Many women believe they don’t actually have a Gspot, because sometimes they like to hide…
However it’s more likely to be because it hasn’t been awakened yet.
Read on for more info about this gorgeous but slippery little sucker…
The Gspot or a UFO?
Knowledge of a woman’s sexuality has grown over the years. We have come a long way from believing a woman’s expression of her sexual 
energy to be an “hysterical paroxysm” requiring some form of “treatment”, or that she wasn’t capable of sexual enjoyment, but to “bear these things” ie sex for the benefits of motherhood. Nowadays the modern woman is claiming her rights to “her” orgasms and finding new and creative ways of experiencing them. Yet awareness of a woman’s G-spot is a relatively recent phenomena, for many years it was thought to have been as real as a “UFO”. This very real Sacred spot provides yet more possibilities for women to further know, enjoy and accept their bodies, their sexuality and themselves.
How is a Gspot different from a clitoris?
At a practical level yes, every woman is born with a G-spot. It exists as a mound of erectile tissue 1-2 finger joints inside the upper wall of her yoni (vagina), often not as far in as you might think. The gspot is not actually inside the yoni, but resides in the upper wall and can only be physically felt by touching when it has been “activated”. When this happens, it feels like an area of raised ridges, a little like an almond which becomes more distended and easier to feel when aroused and sometimes can even feel like a small pearl. They are still part of the same genital landscape, with one external and the other inside the vagina. The clitoris is an organ that is largely responsive to direct stimulation and has an expected enjoyable physical response and generally has a limit to the no. of orgasms it can experience. The G-spot however has a much greater range of responses as in or around this physical location is the energy point of the Gspot and activating this is what takes the experience to a whole new level of ongoing waves of pleasure, unlimited multiple orgasms, emotion, even what can be described as spiritual experiences.
I tried to find an image on ecstatically radiant post Gspot orgasmic woman but it seems they can’t be faked- there is a quality she has that only comes from the real thing, hence no female images on this post.
A Gspot can be very intense!
Some women have spontaneous Gspot (or vaginal) orgasms through stimulation with the lingam (penis) or vibrator/dildo. Some women have 
clitoral orgasms only, some have a mixture of both vaginal and clitoral, with or without the lingam/vibe/dildo. For many other women, the G spot still remains an unknown experience. and generally takes a greater level of self awareness and even self acceptance in the woman for it to awaken in her. It is part of her emotional body, one of the major energy centres in her body and experiencing it can bring an emotional intensity that can be unexpected or even frightening. But with knowledge and practice a woman (by herself or with a trusted lover) will find awakening this centre can allow her to access new levels of satisfaction in her sexuality that go a long way to fulfilling the intense emotional longings and frustrations that she usually hopes her partner can fulfil for her. Knowing her body in this way can allow her to share with her partner from a place of wholeness rather than a craving for fulfilment.
How can a Gspot be awakened?
To awaken the Gspot, use your (or ask your lover, or use a Gspot vibe) index or pointer fingers, with plenty of lubrication, to tap gently, move your finger in a “come hither” movement, or side to side or up and down on the area, or hold still on it and just breathe. Get to know its size, shape and moods, it can take much more pressure than your clitoris. If you feel like you need to pee you’ve found it! Squeeze your pc muscles and feel how this moves the spot onto your fingers. Have your attention firmly on this part of your body. Breathe deeply, relax and feel with no expectations.
Sometimes if your lover is looking to connect with your Gspot he can place the fingers of his other hand just above the pubic bone and press down gently, this can help him find anchor the spot between his two hands.
Some of the reasons the Gpsot can still be missing in action:
-It can be missed completely when not aroused because it feels almost flat. If you can’t feel it, just believe in it, visualize it, relax and keep touching.
– It lacks time. A Gspot can take longer to arouse and if this part is missed then nothing happens. It can be good in the early stages to take special time just to focus on it by itself. Once awakened it can be instantaneous, although it will always have it’s days on and off.
-Arousal can be short circuited by focussing entirely on clitoral orgasm, (they have different nerve supplies) so if you are looking to explore your Gspot it’s best to build stimulation in the clitoris but stop well short of orgasm, then begin to focus on the different sensations and possibilities in the Gspot.
-Whole body tension is another short circuit. Often a woman will tense her body to create a clitoral orgasm, this is the opposite of what the
Gspot requires. So when you feel arousal happening remember to relax, let your muscles go and deepen your breathing.
-Over use of a vibrator- this can either short circuit sensation by being too much too soon, or can toughen and numb the spot, reducing it’s sensitivity.
– Weak and/or tense pc muscles (the muscles between our legs that we feel when we try to stop the flow of urine). These muscles can suffer from lack of use, over strain etc. Begin to contract and release these muscles as often as you can each day to build their strength. Make sure you just contract the pc, not your stomach or buttocks. And relax the muscle fully in between squeezes. Squeeze along to your favourite song.
-Sometimes a Gspot feels totally numb and so we think it doesn’t work and give up. With attention and love it can be fully activated, keep practicing.
-Sometimes the Gspot is painful when touched so we avoid it. This pain is old stored emotion from unhelpful beliefs about your sexuality or difficult past sexual experiences. With attention and love it can be released.
-The Gspot is an emotional energy centre and the feelings aroused can be unfamiliar, intense and so they are shut down. Understand that these emotions are an important part of who you are, an energy that will become pleasurable when accepted. Allow any emotions that arise just to be felt or expressed. Breathe into your heart and bring love into your Gspot.
– To fully experience the Gspot you need to trust your body, and surrender into your sensations, letting go into them with every out breath.
– A woman shutting down if her partner is uncomfortable with her intensity. Take your time and both of you build a relationship to this part of her. And men challenge yourself to learn to last longer, check out this page to both last longer in lovemaking AND increase your pleasure. It will help you build the sexual relationship (and relationship) of your dreams.
