Ever wondered why we have more sex on holidays than at home?
It is well known that even the most disconnected couples will have more sex, even better sex, when they are on holidays, rather than they do at home. Holiday sex somehow feels easier…
The reasons for great holiday sex are obvious
We have more time.
We can leave our stresses behind.
We’re in a different environment, often one that is physically beautiful.
Our partners are likely more receptive.
On holidays we get more present with each other meaning our desire starts to perk up and get our attention.
Permanent holidays aren’t possible
Sadly, most of us are unable to be on a permanent holiday and continually have the best sex of our lives.
And even if we were, the familiarity of that would eventually lose its fire. Unless of course, we learned fabulous tantric tips to keep the fires burning along the way…
Creating the holiday sex feeling at home
But there is a lot that we can do at home that can help us bring in that holiday feeling at home. Whilst sparking things up in the bedroom for some great holiday sex.
- reduce the stress in your life by getting some exercise, managing your emotions, try meditation, set clear goals and boundaries, set up automatic bill pay.
- Set aside a time to connect sexually and stick to it, the way you would a medical or hairdresser’s appt. Allow at least an hour, preferably two, so there is no rush.
- Turn your bedroom be a haven from the rest of the world. It doesn’t have to be as exotic as those shown in the Netflix series “How To Build A Sex Room”. Just having a tidy bedroom, a candle lit and some soft music playing can make a difference.
- Each of you have a shower, wear something sexy, or sensual, something different to what you usually would.
- Here is the most important part: Come to the space without any expectations or agendas. Other than to enjoy yourselves and each other, whatever this looks like. Expectations are the biggest killers of desire. Expectations set up a sense of obligation, which really is a passion killer.
- Be willing to be with each other “in the moment”.
Begin with connection
Start with facing each other and one at a time sharing one or more of the following:
- 3 things that you appreciate about your partner. This helps to open your hearts and build the connection between you. Spend x 5 mins gently gazing into each others eyes.
- one fear, one boundary (something that you might not feel up for today) and one desire.
- Sit in yabyum- one partner sits in the others’ lap with their legs wrapped around their partner’s hips. Both wrap your arms around each other with palms flat on your partner’s body. You can connect our foreheads if you wish. Breath deeply here for x 5 mins. This allows all of your major energy centres to connect.
Two different ways to start getting creative
Now you’ve made your appointment, created the space, shown up on time and got connected. How do you ensure/enhance your sexual desire?
Here are a couple of suggestions for creating that holiday feel in sex at home:
Awakening your 5 senses
- This is a traditional tantric practice. It works because it helps to turn off the thinking part of your mind and awaken the feeling, sensual part.
- Sight: have soft lighting so you can see and appreciate each others bodies.
- Sound: have some soft or sensual music playing. Or whisper loving, playful or tantalising things to each other.
- Smell: wear a perfume or have scented oils in the air.
- Taste: have a variety of simple flavours to taste- chocolate, strawberries, ginger
- Touch: try a variety of touches- soft, sensual, firmer, slooow, faster, scratches, slaps (with consent). Try tantric touch- just Try touching with feathers, paddles, ice.
- We would add here playing with your breath- deep and slow, short and fast (for short periods). Try nose/mouth , or open mouth breathing. How you breathe changes your sexual experience.
- Optional- having the receiving partner wear a blindfold.
Feel into what your desires might be
- Each person feels into themselves and their bodies and notices what their desires are.
- Desires based in the body, rather than the mind are less likely to be expectations.
- When we include awareness of what our body’s are feeling we can discover a whole range of helpful ideas.
- one person may notice they are feeling really tired. The question then is, what do they need to shift into a space more available for making love? Maybe something to snack on, a drink, a shower, a massage.
- One person may be feeling resentful, or scared. The question here is again, what does this person need to come into the space? Perhaps a stomp around the room with clenched fists and few growls to help release the resentment (this works better than sharing, as talking resentment can be a downer, unless you think the space between you can hold that. If it is anxiety, maybe the person just needs a space to be heard in their fears or to be held.
- One person may be feeling flat and uninspired. Open mouthed breathing x 5 mins can really wake up your energy. Maybe some child’s play could help eg. playful wrestling and growling, free dancing to their favourite music, doing some deep breathing and full body shaking.
- Maybe both people are feeling a bit disconnected from each other. In this case sitting opposite each other, looking into each other’s’ eyes and sharing 3 things that you are grateful to the other person for can create connection.
You get the idea- exploring the opposite energy to what the person is in can provide a shift in it. Without the person having to pretend they’re into making love, when they’re really not. Or force themselves into going along.
You’ve created that special space for holiday sex right in your own home
Without having to leave home!
One that will keep your sexual connection going until your next holiday comes along.
Where the sex will be even better, as you’re going there already sexually connected!