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Tantric Communication Practice

September 5, 2023 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

unhappy couple

Do you find that your communication with your partner never seems to hit the spot?

Are you often left feeling unheard? 

Unseen?

Or uninspired? (You’ve heard it all before…when you used to hang on their every word)

Even disrespected?

Today’s tantric communication practice can help bring about a radical change in your communication style with minimal effort.

Like much of tantra, this is a ritual, a practice

And like any practice the more you do it, the more satisfying it becomes.

It’s simple.

It allows each person to feel heard.

It invites you to listen to each other. To listen from the heart, rather than the head.

We often rarely listen to each other

In normal communication styles there is often very little listening going on. 

We are so used to constantly thinking, our partner has barely got started when we are busy analysing what they’ve said. And how it will impact us. 

Sometimes we are so busy waiting for our turn, working out what we want to say, we don’t really hear what our partner is saying.

Sometimes we check out of the conversation because we think we’ve heard it all before.

We can disagree with what is being said, and immediately try to impose our own point of view. 

Occasionally we can be in fear of what our partner might have to say.  So we either interrupt, ignore, invalidate or check out of their conversation. Because we literally want to protect ourselves from hearing it. 

Also too, we can be emotionally triggered by our partner’s words and either explode into unrelated emotion, or withdraw from it.

This simple tantric practice bypasses all of the above

It does so by getting us to focus on listening and really hearing each other. And nothing else.

It’s not trying to resolve anything.

It’s not trying to get to an outcome.

It’s about really listening, from the heart. 

With practice the space between you gets safer and safer to speak from the heart.

This can truly transform your communication by building trust and intimacy.

Which then allows you to, at other times, more easily resolve issues that arise between you.

It’s pretty good for your sex life too!

The tantric communication practice is called Heart Sharing. It doesn’t have to look as formal as this image but it gives a sense of how tantric communication feels.

Heart Sharing 

How does it work?

  1. You sit opposite each other.
  2. Both partners take a moment to feel into their hearts. You can close your eyes or place a hand on your heart to do this. (This sounds corny but it works.)
  3. See yourself and the person opposite you as divine, empowered beings, creating their own realities. (Ditto.)
  4. One person shares for 3-5 minutes (It’s good to set a timer here).
  5. Once the first partner’s time is up, the listener just says thankyou, NOTHING more.
  6. Then you reset the timer and the second person has their turn, the same as above.

The Speaker

The speaker just speaks, whatever is there.

Without any agenda, or trying to get a particular response.

They really hear themselves more.

Which can help them gain insight into what they are actually putting out there.

A valuable tip is that if you run out of things to say, you just wait, until something else arises. If nothing does, you just sit in silence.

The Listener

The listener just listens. (Yes, God, the Universe or evolution DID give us two ears and one mouth for a reason!)

Whilst they listen, the listener focusses on their heart (keeping their hand their can help).

This helps them hear their partner from as open a place as possible.

The listener notices any inner response or reaction they might have, like those listed above. And instead of speaking or reacting they simply take a deep breath or two…This allows them to stay present with what is being said.

It’s more than just talking

Sitting opposite each other allows more non verbal communication to happen as well.

Heart to Heart communication

The important thing to remember is that this is NOT about AGREEING with your partner.

It’s about LISTENING.

It’s about believing that everyone benefits from being truly heard.

And that being seen is a form of being loved.

As we said, this practice is not about resolving your issues. It’s about building trust.

Over time your sharings will get more and more clear and heart centred

Because you will feel safe, seen and heard. 

With practice you can let go of the timer and just let each person hare until they feel complete. (However, if it starts to feel one sided it’s good to use the timer again).

It works for women because they can speak without needing to be fixed. As she hears herself she can get clearer in what she has to say.

It works for men because they have the space between the words to feel heard. Men can tune in to a woman’s body language without being overwhelmed by her words.

Sex Is Not the Ultimate of Pleasure…

May 3, 2023 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

So says the Guru Osho
(who didn’t get a lot of things right, but about sex he was definitely a master.)

It is the beginning.

It is not the bliss supreme

But an echo of itwomen's pleasure

Sex is

one of the most

sacred things

because it is

through sex

that life arrives

And it is through sex

that you can penetrate to

the very source

of existence.

What are you doing with the gift of sex in your life?

Does it unconsciously control your life?

Is it controlling you in the way you need to be constantly thinking about, or managing it? Are you using it as a form of relief from your life, from yourself?

Are you giving yourself permission to discover all of your sexual desires?

Are you having moments of feeling free in throwing off your sexual repressions?