Female Ejaculation
-The fear of ejaculation. This is the fluid that can be expelled from a woman’s prostate gland (yes, she has one in the erectile tissue around the urethra, which the Gspot forms part of) when the Gspot is aroused. Because little is known about female ejaculation it can be viewed as urine by the woman and/or her partner. But it actually has a different chemical composition, smell and taste from urine. It is believed to help lubricate the urethra from the acidity of urine, reducing infections and also sweetens the acidic environment of the yoni to enhance sperm survival. In tantric terms it is known as Amrita, the nectar of love and is thought to be a Gift from God, and is seen as a source of rejuvenation. Letting go of Amrita can be an exquisite bliss that is beyond words, leaving a woman and her partner renewed. But a woman can often hold back in fear of “wetting herself”. In fact it is very difficult for a woman to pee when highly aroused, just like it is difficult for a man to pee when he has an erection. Knowing this can help a woman to relax and let Amrita flow when she has the urge to “pee” that comes from stimulation of her Gspot. It can happen separately from orgasm, or with orgasm.
In conclusion
Gspot orgasm is not another goal for a woman to reach. Ejaculation is not a “party trick” to perform on demand to please her partner. It is an opportunity for her, if she chooses, to know and accept herself at a deeper level. To know and accept her feeling self. To experience herself in her Goddess energy. It is a journey of personal awakening.
I can’t have a g-spot orgasm and I tried, I just can’t but I really want one.
Hi Shamiso, as we say in the article your gSpot needs to be awakened not just stimulated and this can take a little time. The more you relax, let your body take charge, breathing into your gSpot rather than force it the more it will happen. You might need to move your touch around a little to make sure you’re finding the right area, and also vary the intensity of touch, this spot can require more pressure than the clitoris. Keep at it.
Hi, I’m 29 and never had a gspot only orgasm however I have got a gspot stimulator which is a dildo with a pulsating part half way through and a suction for the clit when I do this I do have really intense orgasms. And my gspot does swell however I’m struggling to orgasm without any clitorus stimulation. I have read all your comments and I’m going to keep trying to awaken by relaxing and breathing through the feelings, I get the pressure feeling like I’m pushing my bladder but not really a sensation to pee. Do I need to find it first through manserbation or you think I can awaken this through pemertratiom. Because it’s so close to my Fabiano wall does it have to be shallow thrusts?
Hi Tracey, thanks for your question. I think you’re doing amazing! Have you celebrated the pleasure you are finding?? It’s easy for us to think we need to get it right that we can undermine the pleasures we do have. Pleasure is so precious I’m not going to judge where it comes from! 🙂 Keep relaxing your gpsot area when you get that bladder sensation, maybe even pausing your touch and just holding your finger/toy on it and try breathing to let go. I have a question for you- does it really matter if you need clitoral stimulation to have a spot orgasm? the clitoral legs are so close alongside the urethral sponge (gspot) area, it makes sense that blended orgasms are so intense. Could you use your hand to stimulate your clitoris during penetration? Yes, shallower thrusts can be more stimulating for the spot than deeper ones. You being on top or in doggy style can help too. As can building your pelvic floor strength with correctly done pelvic floor squeezes and releases. (not sure what a Fabiano wall is??) Sometimes too, it can be a protection for ourselves not to surrender into full orgasm. It takes time to trust our bodies, trust our pleasure, that’s why celebrating the pleasure we do have can make a difference. As can feeling into your body and asking yourself is there any part of me that is holding back, that is protecting me from my fullest sexual pleasure expression? And having a chat with this part of you, asking what it needs, validating it for keeping you safe so far, and checking if you are ready to let it go or not? It not all about the mechanics. Annette
I’ve been trying to awaken my g spot for a long time. I’ve found it, I arouse myself but I can’t seem to feel any pleasure from it. it’s nothing, just numbness… I don’t understand why.. What can I do to start feeling pleasure from it and cum from penetration?
Hi Lucy, well done, you seem to to have made a great start! The reason that your gspot feels numb is that it is holding blocked emotional energy, unfelt emotions from past painful sexual experiences, which doesn’t have to be trauma, it can be being repeatedly unsatisfied or left high and dry.. Gspots either go numb, or become hyper painful as a result. The process to arouse (we say awaken) them is the same- you feel the numbness (or pain) fully, focus your mind on it, let it be there and breathe as if you were breathing into it. Keep stroking it, and you might want to say something to it (it sounds weird but it works) like “it’s safe for you to come out”, or “I’m here for you, let’s wake up together” or something similar. Don’t push it, just let it happen. Sometimes you might experience the unfelt emotion, just let yourself feel it, it’s part of the awakening. I can’t say how long it will take as everybody is different, but the more accepting you are of this process the quicker your body will trust you and release. Let me know how you get on. Annette
It’s a lie. Men projected their g spot which is their prostate onto women for thousands of years and women get brainwashed to agree along. Women don’t have G-spot. It’s part of the male gazing or dick gazing invention. Women can’t have orgasms solely depending on vaginal sex there needs to be other stimulation to achieve, some women can have orgasms because of the psychological effect but not the vaginal action.
I agree with you that men have projected their capacity for sexual pleasure onto women, because their sexual conditioning has denied them much of their own. The answer is not to make men wrong for it, but to help them access the pleasure that lies in their own bodies, free of shame. I disagree with you about women not having spots. I have felt my own and many others. You may say that the gspot, or urethral sponge as it is now called, is merely part of the clitoral network, not its own unique spot. My experience of this spot is that it has both physical and energetic properties that allow women an experience of both deep pleasure, and of their own inherent magical selves that is completely separate from anything to do with a man’s lingam or cock. I love supporting women to find this self empowering part of themselves. Annette
Hi my name is Tammy, I’d like to say that my wonderful husband of 28years awakened my gspot 2 year’s ago. Iam now, 45 years old and I absolutely love penetrational love making. I do agree awakening the gspot is a emotional journey and you both need to be on board and in a great place to achieve this amazing experience. I do believe women should be naturally born with this as we are the intense heat our clitoris gives us. I encourage all couples to engage in this together, it will enhance your sexual responses and also help mend a few problems that all couples develop over time spent together. It’s a journey that is on the same page as seeing your new born baby for the first time.. It’s a instant love..
