What is it all about really?

And why are we sharing this with you? 

We’re doing so because it has made such a difference in our own lives.

The conversation about recreational use of psychedelics, with terms like magic mushrooms, ecstasy and more, has become a common thread in many everyday conversations. 
 
Yet there is a developing and new kind of conversation about the use of psychedelics gaining increasing credibility. Psychedelic assisted therapy (PAT) is the fastest growing new therapy possibilities on the planet. And as of 1 July, 2023, it is now legal, under certain circumstances in Australia. This is a very different story from the nightly news with its reports of drug raids and drug abuse victims. Or the very rapid growth in strong synthetic opoid use.

 
Psychedelic Assisted Therapy (PAT) is different. It requires the use of certain psychedelics, mainly MDMA & psilocybin (magic mushrooms) with traditional therapy approaches. Approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), narrative and somatic therapies.  

The psychedelics assist regular therapy by allowing the habitual, habit forming part of the brain, known as the Default Mode Network, to switch off. Under PAT a client can safely access extraordinary realities that lie beyond the ordinary, everyday mind. This allows a client to become more receptive to insights and understandings their conscious mind would normally block from fear. This allows old habits such as PTSD, CPTSD & depression, and other ingrained negative patterns to be replaced with new, creative and empowered choices. Old, stuck emotions can also be cleared from the body at a very deep level.
 
PAT is particularly effective, some would say spectacularly effective, in helping clear past trauma. Unresolved past traumas have a huge impact on the quality of our relationships. As it has for both of us, Annette and Graeme.
 
For when we carry unresolved trauma, the past colours our perceptions and projections. It catches us in reactivity, overwhelm, fear and the constant need for distraction and avoidance. Keeping us in outdated beliefs of not being safe, not being able to trust and not being good enough. Even feeling like we’re victims and that the world is a dangerous place. 
 
PAT invites us to come into new ways of being, of openness, expansion and transformation.  With greater moments of empowerment, joy, peace, love, empathy, connection and happiness.
 
It’s a lot like the journey of tantra. Tantra invites us to deeply explore ourselves, our relationships and our wellbeing. To explore our approach to life, our beliefs, our feelings and our bodies. And what lies within them – our sexuality. To what lies beyond them via our sexuality – through blissful and magical experiences. Tantra also invites us to explore our shadows, anything that limits us in our full potential. Not only our potential for better orgasms, also our potential for more meaningful and enjoyable lives.
 
For us, tantra built on what we had already knew and used in breathwork and emotional intelligence. Which supported us to get more in touch with ourselves and move through areas that lay unresolved under the surface. Areas which had kept us stuck, unhappy and separate from each other. For which we are forever grateful.
 
The deepest areas that kept us stuck were those that related to our individual childhood traumas. This is where PAT came in, allowing us to clear the past in even more unimaginably wonderful ways. Leading us to a place in ourselves, our lives, our relationship and in our work that is clear, powerful and empowering. Allowing us to experience our life force (sexual) energy flowing through us ever more freely and pleasurably. 
 
If you wish to know more about this process, please contact us
or visit https://psychedelicassistedtherapy.com.au

And set yourselves up for the best year in your relationship yet.

Whether you are in a relationship with another, or with yourself…

It’s that time of year when we turn to reflections of what has been over the last 12 months and desires for the next.

In the busyness of the end of year festivities we can fail to take the time to really reflect on the year that has been. Yet time taken to review and reflect the past can help us find more focussed desires for the future. Even if we do it on our new year holidays or over the month of January…

And when we make half-hearted new year resolutions they quickly turn into failure. Because we don’t follow them through. True? And all this does is make us feel bad about ourselves.

We’ll show you how to avoid this disastrous recipe…

By using an approach that puts us into a compassionate, heart and feeling based place to reflect and make resolutions in. This gives us a much higher chance of being successful. As we’re creating from a place of fullness, of gratitude and of “I can”. Opening us up to unforeseen possibilities and pathways we might otherwise miss. 

Why New Years Resolutions so often don’t work

Rather than letting our ego scare us into thinking about what we didn’t do, what we did wrong and what we can’t do. Then slipping into thoughts of how hopeless and incapable we really are.

