Orgasm Archives - Relationship & Sexuality Counselling Specialists

Orgasms: What kind are you having?

September 13, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Orgasms, Orgasms and More Orgasms

As humans we’re capable of many different types of orgasms- 23 kinds in fact!

We often limit ourselves to the idea of just one- peak orgasms, therefore missing out on the many other possibilities that the orgasm offers. Sometimes thinking we’re not even having one when we actually are…

Orgasms come in many shapes and sizes and all of them are valuable- even the little half, almost, ones shouldn’t be dismissed. Why? Well, from little things big things grow!

Orgasms and the search for them (when not under pressure) can bring in some playful and beautiful moments of sexual intimacy too.

So what types of orgasms are there?

As mentioned the most common idea of orgasm is that of peak orgasm: the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure, often associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, general euphoric sensation and, frequently, body movements and vocalizations (this is the Oh God, I’m coming moment). In a man, orgasm is generally accompanied by ejaculation, or release of his semen. The period after this orgasm (known as the refractory period) is often a relaxing experience, attributed to the release of oxytocin, prolactin and endorphins.

Other types of orgasm:

Orgasms can be bone shaking and spine tingling; they can also be so subtle that we don’t even realise they’ve happened…even a pleasurable shiver is a kind of body orgasm. Orgasms are generally accompanied by pleasurable sensations of heat and/or tinglings (what we call orgasmic energy), tension, fullness and release but they can also be accompanied by others such as expansion, opening, bliss, freedom- where our ordinary minds switch off and we feel the freedom of being mindless- what is known as the ‘little death of the ego’. We generally feel a change in our physical state after orgasm, we feel relaxed, expanded, lighter, more open or somehow different.

Genital focussed- where the sensations of heat, tingling etc are experienced only around the genitals, generally peak style.
Full body orgasm- where the sensations are experienced in many or most areas of the body. Sensations can be more fluid.
Ejaculatory- the orgasmic energy is accompanied by the pleasurable release of semen, or female ejaculate called Amrita.
Non ejaculatory- orgasmic energy peaks without fluid release (for men too).
Explosive- where the pleasure seems to explode out of your body.
Implosive- where the pleasure expands through your body, can feel like pleasure or melting/opening sensations.
Multiple Orgasms– several ongoing peaks and releases of orgasmic energy, generally without fluid release every time.
Spot Orgasms- P spot for men (either external or internal); Clitoral, G, P, A, C, U and Cervix for women. Clitoral orgasms are usually limited, others can be multiple, particularly the P and G spots.
PC Orgasm- yes, contracting your pelvic floor muscles and breathing fully can actually take you into an orgasm.
Valley Orgasm- this is where it can seem like nothing is happening but if you allow yourself to drop into it (in those moments of stillness during lovemaking that we so hope you’re having) where surrender happens and you open into something else, hard to define, it can be filled with connection, love, peace, expansion and more. You know it’s happening as your state has changed, worth exploring.
Solo Orgasm- the ones you have by yourself can be truly delicious if you take your time.
Anal Orgasm- your anus has a large range of nerve endings that can be awakened to pleasure.
Non genital orgasm- arousal and peak/release of orgasmic energy can be experienced anywhere in the body- not only nipples but given time and consistent tantric stroking virtually any area of the body can become orgasmic.
Breathgasms- through breathing alone.
Mindgasms- where your fantasy takes you all the way.
Spontaneous Orgasm- can happen anywhere at anytime eg. during exercise, if you’re energy sensitive or just lucky.
Chakra Orgasm- energy expansion and release in a chakra ie. the heart or third eye (can be visual).
Transcending orgasm- where the orgasmic energy expands up your spine.
Emotional Orgasm- the pleasure that can arise after a release of emotion in lovemaking.
Soul Orgasm- may not be associated with physical pleasure but contains images or senses that relate to us personally eg. feeling reborn or having a glimpse of infinity. Afterwards you feel a profound shift in the state of your body.
Spiritual Orgasms- a sense of being at one with everything.
Firebreath Orgasm- this is one we teach at our workshops and is a combination of many of the above!
Anorgasm- no orgasm, or at least orgasm as we traditionally think of it. This occurs in 1 in 3 women during sexual play and up to 2/3 of women during penetration. It is rare, (or rarely reported as a problem) in men.