Q. Do a majority of women that do gspot orgasm find intercourse so pleasurable.?
Hi Tammy,
I am very glad that you and your husband have been on the journey of the Gspot and found the gifts it brings. One of them is the healing the communication, trust, love and pleasure it can bring into a relationship. I haven’t found any stats on it but my personal experience and those women we work with have definitely found this to be the case. Sometimes it can take a while, especially if you have a stronger neural link to your clitoris, but persistence pays. I do believe that in younger women, for whom knowledge about the Gspot is more common, it’s become more accessible. But because of it’s function as the repository of a woman’s sexual experience and personal self belief it’s always going to be a journey to fully connect, because as you say, it is about much more than pleasure, it’s about a woman’s power and sense of herself. It’s one area we’ve missed in our (totally right) drive to claim our clitoral pleasure. So, play with using your clitoris as the warm up button then switch to exploring your Gspot and you’ll end up with both of them working together- Yummy! And for all of you out there looking to fully awaken your Gspot please know that we are totally in your support and feel free to ask any questions you might have along the way…
I have sex for 7 years, i cant feel it. My partner found my g spot but i cant felt anything.
Hi Jessica, I hear you can’t feel your GSpot yet and this is quite common. It’s great that your partner can. The two of you need to keep giving your attention to the area as described in our post in the GSpot because as we said, they sometimes take awhile to awaken. Ask your partner to press more firmly on your GSpot as they can take quite a lot of pressure (unlike the clitoris). As he does so take nice deep breaths and believe you will find it, as where the mind goes the energy follows. Let us know how you get on. Annette Ozt
How are you all of you dear
I found mine while masturbating but I don’t know why my partners penis can’t reach to the G spot during sex intercouse
Sometimes a partner’s penis doesn’t reach the gspot for purely mechanical reasons. It might be the location of your gspot doesn’t connect with the length, girth of his penis or even the way he was circumcized (the shape of the head). You can help overcome these by the angle of penetration- try putting a pillow under your hips, your legs over his shoulders or doggy style. He might be focussing only on deep penetration, which misses the gspot, with is only 2-3 inches inside the vagina. Invite him to include plenty of short, shallow thrusts along with his deeper ones. The other thing is are you possibly not as open or relaxed with your partner as you are when masturbating? Notice what is happening for you and whether you are not trusting yourself as fully in the mutual space.
What abour when you find it, and you feel the sensation to pee, and I release it but jt actually urine, So when I get the urge to pee I do, well than I clean up and try again hoping it will be different or the Amrita but its still pee I can see its yellow on my towel. How do I reach Amrita without the urine.
Hi Mel,
Thanks for your question, it’s a good one. Two points, maybe you’re not fully aroused before you start playing with your GSpot meaning that your Yoni tissues are not enlarged enough to close off the urethra (as happens for a man when he gets an erection, he can’t pee. Women have similar arousal tissue in their Yoni that swell when aroused). so if this could be the case take plenty of time outside with stroking and massaging the whole vulva,clitoris before beginning with the Gspot. The other point is perhaps your pelvic floor muscles could do with a bit of tightening up to better hold your bladder up away from the GSpot. In this case try identifying your pelvic floor muscles by standing with both feet facing inwards and squeezing the muscles between your legs as if trying not to pee. Once you’ve identified them squeeze and release them gently. Make sure you relax them fully by imagining the area melting like chocolate in the warm sun. Once this feels ok do the same but pull the muscles up higher inside you by imagining you’re sipping them up like a thickshake up a straw (sipping your breath in at the same time helps) and hold in for 1 second then release. Do 10 times. Over a few weeks build up to a 10sec hold. This should resolve any lax muscles in the area.
In the meantime keep enjoying your GSpot and if you do release urine, well it’s sterile and good for your skin too! In fact, it has been used to cure eczema and other skin conditions…
Hi my partner recently awakened mine but now when I do go to the toilet to urinate, half way through my g spot becomes overly stimulated is this normal?
Hi Vicky,
Thanks for your question. This is unusual, but it makes sense as the GSpot is located around the urethra. You say overly stimulated, does this mean it’s uncomfortable or just unfamiliar? It may be just new and will settle down in time. Maybe if your GSpot is awakened but not fully orgasmic yet it is holding a bit of excess energy it hasn’t released yet. The other alternative is if it’s uncomfortable maybe your urethra itself is a bit irritated at the extra action and needs a few days of you drinking some extra water until it is flushed through. Then keep trying as amrita helps reduce bladder infections…
Hi, I had a microdisectomy in which i was left with some nerve damage in my leg and foot. That was a year and a half ago. I have for the last 6 months or so also been experiencing lack of vaginal sensation when i have sex with my husband. I have some issues with trust and emotional damage from being mistreated that causes a huge emotional disconnect. I used to love sex and was able to have multiple orgasms and orgasm fairly quickly from penetration. I don’t know if it’s the emotional disconnect or a side effect from my surgery. I am in control of urination and bowels. I can have clitoral orgasms. How would i know if it’s emotional damage or physical damage? ?
