it without striving to make anything happen, allow your body to lead your mind, rather than the reverse. Amazing things can happen this way!

For Both Lovers:

Rock your hips rather than thrusting them, as thrusting creates tension in your muscles and rocking opens them up, allowing much more pleasure to flow. You rock your hips by arching and flattening your lower back.
Play with your breath- breathe out as you rock your hips forward to penetrate/be penetrated, breathe in as you rock your hips back. Then try the opposite.
Breathe in short and sharp to build your sexual energy, alternating with deep and slow to spread it through your body.
Without moving both of you contract and release your pelvic floor muscles together as this releases energy from your two lower chakras.
Move slow, really slow, all the way out and all the way back in. Relax your Yoni (vaginal) muscles as much as possible. This helps activate the positive/negative energy exchange between your genitals exponentially increasing your pleasure.
Imagine your heart energy penetrating/being penetrated by your lover.
Place a pillow under your woman’s butt as this changes the angle of penetration.
Try rear entry for deepest penetration. Be guided by your lover’s degree of openness.
Introduce moments of complete stillness to explore the valley orgasm.

For men:

Stay centred in yourself and aware of your internal energy flows as this will help you last longer and be heart open and emotionally available to your lover.
Play with your lovers gspot prior to being inside her so it is awake and receptive.
Go slowly until you can feel your lover’s Yoni fully open to you.
Vary your speed rather than maintain a set rhythm.
Move in and out just two or three inches (5cms) at a time as this helps stimulate the gspot.
After moving all the way in move back and forwards just an inch or two whilst remaining deep as this helps stimulate the A (along the front wall of the vagina just before the cervix) and O spot (at the back wall near the cervix) for deep heart opening pleasure. Be really present with this one, give it the time it deserves.
Move your hips around in a circle, first one way then the other, this can drive a woman wild!
When you’re in deep stop moving and squeeze and release your pelvic floor muscles (which you’ve been practicing with, right?).

For women:

Stay centred in yourself, in your heart and aware of your internal energy flows as this will help you be emotionally available to your lover.
Contract and release your pelvic floor muscles- short and sharp. Long and slow.
Your Yoni (vagina) has three rings of muscle- an outer, middle and inner layer. You can learn to contract and release these individually and awaken deeper pleasure in both of you. If you can’t do it yet you can have fun trying!
Place your legs as high up around your lovers back as you can manage. Try over his shoulders if you can. Then try having your legs straight just resting over his ankles, changing the angle of the penetration.

If you experience any difficulties in exploring these deep lovemaking practices, especially if you encounter pain in the yoni please contact us for support via email or Ph 1800 TANTRA

Feeling Through Sexual Numbness

March 28, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

There’s a big, dirty secret out there.

One that is subtly reducing the amount of lovemaking that’s happening in relationships.

We’re having less sex than ever before and why is this so?

We’re becoming sexually NUMB!

This sexual numbness means that when we DO make love- often after we’ve finished work, looked after the family, attended to all the really important things in life, we find our sexual pleasure isn’t that inspiring. Leaving us hurt and confused and making it a long time before we make sex a priority again.

What are we saying?

Our bodies can lose their capacity to feel huge pleasure and begin to feel lots of nothing- this is known as sexual numbness and it is unknowingly ruining sex lives around the world.

Here we talk about why this happens and what simple step (and some more time invested ones) you can take to help your bodies learn how to reawaken and really feel.

This is some of what the lucky couples coming to our Couples Retreat will be learning and enjoying the benefits of.

What is Sexual Numbness?

Sexual Numbness happens because of something called body armouring.

It’s the body’s response to feeling hurt and pain- it literally toughens up.

There are 4 main reasons for this:

We shutdown or avoid our emotional feelings. This seems a good short term choice but over the long run it doesn’t work. Our feelings (including our sexual feelings) are all energy and when we shut down one, we shut down all of them. We can’t avoid sadness and feel joy, avoid shame and feel bliss, or avoid anger and feel passion. We might think we do but these feelings become a mere echo of what we’re really capable of.