Focussing on our mistakes can be seen as a place of motivation for us to “do better” and “be better”.  

Yet studies have shown that focussing on where we’re lacking can do just the opposite. It unconsciously puts us into a state of freeze and negativity, making it much harder for us to achieve our goals.

So how can we reflect and set goals from a place of true possibility and self belief?

Magical Goal Setting

Set aside some time, together or separately, get yourself cozy, feel safe and supported in your body.  Set yourselves up with pen and paper, as it activates a broader part of your thinking brain than a keyboard does.

Reflection time:

1. What are 3 things you did well this year, thinks that you are proud of yourself for? 

It might have been focussing more on your health, improving your financial position, starting to meditate, finding a new job or taking time out for yourself.

Take the time to literally feel good about yourself for achieving these things. Feel the uplift, expansion or similar in your body, making it more real and more affirming in your mind.

Learning from the past time:

2. What are 3 things that you learned this year? Three ways that you might have grown or discovered about yourself? Including your relationship self.

This could be seeing one of the ways that you have unconsciously been pushing your partner away. Finding new your opportunities for connection. It could have been setting clearer boundaries that allowed both you and your partner to trust in you. Or making pleasure more of a priority and enhancing your connection. Or being willing to be a little more vulnerable and honest in your communication.

Gratitude time:

3. What are 3 things you are grateful for in the last year?

Gratitude is a well know heart opener, compassion builder and good for your mental well being. So it’s a great tool to add in to your reflection toolkit.

Things that you’re grateful for can be small or large. As long as they bring a feeling of warmth, opening, gentleness, compassion, even happiness in your heart. 

And they’re unique to you. Go beyond the obvious things, allow time for anything that might surprise you to pop up.

Now that you’re in this open and feel good space it’s time to focus on the future.

Embodying your goals:

4. What would you like to experience this coming year? Rather than focussing on a mental goal, explore what would you like achieve that you can see as an experience? Athletes have been successfully doing this for years, way before The Secret manifested itself.

You can choose to do your goals together, as having a common relationship goal helps you feel you’re on the same team. Plus you might like to have an individual goal for your relationship self- how you want to be in the relationship.

How would you feel, behave, look, do or say if you experienced this desire/goal? Flesh it out in your mind AND body, experience it as having already happened. The more fully you do this the more deeply your desire goes into your unconscious, helping you move towards it.

Finding your word:

5. Finally, find your word for the year.

Even if you do just ONE thing to help focus your year on a positive outcome, this is it!

This is something that is gaining increasing popularity. Mainly for its simplicity in an increasingly complex world. Yet one word can have a surprising capacity to influence, a bit like making it your North Star. You can choose it for the whle year, or six months, choosing again at the end of the financial year.

It can be helpful to meditate on what you would like your word for the year to be, until you get one that has the right fit. For example, pleasure, trust, connection, security, laughter, direction, purpose, ease, service, boundaries. Again, it’s something totally unique to you.

So there you have it, a new way to make the most of 2025!

And if any of your relationship goals include:

• giving your relationship a tune up
• resolving a stuck place
• gaining a new perspective
• reigniting your relationship spark
• healing infidelity
• finding a common purpose

We are here to support you to find the most direct path, with concrete results!

Ph 1800 623 262 or email us confidentially HERE

Where are you operating from and how to make it work for you…

Getting into a ‘relationship’, whether it is a marriage, or an intimate partnership doesn’t mean it becomes static. Even if it feels like it.

As we often say, relationships are a force of nature, and as such, they’re always changing.

One way to understand where you might be at in your relationship is to look at it this way. Through the idea of evolving stages of Soulmate, Getmate, Rolemate and Wholemate.

These different stages not only give a broader possibility than happy ever after to ponder. They can also show you where you might be operating from underneath the surface. And give you a clearer understanding of your behaviour, how your partner might be responding to it, and vice versa.

The first stage of relationship is the effervescent Soulmate phase. 

This is where you see everything about your new partner as perfect for you.