Hi Keisha,
Thankyou so much for your question. I think the answer is that it is likely to be both. Please note that what I say here is based on my own understanding and experience and does not replace medical advice. Your sexual pleasure is partly related to the distribution of your Pelvic nerve, which originates in your spinal cord and spreads out between your no. 4 and 5 vertebrae to your pelvis and your genitals . Some branches of the Pelvic nerve innervate your vagina and some your clitoris, this is why you can have orgasms with one and not the other. This area of the spine is also where the nerve supply for your legs and feet originate so there’s likely to be some crossover. If the numbness is a byproduct of your surgery it may still resolve as nerve damage can take many months to restore. I would certainly ask your surgeon, or a Dr specialising in pelvic nerve disorders for their thoughts. In the meantime if it was me I would have regular massages and do lots of stretches for my back and legs to help stimulate blood flow and healing. I would also visit a physio specialising in pelvic floor assessment to see how your muscles are aligning internally. On top of this I’d also explore your emotional aspect though yoni massage or healing to clear any left over emotional pain and disconnect. You can find some info on this here http://www.oztantra.com/yoni-healing-for-women/ and if you have any further questions you can reply here or through our contact us link. If all of this sounds a bit overwhelming just remember that these challenges are taking you into a deeper understanding of your body and yourself and a potential connection that I believe is worth every struggle…let me know how you get on!
I’m pretty sure I’ve found my g-spot through masturbation, it’s the part that reacts the strongest to my rubbing and I always feel the pee sensation after playing there for a while (although I don’t think I’ve gone as far as squirting yet but I have certainly been on the edge of it many times during masturbation) does it sound like that’s my g-spot? From what I’ve read on this page it certainly sounds like it, but I’m not 100%
Hi Olivia, well done, it certainly sounds like you’re in the right spot, especially if it feels rougher in texture than the rest of your vagina when aroused. To increase the pleasure in it, play with a variety of touches and breathe into the sensations you find there and sound as you exhale. Next time you feel the fullness and desire to ejaculate put a towel underneath you and give yourself permission to let go! Let me know how you get on!
Hi.i can’t able to find my gspot and there is no sensation when I start to stimulate.what can I do
Hi Mala,
Thanks for your question. As you can see if you read through my answers to similar previous questions, it’s usual for you not to feel anything in your Gspot at first, you have to keep playing with it until it wakes up. Part of this awakening is not just mechanical stimulation it’s how connected you are to your own body. Take the time to breathe, relax and drop inside your body before you start to stroke your Gspot and this will help you make a connection with the energy (pleasure) that lies inside it.Keep going!
Hi,
I am trying to find my g-spot and awaken it and came across this article. When I insert my index finger into my vagina at around 1 inch I can feel rigged skin. I can also feel like some bone behind it when I press it hard. Is this my g-spot? I have tried stimulating it with the come here motion or rubbing it hard but I do not feel any pleasure.
But if I insert my finger deeper and the finger sort of hooks around some bone , I feel smooth vaginal tissue but pressing on a spot here make me have the peeing sensation. So now I am confused as to which is my g-spot.?
Hi Gloria, thanks for your question, it’s a good one. The ridged skin you can feel 1cm into your vagina is part of your G Spot. The bone you’re feeling behind it is your pubic bone. The pubic bone is also what you’re feeling your finger hook around. The smooth area that makes you feel like peeing is also part of your G Spot arousal network but deeper in. As I said in the article, the G Spot needs to be awakened so keep practicing and the pleasure will come!
Hi there,
I’m 20 years old, soon to be 21 (I’m from Canada in case there’s a rule against being under 21 on here or whatever lol) and I have never had a vaginal orgasm alone. When i touch my clitoris and finger myself I do find my orgasms to be more intense and a bit different than just orgasming with my clit. I very very seldom reach any type of orgasm when I have sex. out of my 12 sexual partners, only two has been able to make me cum by clitoral stimulation only. I really want to be able to achieve this and I’ve been trying since I was 11. Is the g-spot a for sure thing? I can sometimes feel something round in the upper wall of my vagina so based on this article that should be it… I just can’t seem to be stimulating it right, and neither can the men i’ve been with apparently. I do have a past of emotional and physical abuse as a child, and i’m wondering if that type of emotional trauma could be affecting my ability to cum? I also worry way to much about my image while im with a man, like i tend to feel insecure and shy, like i wonder if he thinks im cute, if my boobs are nice enough, what if my vagina is ugly, etc. Any suggestions on how to turn these thoughts off? thank you!
Hi Kay, there is no rule about being under 21 here as there are no explicit images or videos depicting sex for gratification…I think any man would be lucky to be with you, because you’re interested enough to ask questions here and it sounds like you’re actively involved in wanting to create a good sex life for yourself. Those two things alone make you very desirable! As we’ve said, the Gspot is not a certainty until it’s been awakened, even then it can have it’s off days, but despite this it is very worthwhile to explore as its potential is big. If you can’t feel anything, put your attention on the area and breathe right down into it as if your breathe was bringing aliveness to it. Gspots hold blocked energy from any painful sexual experiences or negative self beliefs and can either go numb as a result, or become very painful. The solution is the same- keep breathing and practicing. Try adding in whatever sounds you might like to make as these help release energy as well. Trauma can definitely affect your ability to feel in general, and if it is sexual trauma it can affect this part of your body specifically. The solution is the same, can just take a bit longer. You can also add being in the on top position and moving your body so the head of your partner’s penis penetrates only an inch or two for a few strokes, then a couple of deeper ones then back to shallow as this helps keep the focus on the Gspot area. Finally, I have seen may women naked and all of them have had a beauty that is the sum of all their parts together, rather than any one part on it’s own. And if they believe they’re beautiful it makes them even more so. Sit yourself in front of a mirror and stroke each part of your body whilst telling it it is beautiful, even if you believe it isn’t. Allow yourself to feel any feelings that come out. Keep doing this until you believe it. Slowly get more naked until you can love all of you. If you want to chat more privately about this feel free to email me through the website…
Hi, I’m a 13 year old girl. I’ve been trying to find my g spot for quite some time. I’ve read every possible article about trying to find it and where it should be located. But every time I try and follow the advice I can never feel it. What I do feel at the entrance of my vagina is this really hard part like the top of my mouth. But I don’t know if that’s it because it seems to close. If I go past that part the rest is just super soft. Any tips?
