ejaculation Archives - Relationship & Sexuality Counselling Specialists

Orgasms: What kind are you having?

September 13, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Orgasms, Orgasms and More Orgasms

As humans we’re capable of many different types of orgasms- 23 kinds in fact!

We often limit ourselves to the idea of just one- peak orgasms, therefore missing out on the many other possibilities that the orgasm offers. Sometimes thinking we’re not even having one when we actually are…

Orgasms come in many shapes and sizes and all of them are valuable- even the little half, almost, ones shouldn’t be dismissed. Why? Well, from little things big things grow!

Orgasms and the search for them (when not under pressure) can bring in some playful and beautiful moments of sexual intimacy too.

So what types of orgasms are there?

As mentioned the most common idea of orgasm is that of peak orgasm: the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure, often associated with other involuntary actions, including muscular spasms in multiple areas of the body, general euphoric sensation and, frequently, body movements and vocalizations (this is the Oh God, I’m coming moment). In a man, orgasm is generally accompanied by ejaculation, or release of his semen. The period after this orgasm (known as the refractory period) is often a relaxing experience, attributed to the release of oxytocin, prolactin and endorphins.

Other types of orgasm:

Orgasms can be bone shaking and spine tingling; they can also be so subtle that we don’t even realise they’ve happened…even a pleasurable shiver is a kind of body orgasm. Orgasms are generally accompanied by pleasurable sensations of heat and/or tinglings (what we call orgasmic energy), tension, fullness and release but they can also be accompanied by others such as expansion, opening, bliss, freedom- where our ordinary minds switch off and we feel the freedom of being mindless- what is known as the ‘little death of the ego’. We generally feel a change in our physical state after orgasm, we feel relaxed, expanded, lighter, more open or somehow different.

Genital focussed- where the sensations of heat, tingling etc are experienced only around the genitals, generally peak style.
Full body orgasm- where the sensations are experienced in many or most areas of the body. Sensations can be more fluid.
Ejaculatory- the orgasmic energy is accompanied by the pleasurable release of semen, or female ejaculate called Amrita.
Non ejaculatory- orgasmic energy peaks without fluid release (for men too).
Explosive- where the pleasure seems to explode out of your body.
Implosive- where the pleasure expands through your body, can feel like pleasure or melting/opening sensations.
Multiple Orgasms– several ongoing peaks and releases of orgasmic energy, generally without fluid release every time.
Spot Orgasms- P spot for men (either external or internal); Clitoral, G, P, A, C, U and Cervix for women. Clitoral orgasms are usually limited, others can be multiple, particularly the P and G spots.
PC Orgasm- yes, contracting your pelvic floor muscles and breathing fully can actually take you into an orgasm.
Valley Orgasm- this is where it can seem like nothing is happening but if you allow yourself to drop into it (in those moments of stillness during lovemaking that we so hope you’re having) where surrender happens and you open into something else, hard to define, it can be filled with connection, love, peace, expansion and more. You know it’s happening as your state has changed, worth exploring.
Solo Orgasm- the ones you have by yourself can be truly delicious if you take your time.
Anal Orgasm- your anus has a large range of nerve endings that can be awakened to pleasure.
Non genital orgasm- arousal and peak/release of orgasmic energy can be experienced anywhere in the body- not only nipples but given time and consistent tantric stroking virtually any area of the body can become orgasmic.
Breathgasms- through breathing alone.
Mindgasms- where your fantasy takes you all the way.
Spontaneous Orgasm- can happen anywhere at anytime eg. during exercise, if you’re energy sensitive or just lucky.
Chakra Orgasm- energy expansion and release in a chakra ie. the heart or third eye (can be visual).
Transcending orgasm- where the orgasmic energy expands up your spine.
Emotional Orgasm- the pleasure that can arise after a release of emotion in lovemaking.
Soul Orgasm- may not be associated with physical pleasure but contains images or senses that relate to us personally eg. feeling reborn or having a glimpse of infinity. Afterwards you feel a profound shift in the state of your body.
Spiritual Orgasms- a sense of being at one with everything.
Firebreath Orgasm- this is one we teach at our workshops and is a combination of many of the above!
Anorgasm- no orgasm, or at least orgasm as we traditionally think of it. This occurs in 1 in 3 women during sexual play and up to 2/3 of women during penetration. It is rare, (or rarely reported as a problem) in men.

