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Reclaiming Your Feminine Power- For Men too!

July 28, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Fleeing flat, stressed, tired or merely uninspired?

You may be lacking in your feminine power…

Here we show you why and how it can work for you…Feminine Power in Tantra is freedom

Please note, this article on feminine power is not just for women, men who are also wanting to lift their burdens of stress, disillusion, lack of inspiration and level of fun and fulfilment in your lives read on…it’s not about being more feminine, just more whole…

In my recent Power of Yoni workshop, I was once again blown away by how truly amazing women, and their bodies can be. In this 4 ½ day weekend we spend a lot of time reconnecting with our bodies, our feelings, our self-awareness, our sensual and sexual selves and the innate power of who we are as women and the results are stunning!  There is a radiant beauty about feminine power- a woman loving, trusting and connecting with herself and her body that cannot be recreated by any amount of makeup or photoshopping. The women themselves were also surprised by just who they are when they give themselves permission, to step out of their fears, limitations and their social conditioning.

No longer a place?

So often in today’s world it can seem like there is no place for the traditional values of the feminine but I can affirm they are as attractive as ever. And our sexuality is such a vital part of woman. Not merely through the act of sex but in her aliveness, her creativity, spontaneity, beauty and even her wildness. A woman owning her sexual self reeks juiciness and power in her own unique way- whether this is soft and loving, exuberant and fun, open and giving, wanton and abandoned or intuitive and wise. These are all part of the feminine gifts.Breathe

What does your own conditioning bring to mind when you think of feminine qualities? We’re definitely not talking about the good little woman at home here, aka The Stepford Wife, with no power, voice or substance of her own but someone quite different. The feminine in its essence is not afraid to speak straight, be seen and heard. She doesn’t allow fears of being abandoned or alone to prevent her from speaking up for herself and others as she knows she will always be in connection with herself and be able to renew connection with others. She doesn’t resort to playing games of covertness and manipulation because she is not afraid to be seen and to manifest what she needs. She gives of herself but not at the expense of herself. She is compassionate and loves nurturing others, giving the same to herself.

Now is the time…

suicide thinkingThere has never been a time when the gifts of the feminine are more needed. Western women are currently experiencing adrenal fatigue and emotional burnout in record numbers. As we rush constantly forward into more, bigger, better, harder and more competitive, even war like it can be easy to lose touch with our softness, openness, trust, vulnerability, radiant beauty and joyful sexual magnetism. We can even begin to regard these qualities as weak, or less than the external power of the intellect, achievement and outward success.

Power Within

We try to gain our power from our woundedness, resulting in a never ending war with men, treating them and therefore ourselves with disrespect and disdain leaving us wondering where all the good men have gone. When we claim the strength and beauty of our hearts instead of overly protecting them the good men will show up! Perhaps not in the Hollywood perfection our ego’s might desire but in a realness and loving that will be more than you can dream of.Empowering Sexuality

This may sound pretty full on but I can assure you, there is little more powerful than a room full of women discovering these very parts of themselves. It’s a power that would have many externally driven folk running for cover. This power isn’t about power over anyone else, it is power within ourselves. We find this power by connecting with our inner selves. Not in some mystical woo woo way but in a concrete, step by step process. It’s a process more and more women are recognizing is necessary for them to survive and thrive in our busy, controlling, achieving worlds.

This power is not about the pushing yourself to go further, be better, try harder ethos we are burning ourselves out through, but a gentler, wiser process of awareness, nurture and awakening. Where we stop making ourselves wrong- women don’t need anyone else to make us wrong we’re so good at it ourselves!

Coming home to ourselves is finding our power

When we take the time to connect with ourselves it is like coming home to who we really are- a body, heart, soul and spirit as well as an intellectual mind. We come away feeling relaxed, nurtured, more open and authentic, even playful, not to mention Experience healing through Gracesensual and magnetic, more easily attracting our desires to us rather than having to strive for them. We find our inner magic, our spirituality that lives directly in our bodies, as surprising as this may sound. We also find ourselves more confident, assertive, dynamic, creative, sexy and spontaneous. And guys, which ones amongst you would not like to find more of this in your lives, for these qualities live inside you as well? Not just in a woman but also in your hard working, over taxed and straight jacketed selves?