How do we experience more orgasms?

The main skill in experiencing more varieties of orgasms is in understanding what is possible, having an open mind and being willing to hang around in lovemaking long enough to experience it. Men are generally more single genital orgasm focussed but this is by no means what they are limited to.
The next step is to explore:
Stroking new areas of your body with your full presence, for touch helps to awaken your sensations, and your presence helps you (and your lover) to experience them.
Playing with your breath as breathing is the driver of your pleasure, (especially as you get close to orgasm and as you go into it. Most people stop breathing here not knowing they’re depriving themselves of greater pleasure!).
Keeping your body relaxed rather than tense as energy flows through relaxed muscles!
Keeping your attention inside your body as this is where orgasms happen.
Make friends with your pelvic floor as its contractions are literally a sexual energy pump!
Try some different positions.
Using your imagination (for where the mind goes the energy follows)
Letting go of trying too hard to get there, tensing up and overriding your pleasure.

Make orgasm a pleasurable journey of exploration rather than merely a goal to achieve.

Deep lovemaking strokes

June 7, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Take your lovemaking out of the ordinary into the extraordinary with these deep lovemaking strokes.

Try one or two of these once you’re warmed up and are ready for more.

Add in some deep breathing and eye gazing to any of these strokes and feel your connection in deep lovemaking go off the scale!
A vital key is not to strive for orgasm in this. If the orgasm begins to arise feel free to follow it without striving to make anything happen, allow your body to lead your mind, rather than the reverse. Amazing things can happen this way!

For Both Lovers:

Rock your hips rather than thrusting them, as thrusting creates tension in your muscles and rocking opens them up, allowing much more pleasure to flow. You rock your hips by arching and flattening your lower back.
Play with your breath- breathe out as you rock your hips forward to penetrate/be penetrated, breathe in as you rock your hips back. Then try the opposite.
Breathe in short and sharp to build your sexual energy, alternating with deep and slow to spread it through your body.
Without moving both of you contract and release your pelvic floor muscles together as this releases energy from your two lower chakras.
Move slow, really slow, all the way out and all the way back in. Relax your Yoni (vaginal) muscles as much as possible. This helps activate the positive/negative energy exchange between your genitals exponentially increasing your pleasure.
Imagine your heart energy penetrating/being penetrated by your lover.
Place a pillow under your woman’s butt as this changes the angle of penetration.
Try rear entry for deepest penetration. Be guided by your lover’s degree of openness.
Introduce moments of complete stillness to explore the valley orgasm.

For men:

Stay centred in yourself and aware of your internal energy flows as this will help you last longer and be heart open and emotionally available to your lover.
Play with your lovers gspot prior to being inside her so it is awake and receptive.
Go slowly until you can feel your lover’s Yoni fully open to you.
Vary your speed rather than maintain a set rhythm.
Move in and out just two or three inches (5cms) at a time as this helps stimulate the gspot.
After moving all the way in move back and forwards just an inch or two whilst remaining deep as this helps stimulate the A (along the front wall of the vagina just before the cervix) and O spot (at the back wall near the cervix) for deep heart opening pleasure. Be really present with this one, give it the time it deserves.
Move your hips around in a circle, first one way then the other, this can drive a woman wild!
When you’re in deep stop moving and squeeze and release your pelvic floor muscles (which you’ve been practicing with, right?).

For women:

Stay centred in yourself, in your heart and aware of your internal energy flows as this will help you be emotionally available to your lover.
Contract and release your pelvic floor muscles- short and sharp. Long and slow.
Your Yoni (vagina) has three rings of muscle- an outer, middle and inner layer. You can learn to contract and release these individually and awaken deeper pleasure in both of you. If you can’t do it yet you can have fun trying!
Place your legs as high up around your lovers back as you can manage. Try over his shoulders if you can. Then try having your legs straight just resting over his ankles, changing the angle of the penetration.

If you experience any difficulties in exploring these deep lovemaking practices, especially if you encounter pain in the yoni please contact us for support via email or Ph 1800 TANTRA

Feeling Through Sexual Numbness

March 28, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

There’s a big, dirty secret out there.

One that is subtly reducing the amount of lovemaking that’s happening in relationships.

We’re having less sex than ever before and why is this so?