How do we experience more orgasms?

The main skill in experiencing more varieties of orgasms is in understanding what is possible, having an open mind and being willing to hang around in lovemaking long enough to experience it. Men are generally more single genital orgasm focussed but this is by no means what they are limited to.
The next step is to explore:
Stroking new areas of your body with your full presence, for touch helps to awaken your sensations, and your presence helps you (and your lover) to experience them.
Playing with your breath as breathing is the driver of your pleasure, (especially as you get close to orgasm and as you go into it. Most people stop breathing here not knowing they’re depriving themselves of greater pleasure!).
Keeping your body relaxed rather than tense as energy flows through relaxed muscles!
Keeping your attention inside your body as this is where orgasms happen.
Make friends with your pelvic floor as its contractions are literally a sexual energy pump!
Try some different positions.
Using your imagination (for where the mind goes the energy follows)
Letting go of trying too hard to get there, tensing up and overriding your pleasure.

Make orgasm a pleasurable journey of exploration rather than merely a goal to achieve.

Men Is your sex life boring?

June 18, 2015 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Men-

Do you somehow feel like you’re missing out on a little sexual something? Like there should be more to it than this? Is your sex life boring? Maybe your orgasms and/or erections aren’t as enjoyable or reliable as they used to?

Especially if you’re with a woman who is writhing in multi orgasmic waves of pleasure as you hold back to watch her with joy yet more than a little envy?

Does it seem like the results with new toys, extra porn and even a little BDSM are disappointing despite all the hype?

Well, don’t despair all is not lost, there is more than you are currently experiencing. You too can glimpse the infinite world of pleasure and even ecstasy that are like glimpsing into the 100 billion galaxies reported by NASA to exist in the universe.

And the first step is to claim more of your own pleasure. Not just in those final few seconds but the whole way through. You are so good at giving and being there for your lover but it is no longer your job to simply wait until they’ve had their share. Why not join in in more of your own?

Men who have learned to experience deep pleasure really know that not only does it feel amazing but is heart opening as well as body and soul nurturing for both himself AND his lover.

Ejaculation for the man has long been viewed as the natural completion of sex, his biological need to release sperm in order to procreate and the pleasure that came with it was automatic. So in this way man’s sexual pleasure has been covert, unlike a woman whose sexual pleasure is largely separate to her ability to procreate and she’s had to claim it for herself, he hasn’t yet had to, until now. So much more is possible for you!

In today’s society sex (at least in the west) has become freer, less procreation and more pleasure based (leaving aside the intimacy and connection factor in sex for now). With this focus women’s pleasure has rightly become more important and more achievable. Yet somehow man’s pleasure (and his potency) has become less, sadly with men reporting feeling selfish, even shameful if focussing on his own pleasure, so he emotionally disconnect from his partner and disappear in order to be able to feel pleasure rather than shame. Because of this he often derives more satisfaction in helping his lover come than in feeling his own pleasure. His few moments of ‘coming’, his greatest point of feeling pleasure feels frustratingly limited to him allowing boredom to set in. In reality he is capable of multiple orgasms and a choice in coming or not…

One of the challenges in being a man is believing you have to be the good provider and are therefore responsible for your partner’s pleasure is that in doing so you are coming from your conditioning rather than from what is possible. Your lover is actually responsible for creating their own pleasure. Yes, you can help by being there but it doesn’t mean you have to give up yourself in the process.

And your conditioning may even tell you that for you to be a good lover you need to be totally there for your partner as the more pleasure they have the better lover you’ll be. The challenge with this is that you are putting your rewards in your lover’s hands and setting yourself up for failure. Rely on her pleasure too often and she’ll feel manipulated, like she has to perform to make you feel good about yourself- if she either doesn’t want to disappoint you or she is pissed of about being in this position- she’ll bring out the time honoured fake orgasm.

When a man gives himself permission to really feel his own pleasure it allows him to feel more connected to himself and significantly reduces the pressure to perform that he often feels during love making, reducing his fear of failure and transforming his intimate connection into something truly magical.