You have so much in common, can talk for hours and easily delight in each other. Your partner seems to know just what you’re thinking, wanting and needing and seems to think, want and need the same. This heart opening, romantic time is known as the limerence phase and lasts anywhere from 3 months to 2 years. Limerence is the phase you hope will last forever but never does.

The next phase is what we call the Getmate phase. 

This is where you start to get a little more real in the relationship. Your individual self starts to push back against this constant state of togetherness, no matter how blissful. You start to regain your own individual wants, needs and desires, and are less automatically accommodating of your partners. You start to look at what you’re getting and not getting from the relationship. It’s a bit scary to be here because it feels like the magic is gone. Your partner is no longer making you their first priority, beginning to build hurt and resentment. Your relationship no longer feels ‘perfect’ because your ego is more at play.

Because the important thing to know is that this stage is completely normal. 

Once you’ve bonded deeply in the limerence phase there should be enough resilience in the relationship to survive this shift. You realise that of course, it’s not possible for your partner to be there for you 24/7. As you can’t be there for them. That would be like expecting to recreate a parent/child relationship, and you don’t want to be a child forever. Though until you realise this, this stage can feel very painful and frustrating! This s where you start to need some relationship building skills!

rom Soulmate to Getmate

One of the ways your mind tries to deal with the disappointment of the Getmate phase is to step you into the Rolemate phase. This is where your mind unconsciously starts to assign your partner a role, or possibly several different roles. By giving them a role, your mind sees your partner as more one dimensional, which makes them more predictable. And less vulnerable making to deal with.

An obvious role your mind might assign is that of wife, or husband. This happens even if you are living together and not married, as these roles are so entrenched in our psyches. The role could also be that of partner, lover, friend, mate, helper, provider, housekeeper, carer, mother/father.  A role could even include things like financial director, entertainment co-ordinator, emotional safe place or even sexual initiator! 

Roles bring with them a whole lot of expectations.

A role is predetermined in your mind from your past experiences, your social conditioning, culture and family upbringing. Your mind will tell you ‘this is what a wife, husband etc ‘should’ act like’. It predicts what to expect, giving your mind what it likes best- certainty and familiarity.

In your mind a:

• wife might always does the cooking and help soothe difficult emotions 
• a provider brings home the income no matter what
• mate is always there to hang out with a
• sexual instigator always initiates 
• entertainment director has a fun idea for every weekend. 

Providing your partner fulfils enough of this/these role(s) to make it fit your mind’s ideal, your world feels at ease. At least more ease than in the Getmate phase.

We can also unknowingly impose these roles onto ourselves and try to fit into them. This is how a modern couple can find themselves each relating from the mindset of a 1950’s traditional couple! 

Try it for yourself!

If you don’t believe you’re operating from a role simply try and change one of your habitual relationship behaviours. And see what happens. The more deeply ingrained in a role you are, the bigger the impact when you try to change it.

The problem with roles is that they’re limiting. It denies the individual the full complexity of who they are. You don’t really see all of your partner, and you’re not giving yourself full permission to be you. Over time this becomes constricting for them, and boring for you. 

Your relationship won’t fully thrive until you step into the last relationship phase, that of Wholemate.

When you become a Wholemate you’ve developed a range of relationship skills and understandings:

• You’re comfortable enough in who you are to allow your partner to be authentic in their own right. 
• They can have their own ideas and disagree at times, without you feeling threatened. 
• They can have their own needs and you are willing not to always give up your own just to accommodate theirs. 
• You remember that you can find other ways to get your own needs met without laying them all on your partner. 
• You can recognize where you might see your partner as playing the role of father, for example. Yet you can also let it go enough to see them in the role of lover as well. 
• You are comfortable to be unique, individual and yet able to acknowledge 

In other words, as a Wholemate, you are able to embrace the full spectrum of what relationship with another can offer.

You can find too, that you will move in and out of the different stages or relationship at different times. 

One of you might lose their job, making it hard for them to attend to their partner’s financial needs as usual. You might see them as an inadequate Getmate and fall out of romantic love for a while, feeling in the role of provider yourself and resenting it. Until you both step into the Wholemate phase. Where the one not working becomes the home parent and the other finds a new, better paid job. Easing the family finances and binging the sexy back into the relationship.