So how do we connect with ourselves and our bodies and find these gifts?
So we’ll have more of ourselves to share with the world…

 

  1. Practice acknowledging your perfect imperfection. Say to yourself daily “I am whole, desiring and desirable.” Even if you feel fat, ugly, powerless and worthless do it anyway. See your resistance come up and just let it go, don’t be willing to play into its game any longer. Just be ok with who you are. Doing this daily for 6 weeks has been shown to increase our overall self-esteem. The more you believe this the more you will readily seek to change the areas in you that are not working the way you would like them to. From a desire to discover more of you rather than a need to fix yourself.dancing woman
  2. Take some time for yourself to connect, to be IN your body as we need to balance the amount of time we spend in our intellect and come back to it renewed. Yes, I know this is not easy but just 10-20 minutes a day will make a difference. Time to say YES to yourself without needing to be there for others. In your 10-20 mins sit somewhere comfortably (preferably in your special place if you can create one, even if it’s just draping a special fabric over your chair, cushion or yourself). Stop, breathe deeply, exhaling out through your mouth and simply noticing your thoughts and letting them go. Not trying to avoid thinking, as this is the way to madness, just noticing them and letting them go. Becoming aware of your body and then what you’re feeling within it. Just allowing whatever you find to be there. If you find discomfort, make this ok and see if it changes with acceptance. Accepting our feelings is paramount to accepting ourselves.
  3. Listen to your body’s messages. Notice when you are feeling hungry, thirsty, tired, sore etc and DO something about it. We are so good at pushing ourselves sometimes we’ll even put off going for a pee for hours! Our bodies are smart, they know what they need it’s up to us to listen, for the more we listen to them the more our bodies will give back to us in wellness and ease. This is especially true in taking breaks. Take a break not only when your boss says you can or the clock strikes 10am, take one whenever your body tells you to. Even just going for a walk around the office or the street, standing up and doing some stretches. If you’re at home put on some music and have a dance or put your barefeet on the grass. Our creativity stops if we push ourselves past our limits: the best thing you can do is take a short break and let your motivation and creativity flow again. Even workplaces like Google encourage this.heart connection makes fear your friend
  4. Connect to your heart. Literally take your awareness to your heart and notice what it is feeling. Breathe life into it. Again accept and allow what you find. Let its love radiate literally inside you, filling yourself up rather than forcing yourself to always give it out to others. Ask your heart a question, something about yourself or life you would like to know and listen quietly for the answer. Our hearts are infinitely wise and just waiting for us to listen.
  5. Give yourself more rest. Women are cyclical beings and like the moon and the seasons we have periods of productivity eg. spring/summer and full moons. We also have periods of regenerative rest like winter and the dark moon. Just because we now have artificial light doesn’t mean we have to be “on” all the time.
  6. In your moments of giving to, or doing for others be fully present and mindful, fully enjoy the experience of giving from your heart, for if it’s not from your heart it’s not worth doing. Feel the joy of your devotion so you receive whilst you are giving, a complete surrender that makes the hardest task seem like a gift. Then you’ll come back to yourself renewed Boundaryrather than drained. You’ll also sense when it is enough, for both yourself and them.
  7. Practice setting your boundaries. To conserve your energy and nurture yourself sometimes you might need to say NO here and there, especially if saying no is hard for you. How can you give energy that you don’t have, or that is blocked from resentment? Sometimes we need to say no before we can say a full YES! It is not selfish but being centred in yourself.
  8. Nurture your sensual and sexual energies as these are drivers of your enthusiasm and spontaneity in life. Take a moment to check out these sensual suggestions from our recent blog on “Women Aren’t Losing Interest”. Play with with your pelvic floor muscles, these muscles are drivers of your sexual life force energy. Sit with a rolled up towel between your legs (or you can sit with your heel tucked in there) and practice squeezing and releasing these muscles you use to pee with. Make sure you fully relax them between each squeeze. Inhale as you squeeze, exhale as you release. Imagine you’re squeezing and releasing a big pool of energy that lives in your pelvis.Transformation & Celebration
  9. Become aware of your hips as you walk. Exaggerate the swing from hip to hip. Feel your hips and legs connecting to the ground underneath you as you walk. Breathe. Exaggerate the swing a little more, really get into this part of your body, own your sexual self and it will pay you back in spades. Do it for yourself not anyone else. The more you own your sexual self the more power you will have in feeling its pleasure and attracting the attention you want rather than the attention you don’t.
  10. Don’t get lost in playing the game of goal or orgasm directed sex. There is so much more to enjoy, and so many other feelings and things to experience that one “O”. Not that orgasms are bad (heaven forbid!), it’s just that if they are your only sexual focus you will miss out on so many other experiences that begin more subtly but become equally powerful! Invite your man there with you.