Despite his conditioning it is not selfish for a man to let go of striving for the end goal and take the time to slow down and feel more along the way in lovemaking, in fact it is vital. For when a man is more familiar with feeling his pleasure it means he is more present and more in his body, inviting more potency, allowing pleasure to arise rather than having to force it.

Any man who chooses to be present in his body will open up to the full potential of pleasure during the whole love making session, rather than just his usual few seconds at the end. It’s the beginning of his ability to become multiply orgasmic if he desires. With practice this allows a man to be more present with his lover as well as his pleasure, no matter how intense. His lover will eat this up!

When a man understands that women actually enjoy feeling a man feeling his pleasure as it means she can feel more of him open and connected to her (similar to him enjoying feeling her pleasure) he can do so more easily without disappearing.

Taking responsibility for his own pleasure takes away the burden of having to ‘provide’ his partner with theirs whilst he is missing out. This takes away the subtle (and not so subtle) manipulations that can occur in trying to make his pleasure happen through the other person, allowing more intimacy and authenticity = even more pleasure.

Feeling himself and being at ease in his own pleasure allows him to enjoy that place in himself where he just loves to give from, with the giving coming direct from his heart- It’s truly yummy for the receiver!

When he’s connected with himself he will automatically be more aware of the subtleties of his experience and where his partner is at. It makes him less reliant on ‘technique’ and more available to intuitive understanding which is much juicier.

Both lovers benefit from the resonance in the matching energy vibrations of pleasure, where the pleasure in his body literally invites the pleasure in theirs to awaken, creating more pleasure for both.

And lastly, both open to the possibility of a more intimate, loving and deeper connection that happens through being embodied and available in your feelings, senses, emotions and pleasure that needing to perform for the other takes away. It offers glimpses into the mystery beyond getting it right and fearing failure.

So what do you do if you’re not totally focussing on your lover, trying to hold off or really going for your few seconds of pleasure?

Choose to believe you are worthy as a person even without having any external goals to achieve.
Know your pleasure is as vital to lovemaking as your lovers, the whole way through not just at the end.
Make your goal getting present and connected with yourself and open to pleasure.
Practice being present in your own body by having your attention focused inside of you until you can be aware of yours first, then include your lovers. Self pleasuring, especially with your other hand on your heart, is great for helping you learn this.
Touch your own lingam (penis, cock) at times to connect with yourself and your own feelings. You don’t have to wait for your lover to do so. Mix up the touching with your body and theirs until you really get this. With practice it will become effortless.
BREATHE deeper and slower. Mouth breathe (especially on exhalation).
Slow down, be more in the moment, feel yourself, sexually and even emotionally.

Here you have it men, the more you let go of performing and feel your pleasure the more present and connected you will be to yourself. The more your lover will feel you. The more relaxed (yet excited), nurtured and satisfied both of you will feel.

And by the way, even though we do it for different reasons women who feel driven to perform can benefit from following the above steps as well…

If your sex life is boring and you want to find out more about how to change it call 1800 TANTRA or click here

Tantric Sex for Men – Oztantra

February 9, 2015 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Tantric sex for men

In my journey of self exploration and discovery, I have had many realisations, and one of them is tantric sex for men is mostly unexplored and poorly understood.

Actually, the more I discover about Tantric sex, the more I realise I don’t know, as I also believe that learning Tantra is finding that place of limitless and connection that exists in all of us.

I have also reached an understanding that with heart and sexuality connection where there exists potential for significant increases in pleasure and heart felt satisfaction with your partner.

What this actually looks and feels like for a man, is in his ability to be able to fully tap into and connect with his own awesome power in all aspects of his life.

From the Boardroom to the Bedroom

This potential exists not only in the bedroom but from the boardroom to the clubroom and every aspect in between.

For a man connecting with his heart is also him connecting with his warrior self, as they reside in the same place in a man, in his heart.

Because, when a man confronts his fears and gives himself permission to fully connect his heart and sexuality also includes accessing and owning his warrior self. Warrior intensity comes from the power in a man’s heart, and the healthy masculine warrior is pure heart.

