female sexuality Archives - Relationship & Sexuality Counselling Specialists

Cervical Orgasm: How to discover it

July 4, 2023 By Annette & Graeme 2 Comments

And why her cervical orgasm is great for both of you!

Most women have never experienced a cervical orgasm, or even know it is possible.

They mostly experience discomfort instead.

Resolving cervical discomfort will awaken the magic of this divine part of woman…

The cervix, that donut shaped gateway between the vagina and the womb is a place of magic. It forms the gateway between the vagina and womb; the genitals and the heart; and between sex and love; love and the divine. It also forms the gateway between the self and the transpersonal, that which lies beyond the ordinary mind.

The cervix is the place where a woman can experience a cervical orgasm of deeply fulfilling pleasure.

It is also where she can experience a cervical orgasm of love, of her divinity.

Such an orgasm leaves a woman truly open, truly receptive, truly blossomed. Soft, vulnerable yet deeply powerful in her womanness. Exuding the divine love of the feminine.

That’s a whole lot of possibilities for such a little space! About 2.2cm or 1 inch long.

The experience described above is a rare, or even non existent one for most women.

But things are changing as the word is spreading. Just as it was once rare for a woman to experience her GSpot, so too is the cervix is coming into its own.

Mostly the cervix just hurts!

It is currently most common for a woman to experience her cervix as that “owy” spot somewhere deep inside her. The spot that is very uncomfortable in full and hard penetration.

The cervix needs time and attention to awaken.

The spot that is swabbed during a vaginal exam whilst a cold speculum lies in her vagina.

This makes her cervix mostly a spot a woman wants to move away from.

Even worse, a woman is likely to “tolerate” this discomfort, rather than ask for it to be changed. Because this is what women are good at.

A man is not necessarily aware of what is going on for her, or what they are both missing out on.

And so she misses out on its possibilities. They both do.

The cervix is not built for direct pressure

In lovemaking the cervix itself is too tender a place to receive too much pressure, or pounding. This is what causes the discomfort. Which leads to the cervix becoming numbed out in order to protect itself from pain. Or being overly sensitised by the pain, making it even more more painful.

There are 2 ways to pave the way for cervical orgasm

One is a practice that a woman can do for herself.

And one that her lover can support her with that will be good for both of them.

Her Practice for cervical orgasm

A woman can heal the numbness and pain in her cervix through her own sexual healing.

It is SO worth it. It is a very empowering and radically self loving way to open yourself to deep pleasure, love and transcendent experiences.

https://www.wandsoflust.com.au/collections/glass-wands

This is done using a crystal dildo, or glass wand, something that she can comfortably reach her cervix with. And her loving presence.

After creating a safe space, she can deep breathe and spend a few minutes dropping into her body.
It might take a little while for her to “sense” her cervix.
She can then gently approach her cervix with the lubricated toy. Going slowly, letting the cervix relax.
Letting it soften onto the tool, whilst she breathes deeply, exhaling through her mouth.
If she encounters pain she can breathe and sound it out.
She can feel the emotions present there.
If there is numbness she can feel into it and ask it what lies beneath it.
She may connect with memories of past hurts or times when she missed out on pleasure.
She only needs to experience whatever is present with love and compassion, allowing it to heal and fill with pleasure rather than pain and numbness.

The number of times a woman needs to do this, for about 10mins each time, is different for each woman. Start x 10 mins daily x 7 days, or second daily, and feel what more is needed. Listen to your body.

For Her Lover to support cervical orgasm

Remember that is vital that a woman is fully aroused before any deep penetration is attempted. (Unlike what is portrayed in porn).

When she’s fully aroused, two sexy ligaments called the round ligaments will come into play. These ligaments attach to the top of the uterus and thread down to the labia majora (the outer lips). Their job is to keep the womb in a stable position, especially during pregnancy.

In lovemaking, when a woman is aroused her outer lips will swell. This causes the round ligaments to tighten and pull the cervix safely out of the way. This means that penetration can happen without the cervix getting too bumped.

It also means her “A” and “P” spots will be stimulated pleasurably by deep penetration. These “spots” are formed at the front and back of the vaginal canal where the cervix slightly protrudes into it. See the yellow circle in the image on the right.

As the lover, you don’t have to worry too much about trying to hit the right “spots”. Instead focus on giving the labia, not just the clitoris, some extra attention before going inside. She will love you for it. You can spend time massaging her A spot, which you’ll find in a similar way to her GSpot, just another 2 or 3 inches 5-7cm further in.