Giving yourself permission to be free from the control of your social/sexual conditioning?

Perhaps discovering something that society doesn’t allow- the freedom of just being yourself in sex?

Feeling relieved, lighter and grateful as a result?

Then not being able to wait until you can do it all over again?


Or are you using it as a true tantra practice?

Tantra
There is no right or wrong.

It is the choices that you make.

 

What is it you seek?

 

Sex as a meditation where sex is just the beginning? Where you come to the deepest possibility in it. Where you can transcend it. Where in deep sexual orgasm it is not sex that gives you the bliss. You see that sex is just the situation and that something else is giving you the euphoria and the ecstasy.

“Tantra says that it is a truth that sexual energy is the basic energy,
an energy that should be transformed into higher forms.”

The truth behind the erotic sculptures outside temples

The temple of Khajuraho has beautiful statues in all sexual postures. It was a tantra school that made the temple and those statues. And the first thing the student had to do was to meditate on each statue – and they are arranged in such a way that from one corner you go around the temple in a circle. It may take six months, but you have to watch each statue until you can Tantric Sexualitysee it just as a statue with no sexuality in it – and it is in a sexual posture. But just in your watching it, seeing it for months, it becomes a pure piece of art; all pornography disappears. Then you move to another. And all the perversions of human mind have been put into the statues.

And when you have circled the whole temple, only then will the master allow you inside the temple. Those six months are of immense meditation and of tremendous release, all repressions gone: you are feeling absolutely light. Then the master allows you in. And inside the temple there is no sexual statue; inside the temple there is nothing – emptiness.

Then the master teaches you how to go deeper into your meditation which has arisen in the six months, and now you can go very deep because there is no hindrance, no problem, no sexuality. And this going deep into meditation with no sexual disturbance means the sexual energy is moving with the meditation, not against it. That’s how it is transformed and takes higher forms.   -Osho. Taken from The Path of the Mystic, Chapter 38

Most of us in the west are not ready for this true kind of tantra.

 

We are still enmeshed with the perversion of sex, the deliciousness of it as it is, without seeking transcendence through it.

We are not ready to leave it yet.

For some of us it has taken us a long time to get here and we want to enjoy it more.

We are so used to being controlled by external forces. We do not realise that we have a choice in controlling the most powerful force- sexual energy.

 

Yet it is entirely blissful when we can be in our sexual energy but not controlled by it.

 

When we can be at choice in it.

Not needing, grasping, struggling.

Non attached.

Allowing.

Expanding.Doing some Sexploration

Surrendering.

Neither indulging or repressing.

Each moment dying to the past

and being born anew.

In freedom from all mind constructs,

Freedom from all mind games,

Freedom from all structures,

Freedom from the other

Finding the something more

That is the key towards the divinity.

If you would like to begin the path of finding more in your sexuality

 

Take some moments to pause in your sexual experiences. Whether you are making love with another, or self pleasuring.

Close your eyes, or look softly down.

Simply notice what you are experiencing.

Notice what feelings, sensations, awarenesses are present and allow them to be.

Notice what attachments, desires and limitations are present and allow them to be.

Breathe more deeply.man meditating

Allow

Let go

Surrender

Simply be.

Notice any shifts that happen within you.

Whether you call them divine or not, be open to what is.

 

If you would like to learn some tantric practices to take you beyond sex contact us here.

What Does Your Sexual Energy Mean to YOU?

September 8, 2022 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Our sexual energy lies at our core

Most people think of sex, as just something they do between the sheets at night with an intimate partner, but it’s so much more Tantric Sexual Energythan that. Treating the heat and tingling we feel in sexual pleasure as such will change your relationship with it and with each other.

Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe.

Everything that’s alive was created by it: animals, plants, humans, and even the universe itself by the first big bang. We ourselves were all created by an orgasm, even though most of us cringe at the idea of our parents having sex.

In fact, sex reminds us all of our humanity.

Almost everyone has succumbed to the urge to get vulnerable and naked (and let’s face, even slightly ridiculous, if you think about it!). We’re linked through the ages by those moments of total, sweaty abandon.

“Modern men and women are obsessed with the sexual; it is the only realm of primordial adventure still left to most of us. Human lives otherwise are pretty well caged in by the walls, bars, chains and locked gates of our industrial culture.”

Sex At Dawn, Edward Abbey

Yet sexual energy is so much more than just biology.

It’s your animating life force energy, the creative part of you that brings new life within yourself, as well as bringing your offspring.

Sexual energy is present in:

A relationship as attraction, arousal, passion and pleasure.