2. Our hearts become armoured from unresolved emotional wounding. When we’ve been hurt and haven’t known how to heal we logically go into protection mode to prevent further injury, like putting several coats of Armor All on our hearts. The armouring makes our hearts look shiny on the outside but leaves them hardened within and less available for anything new, depriving ourselves of new opportunities for love that come our way.

3. The same thing happens to our genitals- they become armoured because of sexual wounding. And sexual wounding isn’t limited to sexual abuse… sexual wounding can happen simply through “doing” or having “unfeeling” sex. The current pornographic model of sex, sadly our most common teacher, is focussed on the “doing”, and on what sex looks like because porn is a visual medium. Rather than focussing on what it might actually feel like which is what we are actually interested in. Over time this hard and fast porn style thrusting by under prepared genitals just creates sexual numbness.

4. At a deeper level our bodies numbness can be a pathway to deeper self understanding. It’s our bodies way of saying “I need you to listen to me”. Perhaps you have been pushing yourself in all sorts of stress creating ways and your body won’t allow you to de-stress by sexual release, forcing you to find do so in a more wholisitc way. Perhaps your body is holding a little pocket of shame from being caught exploring your genitals with a boy/girl at school? Or it might want to show you a part of your sexuality, or your masculinity or femininity that you are denying. The possibilities are endless, but whatever the message is that your body is inviting you to look at by not being on automatic pilot, it will be one worth listening to.

Because believe it or not the tissues of our genitals are very sensitive- this is their original nature. This is a GOOD thing because sensitive genitals need a lot less attention to feel amazing. Remember back when you were teenagers and a mere touch was enough to send you into orbit? Over time a “doing” or “stimulating” type of sex leaves our genitals numb, making it harder for them to feel anything much at all. This results in fewer orgasms, reduced overall pleasure, weaker erections and a decreased libido.

The way to bring our bodies back to life is to “do” less and “feel” more:

Breathe deeply when you’re making love. Deep and slow breathing awakens and spreads your pleasure through your whole body. Short, fast breathing stimulates your pleasure to a peak- but if the pleasure isn’t there to start with you’ll short change yourself so begin with deep and slow.
Give yourself permission to make sounds, as to make sound we set up a vibration in the body which can help energy move, even little sounds can help start the process.
Instead of “thrusting’ your hips like a porn star, which tightens the muscles in your butt, hips, thighs and pelvic floor try “rocking” your hips, which relaxes and open these same muscles. Pleasure flows through relaxed muscles so this is definitely the way to go!
Try some short, deep thrusts, instead of relying only on full length in and out thrusts (which are better for the visual shots in blue movies but which become a bit boring at home). When you’re in deep only pull back only 2 or 3 cms at a time.
Take some time outside of sex to gently massage each other’s genitals, with plenty of oil and without any sexual agenda other than to resensitize them. Ie. with no focus on arousal. If you can really surrender to it (and breathe fully) it feels amazing and will re-energize your genitals in surprising ways.
Connect eyes when you’re making love- this definitely brings up the feeling factor.
To awaken further try some sexual healing for women and for men.
If, in the intimacy of lovemaking you feel pain or closed-ness in your heart, feel it and also share about it with your lover. This helps you take a few coats of Armor All off your heart and open it to more love. Yes it can be raw, but raw is the new sexy!

If you’d like to know more an experience some of this for yourselves take a look at our next weekend coming up in Sept 2017

Sexual Energy- What is it?

April 12, 2016 By Annette & Graeme 1 Comment

Acknowledgement of what lies at our core- Our Sexual Energy

Sexual Energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe. Everything that is alive has been created by it, animals, plants, humans, even the universe itself by the first big bang, according to Tantric mythology. Even though most of us may cringe at the idea of our parents having sex, this is how we were made too. In fact whilst visiting the fabulous and fun Sex Museum in Amsterdam (highly recommended if you’re in the area) the only thing that bothered Annette were the pornographic images (quite innocent these days) of people with hairdo’s like her mum and dad!

Yet sexual energy is so much more than just our biology.