 

If you would like to experience more of this part of you come along and join me at m next Power of Yoni event Nov 2-6 where we pull all of this together and much more…

Entering The Void- why it’s good for your relationship

April 17, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Building relationship with the void is a necessary relationship skill

Contrary to our fears the void is a place of abundant healing.

In the feeling realm there is a vital piece of the puzzle which is a feeling state called The Void. The Void is the place inside us of nothingness, or no-thing-ness. It is a place inside us of high awareness with an absence of feeling, of emotion. The void, if we are willing to allow and experience it is a place of exquisite wonder, beyond calm, beyond peace, a different flavour of Big Love. For us in our world of things, of possession, of needs, this idea of nothing can seem at best pointless, at worst terrifying. We can even label it depression, yet it is not the bleak greyness or R Brain is the doorway to heaven on earthblankness of the depression family (some may say it is underneath depression), it is profound nothingness. This is what the eastern mystics do so well, and whilst we might not need to rid ourselves of our worldly possessions and live on the road without money like a sadhu, a life of nothingness it does have much to teach us. If we can be OK with our experiences of nothingness we can let go of the endless need to get, to have, to do, to accumulate, to be and to achieve. Not that these are bad things in themselves, our lives are richer for them. But if they control us we are out of control of ourselves. And the way to find this control within is to be willing to be OK in our nothingness, to welcome it in as a precious gift and experience for a time and receive its profound healing. Just like the night sky can be a relief after the intensity of a hot, sunny day. So if you come across nothingness in your ABC practice welcome it in!

Being comfortable will help you deal with any feelings of abandonment that might come up for you in relationship. After all our partners can’t always be there when we need them. Instead you can get in connection with yourself by actively going into your inner void rather than suffering in your external one…

 

Practice: The Void Meditation

  1. Sit comfortably upright with your eyes closed.
  2. Breathe deeply and slowly, scan your body and get present with what you’re feeling.
  3. Concentrate your gaze into the back of third eye.
  4. Imagine the crown of your head has opened and you can see through the roof of your building, up into the sky, through the clouds, way, way out into the blackness and stillness of space. At first you can see the stars above you then you see them all around you. You pause here feeling the beauty and the The Voidwonder of it.
  5. Then you move further out and the stars are further apart and the blackness and stillness is all you’re aware. The blackness that seems like nothingness. Beyond feeling, beyond desire, beyond all. Experience whatever this is like for you.
  6. Allow the nothingness to envelope you until all you are aware of is your breath in the nothingness. Stay here until you feel complete.
  7. Then bring your awareness back in through space, clouds, sky, ceiling and crown back into your body grounded with the earth. Welcome back!

 

Nothingness is an important key in your sexual practice too. For if you cannot let go of doing, of striving in sex you will never experience its true gifts, you’ll never find the magic that can arise within it. This is the meaning behind the Indian Tantra Tantric SexualityTemple at Khajuraho which is covered with thousands of highly erotic sculptures, considered vulgar or pornographic in the west. A student of this temple must meditate on each erotic image until he has come to peace with the lustful desires it inspires before he is allowed to enter the vast space that lies within the temple itself. A lustful mind will imagine a real orgy going on inside these temples, even more sex than is depicted on the outside, when actually inside is the vastness of nothing, where true peace lives. This understanding allows us to no longer be controlled by sex, to no longer destroy love at the expense of lust.

 

Daily Devotion
The practice: To join in sexual union with no foreplay and no orgasm.
The Reason: Why would we suggest you give up foreplay & orgasms altogether? The practice of Daily devotion is to take you to the place that is beyond doing in sex, to the place of being, as in meditation.

It allows men to let go of performance anxiety, having to get it right, and for women to relax with no expectation of having to give anything.  This practice will also take you beyond orgasm, and beyond orgasm focus is where you need to go if you want to take your sexuality to its highest level.

The How: Can be done at the beginning or end of the day x 10 mins. Or anytime for any length of time.Or for a total relationship renew optimally x 1 hour, each day for 14 days (a great to start on your holidays).