Our couples Retreat is the perfect forum for any man to learn these skills with his partner.

Warrior Sex

In recent times, the term “warrior” has had a bad rap, as so much of man’s unhealthy shadow is seen as coming from this aspect and most men have fear about this and hold this part of themselves in denial. As men, denying our warrior makes our unhealthy shadow aspect even deeper and much harder to manage.

If your wondering what this unhealthy masculine looks like, then examples are all around us. Watch any news media and nearly all the story’s are about money, sex or power. These aspects are all part of the healthy masculine as well, but the healthy masculine is heart connected which totally changes any outcome. Money, sex and power without heart is behind majority of conflicts, economic difficulties and environmental challenges. It takes heart connected masculine energy to change these problems, and that is the healthy warrior.

A man in his heart connected with his warrior is a man that will stand up and protect his heart, himself, family, community and his place in this world.

It is a challenge for any man to connect with and honor this part of himself, as so much of our cultural political correctness supports the shaming of this essential aspect of healthy and sacred masculinity. It takes real courage for a man to stand up for what he believes is right, as quite often this requires him challenging societal norms. Healthy masculine will also challenge and call out wounded feminine behaviours but in a way that is healing for woman.

Connecting with his warrior self is a journey deeply into himself and must include experiencing himself with other men in healthy masculine space.

A man connecting with his warrior is accessing his depth of inner masculine strength that all men have, yet most carry shame or confusion about connecting with this essential part of masculinity. Warrior is the healthy part of masculinity that grounds and holds safety for himself and those around him, especially when a man decides to open his heart and connect with his sexuality and with his partner.

Men have been shamed out of this place and have confusion as to what healthy masculine sexuality looks and feels like.

It is this healthy connection with his inner strength or warrior that will hold him grounded and safe in opening his heart in intimate sexual connection in his relationships.

Relationship Sex is the Best Sex

I also believe that for most men, this intensely pleasurable sexual potential is best achieved and maintained in committed and long term relationships, where all these aspects can flourish and develop.

This special and healthy gift of sacred masculinity requires nurturing, expression and connection.

Man’s fuel of desire for sexual connection comes from his open loving heart, and this is best achieved for most men in healthy relationships.

Healthy sexual desire is heart connected and heart energized for any man, and if in doubt ask a woman what she most desires in her man and it is usually to feel his loving open heart, to feel his power in loving presence.

Yet, for a man to tap into this sexual potential is much more than simply being physically capable, for it requires emotional awareness, connection and courage to really be able to connect to his true sexual heart capability.

This connection is internal and doesn’t require any mystical or esoteric skills from outside.

For any man, simply being emotionally aware and understanding and fully grasping and accessing his own vulnerable heart sexual connection is where it all begins.

Sexual Power

Strength of connection to his sexual power will require a man to be fully connected and grounded in his body and heart. This is not about being overtly sexual but simply recognizing and owning his heart intensity and sexual power. In this place, it is important for any man to claim and own his masculinity in how it is for him, and most often this may look different to how a woman would desire it to be. If in doubt, simply consider the differences between the romance industry for women and the porn industry for men. Both have their appeal, but don’t really appeal to the other. This is where men quite often become derailed in their journey into their masculinity, as they believe they have to play “the game” to get what they want from the opposite sex. This is why it is important that any man’s journey into his masculinity requires plenty of healthy masculine connection.

When heart and sexuality are accessed and activated and connected, a man begins to feel his true power. It is in this place that man can truly connect with his inner warrior and feel his own strength and power surging through his body. Making love from this place is like nothing else, for a man can be fully in his power and feel it surging through his body, or simply be quiet and in stillness.

Mastering the skills of separating ejaculation and orgasm requires a man to feel his power, as men require access to their feeling of inner strength to manage and hold ejaculation energy successfully with out needing to shut it down. Ejaculation energy in a man is pure heart and is the energy force that creates life and requires clarity and focus to manage this energy into full bodied pleasure.

Ejaculation energy is pure heart energy with the power to create life.

Tantric lovemaking is about creating more of everything, including ramping up your ejaculation heart intensity and multi orgasmic energy and this also applies to women as well. In tantric lovemaking, this combined energy is truly breathtaking.

