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Feeling Through Sexual Numbness

March 28, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

There’s a big, dirty secret out there.

One that is subtly reducing the amount of lovemaking that’s happening in relationships.sexual numbness means marriage malaise

We’re having less sex than ever before and why is this so?

We’re becoming sexually NUMB!

This sexual numbness means that when we DO make love- often after we’ve finished work, looked after the family, attended to all the really important things in life, we find our sexual pleasure isn’t that inspiring. Leaving us hurt and confused and making it a long time before we make sex a priority again.

What are we saying?

Our bodies can lose their capacity to feel huge pleasure and begin to feel lots of nothing- this is known as sexual numbness and it is unknowingly ruining sex lives around the world.

Here we talk about why this happens and what simple step (and some more time invested ones) you can take to help your bodies learn how to reawaken and really feel.

This is some of what the lucky couples coming to our Couples Retreat will be learning and enjoying the benefits of.

What is Sexual Numbness?

Sexual Numbness happens because of something called body armouring.body armouring causes sexual numbness

It’s the body’s response to feeling hurt and pain- it literally toughens up.

There are 4 main reasons for this:

  1. We shutdown or avoid our emotional feelings. This seems a good short term choice but over the long run it doesn’t work. Our feelings (including our sexual feelings) are all energy and when we shut down one, we shut down all of them. We can’t avoid sadness and feel joy, avoid shame and feel bliss, or avoid anger and feel passion. We might think we do but these feelings become a mere echo of what we’re really capable of.

 

2. Our hearts become armoured from unresolved emotional wounding. When we’ve been hurt and haven’t known how to heal we logically go into protection mode to prevent further injury, like putting several coats of Armor All on our hearts. The armouring makes our hearts look shiny on the outside but leaves them hardened within and less available for anything new, depriving ourselves of new opportunities for love that come our way.

 

Your sexual power lives within your body3. The same thing happens to our genitals- they become armoured because of sexual wounding. And sexual wounding isn’t limited to sexual abuse… sexual wounding can happen simply through “doing” or having “unfeeling” sex. The current pornographic model of sex, sadly our most common teacher, is focussed on the “doing”, and on what sex looks like because porn is a visual medium. Rather than focussing on what it might actually feel like which is what we are actually interested in.  Over time this hard and fast porn style thrusting by under prepared genitals just creates sexual numbness.

 

4. At a deeper level our bodies numbness can be a pathway to deeper self understanding. It’s our bodies way of saying “I need you to listen to me”. Perhaps you have been pushing yourself in all sorts of stress creating ways and your body won’t allow you to de-stress by sexual release, forcing you to find do so in a more wholisitc way. Perhaps your body is holding a little pocket of shame from being caught exploring your genitals with a boy/girl at school? Or it might want to show you a part of your sexuality, or your masculinity or femininity that you are denying. The possibilities are endless, but whatever the message is that your body is inviting you to look at by not being on automatic pilot, it will be one worth listening to.

Because believe it or not the tissues of our genitals are very sensitive- this is their original nature. This is a GOOD thing because sensitive genitals need a lot less attention to feel amazing. Remember back when you were teenagers and a mere touch was enough to send you into orbit? Over time a “doing” or “stimulating” type of sex leaves our genitals numb, making it harder for them to feel anything much at all. This results in fewer orgasms, reduced overall pleasure, weaker erections and a decreased libido.

The way to bring our bodies back to life is to “do” less and “feel” more:

 

  • Breathe deeply when you’re making love. Deep and slow breathing awakens and spreads your pleasure through your whole body. Short, fast breathing stimulates your pleasure to a peak- but if the pleasure isn’t there to start with you’ll short change yourself so begin with deep and slow.
  • Give yourself permission to make sounds, as to make sound we set up a vibration in the body which can help energy move, even little sounds can help start the process.
  • Instead of “thrusting’ your hips like a porn star, which tightens the muscles in your butt, hips, thighs and pelvic floor try “rocking” your hips, which relaxes and open these same muscles. Pleasure flows through relaxed muscles so this is definitely the way to go!Tantric Intimacy
  • Try some short, deep thrusts, instead of relying only on full length in and out thrusts (which are better for the visual shots in blue movies but which become a bit boring at home). When you’re in deep only pull back only 2 or 3 cms at a time.
  • Take some time outside of sex to gently massage each other’s genitals, with plenty of oil and without any sexual agenda other than to resensitize them. Ie. with no focus on arousal. If you can really surrender to it (and breathe fully) it feels amazing and will re-energize  your genitals in surprising ways.
  • Connect eyes when you’re making love- this definitely brings up the feeling factor.
  • To awaken further try some sexual healing for women and for men.
  • If, in the intimacy of lovemaking you feel pain or closed-ness in your heart, feel it and also share about it with your lover. This helps you take a few coats of Armor All off your heart and open it to more love. Yes it can be raw, but raw is the new sexy!