Hi Tae, thankyou for asking your question and for being willing to explore this part of yourself. As a 13 year old, being gentle with yourself in discovering your body rather than trying to force it, and giving it a chance to unfold naturally is the best chance for your sexuality to open in the fullest way. Can you find anyone closer to you, like your Mum, or a trusted older woman in your network who knows you, who could talk with you about this? Due to your age, for us to be able to talk with you any more directly we would require you to be in the presence of such an adult.
I rarely enjoy sex… I am able to have a clit orgasim but never gspot. I’ve pretty much given up at 29 years old for me to ever have a happy organism. How do I make this happen?
Hi Natalie, pleasurable sex is always a journey, there are so many layers to be found in it and I feel sad at the thought of you giving up at just 29yrs old. I am 59 and still discovering new things about my sexual pleasure. I too have been in many places of not knowing and frustration. Follow the suggestions in the article, look through the many others on our site. You may like to try a jade egg https://www.layla-martin.com/jade-egg/ but above all love yourself enough to keep at it!
I read everywhere that the Gspot is like a cm or so in the vagina. I feel the rigid part right at the entrance I don’t have to insert my finger in the canal to feel it. I have had a hard time trying to orgasm, does this have something to do with it? Is there something wrong with me?
Hi, there is nothing wrong with you at all. Just remember, everyone is born different, our GSpots are different just like our noses or our ears are. Sometimes the urethral sponge (of which the GSpot is part) is found closer to the entrance like yours. To find the energy point that lies within the GSpot you’ll need to go further in, behind the pubic bone and pull your fingers (or ask your partner to) back towards you in a come hither movement. It is important to relax and not try too hard to make an orgasm happen here, as the nerve that supplies it relies on relaxation rather than tension to awaken. Have a re read over the article and play with the different aspects there, as your GSPot is not just about your genitals, its about all of you!
Hi there,
My wife and I have recently tried getting back into gspot play but it’s been tricky. We’ve been together for a decade and in our early days there was some success. There was a time when she climaxed through fingering (took a fair bit of time and finger pressure) and then there was another time where she came through sex in the doggy style position. (Unexpected and she came twice).
If you think of the vagina as a clock face and the clitoris is 12 o’clock, her gspot is at approximately 11. It feels a little bit bumpier than the rest of the vagina. I’ve tried fingering it again with substantial pressure but it doesn’t seem to do anything for her. Also tried this after she had a clitoral orgasm as I’ve read that it’s better to try when she’s aroused. Not much success so far. I’ve ordered a glass toy and will try that apparently the weight of it can put pressure on it that fingers can’t. We’ll see what happens.
I’ve considered that her body has changed over the years or that gspot stimulation doesn’t feel good yet something that we discovered recently is that she gets the most pleasure from doggy style when I thrust upwards. I’m 6’1 and she’s 5’1 so I have to crouch down or she has to rest her knees on pillows etc.
Considering this, does it sound like the gspot is there? Do we need to just keep trying?
Hi Kevin, it’s great to see your appreciation for this part of your woman’s body! What I read in your words (and this may be just because you are the one writing it) is that you are focussed on getting a pleasure and orgasm based outcome. A GSpot massage is not to be orgasm or even pleasure focussed, even though this can be the result. It is about releasing the blocked emotional energy that lies within it that can feel like numbness which makes her think nothing is there, or it can be very painful which is also a sign of blocked energy. These blocks are witheld painful past experiences or even fears of how big her pleasure can be. Encourage your woman to breathe, relax and mentally keep her focus on the spot as it is as much about where she is at as your technique. See https://www.oztantra.com/yoni-healing-for-women/
Hy, am Mc
I have been addicted to aggressive masturbation for over 10years no and I have never had sex, the first time I tried doing that, it was so painful.
I feel the nerves of my private parts have been damaged, as I don’t feel anything down there even when someone touches it….How do I repair it?
Hi Amy, our genitals are a storehouse of emotional pain related to our sexual history and even our history as a woman. The pain you felt in your GSpot was physical but it had an emotional base. This kind of pain can feel so intense it’s like razor blades or a burning red hot poker inside you. When this gets too much our bodies numb the pain and this is what you’re feeling, it’s not that your private parts have been physically damaged. The way to heal both your numbness and your pain is to get really present in your body, focus your attention on your genitals, stroke them with love, breathe and feel through the numbness and the pain, as feeling it fully is healing it. You may need to press more firmly (even quite hard) in places to find the emotion behind the walls your body has put up. If you find pain breathe through it, makes sounds to release it (a bit like you see women having a baby do) and I promise you it will pass. I have had this kind of deep numbness and pain and have been able to work through it. If you would like a more personal response please email me through our website.
Hello just wanted to say I had a C-section about 4 years ago and me and my husband always used to have amazing sex but one time that he was in me and I pressed under my csection scar, which is by the way still numb, and pressed and rubbed a little too hard one time and now sex is not as enjoyable. Just wondering if I damaged something or if there is something we could do to bring back the amazing spark of awesome sex again
Hi Alliy,
Thanks for your great question! A scar is damage, but a necessary one in order for you to give birth safely for you and your baby. It is common to have pain when internal scars are irritated through touch. They can be healed with some loving attention. Massage any tender spots with coconut oil, and if you can, add some calendula oil which has wonderful healing properties. It’s both the massage to release the tightness in the skin and the properties in the oils that do the healing. As does breathing into the discomfort and making sounds (as described for your Gspot) to release any emotions withheld in your scar tissue. It’s amazing how much emotion our bodies hold in tension and this is the way to fully resolve them. Then you can regain the awesome sex you used to have. In fact, doing this kind of healing together can make your connection to your yourself and your body deeper and your lovemaking even better than it used to be!