When you’re making love

Once you’re inside, approach the depths slowly. Spend some time going just a little way in and out at first, which stimulates the GSpot area. Then focus on being deeply inside and going slooww, relaxing your hips, moving them around in a circle, rather than thrusting. With those round ligaments tightening, elongating the vagina, you can both feel a delicious sense of being totally filled/totally filling. As you do this, imagine penetrating your woman with your heart as well as your lingam/cock/penis. This can feel incredibly powerful for you, as well as your woman.

Taking it easy

Having this focus on your woman can help you step out of having to rush to your own end. Instead you can enjoy each moment more. And again, she will love you for it. You won’t need to do it like this every time. But the more you do it the more she, and her body, will trust and open with you.

Mmm…yummy!!

Once this contact is feeling really good then deep, hard thrusting can feel exceptionally good for both of you. Instead of feeling her pulling back and shutting down you will feel her melting, opening and wanting more. And she will feel it too.

And you will have her eternal devotion.

All sorts of magic can happen from here- deep love, erotic wildness, cervical orgasm, transcendent bliss, anything is possible.

Things too hard to put into words…

Wet does not always mean horny and dry does not always show disinterest.

February 7, 2023 By Annette & Graeme 2 Comments

This belief about wetness = horniness has been around sex for decades now.

It’s one that has totally messed with both women’s and men’s heads, by making them think something is wrong if it’s not happening.

It’s just not necessarily true.

The porn fallacy of wetness

This belief has been paraded around in pornography with women showing up wet and horny for sex no matter what the occasion.

Whether it’s for the car salesman who has just offered her a discount on her new Subaru if she’ll put out.

Or for the policeman who has offered to wave her ticket for a blowjob. Or it might be for the cowboy who has just turned up on his horse with a slow, lazy twang in his voice. (Hmm…that could work).

Women in porn are shown as hot and wet even in the hard core versions where there are no corny scenarios, they just get into it. (Which can sometimes be a relief to be honest…)

Romantic books and movies more subtly, yet still undeniably, hint at a woman’s readiness, assuming wetness. With lovers being able to get right into it without having to reach for the lube.

Being wet and hard is taken for the ultimate indicators of sexual readiness.

‘Getting wet’ is seen as important as ‘getting hard’ is, to the idea of sex. (Although less biologically necessary, like male nipples, but still very pleasurable.)

The really important thing to know about a woman’s state of lubrication is that it can be, and often is, separate to her desire for sex.

Just like a man’s erection can be.

Even though a man with an erection is rarely portrayed outside of a sexual context.

An erection can be stirred into being by sexual thoughts, or the proximity of a gorgeous woman.

At other times, especially during the painful teenage years, erections can arise at the most inopportune moments. Like wearing speedos at the school sports. They also happen two or three times a night with no sexual context at all, not even an erotic dream.

Even though this is rarely portrayed outside of a sexual context.

An erection is often stirred into being by sexual thoughts, or the proximity of a gorgeous woman.

At other times, especially during the painful teenage years, erections can arise at the most inopportune moments. Like wearing speedos at the school sports, or two or three times a night with no sexual context at all, not even an erotic dream.

Wetness and hardness are physiological responses.

We learn to relate them to sex.

They’re just not necessarily related to sexual desire, which is more complex.

How can wetness and hardness be a learned response?

For example, the last time you went to this restaurant you and your partner had great sex in the car going home. So, you feel a little aroused, and a little wet just ordering dinner there. Or, if you had been caught masturbating and shamed as a child you might not have a full erection when you feel aroused, in order to avoid the shame. Though in this case, you unlearn having an erection.

Men can be wet too.

It’s interesting to note here too that men also have sexual wetness. This is because both genders start out with exactly the same genitals in the womb. They just get organized differently, according to their biochemistry during conception and foetal growth.

Women have lubricating glands at the mouth of the urethra, called Skene’s glands. These glands swell during sexual arousal making it difficult to pee during sex. They’re also believed to produce the fluid known as female ejaculate. (Now women have fluids that they ‘shouldn’t’ emit, such as urine, and fluids they ‘should’- wetness and ejaculate. What does my body want again?)

Men have corresponding glands found just below their prostate. These are called Cowper’s glands, (it would be great if we name things after their function rather than who discovered them) that emit something known as pre-ejaculate. Which happens very little for some men, just a drop or two sometimes, and quite a lot for others. It’s the way they’re made.

The difference is, there isn’t such a song and dance about it.

So as difficult as it may be, we seriously need to totally unhook this belief that wetness and horninness automatically go together.

Because wetness can be a learned physiological response to a sexual situation that has very little to do with desire. It’s why both men and women can have arousal and even orgasms whilst being raped. It in no way means they wanted it.

It also used to be believed that a woman couldn’t get pregnant without having an orgasm so if she got pregnant during a rape she was believed to have enjoyed it, really.

Listening to what she says is important.