It is the creative part of us that can create new life in ourselves as well as our offspring. As well as being present in relationship as attraction, arousal and passion, it is equally present in our enthusiasm and passion for interesting projects in work or hobbies. It’s the energy we use to run around the backyard with or care for our children or grandchildren. It is in inspiration for new ideas, it is the energy we feel when we’ve had an uplifting shift in our self awareness. You’ve probably felt it yourself after really satisfying sex, finding yourself with increased enthusiasm and vitality for living. Sexual energy opens us and makes us available for life.

At a physical level sex has multiple benefits from reducing high blood pressure and stress, producing dopamine to build confidence whilst inspiring action, oxytocins to enhance affection and bonding to opoids that produce feelings of happiness and wellbeing. Sex keeps us physically fit, and we keep fit to enjoy better sex. Our pleasure may even boost our immunity and reduce chronic inflammation- the source of many disease processes through the production of Nitric Oxide.

Saying Yes to our Sexual Energy

We promote our sexual or life force energy by how we live as much as what we do in the bedroom. By where we say Yes to it. By eating plenty of fresh foods, breathing deeply, getting regular exercise, seeking things to inspire us, keeping our minds active, our hearts open. By making life affirming choices rather than limiting or life defeating ones. By having life affirming sex than the energy draining kind. By pleasuring yourself to feel alive and loved.

It is a natural human desire to want to feel good, it’s no mistake that the porn and drug industries (legal and illegal) are two of the largest in the world. We have a common human desire to want to Gspot is spiritual awakening connect with something larger than ourselves. Almost every community on earth with some kind of ritual or spiritual practice seeking to access something to call God or Spirit. Even science focuses on it with its desire to explain the unexplainable.

Suppression of our Sexual Energy is life taking

It is unhealthy and a denial of our true nature and comes out of our fear of and social conditioning around its power. Sexual problems generally relate to acting out the suppression and repression of this energy rather than by its healthy expression. Even many psychological problems could be said to be based in the repression of this powerful force.

Sexual energy is natural, powerful and beautiful. It is catalytic in nature in that it arises unseen but felt. It alters the state of that which it arises in ie. we can’t see it or measure it but we can feel and notice its effects. It’s the only way most people feel absolute freedom- in the moment of orgasm where we are free of our everyday ordinary, limited mind. This experience is known as the ‘little death’ of the Ego. In sex there is union of the physical body, the subtle and soul bodies. This happens whether we are aware of it or not, whether we believe in such things or not.

Where is it in your life?

It is not important how often sex a couple has together, there is no magical, numerical formula. It’s the quality of the experience you’re creating that counts. What is also important is that a couple talks about, and make conscious decisions about this powerful part of their relationship.

Equally important is exploring the relationship you have with your own sexual energy. How do you view it? How do you manage it?

Activity: Write down and explore your own thoughts-

How do you feel reading this interpretation of sex?
What are your own beliefs about sex?
Where have they come from?
How well do they serve you today?
Where do you cultivate your own sexual energy? Where do you suppress it?
Do you own it, or give it away?

The more you say Yes to your Sexual Energy the more it will say Yes to you.

It will say Yes in healthy ways if you choose, or it will make its way out in pain and shadow, either way it will not be denied, the choice is up to you.

Sexual Healing

February 11, 2016 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Sexual Healing, the Myth…

As a man, and a sexual male who is in a long term and committed relationship, I find it challenging to hear and read the current debate around sexual healing by male “healers” with women.

With this in mind, I have decided to speak out as a professional who works with men and women, both singles and those in long term relationships.

Sexual Healing Sessions

I have had many sessions with men and women, both as couples and singles, and most importantly on my own or with my partner Annette.

Either way, always following up with debriefing about my experience with her.

I am also speaking from my place in my long term relationship with Annette, who is my lover, teacher, critic and business partner.

How I show up with her is my measure in how I am with a client, as it is also with her and her clients.

The relationship we share is a powerful space of deep clarity, challenge and compassion, and a gift that we both bring into our work.

We are “owner operators” in every sense of the phrase…..

