Have you ever wondered how to find the ‘more’ in sex?
Sex that is not just physically satisfying but emotionally and somehow spiritually satisfying as well?
It’s really about shifting your focus to a different goal
From the mindset of foreplay to her orgasm, penetration then his orgasm and that’s it.
To being more in the moment, and open to what happens.
Because as nice as orgasms can be, we can have them yet still not feel totally fulfilled.
Not really penetrated by the sex we’ve had.
Or really changed by it, into a different state of being, as we long to be.
Tantric sex is a huge subject
Today let’s break it down to some simple steps, so you can experience it yourself by DOING. Rather than by THEORY.
Because the experience of it is much better than it sounds, no matter how fancy the words are we use to describe it might be.
And tantra is about cutting out the middle man anyway. It’s about having a direct experience of what we might call God or Spirit or something greater than what we know. Inside of sex, rather than separate to it.
It works even if you don’t believe in God or Spirit or the divine etc. Because it’s about experience, rather than believe in a concept. What you make of it is up to you.
10 Steps to Tantric Sex
You can do one, tow or three of the following steps.
Or you can try them all.
Just keep an open mind and see what results you get.
Set an intention for your lovemaking. Each person describes what they most long for in it and any fears they may have around it. This helps to bring you closer together, making you more human.
Have some tantric music playing, there is plenty on YouTube for inspiration. See each other as an aspect of the divine- God and Goddess, whole and powerful, getting it together in a divine way. It sounds corny, but it works. Offer some words of appreciation for the God and Goddess before you to help open your hearts.
You can then spend a few minutes in YabYum- one person sitting in the others lap, belly to belly, groin to groin, forehead to forehead, breathing deeply, getting connected. Or you can lie side by side for this.
Be present in your touch. Don’t touch with an agenda ie. to create an orgasm. Simply explore how the touch feels, to both the giver and the receiver. Touch slower. Try touching to awaken your bodies- with a pressure and speed that brings a tingly warmth between your partners body and your hand. You’ll know It when you feel it. Touch your whole bodies, not just your genitals.
Breathe more deeply than usual. Breath moves energy (aka pleasure). The more you breathe the more you feel. Exhaling out of your mouth takes you deeper into your body. Take a few breaths together.
Become aware of your heart. Yes, that thing inside your chest that is more than just a pump for blood. It’s an energetic organ of deep communication. You start communicating with it by literally feeling what is going on there. Noticing how your heart actually feels. The trick is that it may take a few minutes to actually feel something if you’re not used to feeling it. And your heart may not feel all warm and gooey, it may feel numb or scared or anxious. This is Ok.
Make occasional eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul, this is undeniable. They are a source of energetic and soul connection. You don’t need to hold eye contact the whole time, but come into it when you can.
Kiss for longer. Kissing helps to create passion by creating a heart/genital connection. It helps to open a woman’s body and gives a chance for sensual play. Slowly approach a kiss, tease, kiss lightly then more fully, nibble upper and lower lips, sink into it, vary your rhythm. Offer your tongue and it if is received offer it more intensely- practice penetrating and being penetrated.
Vary your intensity. Go fast and go slow. The less you do the more you will feel if you open to it. Remember to breathe more deeply. Allow, Allow, Allow.
Notice when one of you feels like you are coming up to an orgasmic edge, it doesn’t matter whose. Invite your partner to take 3 deep breaths with you, exhaling out of your mouths. This helps to spread the pleasure away from your genital and throughout your bodies. Then go back to building the pleasure and repeat the x3 breaths x 3 times. You will notice your whole bodies feeling more enlivened.
Once your pleasure is more highly activated take a pause. Each partner imagines a golden light at the perineum (or the cervix for a woman). As you inhale together imagine this golden light travelling up your spines then into your hearts. As you exhale imagine the light crossing into your partners heart and down their spine to their perineum. Repeat this for 1-3 mins. This alchemises your sexual energy into a higher vibration energy of love.
You can go back to more active lovemaking and then try this step, or follow it along from number 9. Repeat as for number 9, but this time take the golden energy up to your third eyes and back down to the perineum 1-3 mins. Again, you can go back to lovemaking here and complete as you desire. Or you can move into stillness, with deep, gentle breaths and some eye connection if desired. At this stage your lovemaking is more meditative, with your sexual energy alchemised into a spiritual vibration. Notice what unfolds without attachment. You might find awe and wonder here.
This is just a beginning
This is just a beginning.
It is about learning to be more present.
To work with your pleasure as energy that you can alchemise.
To bring sex into the realm of the divine, rather than keeping it separate, hidden in shame.
It is a union of everything into oneness.
Having the mind, the body, the heart and spirit all in the one place together.
It’s a beginning and there is much, much more that is possible.
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