On the other hand, a woman can really desire sex and be totally wanting it without being wet. It’s happening everywhere else in her mind and body except there. It’s just the way she it. It doesn’t mean she is broken, or disconnected from her body or lying.

How does a man know this woman is wanting sex? By understanding this difference and listening to her. If she says she really wants it (excluding any trauma responses she may be overriding) then she likely does.

Just smile and pass the lube…

Undoing our conditioning

We can undo decades of confusion, shame and invalidation for women right here.

And some for men too.

And help women love their bodies exactly as they are.

Which is the number one pathway to expanding a woman’s sexual pleasure.

We’ve heard it works pretty well for other genders too.

Reclaiming Your Feminine Power- For Men too!

July 28, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Fleeing flat, stressed, tired or merely uninspired?

You may be lacking in your feminine power…

Here we show you why and how it can work for you… Feminine Power in Tantra is freedom

Please note, this article on feminine power is not just for women, men who are also wanting to lift their burdens of stress, disillusion, lack of inspiration and level of fun and fulfilment in your lives read on…it’s not about being more feminine, just more whole…

In my recent Power of Yoni workshop, I was once again blown away by how truly amazing women, and their bodies can be. In this 4 ½ day weekend we spend a lot of time reconnecting with our bodies, our feelings, our self-awareness, our sensual and sexual selves and the innate power of who we are as women and the results are stunning! There is a radiant beauty about feminine power- a woman loving, trusting and connecting with herself and her body that cannot be recreated by any amount of makeup or photoshopping. The women themselves were also surprised by just who they are when they give themselves permission, to step out of their fears, limitations and their social conditioning.

No longer a place?

So often in today’s world it can seem like there is no place for the traditional values of the feminine but I can affirm they are as attractive as ever. And our sexuality is such a vital part of woman. Not merely through the act of sex but in her aliveness, her creativity, spontaneity, beauty and even her wildness. A woman owning her sexual self reeks juiciness and power in her own unique way- whether this is soft and loving, exuberant and fun, open and giving, wanton and abandoned or intuitive and wise. These are all part of the feminine gifts. Breathe

What does your own conditioning bring to mind when you think of feminine qualities? We’re definitely not talking about the good little woman at home here, aka The Stepford Wife, with no power, voice or substance of her own but someone quite different. The feminine in its essence is not afraid to speak straight, be seen and heard. She doesn’t allow fears of being abandoned or alone to prevent her from speaking up for herself and others as she knows she will always be in connection with herself and be able to renew connection with others. She doesn’t resort to playing games of covertness and manipulation because she is not afraid to be seen and to manifest what she needs. She gives of herself but not at the expense of herself. She is compassionate and loves nurturing others, giving the same to herself.

Now is the time…

suicide thinking There has never been a time when the gifts of the feminine are more needed. Western women are currently experiencing adrenal fatigue and emotional burnout in record numbers. As we rush constantly forward into more, bigger, better, harder and more competitive, even war like it can be easy to lose touch with our softness, openness, trust, vulnerability, radiant beauty and joyful sexual magnetism. We can even begin to regard these qualities as weak, or less than the external power of the intellect, achievement and outward success.

Power Within

We try to gain our power from our woundedness, resulting in a never ending war with men, treating them and therefore ourselves with disrespect and disdain leaving us wondering where all the good men have gone. When we claim the strength and beauty of our hearts instead of overly protecting them the good men will show up! Perhaps not in the Hollywood perfection our ego’s might desire but in a realness and loving that will be more than you can dream of. Empowering Sexuality

This may sound pretty full on but I can assure you, there is little more powerful than a room full of women discovering these very parts of themselves. It’s a power that would have many externally driven folk running for cover. This power isn’t about power over anyone else, it is power within ourselves. We find this power by connecting with our inner selves. Not in some mystical woo woo way but in a concrete, step by step process. It’s a process more and more women are recognizing is necessary for them to survive and thrive in our busy, controlling, achieving worlds.

This power is not about the pushing yourself to go further, be better, try harder ethos we are burning ourselves out through, but a gentler, wiser process of awareness, nurture and awakening. Where we stop making ourselves wrong- women don’t need anyone else to make us wrong we’re so good at it ourselves!

Coming home to ourselves is finding our power

When we take the time to connect with ourselves it is like coming home to who we really are- a body, heart, soul and spirit as well as an intellectual mind. We come away feeling relaxed, nurtured, more open and authentic, even playful, not to mention Experience healing through Grace sensual and magnetic, more easily attracting our desires to us rather than having to strive for them. We find our inner magic, our spirituality that lives directly in our bodies, as surprising as this may sound. We also find ourselves more confident, assertive, dynamic, creative, sexy and spontaneous. And guys, which ones amongst you would not like to find more of this in your lives, for these qualities live inside you as well? Not just in a woman but also in your hard working, over taxed and straight jacketed selves?