Don’t get me wrong, I have on many occasions had sessions that involved varying degrees of nakedness and sexual touch.

One thing that I have not heard, in any of this “debate” around male sexual healers, is just how powerful a sexual healing experience can be for a woman, where she is fully clothed and not being physically touched.

How would it be, for you as woman to feel safe, and sexual in a way that is invited by a space that is clear, intense and healing?

Where the healing is in simply experiencing a deeply personal loving open hearted man in his sexuality, without personal agenda?

Where the opening is to herself rather than to the man, in a space held by clear masculine presence ?

“The myth is that sexual healing must involve nakedness or sexual touch, even sexual penetration”.

In fact, I believe the exact opposite is true in most cases.

Sexual Healing is not about sex

It is healing simply for a woman to be penetrated by clear masculine sexual heart presence while remaining fully clothed and not being physically touched.

In this space of not having sex, but in feeling her sexuality opening deeply as she opens her heart to herself, especially in a space held by deeply personal and loving masculine heart space.

Experiencing the difference between “universal” love and “deeply personal” love is a big part of what sexual healing is about, particularly while being held by clear healthy masculine presence, and this is not about having sex or even being sexual.

How many women have opened their hearts, only to have it quickly closed down by unconscious sex ?

Remembering, that most women have been hurt by unconscious men, and in too many cases, this masculine shadow or unconsciousness can also be cleverly disguised as “healing”.

Abuse can happen when the woman opens to the healer rather than herself and is where she may loose herself and be susceptible to being taken advantage of.

Especially when she is moving towards her sexual empowerment and freedom.

Opening to herself

Clothed or not, a woman opening to herself will soon feel and tell a man with a hidden agenda where to go with it!

Over the years through our work, I have had many conversations with men “desiring” to learn the art of sexual healing and with out exception my direction with them is to learn about their own sexual heart connection first.

How many women out there want to do something sexually empowering for themselves, but don’t want to have to bare their souls to more of the same, especially if it is even more cleverly disguised as “healing”.

Increasingly, people and particularly women have become fed up with the co dependancy that has plagued the modern Tantra movement and are expecting more depth and clarity from their experiences.

As a woman, simply trust your feelings first and foremost, and seek out a session that brings YOU in touch with your own awareness, coming into your feeling body and your heart, then from that place, connecting with what it is that you desire for yourself.

Sex For Men Over 40

December 9, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Better Sex for Men (and Women)

Awareness of our capacity for sexual pleasure for both men and women in this age of information, technology and numerous other gadgets and toys, is declining.

Our capacity for pleasure hasn’t changed, yet our awareness of our unique ability to achieve pleasure has significantly declined. I believe this is because of our increasing use and thirst for knowledge has taken us away from our feeling body into our intellectual mind.

Sexual pleasure for men (and women) over 40 can be a totally different experience when both consciously choose to own their real sexual pleasure, especially from an intimate and emotionally heart connected place. There are a lot of different factors in conditioning men (and women) away from real full bodied pleasure .

It doesn’t matter how many sexual partners a person has had, or how much sex is experienced as this unfortunately is how we experience or measure pleasure from our own external experience. The pornography industry has created farcical illusions of what sex looks like, and part of the reason porn has such impact is because real, meaningful heart connected sexuality is diminishing.

From my own personal experience, and in working with couples and particularly men, I am also aware that very few men realise what their sexual capability really is, or in extreme cases, if their capacity for pleasure even exists. Through my work, I firmly believe that most men achieve less than 10% of their capacity to experience their own pleasure during sex.

Understanding is key

Something as simple as separating ejaculation from orgasm for men is real, yet most men don’t realize this is possible for them. Just because both usually happen at the same time (ejaculation being the release and orgasm the pleasurable peak ) men just aren’t aware that they’re separate functions. Most men believe that their pleasure experience of ejaculation is their actual orgasmic pleasure, yet there remains so much more pleasure to be experienced.

