but you’re scared your partner won’t want to join you?
The time has come, you’re holding back no longer.
You’ve heard all this good stuff about sexuality for women and you want a piece of it.
Or maybe you’ve already had a piece at a workshop or course and you love it.
Now you want to bring it home to your relationship.
But you’re scared your partner may be too resistant to join you.
Or maybe you’ve already decided they WON’T want to join you.
So what do you do?
You remember that your partner may not be in the same place as you.
They may not have spent the last few months, or years, dreaming of this possibility.
They are less likely to have read as many books, blogs or websites about tantric sexuality as you have.
Or to have attended a workshop.
They likely might be more satisfied with the sex they’re already having.
Your partner is a sovereign being just like you
And most importantly, they don’t HAVE to be in the same place as you.
What IS important is finding where you CAN meet each other.
And where you can be consensual in what you create.
Often where we start is:
I have noticed many women start to explore this part of themselves and then do one of two things in their relationships.
They blindly hope in their excitement that their partner will somehow automatically get where they’re at. And will magically meet them there.
Or they demand that they do, and blame them as inadequate, or uncaring if they can’t.
This is an understandable, but not useful way to go about getting what you want.
We know it comes from fear of not getting what you most desire.
Take a step back and step into your power
You need to remember that your partner is likely going to be scared too.
And they will have much less knowledge and experience than you. So they’ll have more reason to be challenged.
A fully empowered woman takes responsibility for her own reality.
She recognizes she has changed and that it’s taken a journey for her to get there.
Making her willing to explore her sexuality in her own right first.
Willing to get intimate with herself, before she asks it of her partner.
And she wants experiences with her partner to be mutual, with both of them wanting it.
Tantric Sex or golf?
YOU may want to have archetypal, primal or multidimensional, transcendent sex. Or do 20-30 minutes of state altering breathwork to expand your consciousness before sex. And your partner may NOT.
They may love to play golf (or whatever it is that they’re really into) and you may not.
Imagine if they dragged you unwillingly around the golf course. Trying to get you enthusiastic about their favourite game. Criticizing your attempts to get the ball on the green. Would it inspire you to want more?
It works the same with sex. There is no point trying to drag a person somewhere they don’t want to go. And we don’t really have the right.
What we DO have the right to do is express our desires
The smart thing to do is to express them consensually.
To listen to your partners desires as respectfully as you would like them to hear yours.
This is the first step.
Just to listen.
And to listen and share this practice some more.
Give this time to cogitate.
Then share this practice some more, and see where there might be mutual interests.
And build together from here.
It is an empowering mindset to believe that we can learn something beautiful from our partners too.
After all, they are the person we fell in love with.
Here is a simple practice for building towards the possibilities of rewarding consensual sex.
Loves, Fears and Desires
Here’s how it works:
You set up a time together and use the timer on your phone.
1. Each person shares for 3 minutes what they love about the sex they are already having.
(Even if they are struggling in their sex life there are likely to be SOME good things.)
(Or would like to have, if they are not having sex right now.)
Their partner just listens. Without saying anything. Noticing what they feel as their partner speaks, not making it wrong.
Then they swap over.
2. Then each partner shares for 3 minutes the fears they have about sex. Yes, we all have them.
3. Then each partner shares their desires in sex for 3 minutes.
It’s helpful to share about what you want without trying to make your partner responsible for giving it to you. You just put it out there.
On completion you simply thank each other.
Don’t keep dragging it on. Let it integrate.
Then try again later.
You may find that each time you try there might be more understanding of each other. More acceptance. More trust. More opportunity.
Give it a try.
And keep up your self pleasure practice in the meantime.
Even if you aren’t looking to be a Tantric Goddess (or Badass), but just want more fulfilling sex.
And if you would like support to go through this process or to further explore your desires in an experienced, non judgmental container contact us here or on 1800 TANTRA.