So how do we connect with ourselves and our bodies and find these gifts?
So we’ll have more of ourselves to share with the world…

Practice acknowledging your perfect imperfection. Say to yourself daily “I am whole, desiring and desirable.” Even if you feel fat, ugly, powerless and worthless do it anyway. See your resistance come up and just let it go, don’t be willing to play into its game any longer. Just be ok with who you are. Doing this daily for 6 weeks has been shown to increase our overall self-esteem. The more you believe this the more you will readily seek to change the areas in you that are not working the way you would like them to. From a desire to discover more of you rather than a need to fix yourself.
Take some time for yourself to connect, to be IN your body as we need to balance the amount of time we spend in our intellect and come back to it renewed. Yes, I know this is not easy but just 10-20 minutes a day will make a difference. Time to say YES to yourself without needing to be there for others. In your 10-20 mins sit somewhere comfortably (preferably in your special place if you can create one, even if it’s just draping a special fabric over your chair, cushion or yourself). Stop, breathe deeply, exhaling out through your mouth and simply noticing your thoughts and letting them go. Not trying to avoid thinking, as this is the way to madness, just noticing them and letting them go. Becoming aware of your body and then what you’re feeling within it. Just allowing whatever you find to be there. If you find discomfort, make this ok and see if it changes with acceptance. Accepting our feelings is paramount to accepting ourselves.
Listen to your body’s messages. Notice when you are feeling hungry, thirsty, tired, sore etc and DO something about it. We are so good at pushing ourselves sometimes we’ll even put off going for a pee for hours! Our bodies are smart, they know what they need it’s up to us to listen, for the more we listen to them the more our bodies will give back to us in wellness and ease. This is especially true in taking breaks. Take a break not only when your boss says you can or the clock strikes 10am, take one whenever your body tells you to. Even just going for a walk around the office or the street, standing up and doing some stretches. If you’re at home put on some music and have a dance or put your barefeet on the grass. Our creativity stops if we push ourselves past our limits: the best thing you can do is take a short break and let your motivation and creativity flow again. Even workplaces like Google encourage this.
Connect to your heart. Literally take your awareness to your heart and notice what it is feeling. Breathe life into it. Again accept and allow what you find. Let its love radiate literally inside you, filling yourself up rather than forcing yourself to always give it out to others. Ask your heart a question, something about yourself or life you would like to know and listen quietly for the answer. Our hearts are infinitely wise and just waiting for us to listen.
Give yourself more rest. Women are cyclical beings and like the moon and the seasons we have periods of productivity eg. spring/summer and full moons. We also have periods of regenerative rest like winter and the dark moon. Just because we now have artificial light doesn’t mean we have to be “on” all the time.
In your moments of giving to, or doing for others be fully present and mindful, fully enjoy the experience of giving from your heart, for if it’s not from your heart it’s not worth doing. Feel the joy of your devotion so you receive whilst you are giving, a complete surrender that makes the hardest task seem like a gift. Then you’ll come back to yourself renewed rather than drained. You’ll also sense when it is enough, for both yourself and them.
Practice setting your boundaries. To conserve your energy and nurture yourself sometimes you might need to say NO here and there, especially if saying no is hard for you. How can you give energy that you don’t have, or that is blocked from resentment? Sometimes we need to say no before we can say a full YES! It is not selfish but being centred in yourself.
Nurture your sensual and sexual energies as these are drivers of your enthusiasm and spontaneity in life. Take a moment to check out these sensual suggestions from our recent blog on “Women Aren’t Losing Interest”. Play with with your pelvic floor muscles, these muscles are drivers of your sexual life force energy. Sit with a rolled up towel between your legs (or you can sit with your heel tucked in there) and practice squeezing and releasing these muscles you use to pee with. Make sure you fully relax them between each squeeze. Inhale as you squeeze, exhale as you release. Imagine you’re squeezing and releasing a big pool of energy that lives in your pelvis.
Become aware of your hips as you walk. Exaggerate the swing from hip to hip. Feel your hips and legs connecting to the ground underneath you as you walk. Breathe. Exaggerate the swing a little more, really get into this part of your body, own your sexual self and it will pay you back in spades. Do it for yourself not anyone else. The more you own your sexual self the more power you will have in feeling its pleasure and attracting the attention you want rather than the attention you don’t.
Don’t get lost in playing the game of goal or orgasm directed sex. There is so much more to enjoy, and so many other feelings and things to experience that one “O”. Not that orgasms are bad (heaven forbid!), it’s just that if they are your only sexual focus you will miss out on so many other experiences that begin more subtly but become equally powerful! Invite your man there with you.