Surfing the edge

If a man’s focus on ejaculation is his goal then most likely he experiences only a small percentage of his orgasmic potential. Ejaculation pleasure still does feel pretty damn good but it is a separate experience from orgasm and when a man stops when he “cums” then that is his finish. The actual reality at that point of finishing is also the beginning of his awesome potential in feeling his separate orgasmic pleasure, which he mostly misses out on. Delaying ejaculation, or simply “surfing the edge” is a simple yet powerful beginning of achieving so much more pleasure.

Surfing the edge is a practise of playing near the edge with out ejaculation. In this place, orgasmic energy begins to emerge, and with practise will dramatically increase not only the length of love making but also the pleasure experienced.

This is an attention grabbing concept even for those who are aware of this potential experience of separation. And even for those who are aware, it can often be a struggle to achieve pleasure from separation as it may feel like giving up something familiar. Yet the potential beyond this point is limitless pleasure and a life changing experience that is well worth the effort of exploration.

Multi orgasmic Man

As a man, take a moment and imagine your point of no return, your point of ejaculation as a 10 on your scale of orgasmic pleasure. Then, with 1 being the start and 10 being the finish, imagine how it would be if you could keep going after 10 (without cuming) and feeling your orgasmic self for as long as you chose. Maybe even hundreds of times, without needing to actually ejaculate or desiring to finish? Are you, as a man even aware that this is what you are capable of, of being truly multi orgasmic ? This is what is available for a man when he can choose to not ejaculate and cultivate his orgasmic energy beyond his “10”.

As a man, your real sexual orgasmic pleasure begins at your current “10”.

Converting your ejaculation intensity into orgasmic energy will keep your real orgasmic pleasure happening. This will create for you, a whole new world of pleasure each time you achieve your “10” and each time in this place it deepens, past 10 to 11, 12 or more. Your experience of pleasure increases, becomes easier to achieve and stays with you longer. Each time you go into sexual space, your “10” has moved, your pleasure is deeper yet closer to the surface and becomes more accessible as your normal feeling experience. This experience gets better with age and this pleasure is already happening within you. Simply by allowing yourself to experience your sexual potential with out limiting your pleasure sounds easy, BUT there is a condition attached. And it is not negotiable and we’ll get to that, but before we do, a bit more about men’s conditioning away from pleasure.

Male conditioning

Men are conditioned away from experiencing deeper pleasure right from the beginning of their sexual journey. From when they first become sexually active, boys are conditioned into ejaculation. In the early days of self pleasuring (masturbation) the pressure is on to get it up and over and done with before they get found out- stage (1). The next stage (2) is to get it up and over and done with before their girlfriend changes her mind, then (3) before the kids wake up and finally, (4) before they lose their erection.

Sadly, at no stage, or very rarely, are boys exposed to the real meaning of the sacredness of their sexuality and heart connection and what this means to be a healthy sexual male.

Generally, as a result of this conditioning and lack of awareness of what is possible, men struggle in accepting that there is so much more to their sexual experience.

Men become “addicted” to ejaculation as their pinnacle experience.

Some men only experience ejaculation and very limited orgasmic pleasure, even though there is so much more pleasure to experience and it is already available inside them.

This disconnection conditioning also encourages a man to focus on pleasing his partner in order to be a “good lover”. This is another potential that may take him further away from this place inside of himself and into a place of “performance”. The pornography industry is more manipulation that specifically targets these areas of masculine desire of performing and visually “coming” which even further separates a man from his heart. When watching porn the screen is where a man’s awareness is focused. When watching porn, the focus is on the screen and in this place pleasure is significantly limited . As a man grows older and his habits become deeper and more entrenched as testosterone fades, his normal type of sex has less feeling and becomes more difficult. This is also a part of male menopause, which is another issue for men (and women).

BUT, for a man to experience what is beyond his so called “normal” is simply realizing there is so much more, and that he can choose to experience and discover this for himself. If you’re a guy, ask yourself what it would be like if you could have your orgasm but not the “down” of ejaculation? Ask yourself what it would be like to get to your point of “no return” and instead of ejaculating choose to have your deeply pleasurable orgasm as many times as you desired?

Man’s ultimate challenge

For a man to move away from performance and go into his deeper full bodied pleasure within himself, is about him opening to and connecting with his own loving heart.