It’s equally present in your enthusiasm for interesting projects in work or hobbies.

You’ll find it in the energy you use to run around the back yard with your children and grandchildren.People with disabilities stepping out of shame

It lies in your inspiration for new ideas and creativity, and it’s the energy you feel when you’ve had a shift in your level of self-awareness.

You’ve probably noticed that after really satisfying sex, you find yourself with increased enthusiasm and vitality for living.

Sexual energy opens us and makes us available for life.

When sexual energy is transmuted up through the body to the heart (rather than drained away) it becomes love…

Equally, when sexual energy is transmuted up through the body to the higher chakra centres (rather than drained away) it becomes spirit…

At a physical level

Sex has multiple benefits from reducing high blood pressure and stress, producing dopamine to build confidence whilst inspiring action, oxytocins to enhance affection and bonding to opoids that produce feelings of happiness and wellbeing. Sex keeps us physically fit, and we keep fit to enjoy better sex (and we have to keep fit to have great sex!). Our pleasure may even boost our immunity and reduce chronic inflammation- the source of many disease processes through the production of Nitric Oxide.

Saying YES to your sexuality

Saying YES to your sexual self, connects you to a very deep part of yourself. Even deeper than the love and pleasure you share with your lover. That place within you has nothing to do with actually having sex, it’s your power centre.

Sex is power

This is why it’s used to sell everything in the world from cars to ice cream; and it’s also why the church, culture, society, parents and now pharmaceutical companies want to control it. Even science now tries to explain it- good luck with that! The explanation can never be the experience.

Being connected with sex in a healthy way makes you powerful within yourself

Healthy sex makes you available to deep vulnerability, compassion and healing. It’s worth cultivating your sexual energy for these reasons alone. And the more aware of, connected with, and authentic in your sexual self you are, the more your sexual pleasure flows. It’s a win-win situation!

It’s a natural human desire to want to feel good

Man in prayerHumans commonly seek experiences of altered or uplifted states of consciousness.

Feel good moments that can be as simple as having a glass of wine, watching a sunset, taking a moment in prayer – or as complex as taking mind-altering drugs, or doing a BDSM ritual.

This is part of our longing to break free from the burden of our ordinary minds, and to connect with something larger than ourselves to make sense of the world. Almost every community on earth has some kind of ritual or spiritual practice to access something they call God or Spirit. From shamanic plant use to whirling dervishes to seeking God through prayer.

Suppressing and corrupting this energy is life-taking and unhealthy

For it denies our true nature and makes us neurotic. Suppression of this energy comes from our fear of and conditioning around its power. Sexual problems generally relate to unconsciously acting out the repression, or the unhealthy expression of this energy, rather than by its healthy expression.

Sexual Energy is Natural, Powerful and Beautiful

Sexual energy is catalytic: you can’t see it or measure it, but you can notice its effects. This energy arises in you, changes your state and leaves you feeling different afterwards.

Sexual energy is not just physical

Sexual energy is emotional, psychic and subtle, and it impacts your soul-body. When you’re having sex you’re connecting a lot more than just your bodies. It fosters your capacity for wonder, your absolute confidence and your openness to the world and to your heart. If you can experience this simultaneously with another human being in a loving, sexual context, it’s absolutely magical.

With your sexuality...it is your vitality, your life force

Sadly, it’s the only way most people feel absolute freedom – in that moment of orgasm where they’re free of their everyday, ordinary, limited minds. This experience is known as the surrender or ‘little death’ of the ego.

Almost all of us have been there at some time in our lives, and we want to go back as often as possible

We promote our sexual energy by saying YES to it through how we live, as much as what we do in the bedroom.

You say YES to your sexual energy and potential for ecstasy by:

• Eating plenty of fresh foods

• Living in an aware and embodied way that minimises your negative stress

• Developing a ‘felt’ sense of your body so you know its real signals, including hunger, thirst, tiredness, sexual desire etc

• Minimising your addictions (as they take you away from your felt sense)

• Getting regular exercise, including some that challenges your body

• Getting adequate rest

• Taking a few minutes each day to stre-e-e-e-tch your body

Say YES also by:

• Taking regular breaks from your electronic devices

• Finding gratitude

• Appreciating beauty

• Doing something just for the joy of it

• Doing something purely for sensual pleasure daily

• Making life-affirming choices rather than life-defeating ones

• Being honest and in your integrity

• Doing something for others

• Doing something you love

• Keeping your mind active by learning new things

• Being willing to take healthy risks

• Finding a way to express your inner wild man or woman (the primal part of your nature) to balance the time you spend being civilised

• Developing some kind of spiritual practice, whatever this means for you

You can say YES in the act of sex by:

• Having life-affirming sex through tantric transmutation practices, rather than the energy-draining kind

• Keeping an open mind to the connection between sex and your spirituality

Reviewing your own relationship with this part of you

It’s important to explore the relationship you have with your own sexual energy so you can care for this awesome power in a healthy way. And so you can talk about it more clearly with your partner.