 Relationship becomes fascinating, not boring

Once you see the different relationship stages your relationship becomes endlessly fascinating. You can understand more clearly where you and your partner are operating from. And what needs to happen to move you into the Wholemate stage. 

And see the previously longed for Soulmate stage just one of many, rather than the ultimate ideal. 

If you would like to learn some more relationship skills to become Wholemates, talk to us today on 1800 923 262 or email us here

To masturbate, or not to masturbate when you’re in a relationship, that is the question…

Many people do…

Yet often feel guilty for doing so, feeling like they’re betraying their partner by wanting to.

Or they masturbate from a place of resentment, believing that they’re missing out. Missing out on the ‘true’ sexual satisfaction they believe they’re partner should provide.

Others can believe they shouldn’t masturbate at all when they’re in relationship. And believe something is wrong if it is happening.

Almost always this masturbation takes place in private, hidden from the partner. Often containing elements of guilt, and always containing some degree of shame.

We see that masturbation, or self-pleasuring, as it is known in tantra, in relationship is VITAL. 

We believe this for the following reasons:

1. It relieves the pressure in relationship when one person is keen for sexual pleasure and the other isn’t.

2. It prevents all sorts of covert manipulations by the one wanting sex to make it happen. And the one not wanting sex to avoid it. Nasty manipulations that create some very shadowy behaviours. Behaviours such as:

– touching in a sexual way hoping to make sex happen.

– touching non-sexually, with the intent to turn it in to a sexual experience. Leaving the other person feeling icky, or even betrayed, and less likely to be interested next time.

– causing pent up sexual frustration that leaks out as covert anger, resentment, sarcasm, passive aggressiveness or emotional distancing.

– shutting down, lack of engagement in order to avoid anything that might potentially lead to sex.

3. Self-pleasuring is a time-honoured way of getting to know your own body, how it works, what it needs. This can help us better communicate our needs and desires authentically to our partners.

4. Self-pleasuring can help us maintain a connection to ourselves that helps us stay self-loving, grounded and self-aware. It also helps us feel nurtured and whole in ourselves in relationship. This allows us to invite our partners closer, or respond to their invitations from a place of ease and openness. 

5. Self-pleasuring also helps us feel more empowered in our own sexual pleasure. As we no longer obligating the responsibility for it to our partners. Without expecting them to automatically give us what we want without even knowing what it is. And without us having to put up with pleasure that doesn’t meet our desires. 

Believe us, there’s nothing that kills passion quicker than obligation!

How to self-pleasure in relationship and reap the benefits: 

1. Don’t just masturbate to get yourself off as quickly as possible. This sets up a habit in your body that is really hard to break. Especially when you want a more expanded experience with your partner. Getting off also drains your sexual energy. Which might feel like a relief at the time, but leaves you missing out on greater possibilities.

2. Don’t always masturbate to porn. See reasons above. Give yourself a break sometimes and connect with yourself, rather than the screen.

3. Slow down and take your time. Really feel the pleasure and enjoy it. Touch more of your body than just your genitals. Or at least touch the whole of your genitals, not just their ‘hot spots’.

4. Breathe more, as this helps to spread your pleasure through your body. It relaxes you before you come, rather than just after. Breathe out through your mouth, as this activates your body.

5. Place one hand on your heart. This is vital as it sets up a heart connected circuit inside yourself. And it keeps your heart open, which is a vital part of being in relationship. Feel the warmth of your hand connect to your heart as it melts on to it.

6. Imagine the pleasure in your genitals can be moved up to your heart as you self-pleasure. Leaving you feeling really nurtured and energized for hours afterwards. It also clears resentment and shame by inviting full body pleasure. 

– Simply inhale and imagine the tingling and warmth of your pleasure being drawn up the central energy channel. 

– This channel is like a pipe that exists between your genitals and your heart. (In fact, it runs all the way to your crown.) 

– As you exhale imagine the energy running back down to your genitals. 

– Repeat as many times as desired. 