To commence the practice get into sexual union without foreplay, using lots of lubricant. You can use your hand to create an erection or you may like to experiment with “soft entry” where the soft, lubricated lingam is taken between the thumb and forefingers and “threaded” into the yoni.

Using just enough movement to gain an erection (if you’ve used soft entry) and to maintain the physical connection.  Get into a position that is comfortable- scissors is good (see below).

Move just enough to sustain erection! Even if you lose your erection just having your genitals so close will have a similar energy boosting effect and if you do the practice last thing a night you can even fall asleep this way.

Just breathe and be present with each other, have eyes open occasionally.

Use this time of being in union as a lovemaking meditation, eventually you will discover there is no orgasm like no orgasm. You may also experience a range of other phenomena such as visions, moments of exquisite peace, bliss etc.

Regular practice even for a few minutes will increase your energetic connection and increase levels of desire for connection with each other.

The Position: Scissors position- man lies on his side, woman lies on her back with both legs over his hips then slides her uppermost leg between his so your legs are entwined. You can support yourself with pillows if desired. You may like to connect a hand to your lover’s heart to connect your upper bodies to complete the energy circuit.

 

 

 

From Head to Heart Communication

August 3, 2016 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

The Longest but most worthwhile journey is from your head into your heart.heart connection makes fear your friend

Our heart is a mechanical pump that pumps oxygenated blood & nutrients through the body in order to keep us alive. How can it be a tool for relationship?

Energetically, intuitively, psychologically and emotionally it is a whole other organ. It’s seen as the centre of love, courage, wisdom, gratitude, forgiveness, the union of the inner masculine and feminine with its own unique brand of intelligence and communication and is powerful beyond measure. This more typically eastern way of viewing the heart is today being backed up by western science through studies done by the HeartMath Institute amongst others who say that ‘Heart intelligence underlies cellular organization and guides and evolves organisms toward increased order, awareness and coherence of their bodies’ systems’ www.heartmath.org/FAQS.

We see the heart as an important part of creating inspired, magical relationship, whether you believe in it at this stage or not…

What is your relationship to your own heart?

Do you see it as mere mechanics or are you open to the possibility of it being something more?

Open hearted manCan you think of time when you felt or ‘knew’ something in your heart that helped you, or that you needed to listen to?

Your heart is a powerful tool in relationship because of its many different qualities. When we come up against the challenges of relating the mind can easily be overwhelmed and go into a defensive stance where everything that comes next is about maintaining your position, rather than being authentic and staying connected.

We have a tendency to ignore our heart

We do this for one of four reasons:

  1. We haven’t connected with it in this ‘feeling’ way so we don’t believe in listening to it.
    2. It takes a moment or two of dropping our ‘story’ to hear what it has to say.
    3. We often don’t like what it has to say, for the heart cuts through the bullshit of the Ego mind, the part of us conditioned to stay safe and look for approval, and gets to the ‘heart’ of matters.
    3. Our heart is where we can carry our deepest emotional hurt and we’d rather avoid this than take the time to feel and heal it.

Are you willing to listen to what your heart has to say?

Done regularly, just this one simple practice of connecting to your heart will change your life. The more you listen to your heart the more it will speak to you. Its pain will lift and leave you open to new possibilities in life.

In the beginning it can be tricky to know what is truly your heart and what is your Ego’s needs masquerading as your heart. How do you tell the difference?

Head Talk

When your head is speaking there are more negative judgements and self justifications occurring amongst much analysing, overthinking and questioning, with an underlying need to be on top of, or in control of the situation. Head talk is driven by our internal programming, our belief systems, our memories and the self identity we’ve created with a greater focus on our limitations. There is more fear about what might go wrong.

Heart Talk

Whereas the heart is always open to possibilities and is ok with not knowing. Heart talk limitless, infinite and unrestricted. This Tantric fire in the heartdoesn’t mean the heart tells you to ignore your fear, it goes beyond it to a place of deeper logic. The heart uses more simple language that may be about letting things be, letting them go or finding compassion, acceptance and understanding. Sometimes it might be about getting off your butt, holding a boundary or maintaining some tough love which is ultimately the best choice even though it might be a hard one to take. Heart outcomes are ultimately more satisfying and better for the whole, helping you break out of old ways of being.