We’re becoming sexually NUMB!

This sexual numbness means that when we DO make love- often after we’ve finished work, looked after the family, attended to all the really important things in life, we find our sexual pleasure isn’t that inspiring. Leaving us hurt and confused and making it a long time before we make sex a priority again.

What are we saying?

Our bodies can lose their capacity to feel huge pleasure and begin to feel lots of nothing- this is known as sexual numbness and it is unknowingly ruining sex lives around the world.

Here we talk about why this happens and what simple step (and some more time invested ones) you can take to help your bodies learn how to reawaken and really feel.

This is some of what the lucky couples coming to our Couples Retreat will be learning and enjoying the benefits of.

What is Sexual Numbness?

Sexual Numbness happens because of something called body armouring.

It’s the body’s response to feeling hurt and pain- it literally toughens up.

There are 4 main reasons for this:

We shutdown or avoid our emotional feelings. This seems a good short term choice but over the long run it doesn’t work. Our feelings (including our sexual feelings) are all energy and when we shut down one, we shut down all of them. We can’t avoid sadness and feel joy, avoid shame and feel bliss, or avoid anger and feel passion. We might think we do but these feelings become a mere echo of what we’re really capable of.

2. Our hearts become armoured from unresolved emotional wounding. When we’ve been hurt and haven’t known how to heal we logically go into protection mode to prevent further injury, like putting several coats of Armor All on our hearts. The armouring makes our hearts look shiny on the outside but leaves them hardened within and less available for anything new, depriving ourselves of new opportunities for love that come our way.

3. The same thing happens to our genitals- they become armoured because of sexual wounding. And sexual wounding isn’t limited to sexual abuse… sexual wounding can happen simply through “doing” or having “unfeeling” sex. The current pornographic model of sex, sadly our most common teacher, is focussed on the “doing”, and on what sex looks like because porn is a visual medium. Rather than focussing on what it might actually feel like which is what we are actually interested in. Over time this hard and fast porn style thrusting by under prepared genitals just creates sexual numbness.

4. At a deeper level our bodies numbness can be a pathway to deeper self understanding. It’s our bodies way of saying “I need you to listen to me”. Perhaps you have been pushing yourself in all sorts of stress creating ways and your body won’t allow you to de-stress by sexual release, forcing you to find do so in a more wholisitc way. Perhaps your body is holding a little pocket of shame from being caught exploring your genitals with a boy/girl at school? Or it might want to show you a part of your sexuality, or your masculinity or femininity that you are denying. The possibilities are endless, but whatever the message is that your body is inviting you to look at by not being on automatic pilot, it will be one worth listening to.

Because believe it or not the tissues of our genitals are very sensitive- this is their original nature. This is a GOOD thing because sensitive genitals need a lot less attention to feel amazing. Remember back when you were teenagers and a mere touch was enough to send you into orbit? Over time a “doing” or “stimulating” type of sex leaves our genitals numb, making it harder for them to feel anything much at all. This results in fewer orgasms, reduced overall pleasure, weaker erections and a decreased libido.

The way to bring our bodies back to life is to “do” less and “feel” more:

Breathe deeply when you’re making love. Deep and slow breathing awakens and spreads your pleasure through your whole body. Short, fast breathing stimulates your pleasure to a peak- but if the pleasure isn’t there to start with you’ll short change yourself so begin with deep and slow.
Give yourself permission to make sounds, as to make sound we set up a vibration in the body which can help energy move, even little sounds can help start the process.
Instead of “thrusting’ your hips like a porn star, which tightens the muscles in your butt, hips, thighs and pelvic floor try “rocking” your hips, which relaxes and open these same muscles. Pleasure flows through relaxed muscles so this is definitely the way to go!
Try some short, deep thrusts, instead of relying only on full length in and out thrusts (which are better for the visual shots in blue movies but which become a bit boring at home). When you’re in deep only pull back only 2 or 3 cms at a time.
Take some time outside of sex to gently massage each other’s genitals, with plenty of oil and without any sexual agenda other than to resensitize them. Ie. with no focus on arousal. If you can really surrender to it (and breathe fully) it feels amazing and will re-energize your genitals in surprising ways.
Connect eyes when you’re making love- this definitely brings up the feeling factor.
To awaken further try some sexual healing for women and for men.
If, in the intimacy of lovemaking you feel pain or closed-ness in your heart, feel it and also share about it with your lover. This helps you take a few coats of Armor All off your heart and open it to more love. Yes it can be raw, but raw is the new sexy!