If you’d like to know more an experience some of this for yourselves take a look at our next weekend coming up in Sept 2017

Women are not losing interest

March 9, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Women are not losing interest in bed…

They’re losing interest in the sex they’re having…

There is much said about lack of feminine libido in the world these days.

Yet when we we get a bit closer to women and hear what they really have to say it is not sex they’re losing interest in.

It’s more that they are losing interest in in the sex they’re having- disconnected, performance based sex.

Sex that is not a shared experience.

Sex that is not pleasurable, that is even painful.

Sex that leaves them feeling like a semen receptacle.

Women are as caught in this conditioned way of having sex as men are but are more fed up and wanting something different.

Women generally are interested in mutually connecting, equally pleasurable and deeply satisfying, even magical lovemaking.

This is the sex they will find the time and motivation for. And why wouldn’t they?

Women are looking for connection

There can be many reasons behind why a woman’s libido has gone out to lunch but here we’re going to focus on the aspect of connection.

Women are not losing interest in connection, and will only do so when hell freezes over…

Men want connection too.

Yet don’t we connect through the very act of sex, through two bodies becoming joined into one?

Well, yes. But this is only the most basic layer of connection.happy oral sex lover

There is more…

It’s where we are inside of us that takes connection to a whole different place.

It’s starts with how connected are we to ourselves.

If we’re stressed, worn out, living in our heads, not feeling our emotions, living in unused bodies then the sex we’ll have will have a minimum of connection.

 

So how do we get more connected?

 

Say YES to this part of yourself.

Your body listens to what your mind says and the more you say YES to it the more it will say YES to you! (The opposite is also true and you don’t want that!).

Recognise that you are a sexual being and take ownership of it.

Make the time to put some physical exercise into your life, awaken your body through brisk walking, taking the stairs, playing sport, bike riding, yoga, gardening anything to get your blood pumping, your muscles working and your energy moving.

And remember to stretch afterwards to keep your body supple and give the energy room to move.

 

Practice breathing.

Yes, we know you’ll be doing it anyway, but why not optimise it by regularly taking deep, full breaths into your belly, expand up into your chest and then just let go (preferably exhaling out through your mouth)!

Ah, it feels SO good. Breathing optimises your body’s energy levels so make the most of it anywhere, anytime!

You’ll be so glad you did.

 

Put your attention inside your body and experience what you’re feeling inside you.

You know what the biggest resistance people have to feeling their feelings? They don’t like what they find!

If you can let go of any negative judgements about what you’re feeling and just feel, breathing into your feelings (whatever they are) turns them into energy for living and loving.

 

Do something sensual with your body.

Put on your favourite sensual songs and move to them, feel their chords moving through and uplifting you.

Or stroke your body all over in a way that feels good to you (yes, even guys benefit from this), including your breasts and your butt (guys too).

 

Moisturise your body with oil or lotion.

Anoint yourself with your The Oral Sex Juice Extractorfavourite essence.

Slowly eat something raw and bursting with vitality like a juicy peach or a fresh salad.

Appreciate something visually beautiful, whatever grabs your attention.

Find something to be grateful for and feel it opening your heart.

 

Do something sexy.

Wear something that has a sensual feel, looks good or moves with you.

Show a bit of cleavage, bare shoulders or legs.

Go without knickers.

Flirt with your partner, have some fun with yourself.

Don’t focus on your partner’s reaction, focus on having a good time in yourself, this way you can’t lose!

Watch a sexy movie.

Take it up a notch and self pleasure, taking time to breathe your energy through your body, nurturing and energising you.

 

Lighten up about life…Enjoy all of this for yourself!

The more you own your own body and the pleasure it is capable of the more you will experience it.

Fill yourself up with how good it feels.

sensual couple facing each other

Invite your lover to share you.

Let them feel your wanting.

There is nothing more desirable than feeling desired (when the desire is clear and not manipulative).

Get together and drop into the here and now moment. Just look at each other and take a few breaths, feeling your own bodies.

 

As we always say, sex is better when you relax at the beginning rather than just at the end.

Don’t react from those tired old sexual habits you’ve been using, instead just wait to see what inspires you right now and go from there.

The more you live in each moment the more the next step will arise. And the more authentic and juicy it will be!

 

When you feel sexual desire, breathe it up through your body to your heart, either along your spine or straight up through your centre.

Or take it right up to your Third Eye.

Where your mind goes your energy will follow. Female Sexuality

Feel it energising, nurturing, opening and expanding you.

Be open to magic happening.

Not all sexual pleasure is about orgasm.

 

We can also experience other felt senses such as feeling at one with our lover or the universe;

feeling the sky, the sea or all of nature inside our bodies;

sensing that you’re somehow standing at the beginning of time itself;

seeing the earth appear inside your lover’s eyes.

If you open to your potential by being fully in your body you’ll activate your intuitive mind where all sorts of things can happen.

Does this feel like sex you would both be interested in?

If you would like support putting these suggestions in place or removing blocks to doing so email us or call 1800 TANTRA.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Annette 0437 966 696

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