If you would like to experience more of this part of you come along and join me at m next Power of Yoni event Nov 2-6 where we pull all of this together and much more…

Instant Beauty: Get it Here!

October 1, 2016 By admin 2 Comments

How Can You Look and Feel More Beautiful?

By Recognizing More of What Lies within You!

After one of our Power of Yoni Workshops a group of participants headed out to a local restaurant to celebrate 4 days of empowering self love, nurturing and discovering pleasure. It so happened the local race meeting was on the same day and the bistro was full of very glammed up ladies who could easily have won “Lady of the Day”. Surprisingly, it was obvious that however glamorous their exteriors were they couldn’t compare with our gorgeous Goddesses who were spilling over with a glow and a vitality from deep within, making them beautiful both inside AND out!

This difference raises the point, what are we actually doing when we simply focus on (or obsess about) our external appearance? Focussing on our outsides rather than accessing and accepting our beauty that comes from within? A beauty that can only enhance the best outfit and beauty routine whilst giving us confidence to burn? I believe what we’re doing is actually abandoning ourselves, or at least abandoning the little girl inside of us that longs for love and acceptance…no matter what age we are…

Read on for ways to connect with our inner beauty and bring our little girl in out of the cold…

Challenges to Looking Good

When it comes to looking good (and loving and approving of ourselves in the process) I‘ve noticed that we as women come up against 4 main challenges:

Every time we look in the mirror we’re holding our own image up against the ones we carry in our minds, of the impossibly perfect (and unreal) body images displayed in almost every advert we see, magazine we pick up, dress shop we look into and movie we watch.

We face a vast array of publications with articles screaming about how we can “improve” ourselves. Treatments including everything from weight loss programs, breast enhancements to genital reductions. Not to mention enough products to cover ourselves from the hair on our head to the toenails on our feet. All aimed at telling us we’re less than perfect so we will buy, buy,buy!

A lifetime of conditioning telling us how we “should” be, what rules we need to follow and what good girls do and bad girls don’t do in order to be approved of, accepted and loved that doesn’t leave us now matter how old we are, unless we let it go.

And finally there is the shadow in our sisterhood, which receives unending satisfaction from us putting ourselves, or our potential female competition down, and giving us the sympathy vote in return for our “insult-athons” on our bodies.

We Hate Ourselves Too Often

As a result, several surveys report that over 91% of women have regular days of “hating their bodies”. It seems as if when things aren’t going right in our world, if we’re unsatisfied in our relationships or our jobs, if we’re having uncomfortable emotions such as stress, loneliness and boredom we’re more likely to criticize our bodies than deal with what is actually behind our dissatisfaction or negative feelings. So how we perceive we look is based more on how we “feel”, rather than the physical reality of how we “look”. When we perceive ourselves negatively we abandon the little girl inside of us that longs to be loved for who she is…

Have you ever looked into the mirror and judged yourself as looking that supposed worst of all body sins, “really fat”? Only to have something good happen in your life and then catch yourself looking in that very same mirror shortly after thinking you look “pretty fabulous”? Where nothing has changed except your perception?

Even more interestingly, have you noticed how much pleasure you feel when you’re body shaming yourself vs when you’re feeling beautiful and appreciated?

Neuroscience has shown that whatever you focus on shapes your brain. So if you focus on how defective your body looks it actually translates into a numbing down of how it feels. And the opposite is true, if you focus on how wonderful your body is, so it will become!

How to find Instant Beauty:

Make a radical choice to think and do things differently.

You’re as beautiful as you tell yourself you are, so tell yourself you’re beautiful often!
If someone else tells you that you’re beautiful, let it in and say thankyou!
Find one thing to appreciate about what your body can DO each day, taking the focus off just how it looks. Put your full attention on this body part and stroke it for a moment with love, baby!
Notice something you find beautiful about the women around you and tell them. Drop the need to compete and see yourselves simply as a reflection of each other. (You may want to omit the stroking part unless you know each other very well!)
Use beauty products with the mindset of enhancing the beauty that is already there, rather than fixing any problems.
Avoid participating in body shaming conversations, even choose to express something you like about your body instead.
See the abundance of treatments and products as a money making device for those making money from them, not necessarily something that you need.
Dress with the primary aim of expressing and feeling good about yourself rather than trying to fit in with the latest fashion.
Avoid trying to “fix” yourself. Instead, do things for their enjoyment value. Find an exercise that you love and it will be a joy rather than a chore.
See your body as your temple and choose to nurture it by attending to its needs as a good servant would do for its master.
Follow this link and listen to our Self Loving Meditation.
Do 3 pc squeeze and releases (pelvic floor contractions) then take a deep breath, enjoy the feeling. Do this often.
Learn to feel more pleasure and you won’t care how you look because you’ll feel so great! And consequently you’ll look more beautiful as a result of your inner glow…

So if you’re looking for even more ways to get your inner glow on and love yourself from the inside all the way out click here for details of Annette’s upcoming workshop just for women the Power Of Yoni Nov 10-14 2016. Contact her for a chat to see how this workshop might work for you!