This masculine ejaculation heart energy creates heat for intense full body multiple orgasms, which further deepens open heart and inner connection and vulnerability with the power of sexual connection holding all this together.

It takes a man who is fully in his power to hold himself in this place and meet his partner in lovemaking.

The stronger heart connection that any man can create for himself in his relationship, the more loving pleasure he will experience during sex.

And, so will his partner, for a women desires to feel this part of her man, and if in doubt, ask her…..

In this place of accessing his masculine warrior strength during lovemaking will also impact on his partner in a deeply loving and subtle way. A woman will feel met, held and safe enabling her to open into her sacred surrender.

Gspot

A women’s Gspot is an energy point that is highly sensitive and receptive to this masculine energy and both can easily experience deeply loving, satisfying heart connected lovemaking with very little movement.

This is tantric lovemaking in its simplest form.

Is your Gspot missing in action?

December 10, 2014 By Annette & Graeme 22 Comments

Many women believe they don’t actually have a Gspot, because sometimes they like to hide…

However it’s more likely to be because it hasn’t been awakened yet.

Read on for more info about this gorgeous but slippery little sucker…

The Gspot or a UFO?

Knowledge of a woman’s sexuality has grown over the years. We have come a long way from believing a woman’s expression of her sexual energy to be an “hysterical paroxysm” requiring some form of “treatment”, or that she wasn’t capable of sexual enjoyment, but to “bear these things” ie sex for the benefits of motherhood. Nowadays the modern woman is claiming her rights to “her” orgasms and finding new and creative ways of experiencing them. Yet awareness of a woman’s G-spot is a relatively recent phenomena, for many years it was thought to have been as real as a “UFO”. This very real Sacred spot provides yet more possibilities for women to further know, enjoy and accept their bodies, their sexuality and themselves.

How is a Gspot different from a clitoris?

At a practical level yes, every woman is born with a G-spot. It exists as a mound of erectile tissue 1-2 finger joints inside the upper wall of her yoni (vagina), often not as far in as you might think. The gspot is not actually inside the yoni, but resides in the upper wall and can only be physically felt by touching when it has been “activated”. When this happens, it feels like an area of raised ridges, a little like an almond which becomes more distended and easier to feel when aroused and sometimes can even feel like a small pearl. They are still part of the same genital landscape, with one external and the other inside the vagina. The clitoris is an organ that is largely responsive to direct stimulation and has an expected enjoyable physical response and generally has a limit to the no. of orgasms it can experience. The G-spot however has a much greater range of responses as in or around this physical location is the energy point of the Gspot and activating this is what takes the experience to a whole new level of ongoing waves of pleasure, unlimited multiple orgasms, emotion, even what can be described as spiritual experiences.

I tried to find an image on ecstatically radiant post Gspot orgasmic woman but it seems they can’t be faked- there is a quality she has that only comes from the real thing, hence no female images on this post.

A Gspot can be very intense!

Some women have spontaneous Gspot (or vaginal) orgasms through stimulation with the lingam (penis) or vibrator/dildo. Some women have Gspot is spiritual awakening clitoral orgasms only, some have a mixture of both vaginal and clitoral, with or without the lingam/vibe/dildo. For many other women, the G spot still remains an unknown experience. and generally takes a greater level of self awareness and even self acceptance in the woman for it to awaken in her. It is part of her emotional body, one of the major energy centres in her body and experiencing it can bring an emotional intensity that can be unexpected or even frightening. But with knowledge and practice a woman (by herself or with a trusted lover) will find awakening this centre can allow her to access new levels of satisfaction in her sexuality that go a long way to fulfilling the intense emotional longings and frustrations that she usually hopes her partner can fulfil for her. Knowing her body in this way can allow her to share with her partner from a place of wholeness rather than a craving for fulfilment.

How can a Gspot be awakened?