If you’d like to know more an experience some of this for yourselves take a look at our next weekend coming up in Sept 2017

Sexual Energy- What is it?

April 12, 2016 By Annette & Graeme 1 Comment

Acknowledgement of what lies at our core- Our Sexual Energy

Sexual Energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe. Everything that is alive has been created by it, animals, plants, humans, even the universe itself by the first big bang, according to Tantric mythology. Even though most of us may cringe at the idea of our parents having sex, this is how we were made too. In fact whilst visiting the fabulous and fun Sex Museum in Amsterdam (highly recommended if you’re in the area) the only thing that bothered Annette were the pornographic images (quite innocent these days) of people with hairdo’s like her mum and dad!

Yet sexual energy is so much more than just our biology.

It is the creative part of us that can create new life in ourselves as well as our offspring. As well as being present in relationship as attraction, arousal and passion, it is equally present in our enthusiasm and passion for interesting projects in work or hobbies. It’s the energy we use to run around the backyard with or care for our children or grandchildren. It is in inspiration for new ideas, it is the energy we feel when we’ve had an uplifting shift in our self awareness. You’ve probably felt it yourself after really satisfying sex, finding yourself with increased enthusiasm and vitality for living. Sexual energy opens us and makes us available for life.

At a physical level sex has multiple benefits from reducing high blood pressure and stress, producing dopamine to build confidence whilst inspiring action, oxytocins to enhance affection and bonding to opoids that produce feelings of happiness and wellbeing. Sex keeps us physically fit, and we keep fit to enjoy better sex. Our pleasure may even boost our immunity and reduce chronic inflammation- the source of many disease processes through the production of Nitric Oxide.

Saying Yes to our Sexual Energy

We promote our sexual or life force energy by how we live as much as what we do in the bedroom. By where we say Yes to it. By eating plenty of fresh foods, breathing deeply, getting regular exercise, seeking things to inspire us, keeping our minds active, our hearts open. By making life affirming choices rather than limiting or life defeating ones. By having life affirming sex than the energy draining kind. By pleasuring yourself to feel alive and loved.

It is a natural human desire to want to feel good, it’s no mistake that the porn and drug industries (legal and illegal) are two of the largest in the world. We have a common human desire to want to Gspot is spiritual awakening connect with something larger than ourselves. Almost every community on earth with some kind of ritual or spiritual practice seeking to access something to call God or Spirit. Even science focuses on it with its desire to explain the unexplainable.

Suppression of our Sexual Energy is life taking

It is unhealthy and a denial of our true nature and comes out of our fear of and social conditioning around its power. Sexual problems generally relate to acting out the suppression and repression of this energy rather than by its healthy expression. Even many psychological problems could be said to be based in the repression of this powerful force.

Sexual energy is natural, powerful and beautiful. It is catalytic in nature in that it arises unseen but felt. It alters the state of that which it arises in ie. we can’t see it or measure it but we can feel and notice its effects. It’s the only way most people feel absolute freedom- in the moment of orgasm where we are free of our everyday ordinary, limited mind. This experience is known as the ‘little death’ of the Ego. In sex there is union of the physical body, the subtle and soul bodies. This happens whether we are aware of it or not, whether we believe in such things or not.

Where is it in your life?

It is not important how often sex a couple has together, there is no magical, numerical formula. It’s the quality of the experience you’re creating that counts. What is also important is that a couple talks about, and make conscious decisions about this powerful part of their relationship.

Equally important is exploring the relationship you have with your own sexual energy. How do you view it? How do you manage it?

Activity: Write down and explore your own thoughts-

How do you feel reading this interpretation of sex?
What are your own beliefs about sex?
Where have they come from?
How well do they serve you today?
Where do you cultivate your own sexual energy? Where do you suppress it?
Do you own it, or give it away?

The more you say Yes to your Sexual Energy the more it will say Yes to you.

It will say Yes in healthy ways if you choose, or it will make its way out in pain and shadow, either way it will not be denied, the choice is up to you.