Hello, when i started sex i used to be able to orgasm from my gspot quite easily before… But then a year or two later the sensation became uncomfortable, i started getting a huge urge to pee, and if i kept going, the sensation turns into pain and i have to stop… This is very frustrating, as this wasnt a problem before… Any idea why?
Hi Jeremy, As mentioned in the G Spot article, the G Spot is a repository for emotional pain. It sounds like you are hitting something unresolved in your body and the pain is your spot’s way of bringing your attention to it. The pain may be around something that happened when the pain started, or it may have been from years ago. Sometimes this kind of pain comes up when things are going really well, it’s like your body is saying “I feel safe enough now to let you see my pain.” And sometimes too, this pain can be a challenge from your body to step more fully into your power, as you have to go deeper into yourself to heal it. The first step is to not make the pain wrong, instead choose to listen to it, ask it what it’s trying to tell you. Breathe into it, strongly, make the sound of the pain and imagine it letting go on your breath. Trust this process, it will work. It may take a few attempts but it will shift and be even more pleasure producing than before. If you would like more info in this you might like to email me thoufh the website or purchase our book Coming Together which has further details.
Interesting read. Im 50 and learned about this a year ago. Still haven’t awaked it. Im still doing a yoni egg practice after sling surgery. And i did kim Anamis Vaginal Kung Fu. My muscles are slow to strengthen. Its frustrating. I don’t want menopause to destroy my chances of this wonder. I still want to see what my body can do.
After a clitoral orgasm its like my body starts to shut down.
Do i just keep going??
Hi Maya, Yes, I totally understand your frustration. The GSpot can take her own good time in showing up. It is very good that you are doing Yoni egg practice post surgery. I would suggest that you just get to the edge of your clitoral orgasm without going into it then switch over to your GSpot, this can help. I too used to find it was much harder to find pleasure in my GSpot if I had a full clitoral orgasm. You can of course have clitoral orgasms at other times! I would also make sure I was relaxed, deep breathing and feeling my body fully when touching my GSpot, as it is a full body feeling place, not just a mechanical “doing” place…and menopause will not take your pleasure away, it just means you need to be more proactive in seeking it…
I was married for 7 years but my wife never had gspot orgasm. She do only get clitoris orgasm. I do found the gspot while fingering but she feel nothing. When we make doggy style she was very uncomfortable and some pain.
Hi Darius, many women feel nothing or feel pain in their GSpots as it is the storehouse for emotional pain in her sexual body. This numbness and pain needs gentle attention and time to move through. Especially time to be fully aroused before doing doggy style as that is a place of deep penetration…
Hi I’m 21, I managed to awaken my g-spot about 4 months ago with my partner. I never had that type of pleasure and never been able to reach vaginal orgasm before that moment. With that being said, I continued having g-spot orgasms for a while but it almost seems to have a periodical shut off, periods when I’m not able to feel a thing followed by others in which I can feel it. Maybe in those periods I’m trying too hard to have it, but I actually remember that the first time I got one I didn’t do any foreplay and I was dry inside, indeed.
Now it’s 3 weeks I’m not able to have one, and I’m trying hard with my partner, so what can it be!?!?!
Hi Elen, thankyou for your comments. The GSpot is a challenging mistress indeed! Our GSpots don’t just respond to physical stimuli, they also have a deep connection to our psyche or soul. This means that sometimes it doesn’t (or does) respond because of where we are at in ourselves. It can be that we are trying too hard, that we are tired or stressed in our lives, that we are trying to please our partners rather than ourselves, that there is some unfelt emotion that needs to be released (refer to the part about emotions in the article). I suggest that you relax, don’t try to force it and it will come back when it is ready. Or you could try just holding your finger (or your partner’s finger) on the GSpot without moving and breathe down into it for a few minutes and see if any emotion is released in your body…
I have found my Gspot and know exactly where it is. I can’t seem to feel anything when my fingers are there though. It literally feels numb every single time I try to stimulate it. Is there something wrong with me?
Hi Emilie, I totally understand about knowing where your Gspot is bit not being able to feel anything! It just means that your spot IS literally numb. It’s numb from blocked energy, which means blocked emotions (as emotions = energy). you need to slow down, breathe deeply into your belly, hold your fingers on there in stillness, feel what is locked in there and give it time to come to life…
Hello I’m 56 and I don’t get aroused easily I been frustrated for years it started at age 18 I can’t just get off or aroused with just sex , even fingering don’t help at all toys some times help but that doesn’t always work it is so frustrating I have not found my g-spot or waken it my male friends give up cause sometimes takes two hours to even get me aroused even longer to cum so embarrassing and very frustrating I do a lot research but nothing helping me , I been to the dr few times over it and getting to the point I don’t even like having sex cause I know i will fail to cum and be frustrated , I’m at my end of just giving up there has been times I have been aroused and still nothing it even got close and just die off , I have to tell my bf that it really hard to get me off because of the disappointments I have in the pass , I give anything if I could be aroused and get off every time , I think I’m just broken inside it doesn’t even feel go to try it my self , I try thinking about sex try porn nothing excites me I have no clue what to do or how to fix it any information I could get on how to fix my sex life .. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me ..