This has been true for our own lives, starting off being a very nebulous concept our hearts have now become a rock solid part of our self understanding, and a pathway to connecting with each other and those around us. Whenever our minds are overly busy with unhelpful thoughts we know our thoughts are probably out of alignment with our inbuilt bullshit detector so we better take a moment to check in and listen…

Practice: Connect with your Heart

Take a moment now just to stop and feel your heart. Close your eyes, breathe deeply, begin with your ABC’s then focus your attention slightly to the left of the centre of your chest. Think of something that you appreciate in your life and feel that for a few moments. Notice what you physically can feel there? Is your heart open, closed, full, warm, heavy, light or blank? Whatever the feeling is just be with it exactly as it is for a few moments. Do this as often as you can to start building your relationship with your ‘energetic’ heart for the more you connect with it the more it will speak to you. Your heart doesn’t speak in words but in intuitive knowing’s- those things you just know, even though you might not understand how you know- it’s magic.

Practicing when you’re in a place of ease can help you access your heart’s intelligence more easily in a time of intimate challenge, to speak from wisdom rather than fear or resentment, creating connection rather than dissonance.

And remember a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

 

Time to STOP bullsh…ing yourself?

March 18, 2016 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Stop for a moment, and take a look around you…

And as you stop for a moment, imagine you’re lifting your head up and out of the rat race and take notice to see if you can actually recognize just  how fast life is moving around you.

Merely 100 years ago, the Eiffel Tower was the tallest man made structure…

To put things into perspective, recognize that just one hundred years ago, the Eiffel tower was the tallest man made structure in existence, women were just gaining the right to vote and the average life expectancy (at least in the US) was about 50yrs of age.

Just 50 years ago, the mini skirt emerged (or shrunk…)

And man had just walked on the moon! It’s just 35yrs since the internet was discovered, and look at how much life has changed since then?

Slow movies with John WayneIf you want even more proof take the time over the coming Easter break to check out some movies made in the 50’s, 60’s or 70’s compared to ones made today.

Apart from the lack of technical quality abundant in today’s films the pace of the older ones feel so much slower. (Note this has nothing to do with the overall value of the movie just their pace).

Was life better or easier or more stable…?

Life wasn’t necessarily better in those days, just more solid, more clearly defined.

We mostly knew who was who and what was what, even if we didn’t like it.

More recently we’re learning to live with worldwide crises in global warming, terrorism and refugee migration along with the collapse in global financial markets.

These powerful shifts are being reflected at personal levels too.

Greater stress levels, relationship challenges, career changes, financial meltdowns, international travel opportunities and the sheer mass of information available.

Information that is beyond comprehension even 25 years ago, at the click of an electronic mouse or tap of the screen on a mobile phone, all presenting choices that are available.

Now, more than ever before in human history has our potential for connection and achievement been greater.

And, these technological and intellectual advances are increasing at an an accelerating rate, but is our ability to manage and integrate all this keeping up?.

How do we cope with this degree of challenge and change and stay sane??

In amongst all this how do we not only sustain but grow our relationships, to keep personal vulnerability and intimacy deepening and nourished?

More than ever before, we’re required to stand up personally or sink beneath the waves.

As individuals, it is becoming crucial to see and believe in more of our wholeness and strengths than our inadequacies and burdens.

So whilst life is changing on the outside it is vital that we shift on the inside as well.man meditating

Getting into comfortable relationship with our inner reality is where our resilience, our energy, self belief, sense of connection amongst the disconnection, our inner tranquility and pleasure will come from.

From here we’ll be able to transition into not only a more stress free but a more inspired and meaningful way of being.

From farming to Tantra…

Like the farmer and the nurse who became Tantra teachers (wink wink).

Or the business couple who traded long hours for a more sustainable business model and gained a life.

Or the couple who moved house from a place that no longer felt like it served them to somewhere that breathed new life into them and their relationship.

Or the woman who moved beyond her abusive past and stepped into a place of love and security inside herself…

And the truth is, it helps to go a little bit crazy along the way.

By ‘going crazy’ we mean being willing to be at a place of inner discord, even feeling like we’re falling apart.

Seeing what we used to believe in as maybe not making so much sense any more.

And doing so with our highest possible level of self awareness, so we see it clearly.

And surrendering to the process.