– With practice you can channel the energy up to your heart as you tip over into orgasm.

– This leaves your heart full of potent warmth and deliciousness as you go about your day, interacting with your partner. 

– Or you might just decide to move energy up and down until you feel complete, without needing an orgasm.

7. Self-pleasuring in this way helps you develop your level of sexual presence. It’s the one thing your partner wants more than anything else. Being sexually present means feeling inside yourself as well as the inside of your partner. Feeling what’s happening in you, and in them, so you can respond in the most relevant way.  It also helps you develop your sexual power, as you build an energy circuit in your body.

Masturbation still holds an incredible sense of shame and taboo, even in our sexually experimental society. 

8. Discuss the benefits of self-pleasuring in relationship with your partner. You can use this article as a prompt. Validate any concerns or fears, yours or theirs. This conversation is incredibly shame busting. It can be a step towards letting your partner know, or even see you self-pleasuring. Without bringing any icky shame or resentment at being ‘caught out’. Self-pleasuring together can be a good place to start too.

Self-pleasure is seen as a time honoured, and beneficial tantric relationship practice. 

It doesn’t replace love making. 

It has its own special place in relationship.

Self-pleasuring offers unique benefits found nowhere else.

Can you make a positive, shame and resentment free place for self-pleasuring in your relationship?

Or if you’re not in relationship, self-pleasuring as above still gives you the gift of being heart connected to yourself. And more available to someone else, if you’re looking for that.

We’ve all been through it.

Lying there trying to enjoy what’s being done to us whilst really wanting to scream “It’s not working!”.

And we’ve all heard the whispers about the fragile male ego and how it cannot tolerate any kind of criticism. So we lovingly stay quiet, thinking we’re looking after him, because that’s what women do.  Because we might believe that sex is only for men’s benefit. We tolerate whilst foregoing the chance of real pleasure for ourselves.

Or as men we believe it’s about giving our woman pleasure and we can only take our pleasure through hers. Or in the last few moments in our orgasm. We can’t ask for anything else. Especially something simple, like just being held or stroked. Because that’s not manly or something. And it keeps our hearts locked up and lonely. And in performance mode, which is not what she wants either.

Just because it’s “normal” doesn’t mean it works

These are really common scenarios, but we have to say, they’re fucked up on so many levels! Why? Because they don’t work for anybody.

We have heard from thousands of men that they just WISH their lovers would let them know what they want. And thousands of women who wish their men would bring their hearts into sex.

This shows that your lover really cares about you and wants you to have a good time. No matter what story you might have running in your head.

And that it’s only in books and movies that a man instinctively knows exactly what his woman needs, every time, to give her maximum pleasure.

Sure, with attention and practice a man can get very good at giving pleasure.

In reality, most men will admit to stumbling around in the dark, or sticking to the one or two things he knows. All the while just wishing she would open up and tell him what she wants. And thinking there is no place for him outside of performance.

Ask without blame or shame

Of course, it makes sense to let your man (or your woman) know what you want without blaming or shaming him.

Think of it this way. Your body is like a finely tuned, high performance race car that your man has been given access to. (Even if it feels to you more like an ageing VW). He is thrilled to be given this opportunity. You have the instruction manual inside of your head, so you saying what you want is the ONLY way he’s going to know how to drive it. He NEEDS you to speak up. It sets him free from failing, which is even more of an ego hit and a desire dampener.

Imagine you asking for what you want in a direct, matter of fact way. Like an instruction manual that he can understand. Without too many words or embellishments, so that he can really hear you. And positive feedback about your response.

Our bodies are a force of nature

Because it’s been said many times, and it is so true. A woman’s body is different every time. 

It depends on the day she’s had, the environment she’s in, how she feels about herself, how connected she feels to her man. Or whether there are there any desire downers happening, things that turn her OFF, that are different for each woman. So using the same techniques every time is going to evoke a mediocre response.

When men are honest, there is more to feeling sexual desire than just having the opportunity. They too can be sensitive to the circumstances that are happening. They too can have desires they’re unaware of if they aren’t listening to their bodies.