Hi Ellen, thankyou for sharing your pain and frustration so honestly. There are so many layers in your email. First let me say that there is NOTHING WRRONG WITH YOU!! You, like almost all women, have just been brainwashed to believe sex should look a certain way- like a man’s. Part of it is this expectation of “cuming” like a man, something that has grown for women, now that we have been so called sexually liberated and have access to porn at the click of an icon. The truth is, there is/has been a lot of sex going on that actually hasn’t been that great an experience for women, based as it has been on this traditionally masculine model. Pleasure, connection, excitement, fun, all these things have their moments, but most women’s bodies (and those who identify as women) don’t produce them on demand, especially when we’re constantly demanding it. What would it be like to go into a sexual experience (sex or self pleasure) and not focus on having an orgasm at all? Because when the orgasm is the sole focus we get stuck in our agenda’s and go OVER THE TOP of our real capacity for pleasure (pleasure and an orgasm aren’t necessarily the same thing. Even when an orgasm happens we miss so much that lies beyond just “getting off”. And the more we focus on “getting off” the more we are using our minds to try and manipulate our body’s response. Our bodies become experts at saying “no effing way” after a while to this kind of manipulation, which is what I think your body is saying to you. The way to your pleasure is away from your mind’s agenda of forcing an orgasm, and back to listening to your body’s natural responses, and making them ok, whatever they are. Touch yourself in a variety of sensual and surprising ways, be curious, breathe fully, be in the moment and play, see what you body’s response is and build on it. The best expert you can find is not on the internet but inside your own body. Your body will need time to know that you are listening to it. There may be a period on grieving even. But when it trusts that you are it will start to open and pleasure will start to flow. Annette
Hello, I have been trying to help my wife with finding her G-Spot, I give her plenty of clitoral orgasms and we have been married for 10 years so now I want to relax her into a state of self awareness, so I put on a soundtrack from Journey (Her favorite music), given her a body massage (as best as I know how) with warming oil and I had given her a couple of clitoral orgasm before trying to find the G-Spot with her because I thought it might help, reading this though it seems that I may have only made it harder, is this true?
Hi Justin, I love that you are trying so hard to help your wife increase her level of sexual pleasure. I have found that if a woman is only used to clitoral orgasms and so feels satisfied once she’s had one or two, it can decrease her interest in opening to exploration of her Gspot for more. It’s a bit like she doesn’t know what she’s missing and she feels really good right now so there is no need to go further. It can be more helpful for her clitoris to waking up yet still interested in more pleasure. Combining clitoral stimulation with some Gspot exploration (starting gently then slowly increasing as her tolerance for this deeper, unfamiliar experience grows) is a good way for her to expand her repertoire. It is really helpful in the beginning just to explore what happens, rather than push for the goal of orgasm as she learns to trust this part of her, she will open more fully into it over time. And Justin I would like to clarify what is happening a little further. It may be just your language and not a real indication of what is going on in the bedroom, it’s just that I hear you saying how you “give” your wife her orgasms, almost like she is a passenger, when ultimately having an orgasm is a co created ride. You may be doing the stimulating but her part is communicating, relaxing, breathing and sounding, allowing her body to open and her pleasure to expand. Hopefully you are responding to her body’s messages rather than just using the perfect technique, as over time, if a woman is feeling like she is being “done to” (no matter how good your technique) rather than co created with, she will end up becoming passive, shut down, or worst of all, unseen. This is especially important if you’re looking to explore the Gspot, as for a woman to fully open in this part of her it’s about her stepping into her sexual power, not being a passenger in the experience. As I said, it may have just been your language, rather than the reality, and if it was, thankyou for giving me this teaching moment for the others who may benefit from hearing this message. Keep up the good work!
My wife and I have experimented several times. She says that the build up to an orgasm is very pleasurable but when it actually come time to orgasm the sensation just disappears. Then her body feels satisfied as if she has had an orgasm. She just never gets to experience the actual climax. We were wondering if maybe some women just didn’t have them as strong as others are able to or is there something different we should be trying?
Hi Josh, thankyou for your question and for being there with your wife in her exploration of her pleasure. There’s a couple of things here. One is, is your wife fully turned on before you start pleasuring her GSpot? This is important. Also orgasms are very subjective and occur in many different ways, so who is to say that your wife isn’t actually orgasming. GSpot orgasms don’t always have the same sharp peak that clitoral ones do, so maybe what is happening is just different. Does your wife experience a change in her overall state ie. does she feel more relaxed, open, different in herself afterwards? This shift is part of the orgasmic process. Her experience may also be partly due to her particular body’s nerve placements, they may be smaller or further away from her GSpot (just like our ears and genitals are unique, so is our nerve distribution). But pleasure is only partly nerve related, it is also energetic. So she can certainly build her energetic capacity for pleasure with more experiences. Breath is a major part of energy pleasure, encourage her to breathe through an open mouth at least part of the time, and to keep her mind focussed on being in her body, not on trying to have an orgasm, which will keep her in her head. Also encourage her to sound on her exhale, this can help open up her sexual energy. Your wife just may not know what she doesn’t know. GSpot pleasure is a bit unknown in the beginning, it’s not so automatic as the clitoris. I would suggest keep trying using the above suggestions, and maybe try pleasuring her for longer (after a pause), as there is nothing wrong with having more than one orgasm, is there? How would she feel about that idea? Keeping an open mind can lead to all sorts of discoveries. Annette
Hi.
I just recently realised that I have never enjoyed sex as I should. I was always having sex just to please a guy and faking everything. Now that I have a guy that we really love eachother and I do not want to fake it. I’ve realised that I don’t feel anything like a pleasure from penetration. It is not pain but it is not koy eather. It is just in and out and that is it. How do I even start to have a good sensation just while having sex without focusing to get an orgasm. I just want to feel what a woman should feel during sex.