We call it going crazy because most people will tell us we’re crazy to go there, that it’s better to avoid it.

Being in The Void…

Glasses of dirt filled waterThis is the place Eastern mystics call The Void – where there is a high level of awareness with little external action.

It’s a bit like seeing ourselves as a jar of water with a layer of soil at the bottom that’s been shaken up- all seems chaos, with nothing making sense.

Yet if we stay present enough with ourselves, long enough to see and feel what is really happening, we will also see our life affirming choices appearing through the chaos more clearly.

The soil will settle back into a creative new pattern and the water will become clearer than before.

Being in the Void can be extremely uncomfortable. It can last for a few moments, a few hours, days, even weeks to months but it is crucial to allow ourselves to touch into it.

For this is where we go beyond what we already know into new and unforseen possibilities.

Nowadays we can tolerate a much higher level of inner discord, or stress, than we used to.

Our days can have complications never dreamed of by our grandparents or even our parents and our resources for distracting ourselves from it have grown exponentially.

We also have more ways to ‘appear to’ avoid our stress than ever before.

We can suffer more with less motivation for change.

But the reality is the stress impacts us whether we realize it or not.

Stress can be defined as ‘an overload of mental or emotional strain greater than we can be with or process at the time’.

Life defeating choices that help you numb yourself out to reality:

  • Blaming the world and everyone in it for your troubles and doing nothing about it.
  • Pushing down or avoiding your stress through any number of addictions
  • Having that extra biscuit for morning teaTea with biscuits
  • A bottle of wine at dinner rather than a glass
  • Staying too long at work
  • Spending time on your phone, ipad, social media, or book
  • Zoning out in front of a tv screen
  • Indulging in self flagellation ie. negative judgements
  • Dragging on a cigarette in the belief that it will help
  • Reaching for Panadol or some other legal or illegal drug to help you ‘cope’ or relax
  • Frequent masturbating, especially with porntaking medication
  • Daydreaming, sleeping in
  • Gossiping about others rather than examining ourselves
  • Picking fights, arguing, sulking
  • Gambling, getting hooked on the buzz of the win
  • Engaging in extreme sports

Most of these activities are not inherently ‘wrong’, it’s where we’re doing them from in ourselves that counts.

Whether we’re doing them to avoid feeling, to avoid that little voice in our heads that’s telling us we’re avoiding life, avoiding looking down into our glass jar…

If we’re really asleep, maybe we’ve even drowned out that little voice and replaced it with something like ‘I deserve this’ or ‘I’ve tried so hard’ or ‘It is the only way I can relax’…

Rather than living from avoidance (or the fear that lives underneath it) how can we make more life affirming choices?

By finding ways that nurture us whilst building our self awareness (ie. Stop bullsh…ing yourself!) such as:

  • Practicing feeling in a positive way by moving into it rather than away from it
  • check out this great talk on addictions by Jeff Foster
  • Shifting your energy by doing some kind of physical activity- walking, jogging, bootcamp, cycling, dancing, yoga, swimming, Osho’s active meditations are great,  (download them free from osho.com)
  • Getting out in nature- the local park, nearby bush, on the back lawn in your barefeet
  • Walking with mindfulness to your local cafe for a coffee
  • Doing some housework or gardeningdancing woman
  • Having a mindful shower or bath
  • Sitting in front of the TV or movie with the intention of chilling out
  • Listening to relaxing or uplifting music
  • Journalling- writing what you feel without judgement
  • Using affirmations
  • Putting on some aromatherapy
  • Dancing freestyle to your favourite music
  • Meditation
  • Preparing and eating a nutritious mealjournalling
  • Getting out and talking to someone new
  • Self pleasuring or making love
  • Exercising whilst consciously releasing anger on your breath or your voice
  • Getting professional help from a counsellor or coach
  • Having a massage or exchanging one with a friend
  • Snuggling up under a blanket, in the dark, maybe next to a candle and just being with yourself
  • Sleeping alone
  • Spending real time with a good friend
  • Expressing yourself through art, craftman on motorbike
  • Do an act of service for someone, giving freely to another is a great heart opener
  • Singing, playing music, chanting, sounds
  • Creating a ritual for whatever is troubling you. Eg. light a candle, write a letter on your pain and release it by burning it or your own unique version of letting go
  • Share your challenge with a friend or support group, just ask to be heard rather than seek advice. Talk about yourself, using ‘I’ language, focussing on hearing and feeling yourself fully
  • Fully experience something beautiful- like a sunset, a starry night sky, a church, flower, painting, a young child, even the amazing complexity of your own hand. Beauty is very transformative
  • Spending time connecting with your ‘higher power’, whether that be God, Goddess, Spirit or your own deity.