Sexual Healing

February 11, 2016 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Sexual Healing, the Myth…

As a man, and a sexual male who is in a long term and committed relationship, I find it challenging to hear and read the current debate around sexual healing by male “healers” with women.

With this in mind, I have decided to speak out as a professional who works with men and women, both singles and those in long term relationships.

Sexual Healing Sessions

I have had many sessions with men and women, both as couples and singles, and most importantly on my own or with my partner Annette.

Either way, always following up with debriefing about my experience with her.

I am also speaking from my place in my long term relationship with Annette, who is my lover, teacher, critic and business partner.

How I show up with her is my measure in how I am with a client, as it is also with her and her clients.

The relationship we share is a powerful space of deep clarity, challenge and compassion, and a gift that we both bring into our work.

We are “owner operators” in every sense of the phrase…..

Don’t get me wrong, I have on many occasions had sessions that involved varying degrees of nakedness and sexual touch.

One thing that I have not heard, in any of this “debate” around male sexual healers, is just how powerful a sexual healing experience can be for a woman, where she is fully clothed and not being physically touched.

How would it be, for you as woman to feel safe, and sexual in a way that is invited by a space that is clear, intense and healing?

Where the healing is in simply experiencing a deeply personal loving open hearted man in his sexuality, without personal agenda?

Where the opening is to herself rather than to the man, in a space held by clear masculine presence ?

“The myth is that sexual healing must involve nakedness or sexual touch, even sexual penetration”.

In fact, I believe the exact opposite is true in most cases.

Sexual Healing is not about sex

It is healing simply for a woman to be penetrated by clear masculine sexual heart presence while remaining fully clothed and not being physically touched.

In this space of not having sex, but in feeling her sexuality opening deeply as she opens her heart to herself, especially in a space held by deeply personal and loving masculine heart space.

Experiencing the difference between “universal” love and “deeply personal” love is a big part of what sexual healing is about, particularly while being held by clear healthy masculine presence, and this is not about having sex or even being sexual.

How many women have opened their hearts, only to have it quickly closed down by unconscious sex ?

Remembering, that most women have been hurt by unconscious men, and in too many cases, this masculine shadow or unconsciousness can also be cleverly disguised as “healing”.

Abuse can happen when the woman opens to the healer rather than herself and is where she may loose herself and be susceptible to being taken advantage of.

Especially when she is moving towards her sexual empowerment and freedom.

Opening to herself

Clothed or not, a woman opening to herself will soon feel and tell a man with a hidden agenda where to go with it!

Over the years through our work, I have had many conversations with men “desiring” to learn the art of sexual healing and with out exception my direction with them is to learn about their own sexual heart connection first.

How many women out there want to do something sexually empowering for themselves, but don’t want to have to bare their souls to more of the same, especially if it is even more cleverly disguised as “healing”.

Increasingly, people and particularly women have become fed up with the co dependancy that has plagued the modern Tantra movement and are expecting more depth and clarity from their experiences.

As a woman, simply trust your feelings first and foremost, and seek out a session that brings YOU in touch with your own awareness, coming into your feeling body and your heart, then from that place, connecting with what it is that you desire for yourself.

Genital Appreciation

September 30, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

Genital Appreciation Week…

Yes, last time we offered Breast Appreciation Week and from the response we received it sounded like a lot of people out there rose to the call- both Men & Women.

This time we’re going a little lower and inviting you to consider the art of genital appreciation.

Yes, you did hear us right, we said GENITAL Appreciation.

Think about it…we spend much time either denying or ignoring our genitals until we demand they respond big time to our desires for maximum pleasure and connection.

This focus on ignorance vs performance can leave them a little disconnected or neglected.

And if you’re into high friction sex or masturbation without conscious breathing (which maybe you aren’t if you’re here) your genitals will also be desensitized.

And believe it or not your genitals are more than just physical bits of us that wiggle, harden and flow. They are their own distinct and individual entities that can feel taken for granted, neglected or abused due to a very subtle level of awareness that you can tune into if you take the time to listen.

They will respond to your, and your lover’s love and attention and reward you with heightened sensitivity and a feeling of the sacredness that lies within them that makes making love feel more than just having sex.

So how do you go about a bit of genital appreciation?

Allow 20 mins per person (use a timer if you wish)
If you are doing this with your lover you start with taking turns.