So ask yourself- How do you view your sexual energy? How do you manage it- both in sex, and in your everyday life?
Is it something you nurture, cultivate, savour, transmute, deny, avoid, shut down, drain yourself of or let it control you?

Your answers will give you insight into what is possible in this part of your life.

This post is an excerpt from our book, Coming together- Solving the Mystery of Intimate Sex and Relationship

How Tantra Prevents Boredom in the Bedroom

August 2, 2018 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

If you’re in a long term relationship you will have faced the age old question of “how do we prevent boredom in the bedroom”?Boredom in the bedroom

You might have tried to spice things up with some lingerie, sex toys, role plays, even a little BDSM…

But sooner or later the boredom in the bedroom creeps back in leaving you feeling you’re back at square one.

Being in a long term relationship takes skill, commitment, focus and work and often the pay off can seem too far away, or not enough to justify the effort.

Heart connected sex

Yet, time and time again, we have seen couples from the very beginning of introducing tantric relationship skills totally No longer boredom in the bedroomtransform both their sex lives and their intimate loving connection. Sex becomes loving, fulfilling and creative, leaving couples with a bond strong enough to survive any temporary boredom in the bedroom.

 

What are the Tantric skills of which we speak?

They are:

  • Ownership of our sexuality as a beautiful thing
  • Being in the here and now, rather than in agenda
  • Being embodied (aware of the internal experience our bodies are having)
  • Being authentic (what we show on the outside matches what we’re experiencing within)
  • A willingness to be vulnerable and allow our partner in to us (in-to-me-see)
  • Being connected with our hearts and its qualities of love, courage, trust, humility, generosity and compassion
  • A willingness to take responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, words and actions
  • A willingness to be a co creator in manifesting our desires
    Tantric Intimacy
  • Awareness of our sexual pleasure as energy and moving between moments of building energy and moments of allowing it to flow
  • Using breath to both move and expand pleasure; and to change our physical, emotional and mental states
  • Being open to the mystery that lies within us.

Tantra benefits all

A successful relationship that is nurturing, loving and sustainable has mastered their heart connected sex lives together as its life blood.

The power of this transformation automatically flows into all other aspects of their lives as well.Parenta and children

Couples with children who have introduced tantric skills demonstrate healthy and loving role models for them. What a gift this is for any child! Imagine how it would have been in your own life, to have had role this modelled for you.

And someone who is present, embodied, emotionally intelligent, heart connected,  self aware and empowered will go a long way to creating what they want in life.

Tantra is spiritual sexuality

We are all born into this world as spiritual sexual beings.

We are this way until we’re conditioned out of it by those around us who misunderstand and fear its truth.The Void

Those choosing to learn tantric practices are actually reconnecting with this spiritual sexual part of themselves and deepening it.  Tantra is not a cult or dogma and even those who are not ‘into spirituality’ find their own understanding and gifts for themselves within it, with most finding that it just makes sense to live this way.

Much of learning tantra in your relationship is about removing your blockages than learning complex tantric techniques. Remove the blockages and move walls out of the way and not only will your boredom in the bedroom resolve, you will revert to more of your natural state  as sexual spiritual beings.

Tantra is connection to ourselves as well as to each other

Tantric techniques and understandings also offer pathways for our equally strong need for independence and sense of self in relationship. In fact, it will create a healthy and active environment for the intimacy and autonomy required for ongoing desire and passion in your relationship over the years.Mans inner man

Your own journey into your true personal depth and being really comfortable in your skin is much easier to achieve and sustain in a committed relationship.  “Easier” doesn’t actually mean that it is easy to do, it’s more that your personal stuff is more accessible…ie. your emotional buttons get pushed easier for you to see and heal. And because you’re working with your partner in a vital, intimate and loving environment where tantric skills really impact.

As Osho said, “ you can live on your own in a cave and meditate for years, but your journey of discovery about yourself commences when some one moves into that cave with you and tells you clean your shit up…”

We’ve been there too

Both Annette & Graeme have experienced the highs and lows of relationship, from divorce right through to self exploration and the heights of tantra. What we bring in is experience, knowing and understanding as teachers who specialise in relationship sexuality, especially for people in mainstream relationships.