For a man to achieve these wonderful things in himself, requires his sexual energy and intensity be totally heart connected and driven. This place of heart connected sexuality in a man creates life force sexual energy that is pure heart, and is an unlimited source.

A man feeling and connecting with his deeply penetrating loving heart is also creating his fuel for sexual intensity and pleasure in lovemaking with his partner. And, if you’re a woman reading this, how does that sound and feel for you? (pretty f…g amazing would be my guess…)

For you as a man in achieving your sexual heart connection, a deeply loving and connected relationship container is ideal. This will enable you to create your fuel for your open heart, which creates more feeling of depth of pleasure. Masculine ejaculation energy is pure heart energy and this is what a woman desires most of all from her man, and this is what men are capable of bringing into relationship. Surfing the edge for longer will keep your ejaculation energy and dramatically increase your heart energy that you bring into your sexual connection. This is about a man being able to experience his heart opening in a way that will enable him in experiencing more loving sexual power centred within himself .

Sexual shame

Most men carry a deep pool of sexual shame, from male conditioning around their identity and their sexuality that interferes with their capability in connecting with and experiencing more pleasure. This shame is also a large part of the reason why most men find it challenging to accept unlimited pleasure can exist beyond separation of ejaculation and orgasm.

Men are conditioned from the beginning of their sexuality, to get it over and done with by ejaculating, resulting in conditioning men into being trigger sensitive, numb or lose interest in sex. This shame will also significantly impact on a man’s emotional availability, as most men will withdraw from relationship as a result of feeling this shame . Ejaculation mostly prevents a man from achieving the best bits in his pleasure, and will also enable him to retreat into his shame pool. There is also some primal conditioning in this as well, about survival and getting your seed planted before something eats you. The point being, men have a lot of conditioning to undo, and it is why most men are addicted to ejaculation and at the same time, unknowingly diminishing their capacity for pleasure. Men have a choice and can choose pleasure, but most simply lack awareness about their true capabilities and sadly remain disconnected from their own pleasure selves. It is a matter of choice, but most importantly, simply being aware that they do have a choice, and that there is more, much more.

As a man, you have a choice and how would it be for you in choosing to finish, because you felt totally complete without ejaculation? Imagine what it would be like for you, if each time you went into this place, that your orgasmic energy became deeper and more full bodied, and that it remained with you for days afterwards, and you remained in that place of heart connection with your partner ?

Imagine if this was your natural orgasmic state of aliveness, presence and potently heart connected? How would you feel? How would your partner feel as you shared this deep heart connection with them? How would this impact on those around you, if this place in you became your normal? This is the state that all men are born with, yet are conditioned out of for a variety of reasons, but mainly through cultural shaming of their sexuality and deep wounds carried from growing up as a boy.

Learning to separate and become full bodied multi orgasmic is not easy, but it is real and does involve having a good time that is all about more pleasure and true sexual fulfillment. And if you’re learning this with your partner, then it is a relationship game changer.

Numbness and Prostrate

Men who experience numbness or have issues achieving or maintaining an erection will also benefit from these techniques, but just require different practises. Men who have had prostate surgery will especially benefit from these tantric techniques. In those cases, it is important to realise that a man can still feel orgasmic with out an erection.

How to get started

A simple process to try during lovemaking, or self pleasuring, is when you start to get close to your point of no return, is to simply stop and take 3 – 4 deep breaths. As you’re breathing deeply, focus on what you’re feeling inside of you, in your genitals. You will notice that your intensity of pleasure has relaxed and moved away from your genitals. This will spread pleasure through your body. Then simply start again and keep repeating, the more you surf the edge, the more full bodied your pleasure. The first step is being aware of what you’re feeling inside of you. This will make a difference simply because you’re feeling in yourself and you’re choosing to feel more pleasure. As you increase your awareness of how your sexual energy moves so will your awareness in the difference between ejaculation and orgasm. Focusing on the difference and choosing to bring the ejaculation intensity forward then stopping and breathing will expand that intensity further into orgasmic pleasure. And, practice practice practice… This is the main difference between the expansion techniques of Tantra and the control techniques of Taoist .

