Something a little different this week…

Have you ever been in a place where it’s felt like your and your partners’ deepest fantasies have been at seemingly opposing places?

If you’ve even been game enough to share them…

Let’s hear from a fictional, yet realistic couple, Renee and Andrew that you might relate to…

Renee worked up the courage to ask Andrew, her relatively new lover, to live out one of her sexual fantasies. For as long as she could remember, she’d become super excited at fantasies of someone objectifying her and using her for their own pleasure.

That day, she was excited by the idea of Andrew pretending he had climbed in the window, after having seen her beauty from the street, and was using her for his pleasure. In her fantasy, he didn’t care what she wanted, he was just going to tie her up and do what he wanted.

She had no idea why, but she knew it was exciting, so she plucked up the courage and began to tell Andrew about it. In her mind, while it was edgy, she was seducing him with a playful idea for a fun romp.

Shortly into her blushing explanation, he leaned in and silenced her with a tender kiss, then cupped her face gently with his hands. He whispered softly, “That’s the last thing I want you thinking about when I’m making love with you! I don’t want you thinking about those sorts of things. I’m here to adore you and cherish you.”

How do you navigate this tricky situation?

Where BOTH Renee’s and Andrew’s opposing desires have a valid place.

If you would like to immediately find out in Renee and Andrew’s story when they have a go at playing out her fantasy READ ON HERE

If you would like to know about the story’s creator, and why we are bringing it to you see below…

This juicy little situation was brought to us by Artemisia De Vine, who is doing fabulous work educating people about understanding and navigating their deepest, darkest fantasises.

We’ve known Artemisia for a number of years now, as a former professional Dominatrix, and now sex educator. We can vouch for her professional skill as a Dominatrix, we’ll never forget the unique and creative sessions we did with her. We’re now hearing about her innovative way of looking at sexual fantasies and how they can potentially enhance our sex lives by giving our ego’s a safe place to surrender in. 

For those of you who are wondering about the connection between seeing a Dominatrix and Tantra, we found that the art of surrender, state change and sexual healing we experienced in our sessions were absolutely in alignment with many of the core philosophies of tantra. Rather than transcending the (egoic) mind, when it is used in connection with the body and the spirit, it can help magic happen, rather than get in the way. In fact, Artemisia is soon launching her book on the subject called The Spirituality of Smut!

If you would like to find out what happens when Renee and Andrew have a go at playing out her fantasy on Artemisia’s free Blog READ ON HERE

If you would like to check out Artemisia’s free Masterclass on the subject click on the image below:

https://www.artemisiadevine.com/

What is it all about really?

And why are we sharing this with you? 

We’re doing so because it has made such a difference in our own lives.

The conversation about recreational use of psychedelics, with terms like magic mushrooms, ecstasy and more, has become a common thread in many everyday conversations. 
 
Yet there is a developing and new kind of conversation about the use of psychedelics gaining increasing credibility. Psychedelic assisted therapy (PAT) is the fastest growing new therapy possibilities on the planet. And as of 1 July, 2023, it is now legal, under certain circumstances in Australia. This is a very different story from the nightly news with its reports of drug raids and drug abuse victims. Or the very rapid growth in strong synthetic opoid use.

 
Psychedelic Assisted Therapy (PAT) is different. It requires the use of certain psychedelics, mainly MDMA & psilocybin (magic mushrooms) with traditional therapy approaches. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), narrative and somatic therapies.  

The psychedelics assist regular therapy by allowing the habitual, habit forming part of the brain, known as the Default Mode Network, to switch off. Under PAT a client can safely access extraordinary realities that lie beyond the ordinary, everyday mind. This allows a client to become more receptive to insights and understandings their conscious mind would normally block from fear. This allows old habits such as PTSD, CPTSD & depression, and other ingrained negative patterns to be replaced with new, creative and empowered choices. Old, stuck emotions can also be cleared from the body at a very deep level.
 
PAT is particularly effective, some would say spectacularly effective, in helping clear past trauma. Unresolved past traumas have a huge impact on the quality of our relationships. As it has for both of us, Annette and Graeme.
 
For when we carry unresolved trauma, the past colours our perceptions and projections. It catches us in reactivity, overwhelm, fear and the constant need for distraction and avoidance. Keeping us in outdated beliefs of not being safe, not being able to trust and not being good enough. Even feeling like we’re victims and that the world is a dangerous place. 
 
PAT invites us to come into new ways of being, of openness, expansion and transformation.  With greater moments of empowerment, joy, peace, love, empathy, connection and happiness.
 
It’s a lot like the journey of tantra. Tantra invites us to deeply explore ourselves, our relationships and our wellbeing. To explore our approach to life, our beliefs, our feelings and our bodies. And what lies within them – our sexuality. To what lies beyond them via our sexuality – through blissful and magical experiences. Tantra also invites us to explore our shadows, anything that limits us in our full potential. Not only our potential for better orgasms, also our potential for more meaningful and enjoyable lives.
 
For us, tantra built on what we had already knew and used in breathwork and emotional intelligence. Which supported us to get more in touch with ourselves and move through areas that lay unresolved under the surface. Areas which had kept us stuck, unhappy and separate from each other. For which we are forever grateful.
 
