So often we make this trade off in relationships.

For example:

“I’d love to ask for more time in foreplay so I can really relax, but I’m so afraid of hurting my partners’ feelings or even worse- having my request ignored.”

“It seems that we never have time to talk. I really want to carve out some time in our lives to talk in a way that leaves us connected but I am scared of being rejected. Or having time to talk and finding noting to say!”

“I’m so bored with our sex life and would love to turn up its erotic heat. I’m worried that if I can’t do this I’ll start looking elsewhere. I’m even more worried that my partner will make me feel wrong or will think I don’t love them anymore. Which is definitely not the case!”

“It feels like we are really in a flat spot going nowhere. I’d love to make some changes but I’m not sure where to start. And I’m scared of where the changes might take us.”

And so on…

It becomes a holding pattern that keeps your relationship engine on idle, but not fulfilling its potential. 

Leaving neither of you really happy. Or truly connected. Or perhaps blissful.

How would it be to be in a place where you can say what you really want? 

What you really need?

How would it be to show up authentically, rather than hide and deny your relationship what it most needs- YOU!

How would it be to be REAL?

AND create more CONNECTION, more LOVE, more SPARK and more JUICE in your relationship?

You can learn the exact tools to:

Create more presence in yourself and with your partner that leaves you with lasting intimacy and glorious lovemaking.

Communicate fearlessly so you can better understand each others fears, wants, needs and desires.

Become more emotionally skilled you can listen without blowing off, collapsing or storming out of conversations.

Learn to value difference and the unique gifts that each of you bring to your relationship.

Learn to really connect with your bodies and discover their deeper delights in a way that you can BOTH get excited about.

All these things are possible with the right support and training.

And if you think you don’t need training to have the best relationship or the best sex of your life, you’re seriously missing out.

Without it you’re likely recreating the relationship of your past, or your parents…and having sex based on instinct without the power of your largest sex organ- your brain!

Get in touch today and book in a free, no obligation 30min chat with Annette and Graeme to put your fears to rest and begin creating positive change…

PS. If you feel like this might be right for you but have questions HIT the REPLY button and get them sorted FAST…

Both you and your relationship deserve it…

A year is a long time, yet it can go by fast if you are not watching.

That’s why it’s great to make a commitment to what you want your year to look like.

Is it going to be a gift, or a disappointment?

Do you want another year of a less than inspiring love life?

Where sex has become the last priority, because, let’s face it, it’s often not really worth it.

Does the distance between you and your lover cause you a chronic sadness that you keep well hidden?

Are you submitting to another year of boredom or restlessness, wishing things could be different?

Or, is your sex life going well and you’d love it to be even better at the years end?

How to Create the Love Life of your Dreams

1. BOTH PARTNERS agree to take some time to reflect on your current sex life. (And if your partner won’t agree, do it for yourself anyway). Decide what is working well, what you would like more of and what is missing that you would like to include. Be honest with yourself. This is not a time to pussy foot around, it is a time to get real with yourself and your desires. This bit is NOT ABOUT YOUR PARTNER and what you think they are capable of, and what you think they may be willing to try. 

Thinking this way is a COP OUT.

You need to get clear on YOUR OWN desires first. Be willing to be vulnerable enough to put your desires out there. Even if it is just to yourself.

If you don’t do this it is much easier to end up creating what you don’t want, unconsciously. Because believe us, your mind is watching you and what you put (or don’t put) on the table.

Not like a judgemental God waiting to catch you in sin.

But part of your mind (and depending on your beliefs, the universe) is waiting to help you manifest. So it makes sense to get clear for yourself first. 

It also makes it easier for you not to get lost in your partner’s needs. Or in both your hidden manipulations and unexpressed agendas. 

Bring Your Uniqueness INTO Your Relationship

Knowing your own desires also gives your relationship the gift of YOU and your unique gifts. 

Often people fear expressing their desires and keep them hidden. Without realising they are denying the relationship the possibilities and energy their desires might bring.

Our Desires Are More Acceptable Than What We Fear

Explore what having these desires will give you, will make you FEEL. Such as, to feel valued, powerful, sexy, ecstatic, loved, seen, wanted, naughty, held, wild, free, unlimited. Even shame can be explored in a sexy way, it can be profoundly healing and deeply enjoyable.