A holistic journey

Also, a preparedness for emotional work, to really connect with and release shame, heal deep seated wounds, be intensely vulnerable and really opening your heart are beginning places. Connecting heart and sexuality is a beginning step, and this one particularly challenges most men to their core, yet is what a woman desires most to feel from her man. From this beginning place, becoming multi orgasmic is a complimentary and continuing journey. Let her know what you are doing and invite her to breathe too!

From my personal experience, (and yes, this place exists) and in my opinion, once a man starts down this pathway not only is there no turning back, but it becomes a limitless, timeless and never ending journey. This place in man, when actively introduced into himself and his relationship will create a depth of heart opening sexual loving that will keep growing and deepening. And it definitely gets better with age as it is an internal journey rather than purely physical technical journey.

A man can journey as far and as deep as he has the courage to go into himself connecting his heart and sexuality, his power and this grows stronger and deeper with age………This is the place in a man that woman craves for, to feel safe, protected, nurtured and met.
Better Sex for Men, definitely, a game changer

Both will never be the same again.

Call us TOLL FREE 1800 TANTRA (826 872), email link

To Cum or not to Cum…?

September 17, 2014 By Graeme Sudholz Leave a Comment

Are you aware that not only do you have a choice to cum or not, but by simply choosing to delay cuming (ejaculation) you will significantly intensify your orgasmic pleasure?

This is not about changing how you have sex, but about getting much more pleasure out of your current experiences.

Because, orgasmic pleasure and ejaculation pleasure are two very different pleasure experiences.

And because ejaculation and orgasm mostly happen together, most men accept that they are the same experience.

They are very different pleasure experiences.

And when you’re cuming too quickly, or with the intention to “get it over and Lasting Longer - To cum or not to cum’ done with” you greatly reduce your levels of experienced orgasmic pleasure.

Long term porn users really get sucked into this one which even further reduces their sexual pleasure.

Porn plays men right into this addiction to ejaculate, which is an addiction that most men experience at some time in their life to varying degrees.

Ejaculation and orgasm are two very different and separate experiences and functions.

It is not unusual for men to feel mostly their ejaculation pleasure because if “cuming” arrives too quickly or is forced they experience very little of their true orgasmic potential.

By delaying ejaculation you will greatly enhance their potential for true orgasmic intensity.

On the other side of this equation, if a man experiences sexual numbness (where he can be hard for a long time and not feel that much) he also misses out as it requires ejaculation intensity to heat up his orgasmic pleasure.

This is also true for a man who has trouble getting or maintaining an erection.

Ejaculation energy or intensity is their fire that greatly enhances not only orgasmic energy and intensity for pleasure but creates and sustains their erections as well.

Surfing the edge

Choosing to delay ejaculation shifts your orgasmic energy from simply ejaculation into intense orgasmic pleasure.

Dancing close to the edge or “surfing the edge” is the name of this game and then choosing not to ejaculate.

Takes practice as well.

If you can already make love for a long time and are wondering where you’re at, checking is easy.

At any time during sexual pleasure make a choice to cum and if it takes longer than 10 seconds then you’re “dancing“ too far from your edge and not fully experiencing your orgasmic “heat”.

Meeting and Harnessing the Power of Tantric Sex

Consciously choosing to “surf the edge” creates heat and orgasmic pleasure and the skill is in harnessing your ejaculation energy, not closing it down, instead increasing its intensity and directing that energy into full bodied orgasm.

The skill in this place is owning your ejaculation as pure heart energy.

As by increasing your orgasmic intensity you will also increase your open hearted connection in you, and with your partner. (ask her how she feels about this…)

In this place of harnessing your ejaculation energy and choosing not to ejaculate will dramatically increase your sexual pleasure and life force energy from a heart connected place.

This is also the beginning of becoming multi orgasmic because when you choose not to ejaculate, your orgasmic experience goes through the roof.

And not just the usual small blips but 100’s of full bodied deeply intense orgasm’s that can last for as long as you can stay open hearted and connected in your body.