Each of these activities will bring you into greater connection with and understanding of yourself, often intuitively ie. surprisingly.

From this place explore your desires for life, set intentions for what you want and most importantly follow up on them.

This is a great place to reconnect into your relationship from.

Stop bullsh…ing yourself, get into the driver’s seat of your life as the wheels spin faster and make the most of it…

The ABC of Coming Together!

April 6, 2015 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

The ABC of Coming Together

Two people scaling the heights of their sexual pleasure reaching the ultimate peak of togetherness by ‘coming’ at the same time…

That’s not what we’re talking about.

We’re talking about something much more important.Resuscitation Coming Together

Not the ABC AIRWAY, BREATHING & CIRCULATION resuscitation technique but something equally life sustaining:

 ATTENTION, BREATH & CONNECTION- The No. 1 technique to transform your relationship

-The coming together of your mind and body!

Much of the time we walk around disconnected from ourselves only half alive, half available, living in our heads with head on firefacts more highly valued over feelings. Our culture supports and validates this way of being. We cram more and more information in our heads from so called experts external to ourselves but what are we actually doing with it?

Living this way we’re disconnected from the reality of our physical form, as well as our feeling and other subtle realms, whether you believe in them or not that help create the magic in life and relationship. It leads us to THINK our feelings rather than authentically FEEL them.  Feelings are not facts but they are an important part of our communication and survival systems and literally the juice in life and relationships.

For what are happiness, joy, love, connection, excitement, freedom, peace, pleasure and bliss but feelings??

This disconnection inside of us makes it harder to know who WE are AND how to really connect with another.

This simple ABC practice is about coming into union with YOURSELF.

  1. Pause.
  2. Take your ATTENTION from your thoughts to your body.
  3. Use your mind to notice what you are experiencing- feeling your body sitting, standing or lying, along with any physical sensations of relaxation, tension, heat, cold, tingling etc you can notice.
  4. BREATHE consciously, slightly deeper than normal.

Conscious Breathing connects mind and body.Coming together of mind and body

  1. Scan your body and CONNECT with what is happening inside of it, especially your chest, belly and throat. Notice any more subtle sensations such as heaviness, lightness, tension, butterflies, anxiety, frustration, peace, happiness etc. It can help to place one hand on your belly and the other on your chest. You may also experience nothing, and nothing is still something.
  2. Stay present with this for a few moments, allow whatever is there just to be there exactly as it is with acceptance. This is known as ‘witnessing’ your feelings- keeping your attention on them, breathing into them, experiencing them exactly as they are without suppressing or accelerating them.
  3. If it helps, name the feeling to yourself but avoid going into a story about what the feeling means as this will take you away from it. There is nothing to do here other than dropping into this experience.

Welcome home. This is you coming together experiencing yourself more fully. Centred in yourself. Self aware. Comfortable or not, from this place both life and relationships work.

Usually we don’t notice our bodies until they let us know they are there by some kind of malfunction or pain. If you get familiar with the pain it will no longer control you. If you check in when there is no pain you get to know more of what amazing feelings you’re capable of and strengthen the relationship between you, your body and yourself.

Practice Coming Together Regularly

Whenever you have a moment. The more you say yes to your body the more it will say yes to you.

In the beginning you may need to stop and close your eyes to do this. With practice you can do it with your eyes open (and without using your hands) anywhere, anytime no matter what is happening around you- in a meeting, on a run, having a shower, making love.

Emotions Eek!

Inner volcano

For those of you who shy away from the idea of feelings this is not about inviting a melodrama of emotion into your life, rather inviting you closer to reap the true benefits from them.

For those of you who live in a world full of often overwhelming emotions this is not about creating more intensity rather giving you control over the ones you already have, developing some emotional intelligence and win/win successes in your relationship.

The benefits of your ABC practice and your mind/body relationship will continue to unfold through the rest of your life.

CONTACT US:

Graeme 0457 966 696
Annette 0437 966 696

or Email us here

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