2. Communicate your desires and be willing to listen in a NON JUDGMENTAL way to your partners desires. Literally just hear them, without passing any negative opinions. Just as you would like your partner to hear yours. Remember, our desires are unique to US, you don’t need your partner to fully agree with them, just to be willing to talk about them.

3. Share what having these desires will give you, will make you FEEL. This can help your partner see more clearly what might be in it for them and help them get on your team. Most of us fear rejection in expressing our desires. Sharing the motivation behind our desires brings us to the level of more universal human needs. We find over and over again couples share very similar, or at least very relatable desires at this level. Which brings a whole new excitement into their relationship.

Start Gently, Aim For Success

4. Agree together to making the desires that come with no conflict, happen in your sex life. 

And start DOING THEM!

5. For the desires that have a level of challenge for one or both of you, explore how you might introduce them into your love life. Maybe take them one step at a time. Going slowly can allow resistance and fear to fall away if you are both willing to show up. Or perhaps find a different way to create the same feeling result. 

6. Leave the desires that bring a clear NO aside for now. You might like to revisit them down the track, once you have created a deeper level of connection and goodwill between you. Again, you may be able to create the same feeling outcome in a more approachable way.

Leave Any Negativity Behind 

Aim to create safety, rather than fear. Make nothing wrong here. Leave any negativity behind, express it in a positive way. 

Step Into the Land of Possibility

Stepping into the land of possibility, rather than fear, will create a strong container for goodness to come in. 

And let your lovemaking become the hub of the wheel that turns your relationship in 2024. Rather than a last minute priority that diminishes what you are BOTH capable of.

And if you have any difficulties going there and would like some professional, totally non judgmental support Contact Us HERE.

As we rev up towards the busy time of the year and life gets crazy intense it can be easy to get into arguments with your partner at the drop of a hat. 

Arguments that at other times might not even rate a mention.

The intensity can also rev up for those of us not in relationships who want to be, or around family members that all of a sudden are less agreeable than usual.

About whether you can bring your new boyfriend to their house for Christmas, or how much overtime your spouse should be working. Or whether you can stand being in this relationship another minute or not. Or whether you can stand being around the gloss of family as it is portrayed in the media when yours doesn’t match up.

Avoidance only works short term

It’s common to want to avoid these arguments or difficult feelings. Or to get attached to wanting things the way WE want them. Because we have very good reasons and we’re willing to fight to the death for them.

The thing is, avoidance doesn’t create resolution, it just puts the problem on hold for later. It also puts stress into our nervous systems and reduces our level of wellbeing.

Neither does getting overly attached

And getting overly attached to wanting what we want merely stresses us out until we get it. Or for hours, days, weeks or months after we don’t get it.

Both of these positions are showing our egos at work.

Our ego fears being in the unknown, being overwhelmed and being out of control. So it will do anything it can to avoid experiencing this BIG 3.

And it will make up all sorts of negative stories about them in the process.

You don’t need to let your ego run amuck in your life.

Instead, you can choose to get grounded, present and available.

Which helps you use your two ears, rather than your one mouth.

Truly listening to the person you are in disagreement with can create surprising outcomes. 

Truly listening means listening without figuring out your own agenda at the same time. You just listen. And really hear what the other person is saying.

Truly listening allows you to more easily respect what the other person has to say.

It’s about respect, not agreement

An important thing about respect is, that it doesn’t have to mean AGREEMENT. 

You can respect what the other person has to say without having to agree with it. 

You can respect the person’s right to have their say, if not WHAT they are saying.

Cultivating respect allows you to see more easily what is really important in a conflict.

Both sides have value

Seeing both sides, even opposing sides, of a situation can allow new perspectives to arise. 

Being grounded, present and having respect gives you the courage to speak more honestly and openly about your own needs and desires. 

The challenge of being more present means that you are more likely to feel what is happening inside of you. 

The trick is to make these feelings OK, and to breathe them through you. To take deeper breaths and exhale through your mouth. Breathing helps emotional energy to move and shift inside you.

Getting grounded is a key ingredient

Being grounded helps you stay present as you move through these feelings.