Using techniques is the worst way to have sex anyway. Co creating something TOGETHER is where the magic lives. 

This means it is VITAL for a woman to speak up and ask for what she wants. For men too.

It’s 2024

It’s no longer the time for us to hide in shame about our desires, to remain silent and miss out on what we’re capable of.

And if you don’t know what your desires are, it’s equally important to find out!

Listening to your BODY is the best way to begin finding out what you want.

Our desires are often unconsciously shaped by what we’ve seen, or heard about sex. We think we should want to be tied up, try contorted positions, use the latest vibrators or have pounding anal sex. 

When in reality, we might not want any of these things (and it’s OK if we DO too). If we slow down and listen to our bodies, we might find out that is something different. We might really want to have our neck or lower back massaged, our inner thighs stroked, our perineum massaged or be kissed long and sensuously.

Speaking up about the things our body actually wants may start small, but they can lead to AMAZING places. Because they’re real in the moment, rather than a conditioned idea we’re acting out.

Taking the risk is worth it

Taking the risk to ask for what we want is a great shame buster as well. It shows us that we don’t have to be controlled and limited by shame. We can choose for ourselves.

Asking for what we want in the bedroom has other benefits as well. It can springboard us to being more confident in our relationships and daily lives too.

Great sex lives outside of just tolerating what we’re getting.

It lives on knowing our bodies and learning to listen to them.

And it lives on the other side of feeling the fear and asking for what we want.

And 3 Things to Inspire You

Let’s face it. 

We’re having less sex than ever before. It’s even happened for us.

And that’s a very sad thing. Because sex can be the glue that not only holds a relationship together. It can also be the way that we celebrate, expand and uplift it. And how we celebrate, nurture and uplift ourselves.

So why aren’t we getting it together between the sheets anymore?

None of the following reasons are our fault. It’s how we’ve been conditioned to think about sex from the moment we first learned about it. That’s why we’ve loved learning about tantra, its helped us let go of our conditioning and find freedom in the bedroom. We want it to do so for you too.

It’s likely you’re bored in the bedroom because:

1) You don’t have the time. Work, family etc get in the way.

2)  You’re too stressed.

Unfortunately, this causes extra stress on our relationship, as guys generally find sex is a form of stress relief. And most women find sex is the last thing they’re up for when they’re under stress. So neither end up satisfied.

(That’s why helping with the dishes or putting the kids to bed can be a real aphrodisiac for a woman).

3) Sometimes there are no sex periods in your relationships for one reason or another- work, illness, other responsibilities. Or your relationship has become distant or too much hard work to make sex happen.

4) The sex you’ve been having has dropped into the boredom zone. Where even the orgasms have become a bit meh. Let’s face it, orgasms don’t automatically make for great sex. Great orgasms certainly do, but most of the time we have no, or merely ordinary orgasms. We take the fastest and easiest route and end up with fast food sex. Which appears satisfying in our imaginations, but ends up being disappointing.

5) You’re too scared to talk to your partner about it. Great sex takes good communication. No matter how much you hope, your partner is not going to intuitively ‘guess’ all of your sexual needs. This only happens in books and movies.

6) You’re having performative sex, doing what you think we ‘should’, rather than having real sex. Where you’re stuck in your heads and there is no real connection.

7) You’re having transactional sex. Where “I’ll do this for you, so I’ll get that for me”. It’s the quickest way to dampen sexual fire and get bored in the bedroom as it turns sex into a waiting game that’s full of obligations. When what turns us on is desire, not ‘should’s’.

That’s the bad news.

Here comes the good news…

Here are 3 ways to turn your sex life into the truly satisfying experience you truly desire.

1) Trust that sex is capable of offering you the magic you somehow believe it can. Believe that your partner wants sex just as much as you, they just want good sex. And believe that good sex is the quickest way to transform the challenges in your life and your relationship.

2) Talk about where you’re at with your partner. Yes, we know it’s scary but if you go there you’ll likely be surprised at what you find. Your partner is likely to be more on the same page than you possibly imagine without talking about it. Here are some tips for how to begin that conversation, without blame and judgement. And below are some things to talk about.

