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Relationship Detox Day 1
Gratitude:
Gratitude is a buzz word around the world these days and it’s not just because the Dalai Lama is its spokesperson.
It’s because of the power inherent within gratitude to open the hearts and doorways in both the giver & receiver. This is why we’ve chosen it for the first day of our Detox.
Gratitude = the quality of being thankful. Of showing appreciation, respect; giving recognition and acknowledgement.
We all love to be appreciated and acknowledged. Especially if we’re in the habit of running automatic negative thoughts repetitively in our heads, and who isn’t? In relationship too it’s easy to slip into focussing only on our partners negative aspects: 
How late they were the night we needed them, that time they blamed us unnecessarily, how they haven’t been in the mood for sex etc etc etc.
This is why our Detox practice is so powerful. It helps to short circuit the negative spirals we carry both in ourselves, and in our relationships, offering us a new, more open hearted connection.
Done with mindfulness gratitude becomes more than just a mental exercise. It helps remind us how to feel, to be in our bodies, in our hearts. It can even re awaken our desire to make love.
Yes, it can be a bit embarrassing at first, but you’re here to take a risk!
It’s not about using fancy words, just being authentic.
If you can’t feel it…
On our own
If you’re doing this with yourself remember we are the ones with the greatest power to validate ourselves. Our own words go the deepest when we find the ones we truly believe. This practice can allow us to show up in self love for the very first time.
And if you’re in a relationship already we encourage you to do this practice with yourself too, to find your connection with yourself, a connection that will support you in the challenge of relationship.
Sharing Gratitude: The Practice
Doing this practice with your partner:
1. Sit directly opposite each other, on chairs, the bed or the floor, wherever feels most comfortable. Facing each other directly heightens your energetic and emotional connection.
2. Look each other in the eyes, softly. You can feel the connection immediately, it’s either beautiful or it’s uncomfortable. If it’s the latter simply take a deep breath or two and stay with it for a few moments, long enough to really see and feel each other.
3. The person sharing first closes their eyes and spends a few moments simply breathing and feeling their body, then slowly bringing their attention to their heart. The trick is to not to try and work this out, or think about it too much, just let yourself arrive in your heart first. Trust that when you’re there you are. It this sounds like gobbledegook just do it and see for yourself…
4. When you’re ready allow the words arise from inside you, Be ok if this takes a minute or two, the more you feel the connection with your heart the more real your words will be.
5. Share a total of 5 things that you’re grateful to this person for. They can be little things or large, it doesn’t matter, the main idea is that they’re genuine rather than trying to be romantic. Take your time. This is a precious gift you’re giving your partner.
6. Make sure your words aren’t carrying any hints of negativity or covert sarcasm.
This is to be a totally safe space.
7. The person receiving is to say nothing, just hear the words with an open heart, letting them in fully without judgement. Even if your partner’s style is different to your own just let it in. For how often do we get to receive unconditional love and gratitude? If feelings come let them be, this is just your heart opening.
8. Once the first person is complete finish with a simple thankyou from the receiver, then swap over and do the same again.
9. When you’ve completed both rounds finish with a melting hug. This can be standing, or sitting. Take your time to stay in the embrace, taking some deep belly breaths and ‘melting’ into each other for 1-3 minutes.
10. Thank yourself and your partner for showing up for this practice.
Remember to practice sharing gratitude often, even if it’s more casually then we’ve done here, for it creates a powerful safe space in your relationship.
Doing this practice with yourself:
It’s so much of a habit to be in self judgment or self condemnation. If you recorded how many negative thoughts you told yourself in 24hrs, if you’re like most people, we’re sure the result would astound you. Our resistance is often higher to giving ourselves love and recognition, that’s why it’s even more important than sharing it with our partners. In fact it can be so challenging it takes more than one go the get there….
1. Sit directly opposite yourself in a mirror.
2. Close your eyes and spends a few moments simply breathing and feeling your body, then slowly bring your attention to your heart. The trick is to not to try and work this out, or think about it too much, just let yourself arrive in your heart. Trust that when you’re there you are.
4. When you’re ready allow the words arise from inside you, Be ok if this takes a minute or two, the more you feel the connection with your heart the more real your words will be.
5. Share a total of 5 things that you’re grateful to yourself for. They can be little things or large,
it doesn’t matter, the main idea is that they’re genuine. Take your time. This is a precious gift you’re giving yourself.
6. Make sure your words aren’t carrying any hints of negativity, self judgement or covert sarcasm. This is to be a totally safe space for you.
7. If feelings come just let them be, this is just you opening your heart.
8. Complete with acknowledging yourself for going there and giving yourself a strong hug. Feel your arms wrapped around yourself, melt into your own hug. Let go of any desire to be hugged by another and fully embrace being with yourself.
Practice gratitude for yourself and self hugging regularly and feel the difference in your relationship with YOU!
Remember you can email us anytime with questions here
Nb. We have used languages and images that reflect male/female relating. We acknowledge that there are many equally valid relationship combinations, we choose to reflect the ones that have shown up in our work.
This is Day 1 of your Relationship Detox.
You’re just beginning, more tomorrow…