The person being appreciated lies down and exposes as much of their genitals as they feel comfortable with. The person doing the appreciation finds a comfortable position from which to view and casts their eyes on their lovers sexy bits with love and appreciation. The receiver just allows themselves to be viewed appreciatively. Then swap.

If you are by yourself you can use a mirror to view yourself with.Sounds pretty simple? Yes. Sounds pretty weird? Yes. Sounds pretty boring, too? Yes.

So when does it become beneficial?

When you go under the doing of the act and move into the being.

male groin Such is the power of our sex organs they can transport us into an expanded reality if we allow them.

You have to get really, really present with yourself and with them otherwise you’ll miss it..

It can be incredibly sensual and intimate.

Giver: Pause. Breathe. Drop into your own body. Rather then using your mind to to think and judge here just experience, as if nothing else exists. Let the shape, curve, length, roundness, softness etc draw you in. Breathe into your heart and open your subtle senses, notice what happens.

Receiver: Pause. Breathe. Drop into your body. Take your attention to your genitals and think of their shape, definition without judgment. Get really, really present with them, as if nothing else exists. Observe any embarrassment and breathe into it, give it love and it will fade. Go a little deeper and ‘sense’ them, do they feel,seem open, closed, happy, neglected, appreciated etc. Ask them if they have a message for you. Don’t think it, just wait and see what comes. Then just breathe and be. Let the love in.

When the time is up thank each other and swap over.
On completion spoon together for a few minutes then share your experience. Keep your words positive and descriptive as the vulnerability can be high.

Nb. For those purists who may consider these images too “sexualized” for a “spiritual” article we believe that love and enlightenment can be achieved through the body and its sexuality, rather than being kept separate from it. It can be hard to see in this age of sex image overwhelm but underneath this truth remains. If you’re not sure then try the exercise above.

For comment or further information contact us today on 1800 TANTRA or email here

A Guide to Breast Appreciation

September 22, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

Well, if it’s not official, we’re declaring it Breast Appreciation Week!

And to do so we’re offering A Guide to Breast Appreciation for both women and the men who love them…

A Woman’s Breasts are the Pathway to her Heart

Have you as a woman ever stopped to think about your breasts? It’s very likely that your lovers have given them some undivided attention, whether it has been in lovemaking, in that hot new outfit or as you’re brushing your teeth naked in the bathroom…

Your relationship to your own breasts is a powerful indicator of your relationship to your heart, and even to yourself.

Do you think of your breasts from an external point of view? How they look, whether, as you wiggle them into their underwire or push up bra, they match up to the socially approved images? Or do you pause for a moment and remember how they may have nurtured your children? Or with a smile how they’re appreciated by your lovers and the degree of pleasure they give?

Perhaps you appreciate them for the amount of pleasure they give you? As the nipples rise to peaks of excitement, sending a direct line of pleasure to the clitoris do you see your breasts mainly as a source of pleasure, a beginning place to stimulate other parts of the body?

Do you ever relate to your breasts from inside of yourself ie. feeling them from the inside out? Do you notice how connect your breasts feel to your heart? Do you notice how when your heart is open your breasts become more sensitive, even fuller and rounder? Have you ever felt your breasts expressing the language of your heart? Perhaps you have experienced your breasts as totally numb, feeling little? This is a common occurrence as our breasts respond to where we have hardened our hearts in life. But they can be reawakened with loving touch.

Breast Appreciation Ritual

Set aside 10-15mins to fully appreciate your breasts as part of your womanly, feminine self. Let them be naked, free of restraint. Touch with gentleness and caress them with love, starting from the outside and slowly working towards the nipples. Touch with appreciation and without an agenda to make anything happen. Breathe into them and feel the feelings that arise. Imagine your heart underneath and notice the degree of connection you feel between both, without judgement. Complete with just holding them in each hand in stillness.

Notice how your relationship to your breasts, your heart and yourself can change after this simple self love meditation.

Breast Appreciation for Men

Men, know that your woman’s breasts are a gateway to her heart and her heart is the key to her fully awakened sexuality. Let her know how much you appreciate this part of her. Tell her often how beautiful they are to you. Touch them with reverence as well as lust. Start with gentle touch around the outsides, hold and feel the weight of them in your hands, touch the space between her breasts with the palm of your hand, melt it onto her heart. Slowly moving to the centre of her breasts. Move towards and away from the nipples, blow warm/cool air over them, lick, kiss, suck gently then harder. Feel your woman’s response to gauge your touch. Woman breastfeeding

Nb. If your woman is breastfeeding check in with her as to the degree of touch she is open to, sometimes she can a bit of overwhelm with too much going on for them.

And ladies remember you don’t need to wait for your lover to touch them, it is OK for you to caress them in self pleasuring and lovemaking yourself, don’t miss out on this important part of your whole body arousal.