3) Drop the idea of performative or transactional sex, the kind of sex you’ve been conditioned to have. This is largely where being bored in the bedroom comes from!

Instead, find freedom and pleasure by choosing to: 

• Trust in the magic of sex- that it IS real. 
• Slow waaay down. This is vulnerable because it means we’re being seen.
• Move through this vulnerability by breathing more deeply, exhaling out of your mouth. Take some deep breaths together. Relax. Open. Let stress go.
• Be in the moment. Enjoy each of the small things, because from small things big things grow.
• Avoid being goal focussed on orgasm. Take the pressure off and have fun along the way instead. (You’ll be surprised how they can happen anyway).
• Make the genitals the last place explored on the woman, so her body can relax and open. Include some genital play on the man regularly so he’s not just waiting until ‘the end’ for his bit of pleasure. Explore places you normally ignore. Places like ear lobes, scalp, back of the neck/knees, feet, inner thighs, perineum, anus (touching not penetrating) and testicles.
• Take the time to notice what is happening in your OWN body. What are the sensations, where are they, what does your body actually feel like? 
• If you are not feeling what you think you should, DON’T make it wrong. Ask it what it needs, for our bodies are incredibly intelligent and will let us know if we listen to them. This is vulnerable because it is about letting go of performing, yet it is where great sex lives.

• As you focus on your bodies, going slow and breathing more deeply you’ll start to notice the energy of sexual pleasure. That tingling, warm, alive, expanding, even melting feeling. This is the life force that flows through you. The more you notice and follow it, the more you’ll feel you drop into ‘a state of being’. A state of flowing together, where two become one, where there is no mind, with no ‘shoulds’, there is just what arises. This is freedom.
• If it feels safe enough, breathe into your heart and feel how it expands in this energy (for your heart has an energetic aspect). Breathe the love you find there into yourself, because we all need to be loved. Your partner will likely feel safe with this kind of love as it makes no demands, and possibly inspired. Your worlds will expand all over again.

Isn’t this worth giving up MacDonald’s sex and being bored in the bedroom for?

Isn’t this worth making time for?

This kind of sex gives much more than it takes.

If you would like confidential support to begin this conversation with someone who can help you feel instantly comfortable in it contact us here.

So often we make this trade off in relationships.

For example:

“I’d love to ask for more time in foreplay so I can really relax, but I’m so afraid of hurting my partners’ feelings or even worse- having my request ignored.”

“It seems that we never have time to talk. I really want to carve out some time in our lives to talk in a way that leaves us connected but I am scared of being rejected. Or having time to talk and finding noting to say!”

“I’m so bored with our sex life and would love to turn up its erotic heat. I’m worried that if I can’t do this I’ll start looking elsewhere. I’m even more worried that my partner will make me feel wrong or will think I don’t love them anymore. Which is definitely not the case!”

“It feels like we are really in a flat spot going nowhere. I’d love to make some changes but I’m not sure where to start. And I’m scared of where the changes might take us.”

And so on…

It becomes a holding pattern that keeps your relationship engine on idle, but not fulfilling its potential. 

Leaving neither of you really happy. Or truly connected. Or perhaps blissful.

How would it be to be in a place where you can say what you really want? 

What you really need?

How would it be to show up authentically, rather than hide and deny your relationship what it most needs- YOU!

How would it be to be REAL?

AND create more CONNECTION, more LOVE, more SPARK and more JUICE in your relationship?

You can learn the exact tools to:

Create more presence in yourself and with your partner that leaves you with lasting intimacy and glorious lovemaking.

Communicate fearlessly so you can better understand each others fears, wants, needs and desires.

Become more emotionally skilled you can listen without blowing off, collapsing or storming out of conversations.

Learn to value difference and the unique gifts that each of you bring to your relationship.

Learn to really connect with your bodies and discover their deeper delights in a way that you can BOTH get excited about.

All these things are possible with the right support and training.

And if you think you don’t need training to have the best relationship or the best sex of your life, you’re seriously missing out.

Without it you’re likely recreating the relationship of your past, or your parents…and having sex based on instinct without the power of your largest sex organ- your brain!

