I want more intimacy in my sex life
Lacking it decreases my sexual desire
It feels an impossible ask…
Most often this desire is voiced by women, though not always, men desire it too.
For underneath everything else is the desire for love and connection.
Yet when she voices her desire in this way she is often pushing her man away, as he most likely feels that he is doing something wrong or being forced to do something that doesn’t make sense to him. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be intimate with her, it’s more that there is a language difference that derails his understanding of her desire. More importantly she is giving away her power. Because she is looking for this connection outside of
herself. Another person can never meet us as deeply we can meet ourselves. So the place to start is to connect with ourselves first.
When a woman is connected to herself the other person can feel us more easily and be drawn toward her, rather than feeling like they have to meet her need… this is often the last thing she wants to hear when she’s looking for connection but believe us, it is the only way that really works.
When we seek to connect with ourselves first, rather than our lover, we automatically influence how they respond to us.
What do we mean by being connected with ourselves? Being able to literally feel ourselves, with awareness of our
physical body, our breath, our thoughts and feelings just as they are, not needing anything outside of ourselves, at ease in us. If you want more from another find it first in yourself.
And when a woman is connected to herself if her lover cannot meet her she cares less because she’s not missing anything. From this power position she can invite the other closer, or even challenge them if this feels appropriate. If she does challenge her lover to show up more from this place of connection with herself it feels authentic, harder to ignore or argue with. Sexier to meet.