A Sexually Empowered Woman

August 29, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

What Does a Sexually Empowered Woman Look Like?

This question came up after reflecting on my sexual journey over the years and writing it has stunned me to see all the benefits I have found in embracing this part of myself. I am not all of these all the time but I have definitely experienced many such moments of each.
Do any of them resonate with you?

A sexually empowered woman is: (in no particular order)

She is comfortable in her skin, in her body and at ease with who she is in the world.

Her self esteem is not related to men’s (or anyone’s) opinion of her.

She makes her own choices and does not need to conform to the roles required of her by others.

She has deep friendships with women and relates to them as sisters rather than competitors.

She is without the need to compete with other women for attention from men.

She can enjoy feelings of sexual arousal that may arise within her through contact with another knowing that she can fully embrace these feelings of warm, melting, tingling aliveness without needing to act on them , unless it is right for her to do so.

She doesn’t perform in sex , instead experiences it fully as an expression of herself, whoever she is in that moment- maiden, lover, wild woman, slut, healer, Goddess and many more.

She has her own inner moral code that she can trust without needing to rely on external rules of behaviour.

She buys clothes and lingerie to enjoy for herself rather than to impress or manipulate others.

She doesn’t have to dress sexy (although she can!) because she IS sex and she knows it.

She has an open heart that sees sex as an expression of love rather than being separate from it.

She is connected with her own body and is able to touch herself sensually, sexually and with love.

She releases shame from her body by owning it as an instrument of love and pleasure.

She doesn’t limit herself to genital pleasure but experiences it in every part of her body.

She nurtures it by eating well, exercising regularly and attending to its needs.

She has a relationship with the wisdom of her Yoni (vulva/vagina/womb) and takes the time to listen to Her messages.

She sees sexuality as a power within herself rather than a power over others to manipulate or dominate them with.

She knows the feeling of freedom that comes from within.

She experiences an expansion in herself as well as pleasure in her sex.

She is creative, playful, spontaneous and intuitive.

She will leave you feeling sated, energized, nurtured, inspired and loved.

She knows that love will arise in all moments of full presence in intimacy with another and accepts the magic of this without needing to attach any further meaning to it.

She chooses to breathe consciously when making love, to ground, connect and expand her awareness and pleasure.

She heart openly embraces her inner slut, not allowing the shame of her conditioning to stop her.

She is not afraid to talk about sex.

She knows there is a time for sex and time without it.

She is willing to feel everything– pleasure, emotion, bliss, pain and love for they are all pathways to herself.

She is not afraid to feel the pain of rejection.

She lets go the stories from her conditioning around sex knowing they come from shame and fear.

She is clear and respectful in her desires and boundaries. If she is not clear she will be willing talk to you about it.

She does not attract men who are abusive, controlling, manipulative, shaming, disempowered or otherwise unconscious as they are afraid to approach her clear, grounded power.

She is not afraid of having a good time, of creating a good time for all, not just for herself simply by being who she is.

She has a good understanding of her body from hours of practice in self pleasuring and is able to ask clearly for what she wants.

She doesn’t expect her lover to everything for her.

She is able to open herself in lovemaking and actively receive her lovers touch, increasing the pleasure for both.

She is able to greatly enjoy giving her lover pleasure without giving herself away.

She knows to nurture herself with her sexual energy by moving it up through her body where it nurtures and awakens her.

She is not afraid of intensity in her feelings.

She seeks to enjoy her yearnings and longings for another rather than suffer in them.

If she desires sex she becomes it, so there is no further need to desire.

She knows the power of sex to heal, nurture and awaken.

She sees sexuality as a part of spirituality, her very aliveness, part of the world’s big mystery.

She can equally participate in a really earthy fuck, a loving and gentle caress or moments of divine union. In fact she likes a little of each!

She comes to her partner as a loving equal wanting to share and create together.

She will demand a safe, respectful space to make love in and if she doesn’t feel safe she is willing to help create safety or leave where this is not possible.

She will not seek to own her lover and if she feels jealous she will see it is because she has stepped away from her connection with herself and will come back to herself again.

She will want you to go deep with her, as deep as she can go with herself.

She will want you to fuck her from an open heart, as that is what she will be doing with you.

She will be a Goddess not a Princess.

She IS radiant beauty and power.

She can have one lover or many but she will make it a choice.

She will crack your heart open with her capacity for vulnerability and surrender- to her own heart and to you.

If you crack she will hold you with the utmost presence and tenderness making it a moment of safety, love and joy.

She will be fully in relationship with herself, her sexuality and with love.

She will give to you, teach and change you just through being who she is, through bringing light to your own darkness.

If you would like to add more layers to your own sexual journey contact Annette on 1800 TANTRA or email here

Or join her for this event in Brisbane on Sept 5th