You get grounded by connecting to the earth. Which you do by simply imagining the earth below you. Feeling its solid presence, its cool moist greenness, its rocky surface or its crystalline core. You can even imagine breathing it up into you. It sounds woo woo but it works.

Being grounded helps you listen with all of you. And speak from all of you. 

It helps you rise to the challenge of seeing conflict as a pathway, rather than a roadblock.

In these days when life is so busy, and often challenging, it can be easy to put your relationship on the back burner.

Relationships are living things, a force of nature, and this means they are either growing or dying. They’re never standing still.

Even if they are moving at a pace too slow to notice, they are heading in one direction or another.

So how do you make sure your relationship is growing?

Well, you definitely don’t leave it on a windowsill and forget about it. You choose to respect and nourish it.

You choose not to let the world control your relationship, you put yourselves in charge instead. And you do it together. 

We offer you these simple tips to put into your day and reap the rewards.

You can try one, or two, or a few at a time.

If you’re not in a relationship at the moment, you can do each of the following activities with yourself. 

If your partner isn’t in the space to try these with you, do them with yourself without trying to involve your partner. Then when you’re feeling nurtured and well-loved offer them to your partner. Let your partner know why, and over time, notice the responses you get. 

Growing Love Tips for Busy People:

Daily 30 Second hugs: Do you have 30 seconds to grow your relationship? Taking 30seconds to hug

allows you to connect at more than the just physical level. When we hug (and breathe deeply), it connects hearts and awakens pleasure.

Sit/stand directly in front of each other when you communicate: It means that your bodies, hearts and souls are able to communicate at the same time. You make deeper connections without even having to try.

Make eye contact: Our eyes truly are the window to our souls. Take the time to really look into your partner’s eyes for a moment or two each day. It’s amazing how we can let this simple form of connection disappear. And it’s amazing how quickly we can grow it. 

Slow down together: One of the simplest ways to make a connection with someone is to slow down together. Pause. Take a breath. Give each other the gift of your presence. Let the world go to hell for a minute, or two. It will go where it’s going whether you drop out for a few minutes or not. No agendas, just pause and see what arises. 

Share an appreciation: Appreciation is like balm for the soul and sharing with your partner something you appreciate about them daily can really train their unconscious mind to see you as a source of love and acceptance they will want to keep tuning in to. Keeping it simple and real is the trick.

Share something true about yourself: This person you’re in relationship with is the most important. Can you let them in to who you really are? Intimacy is all about in-to-me-see and letting your partner see your authentic self is the way to grow it.

Share an activity you both enjoy: It can be a s simple as a cup of tea, coffee or glass of wine.

Ask your partner what they most need in this moment: In this busy, stress filled time it is easy to get overwhelmed. Asking someone what they need and being genuinely interested in the answer can help reduce the overwhelm. You don’t have to provide a solution, you are allowing them to feel heard and giving an empathetic response.

Make a genital connection: Strange as it may seem, your genitals have an intelligence all of their own. They also have a storehouse of energy. Getting them together helps them and you connect. This is not about having sex, or orgasm. It’s simply about connecting your genitals together, relaxing, breathing and feeling your connection with partner through them. 

Ask for their agreement: If you want to talk to your partner about something, don’t go barging in on them with your needs. Ask them if this is a good time for them to hear you. This shows your partner that you respect them as a unique individual with their own needs.

Let your partner know the benefits: If there is something that you want from your partner, don’t just tell them what you need/want. Let them know what benefit it will bring you. This gives them not only a positive sense of why they would do this, it also gives them a sense of being on your team. Being on the same team is more inspiring than being given an order that you don’t understand and feel obliged to meet.

Loves, Fears and Desires: Before you go into lovemaking give each of you the chance to share what you love about the sex you have. And what your fears might be around it. Everyone has fears about getting intimate and sexual, it’s normal. It’s much better to normalise them by speaking them, rather than having them go round and round in your head. Thirdly, share your desires in this moment. It doesn’t mean you have to fulfil them all. Again, it’s about being real and making a connection.  

Taking action makes a difference

Don’t just think about, as thinking about it won’t create change. Doing it will.

Your relationship is (or can be) one of your most precious resources, make it something you cherish with these simple steps.