The ABC of Coming Together
Two people scaling the heights of their sexual pleasure reaching the ultimate peak of togetherness by ‘coming’ at the same time…
That’s not what we’re talking about.
We’re talking about something much more important.
Not the ABC AIRWAY, BREATHING & CIRCULATION resuscitation technique but something equally life sustaining:
ATTENTION, BREATH & CONNECTION- The No. 1 technique to transform your relationship
-The coming together of your mind and body!
Much of the time we walk around disconnected from ourselves only half alive, half available, living in our heads with facts more highly valued over feelings. Our culture supports and validates this way of being. We cram more and more information in our heads from so called experts external to ourselves but what are we actually doing with it?
Living this way we’re disconnected from the reality of our physical form, as well as our feeling and other subtle realms, whether you believe in them or not that help create the magic in life and relationship. It leads us to THINK our feelings rather than authentically FEEL them. Feelings are not facts but they are an important part of our communication and survival systems and literally the juice in life and relationships.
For what are happiness, joy, love, connection, excitement, freedom, peace, pleasure and bliss but feelings??
This disconnection inside of us makes it harder to know who WE are AND how to really connect with another.
This simple ABC practice is about coming into union with YOURSELF.
- Take your ATTENTION from your thoughts to your body.
- Use your mind to notice what you are experiencing- feeling your body sitting, standing or lying, along with any physical sensations of relaxation, tension, heat, cold, tingling etc you can notice.
- BREATHE consciously, slightly deeper than normal.
Conscious Breathing connects mind and body.
- Scan your body and CONNECT with what is happening inside of it, especially your chest, belly and throat. Notice any more subtle sensations such as heaviness, lightness, tension, butterflies, anxiety, frustration, peace, happiness etc. It can help to place one hand on your belly and the other on your chest. You may also experience nothing, and nothing is still something.
- Stay present with this for a few moments, allow whatever is there just to be there exactly as it is with acceptance. This is known as ‘witnessing’ your feelings- keeping your attention on them, breathing into them, experiencing them exactly as they are without suppressing or accelerating them.
- If it helps, name the feeling to yourself but avoid going into a story about what the feeling means as this will take you away from it. There is nothing to do here other than dropping into this experience.
Welcome home. This is you coming together experiencing yourself more fully. Centred in yourself. Self aware. Comfortable or not, from this place both life and relationships work.
Usually we don’t notice our bodies until they let us know they are there by some kind of malfunction or pain. If you get familiar with the pain it will no longer control you. If you check in when there is no pain you get to know more of what amazing feelings you’re capable of and strengthen the relationship between you, your body and yourself.
Practice Coming Together Regularly
Whenever you have a moment. The more you say yes to your body the more it will say yes to you.
In the beginning you may need to stop and close your eyes to do this. With practice you can do it with your eyes open (and without using your hands) anywhere, anytime no matter what is happening around you- in a meeting, on a run, having a shower, making love.
For those of you who shy away from the idea of feelings this is not about inviting a melodrama of emotion into your life, rather inviting you closer to reap the true benefits from them.
For those of you who live in a world full of often overwhelming emotions this is not about creating more intensity rather giving you control over the ones you already have, developing some emotional intelligence and win/win successes in your relationship.
The benefits of your ABC practice and your mind/body relationship will continue to unfold through the rest of your life.