To awaken the Gspot, use your (or ask your lover, or use a Gspot vibe) index or pointer fingers, with plenty of lubrication, to tap gently, move your finger in a “come hither” movement, or side to side or up and down on the area, or hold still on it and just breathe. Get to know its size, shape and moods, it can take much more pressure than your clitoris. If you feel like you need to pee you’ve found it! Squeeze your pc muscles and feel how this moves the spot onto your fingers. Have your attention firmly on this part of your body. Breathe deeply, relax and feel with no expectations.

Sometimes if your lover is looking to connect with your Gspot he can place the fingers of his other hand just above the pubic bone and press down gently, this can help him find anchor the spot between his two hands.

Some of the reasons the Gpsot can still be missing in action:

-It can be missed completely when not aroused because it feels almost flat. If you can’t feel it, just believe in it, visualize it, relax and keep touching.

– It lacks time. A Gspot can take longer to arouse and if this part is missed then nothing happens. It can be good in the early stages to take special time just to focus on it by itself. Once awakened it can be instantaneous, although it will always have it’s days on and off.

-Arousal can be short circuited by focussing entirely on clitoral orgasm, (they have different nerve supplies) so if you are looking to explore your Gspot it’s best to build stimulation in the clitoris but stop well short of orgasm, then begin to focus on the different sensations and possibilities in the Gspot.

-Whole body tension is another short circuit. Often a woman will tense her body to create a clitoral orgasm, this is the opposite of what the Gspot is the heart of woman Gspot requires. So when you feel arousal happening remember to relax, let your muscles go and deepen your breathing.

-Over use of a vibrator- this can either short circuit sensation by being too much too soon, or can toughen and numb the spot, reducing it’s sensitivity.

– Weak and/or tense pc muscles (the muscles between our legs that we feel when we try to stop the flow of urine). These muscles can suffer from lack of use, over strain etc. Begin to contract and release these muscles as often as you can each day to build their strength. Make sure you just contract the pc, not your stomach or buttocks. And relax the muscle fully in between squeezes. Squeeze along to your favourite song.

-Sometimes a Gspot feels totally numb and so we think it doesn’t work and give up. With attention and love it can be fully activated, keep practicing.

-Sometimes the Gspot is painful when touched so we avoid it. This pain is old stored emotion from unhelpful beliefs about your sexuality or difficult past sexual experiences. With attention and love it can be released.

-The Gspot is an emotional energy centre and the feelings aroused can be unfamiliar, intense and so they are shut down. Understand that these emotions are an important part of who you are, an energy that will become pleasurable when accepted. Allow any emotions that arise just to be felt or expressed. Breathe into your heart and bring love into your Gspot.

– To fully experience the Gspot you need to trust your body, and surrender into your sensations, letting go into them with every out breath.

– A woman shutting down if her partner is uncomfortable with her intensity. Take your time and both of you build a relationship to this part of her. And men challenge yourself to learn to last longer, check out this page to both last longer in lovemaking AND increase your pleasure. It will help you build the sexual relationship (and relationship) of your dreams.

Female Ejaculation

-The fear of ejaculation. This is the fluid that can be expelled from a woman’s prostate gland (yes, she has one in the erectile tissue around the urethra, which the Gspot forms part of) when the Gspot is aroused. Because little is known about female ejaculation it can be viewed as urine by the woman and/or her partner. But it actually has a different chemical composition, smell and taste from urine. It is believed to help lubricate the urethra from the acidity of urine, reducing infections and also sweetens the acidic environment of the yoni to enhance sperm survival. In tantric terms it is known as Amrita, the nectar of love and is thought to be a Gift from God, and is seen as a source of rejuvenation. Letting go of Amrita can be an exquisite bliss that is beyond words, leaving a woman and her partner renewed. But a woman can often hold back in fear of “wetting herself”. In fact it is very difficult for a woman to pee when highly aroused, just like it is difficult for a man to pee when he has an erection. Knowing this can help a woman to relax and let Amrita flow when she has the urge to “pee” that comes from stimulation of her Gspot. It can happen separately from orgasm, or with orgasm.

In conclusion

Gspot orgasm is not another goal for a woman to reach. Ejaculation is not a “party trick” to perform on demand to please her partner. It is an opportunity for her, if she chooses, to know and accept herself at a deeper level. To know and accept her feeling self. To experience herself in her Goddess energy. It is a journey of personal awakening.