Hi Nikolina, I am so happy that you’re having these realisations about your pleasure, it’s a great first step to accessing the pleasure you want. There is no particular thing a woman “should” feel, as we are all unique. but we can often feel more than we are feeling. You can start with stroking inside your own Yoni (vagina) with a well lubricated finger, after you’ve pleasured yourself a little on the outside. This helps to awaken the energy inside of you. Squeezing and releasing your pelvic floor muscles (the ones you stop yourself from peeing with) as you breath in and out also helps. As does massaging your breasts with love. Each of these things will gently start to awaken more pleasure inside you. If you would like to learn more you can join me for my free upcoming online retreat, see this link for details:
My regular and I have been having great sex last several months, especially his oral on me, sends me to the clouds. As of of lately suddenly my spot has disappeared, his normal oral doesn’t do anything and my attempts at masturbation to climax barely works either. Im, we are concerned at what happened and how to get back there asap! Thanks
Hi and thanks for your question. I celebrate the pleasure you have already received! I would say that something in you is being invited to go deeper and it is showing up as numbness, rather than a disappearance. I suggest that you give yourself a break from looking for your climax and instead explore by just experiencing what IS there. If there is nothing there, make this nothing ok, relax and see what else you notice. You might notice nothing for a start. Just keep tuning in and letting your body know you trust it to let you know what it needs. This might sound weird but it really works- imagine your spot in your mind and talk to it, ask it what she is trying to tell you. Notice what other feelings might be there, perhaps sadness, anger, fear or shame? The gspot is a repository for many repressed emotions and they can first show up as numbness. When you feel the emotion its energy clears and then you feel the pleasure again. Let me know how you get on…
Hi, I know I’m replying to a very old article but have found it very helpful and relevant. My ex bf and I have hooked up again sexually. We were in a 6 year relationship and sex was pretty good. But now sex is amazing!
My g spot is constantly activated with his fingers and cock , I’m now having g spot orgasms repeatedly. It helps to know that my emotions are tied together with them as I will now be able to let go of baggage and really enjoy them.
My question is: Does the g spot swell and shrink with hormones? I went into full menopause and my sexual desires dissipated and disappeared for years. I’ve been on estradiol for about 4 months and I am having sexual awakenings again and it seems that my g spot is front and center not hiding or elusive. Is the g spot effected my hormonal in balance ?
Also, do you have information on the clitoris? I recently discovered that stimulating the nerves on the sides and below the clit create a interesting sensation that apparently helps the blood flow and my clit swells several sizes and becomes highly responsive to stimulation and orgasms. Its wonderful to be having amazing sex in my late 50’s especially after I had thrown in the towel, do to speak. Thank you
Hi Kat, thanks for your amazing story, it’s always great to hear of older women getting what they deserve! I don’t know if oestrodial directly affects the GSpot, especially as most medical literature denies the GSpot even exists! My sense is that your gspot is just as much, if not more affected by where you are in yourself. Having a new/old boyfriend and a fully open heart with lots of sex happening would definitely be making a difference. Are you feeling empowered in your life? That helps awaken the GSpot and vice versa. I agree with you about the clitoris and keep an eye out for a future newsletter on the subject soon. You might like to check out my youtube channel too:https://www.youtube.com/@wisewomansexuality
I also realize this is an old post (like the latest comment said), but I feel I can only have a clitoral orgasm with a certain toy in a certain position and I feel I’ve become numb to anything else and didn’t know how to even start to achieving an orgasm in a way I’m not used to. Even if I try to start with my fingers I just get frustrated and end up grabbing the toy
After reading this post I’ll start my journey towards my g-spot awakening, but still no guy has ever made me orgasm and I definitely feel it’s in my head cause “im taking too long”. The guy I’ve been dating is phenomenal and I just never know how to 100% be like “this feels good, this doesn’t, etc” Like the embarrassment that comes when you ask a person to repeat themselves, and after the second “what?” You just nod your head. That’s how I feel if we try like two things and if they both don’t knock my socks off I just lie. I guess my question is, how can I get over this embarrassment
Julie, I hear a lot of women are like you, they are frustrated with where they are but don’t know what else to do. I would start with finding some compassion for the part of you that feels frustrated, as compassion is a great healer.Stop expecting things to “knock your socks off”, as that is the quickest way to ensure they don’t. Why? Because it out you in your head and your pleasure happens when you’re relaxed and open. Know that no guy can “give” you an orgasm- it’s a co-created thing, it’s not your fault. Stopping blaming yourself can help reduce embarrassment. As can making the embarrassment normal, it happens to all of us at times. Concentrate on relaxing and being present with yourself, feel what you are feeling and don’t get caught up in the judgments. Forget about trying to make an orgasm happen. Go Slow, get in touch with your body as it is, instead of trying to make it perform. It’s not your job to perform for your boyfriend either. The more you get into your body and forget about performing the more you will find the confidence and the pleasure you’re looking for. Try touching yourself with love each day, yes with LOVE! Let your body relax and start to trust you, then it will start giving you more back. If you would like support to explore this further email me to info@oztantra.com.
I used to have very strong g spot orgasms. My husband I were very passionate together. We had some marital issues and I also was dealing with childhood sexual trauma at the same time. Right after that, my g spot froze up. I can’t feel my orgasm there no matter how stimulated I am. It’s been that way for 4 years. I’ve tried massage and healing but it is sporadic with results. It makes me very sad because things were so amazing for 20 years before this happened. Do you have any advice?
Hi Natalie, I hear your sadness at the loss of your past passionate response. I can totally relate, having experienced this loss myself. How are things in your relationship now- are they fully resolved, or is there part of you that is still holding some pain from that? As this will definitely impact the ability of your gspot to fully respond. How has your childhood trauma impacted your relationship/sex? Are there more layers to be explored here- eg. your worthiness to experience pleasure/to be loved? Sexual healing of childhood trauma can take consistent time and effort to get lasting results, but it DOES work and I encourage you to keep going there. I would also explore your relationship with your inner child, as this part of us can exert a deep level of control until they feel safe and seen by us. And finally, depending on your age, are you menopausal at all yet? As this can definitely impact our responses (though what we do about it includes the above and some hormonal support if required). If you would like to contact me directly we could discover which parts are operating in holding back your pleasure: info@oztantra.com