And that’s a good thing…
A few words from Graeme about healthy masculinity
There has been a lot of water pass under the bridge over the last 2 – 3 years for me. The same as for most with covid and its associated challenges. Along with some locally produced drama’s for us like the NSW floods.
It has been a particularly challenging time for me, in dealing with my own deeply embedded and subconscious demons. I have been to hell, and back.
As a result of this clearing out of my cupboard, I deeply feel and believe that being male has also come under subtle and increasing pressure in recent times. This is reflected regularly and unprompted, in the conversations with men.
It is a Confusing Time to be a Male
My firm belief is that what is missing, to counter the negative labels being thrown around, is a distinct lack of healthy masculinity.
As men, we have a desperate lack of healthy role models, unless we have been lucky enough to have grown up around them. In the form of strong and loving fathers, uncles or friends.
So many sporting heroes, leaders and other so-called examples of male ideals have fallen over, or collapsed under the weight of their own shadows. Or at the very least, are having their shadowy underbellies exposed.
It is a confusing time to be male, with all the negative rhetoric being thrown around, and is easy to feel shame in being male. The media is constantly bombarding us with open ended labels like patriarchy, toxic masculinity, domestic violence and other ugly human behaviours.
I know I certainly feel this negative subtleness, as some of it is deserved, some of it misses the mark and some of it is just male bashing. Change is being called for.
Doing My Own Work
During these external challenges, I deliberately chose to step back from our work in Oztantra. I took a lower profile to enable me to focus on my own demons.
Little did I know how deeply I had buried my past in order to survive it. Even though part of me had somehow suspected it. I had unconsciously buried my past with the belief that I could do that and get away with it. My wheels fell off, I was confronted with nowhere to go, but to meet, clear out and own my cupboard.
It was confronting to see that I had no idea where or how to do it. This after quarter of a century of doing, learning and practising life skills.
I had given up.
Annette was deeply into her cupboard as well, as she has mentioned. It was full on time for both of us. With therapists and everything we could lay our hands on to not only survive, but thrive.
It never ceases to amaze me what is underneath relationship.
Especially the relationship we have with ourselves, that drives all others.
Annette was fully rising into more of her own power, something I found both a relief, and a challenge. We have had no choice but to practise the relationship skills we preach. We did so in order to come out stronger, happier and sexually connected! What we have learnt and bring into our work through Oztantra is unique, effective and f…g real!!!
As an adult, there is no doubt in my mind that, as a child, I had to do what I did to survive the pure horror, terror and trauma of my child hood. My biggest mistake was in under estimating what was living underneath. Therefore I believed I could carry on and ignore it.
As a now survivor of complex PTSD with all the associated trimmings that inevitably go with it, (depression, anxiety; relationship, intimacy and sexual challenges etc) I have achieved total remission. I had to step a long way into, and outside normal therapy to achieve this.
As part of my own cleansing I have written some of this on our website. It is not easy reading, and so is hidden 2 clicks in, behind embedded links. You’ll find it on the “About Graeme” page. Many people have told me that reading my story has given them trust in both me and the process. Although of course it may not be relevant for you as everyone’s path is different.
Stepping Onto My Path Renewed
What all this means, is that I am back on deck. With a clarity and sense of purpose I haven’t felt before. Though my past has cost me dearly, in all aspects of life, it has got me to where I am.
I am grateful for this and I am definitely not going to waste what I have so painfully learnt.
I now have a renewed and robust, loving relationship with Annette. As well as 3 grandkids- a very pleasant distraction and reminder that life goes on. And a renewed passion for my work, coming from a lighter, yet even more grounded place in me.
This is what I see men need to do to thrive in the future.
To look within and live from their own truth. Rather than living unconsciously from the old confines of unhealthy patriarchy, toxic masculinity and sexual shame.
Most men’s inner journey will not be as deep as mine, but it’s the place where their answers to both present and future lie.
Counselling/Coaching For Men
Counselling/Coaching for men will be a big part of my focus. It will develop into more refined aspects moving forward, particularly for men in relationship.
My focus with men includes their:
- sexuality (erection challenges, porn addiction)
- dealing with trauma
- parenting challenges
- workplace and business related issues.
Do you as a man, want some support?
Support to come through these changing times strong, alive, clear and motivated?
We can’t do it alone.
Call me on 0457 966696 or
Contact me for a free 15min chat to explore what I can offer you.