In this heart connected place you are not losing energy (as is often quoted by many theorists about coming) but accessing by creating more .

In this place, it is your personal choice of if you complete with ejaculation or not, and if you don’t, there is a deep feeling of completeness and aliveness that is beyond words.

If you do choose to ejaculate, the experience is totally different to “normal” ejaculation and can be as is if you are connecting with your source or soul.

In my personal opinion, learning tantric sex is about creating, harnessing and recirculating your life force energy.

With this practise, there is no right or wrong in how often you may ejaculate or if you need to at all.

It is a personal choice and your body will tell you what is right for you, regardless of your age.

More Orgasms more often?

September 17, 2014 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Orgasms, Orgasms, Orgasms…

With more women apparently “coming” with greater ease in lovemaking than ever before (especially the women in porn) it is a hidden secret that many women as yet don’t have the pleasure of coming at all, in fact up to 1 in 3 women don’t. And up to 80% have trouble at times.

You have to remember that what you see in a porn flick is acting…

So how can YOU come more often? Here are some tips to increase your orgasmic potential…

And you don’t have to wait for your partner to get the right “technique”, there is much you can do to help yourself.

There are lots of different things you can play with:

Understand that the reason it is not happening has nothing to do with you not being good enough or sexy enough. Sexuality is a very complex part of us and is not determined by this one particular factor.
Don’t push yourself into trying too hard! It IS frustrating but the harder you try the more focus you put on your mind (the opposite place to where your orgasm will happen). And the greater tension you create in your body. As sexual pleasure (energy) flows through relaxed muscles this is not what you want.
Breathe more. Breathing is extremely powerful in sex (don’t get me started!), just begin by noticing how you are breathing wherever you are in your orgasmic cycle. Breathing more deeply into your belly and out though your mouth helps you relax and opens your energy.
Touch yourself with love, seek to connect with and honour yourself rather than just stimulate yourself. It is a subtle but very powerful mind shift.
Do you notice that you build up towards orgasm but then it dies away? See if you are tensing your body and stopping your breath as you peak? This is creates a block.If you notice this breathe more deeply.
Find ways for your mind to help you rather than distract. Fantasies can help but take you away from yourself. If your mind is all over the place (as it often is!) give it a job that keeps your focus inside you. Imagine your mind is filled with the colour white, the more thoughts come the whiter you imagine it. White is soothing and healing. Then make a connection to your sex centre (genitals) by imagining drops of red slowly forming and dropping from your brain down through your body to your sex centre. It’s weird but it works.
Let your body move. As you relax your body will want to move, give it permission by encouraging it, without caring how it might look, let your hips rock backwards and forwards. If you usually clench and tighten your body this may feel wrong, but again give it a try.
Sometimes what blocks us is what lies between our head and genitals- our heart. Breathe as if you could breathe into your chest and heart, notice what you feel there. Does it feel closed or blocked? There may be something that needs to be felt and released there. Whatever it is just feel it.
Spend time on your breasts and nipples. Often we are very genitally focussed but our breasts are a path to opening our heart and our genitals to pleasure. Massage the whole area (going to the nipples last) to fully awaken here. If you are with a partner ask them to join in with kisses, licks and sucks. If not do it yourself, you deserve it.
Include pc squeezes. The muscles between your legs (your pelvic floor or pc) are like a sexual pump. First relax, then tighten and release these muscles. Do it in a way that feels good rather than as an exercise.
Play with using your voice. Your vocal chords vibrate to make sound and if your body is aroused making sound will accentuate it. Start small and build. A lot of it is about self permission, don’t let shame keep you small. If you have to, placing a pillow over your mouth (not your nose!) will allow you to make a lot of sound quietly.
If you feel yourself beginning to build up to a peak imagine fireworks going off in your brain as where the mind goes the energy follows…
Understand that as women we have a place in us that is beyond having an orgasm, where we access our ecstatic orgasmic flow where there is no trying just being, and our breath + relaxation are the keys to taking us there. Keep your mind open to this possibility.