The deepest areas that kept us stuck were those that related to our individual childhood traumas. This is where PAT came in, allowing us to clear the past in even more unimaginably wonderful ways. Leading us to a place in ourselves, our lives, our relationship and in our work that is clear, powerful and empowering. Allowing us to experience our life force (sexual) energy flowing through us ever more freely and pleasurably. 
 
If you wish to know more about this process, please contact us
or visit https://psychedelicassistedtherapy.com.au

And set yourselves up for the best year in your relationship yet.

Whether you are in a relationship with another, or with yourself…

It’s that time of year when we turn to reflections of what has been over the last 12 months and desires for the next.

In the busyness of the end of year festivities we can fail to take the time to really reflect on the year that has been. Yet time taken to review and reflect the past can help us find more focussed desires for the future. Even if we do it on our new year holidays or over the month of January…

And when we make half-hearted new year resolutions they quickly turn into failure. Because we don’t follow them through. True? And all this does is make us feel bad about ourselves.

We’ll show you how to avoid this disastrous recipe…

By using an approach that puts us into a compassionate, heart and feeling based place to reflect and make resolutions in. This gives us a much higher chance of being successful. As we’re creating from a place of fullness, of gratitude and of “I can”. Opening us up to unforeseen possibilities and pathways we might otherwise miss. 

Why New Years Resolutions so often don’t work

Rather than letting our ego scare us into thinking about what we didn’t do, what we did wrong and what we can’t do. Then slipping into thoughts of how hopeless and incapable we really are.

Focussing on our mistakes can be seen as a place of motivation for us to “do better” and “be better”.  

Yet studies have shown that focussing on where we’re lacking can do just the opposite. It unconsciously puts us into a state of freeze and negativity, making it much harder for us to achieve our goals.

So how can we reflect and set goals from a place of true possibility and self belief?

Magical Goal Setting

Set aside some time, together or separately, get yourself cozy, feel safe and supported in your body.  Set yourselves up with pen and paper, as it activates a broader part of your thinking brain than a keyboard does.

Reflection time:

1. What are 3 things you did well this year, thinks that you are proud of yourself for? 

It might have been focussing more on your health, improving your financial position, starting to meditate, finding a new job or taking time out for yourself.

Take the time to literally feel good about yourself for achieving these things. Feel the uplift, expansion or similar in your body, making it more real and more affirming in your mind.

Learning from the past time:

2. What are 3 things that you learned this year? Three ways that you might have grown or discovered about yourself? Including your relationship self.

This could be seeing one of the ways that you have unconsciously been pushing your partner away. Finding new your opportunities for connection. It could have been setting clearer boundaries that allowed both you and your partner to trust in you. Or making pleasure more of a priority and enhancing your connection. Or being willing to be a little more vulnerable and honest in your communication.

Gratitude time:

3. What are 3 things you are grateful for in the last year?

Gratitude is a well know heart opener, compassion builder and good for your mental well being. So it’s a great tool to add in to your reflection toolkit.

Things that you’re grateful for can be small or large. As long as they bring a feeling of warmth, opening, gentleness, compassion, even happiness in your heart. 

And they’re unique to you. Go beyond the obvious things, allow time for anything that might surprise you to pop up.

Now that you’re in this open and feel good space it’s time to focus on the future.

Embodying your goals:

4. What would you like to experience this coming year? Rather than focussing on a mental goal, explore what would you like achieve that you can see as an experience? Athletes have been successfully doing this for years, way before The Secret manifested itself.

You can choose to do your goals together, as having a common relationship goal helps you feel you’re on the same team. Plus you might like to have an individual goal for your relationship self- how you want to be in the relationship.

How would you feel, behave, look, do or say if you experienced this desire/goal? Flesh it out in your mind AND body, experience it as having already happened. The more fully you do this the more deeply your desire goes into your unconscious, helping you move towards it.

Finding your word:

5. Finally, find your word for the year.

Even if you do just ONE thing to help focus your year on a positive outcome, this is it!

This is something that is gaining increasing popularity. Mainly for its simplicity in an increasingly complex world. Yet one word can have a surprising capacity to influence, a bit like making it your North Star. You can choose it for the whle year, or six months, choosing again at the end of the financial year.

It can be helpful to meditate on what you would like your word for the year to be, until you get one that has the right fit. For example, pleasure, trust, connection, security, laughter, direction, purpose, ease, service, boundaries. Again, it’s something totally unique to you.

So there you have it, a new way to make the most of 2025!

And if any of your relationship goals include:

• giving your relationship a tune up
• resolving a stuck place
• gaining a new perspective
• reigniting your relationship spark
• healing infidelity
• finding a common purpose

We are here to support you to find the most direct path, with concrete results!

Ph 1800 623 262 or email us confidentially HERE

Where are you operating from and how to make it work for you…

Getting into a ‘relationship’, whether it is a marriage, or an intimate partnership doesn’t mean it becomes static. Even if it feels like it.

As we often say, relationships are a force of nature, and as such, they’re always changing.