Get in touch today and book in a free, no obligation 30min chat with Annette and Graeme to put your fears to rest and begin creating positive change…

PS. If you feel like this might be right for you but have questions HIT the REPLY button and get them sorted FAST…

Both you and your relationship deserve it…

A year is a long time, yet it can go by fast if you are not watching.

That’s why it’s great to make a commitment to what you want your year to look like.

Is it going to be a gift, or a disappointment?

Do you want another year of a less than inspiring love life?

Where sex has become the last priority, because, let’s face it, it’s often not really worth it.

Does the distance between you and your lover cause you a chronic sadness that you keep well hidden?

Are you submitting to another year of boredom or restlessness, wishing things could be different?

Or, is your sex life going well and you’d love it to be even better at the years end?

How to Create the Love Life of your Dreams

1. BOTH PARTNERS agree to take some time to reflect on your current sex life. (And if your partner won’t agree, do it for yourself anyway). Decide what is working well, what you would like more of and what is missing that you would like to include. Be honest with yourself. This is not a time to pussy foot around, it is a time to get real with yourself and your desires. This bit is NOT ABOUT YOUR PARTNER and what you think they are capable of, and what you think they may be willing to try. 

Thinking this way is a COP OUT.

You need to get clear on YOUR OWN desires first. Be willing to be vulnerable enough to put your desires out there. Even if it is just to yourself.

If you don’t do this it is much easier to end up creating what you don’t want, unconsciously. Because believe us, your mind is watching you and what you put (or don’t put) on the table.

Not like a judgemental God waiting to catch you in sin.

But part of your mind (and depending on your beliefs, the universe) is waiting to help you manifest. So it makes sense to get clear for yourself first. 

It also makes it easier for you not to get lost in your partner’s needs. Or in both your hidden manipulations and unexpressed agendas. 

Bring Your Uniqueness INTO Your Relationship

Knowing your own desires also gives your relationship the gift of YOU and your unique gifts. 

Often people fear expressing their desires and keep them hidden. Without realising they are denying the relationship the possibilities and energy their desires might bring.

Our Desires Are More Acceptable Than What We Fear

Explore what having these desires will give you, will make you FEEL. Such as, to feel valued, powerful, sexy, ecstatic, loved, seen, wanted, naughty, held, wild, free, unlimited. Even shame can be explored in a sexy way, it can be profoundly healing and deeply enjoyable.

2. Communicate your desires and be willing to listen in a NON JUDGMENTAL way to your partners desires. Literally just hear them, without passing any negative opinions. Just as you would like your partner to hear yours. Remember, our desires are unique to US, you don’t need your partner to fully agree with them, just to be willing to talk about them.

3. Share what having these desires will give you, will make you FEEL. This can help your partner see more clearly what might be in it for them and help them get on your team. Most of us fear rejection in expressing our desires. Sharing the motivation behind our desires brings us to the level of more universal human needs. We find over and over again couples share very similar, or at least very relatable desires at this level. Which brings a whole new excitement into their relationship.

Start Gently, Aim For Success

4. Agree together to making the desires that come with no conflict, happen in your sex life. 

And start DOING THEM!

5. For the desires that have a level of challenge for one or both of you, explore how you might introduce them into your love life. Maybe take them one step at a time. Going slowly can allow resistance and fear to fall away if you are both willing to show up. Or perhaps find a different way to create the same feeling result. 

6. Leave the desires that bring a clear NO aside for now. You might like to revisit them down the track, once you have created a deeper level of connection and goodwill between you. Again, you may be able to create the same feeling outcome in a more approachable way.

Leave Any Negativity Behind 

Aim to create safety, rather than fear. Make nothing wrong here. Leave any negativity behind, express it in a positive way. 

Step Into the Land of Possibility

Stepping into the land of possibility, rather than fear, will create a strong container for goodness to come in. 

And let your lovemaking become the hub of the wheel that turns your relationship in 2024. Rather than a last minute priority that diminishes what you are BOTH capable of.

And if you have any difficulties going there and would like some professional, totally non judgmental support Contact Us HERE.