Honouring

It Works Because We All Love Being Appreciated…

That’s why this practice is a no brainer for creating real connection.

It’s a time honoured tantric practice called Honouring:

We all love to be respected, acknowledged and appreciated, especially by someone who loves us. It’s why this honouring practice works.

It leaves us feeling warm and gooey and more connected to the person who expressed these sentiments.

This is especially true because it’s more common to hear criticism and judgment in our daily lives. Most often from ourselves.

At times, we can also feel a little uncertain of being loved. This can simply be because we’ve been too busy to connect. Or things have gone wrong at work or with family, or you haven’t made love for a while.

Do it even if your relationship already has you feeling well loved and appreciated. For there is always benefit in celebrating that.

Honouring is more than just words…

Done with presence, honouring and appreciation become more than just a mental exercise.

They remind us how to feel. How to be in our bodies and to deeply connect with each other. This is because they come straight from our hearts. They can even awaken our desire to make love.

The benefits of honouring, love and appreciation

The benefits of regular honouring are legendary. So legendary it’s a mystery why we don’t offer it more often.

Your mindset changes. You start looking for more of the good, than the problems.
Your mood improves.
Your level of engagement increases.
Like it or not, people hearts and souls are brought into their relationships. Honouring gives them more opportunity to show up- in both tears and smiles. We need permission and a place for both.
You build trust.
You want to stay longer.
You inspire your partner to greatness.
Your partner hears what really gets your attention in as affirming way and is likely to give you more of it. Becoming more creative and efficient in doing so.

The practice can be done as formally, or as informally as you like, depending on your relationship style.

The practice works even if you’re not feeling particularly open to your partner. It’s not where you start that matters, it’s where you finish!

So here we go with the practice…

The Honouring Practice:

The practice can be done as formally, or as informally as you like. It depends on your relationship style.

You can even give yourself this precious gift by using a mirror…

Allow 10 minutes. You can take longer if you want, but short and sweet can keep you coming back.

Beginning:

First check out the steps below and agree to doing the practice.
Sit directly opposite each other (or as direct as you feel comfortable with).
Take a few moments to connect eyes and share a smile. You can hold hands, or rest a hand somewhere on your partner, if this helps.

First person starts:

Then, if you’re the person sharing first, close your eyes, take some deep breaths, exhaling out of your mouth. Centre into yourself and focus on your heart.
If you’re doing this formally, hold your hands in prayer position, resting your thumbs against your sternum (this literally helps activate your heart energy).
When you’re ready, allow your words of honouring, love or appreciation rise from inside your heart.

Don’t rush:

Be OK if this takes a minute or two. The trick is to not try and work this out beforehand or think about it too much. The more you focus on your heart and speak from it, the more real your words will be.
Share five things that you honour, love or appreciate your partner for.
The things can be little or large – it doesn’t matter. The main idea is that they’re genuine, rather than trying to be romantic.
Take your time. This is a precious gift you’re giving your partner.

Keep it clean:

Make sure your words don’t carry any hints of negativity or covert sarcasm. This needs to be a totally safe space. One that you and your partner can trust if you’re going to build love in it. You can use humour, just be clear you are being open hearted in it.
The person receiving your appreciation is to be quiet, saying nothing. Other than, “Thank you!” at the end. This helps you receive your honouring fully. It helps your partner feel their gift has been received too.

Add some magic:

Finally, share a mutually happy memory from your relationship – one that reignites the feelings of loving connection all over again. This is not only enjoyable, it helps to overwrite any negative re-writing of your relationship you might have going on.
When you’re done, swap over. Give a bow first, if you’re doing the formal version.

Finish with a melting hug, or a third eye kiss (melt your foreheads together).

If you would like further connecting practices check out our book Coming Together: Solving the Mystery of Intimate Sex and Relationship.