One way to understand where you might be at in your relationship is to look at it this way. Through the idea of evolving stages of Soulmate, Getmate, Rolemate and Wholemate.

These different stages not only give a broader possibility than happy ever after to ponder. They can also show you where you might be operating from underneath the surface. And give you a clearer understanding of your behaviour, how your partner might be responding to it, and vice versa.

The first stage of relationship is the effervescent Soulmate phase. 

This is where you see everything about your new partner as perfect for you.

You have so much in common, can talk for hours and easily delight in each other. Your partner seems to know just what you’re thinking, wanting and needing and seems to think, want and need the same. This heart opening, romantic time is known as the limerence phase and lasts anywhere from 3 months to 2 years. Limerence is the phase you hope will last forever but never does.

The next phase is what we call the Getmate phase. 

This is where you start to get a little more real in the relationship. Your individual self starts to push back against this constant state of togetherness, no matter how blissful. You start to regain your own individual wants, needs and desires, and are less automatically accommodating of your partners. You start to look at what you’re getting and not getting from the relationship. It’s a bit scary to be here because it feels like the magic is gone. Your partner is no longer making you their first priority, beginning to build hurt and resentment. Your relationship no longer feels ‘perfect’ because your ego is more at play.

Because the important thing to know is that this stage is completely normal. 

Once you’ve bonded deeply in the limerence phase there should be enough resilience in the relationship to survive this shift. You realise that of course, it’s not possible for your partner to be there for you 24/7. As you can’t be there for them. That would be like expecting to recreate a parent/child relationship, and you don’t want to be a child forever. Though until you realise this, this stage can feel very painful and frustrating! This s where you start to need some relationship building skills!

rom Soulmate to Getmate

One of the ways your mind tries to deal with the disappointment of the Getmate phase is to step you into the Rolemate phase. This is where your mind unconsciously starts to assign your partner a role, or possibly several different roles. By giving them a role, your mind sees your partner as more one dimensional, which makes them more predictable. And less vulnerable making to deal with.

An obvious role your mind might assign is that of wife, or husband. This happens even if you are living together and not married, as these roles are so entrenched in our psyches. The role could also be that of partner, lover, friend, mate, helper, provider, housekeeper, carer, mother/father.  A role could even include things like financial director, entertainment co-ordinator, emotional safe place or even sexual initiator! 

Roles bring with them a whole lot of expectations.

A role is predetermined in your mind from your past experiences, your social conditioning, culture and family upbringing. Your mind will tell you ‘this is what a wife, husband etc ‘should’ act like’. It predicts what to expect, giving your mind what it likes best- certainty and familiarity.

In your mind a:

• wife might always does the cooking and help soothe difficult emotions 
• a provider brings home the income no matter what
• mate is always there to hang out with a
• sexual instigator always initiates 
• entertainment director has a fun idea for every weekend. 

Providing your partner fulfils enough of this/these role(s) to make it fit your mind’s ideal, your world feels at ease. At least more ease than in the Getmate phase.

We can also unknowingly impose these roles onto ourselves and try to fit into them. This is how a modern couple can find themselves each relating from the mindset of a 1950’s traditional couple! 

Try it for yourself!

If you don’t believe you’re operating from a role simply try and change one of your habitual relationship behaviours. And see what happens. The more deeply ingrained in a role you are, the bigger the impact when you try to change it.

The problem with roles is that they’re limiting. It denies the individual the full complexity of who they are. You don’t really see all of your partner, and you’re not giving yourself full permission to be you. Over time this becomes constricting for them, and boring for you. 

Your relationship won’t fully thrive until you step into the last relationship phase, that of Wholemate.

When you become a Wholemate you’ve developed a range of relationship skills and understandings:

• You’re comfortable enough in who you are to allow your partner to be authentic in their own right. 
• They can have their own ideas and disagree at times, without you feeling threatened. 
• They can have their own needs and you are willing not to always give up your own just to accommodate theirs. 
• You remember that you can find other ways to get your own needs met without laying them all on your partner. 
• You can recognize where you might see your partner as playing the role of father, for example. Yet you can also let it go enough to see them in the role of lover as well. 
• You are comfortable to be unique, individual and yet able to acknowledge 

In other words, as a Wholemate, you are able to embrace the full spectrum of what relationship with another can offer.

You can find too, that you will move in and out of the different stages or relationship at different times. 

One of you might lose their job, making it hard for them to attend to their partner’s financial needs as usual. You might see them as an inadequate Getmate and fall out of romantic love for a while, feeling in the role of provider yourself and resenting it. Until you both step into the Wholemate phase. Where the one not working becomes the home parent and the other finds a new, better paid job. Easing the family finances and binging the sexy back into the relationship.

 Relationship becomes fascinating, not boring

Once you see the different relationship stages your relationship becomes endlessly fascinating. You can understand more clearly where you and your partner are operating from. And what needs to happen to move you into the Wholemate stage. 

And see the previously longed for Soulmate stage just one of many, rather than the ultimate ideal. 

If you would like to learn some more relationship skills to become Wholemates, talk to us today on 1800 923 262 or email us here