Partners in long term relationships have reached an understanding and posses a knowing about themselves and each other that requires a different level of skill and commitment from professionals who choose to work with them. We have developed techniques that will meet a couple where they are at, regardless of how conservative they may be.

When we are working with people our focus is on the experience, as this is where the understanding and techniques drop in very easily. We don’t require complex special techniques or language, in fact it is quite the opposite, the more simple and practical the better. For here the mind can relax and the feelings arise.

At Oztantra, this healthy environment is our focus in all aspects of our work with couples. It is that important; and when introduced in a grounded and connected way totally life changing.

To being a little Tantra into your life and end boredom in the bedroom forever try one our our Couples Retreats 

Couples Retreat Bali, Ecstasy and Intimacy

Or if you have other questions contact us here.

Getting to know the stranger

January 25, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Listening with curiosity rather than judgement…

It’s human nature to get into habits…

And these habits are also a way of avoiding  living constantly in the unfamiliar, which can be highly stressful for some…

In relationship, habits can work both for and against us.

Creating habits does work for us in the building of unique little rituals only we share, creating feelings of connection.

Some habits can also work against us, in creating and allowing  unhealthy relationship patterns, such as taking our partners for granted.

Habits like taking our partners for granted can be a fast track to relationship boredom and dissatisfaction.

Here is how it can happen, and that it is also possible to learn embodied listening with curiosity as a way out of  boredom and  into fascination.

In new relationship there seems to be so much to talk about.

In the bubble of new love you’re completely fascinated by each other, literally hanging on each other’s words.

You’re fully engaged in the moment with them, hours seem to disappear, making time seem meaningless.

If you think back on it, you were probably not only hearing their words you also noticed their facial expressions, the nuances of their body language, subliminal messaging and even their tone of voice.

Your own body was involved in the conversation as well, feeling tinglings of excitement, an openness and an aliveness that felt totally engaging.

But after a while it begins to seem as if you’ve heard it all before.

You assume there’s nothing new coming and your interest level wanes.

It becomes easier to check out the TV, Facebook or your emails rather than give your partner your full disconnected coupleattention.

You believe you know what this once fascinating person is going to say before they even open their mouths and quickly start to tune out and think of other things.

It’s the same thing with your own sharings, you think they’ve heard you all before, that they’ll be assuming they know it all and that you will have little new to say.

Sharing becomes a bore and you wonder where has the spark gone?

But the spark hasn’t really disappeared, it’s just that where you’re coming from in your listening isn’t creating or allowing the spark to ignite.

You’re listening to your significant other from your intellectual self, where your judgements and assumptions come easily.

Are you judging your partner based on the past rather than experiencing them fully in the now, as you used to do ?

Are you assuming you know what the other’s talking,  rather than actually listening to what they are trying to communicate?

This becomes an assumption that you know everything about who the other person is, and listening to answer, rather than listening to actually hear and feel into what they trying to communicate.

You might actually know who they’ve been, but you don’t know who they’re being right now if you’re not truly listening, and miss out on seeing their growth and change.

And you’ll miss who they’re becoming as it hasn’t happened yet.

Don’t you want to be there to find out?

The information they’re sharing may be the same as they (or you) have shared before.

But this person has lived more of their life since the last time they shared and their life experience makes the different.

They may be in a different space emotionally or energetically.

Don’t just listen to the story and assume you know all about it, and therefore all about them (which is not only Creating Safety in Intimacylimiting it is also shaming).

Do yourself a favour and see your spouse in this moment as a whole new being you’ve never met before.

Do all those things you used to do without thinking, put all of your attention onto who they are being right now, observe rather than judge, listen with your body, listen with your heart rather than your head, feel into them as well as hear them.

Ask open questions, inviting more of them to emerge..

Ask opening questions that invite deeper sharing such as ‘how was that for you?’ or ‘can you tell me more about that?’

This spark of curiosity in you allows previously unforseen questions to arise in you so you can ask them.

All this extra information will be totally new and interesting as it has never happened before in exactly this way.

The same is true for you, you’re different from the person you were when you last heard this information. What is it that you are noticing in yourself?

Relationships are either growing or dying

One of the things that stops us from fully seeing or listening with our whole self is that we may feel uncomfortable or have fear over what we may find.

We may hear our partner’s pain, feel their walls or maybe their lack of presence with us.

We’re tempted to make this about us but the skill is in seeing that where they’re at is about them.

How we perceive them is about us.

If you can separate yourself from them and hear, see and feel them as a multi layered, unique being at this particular moment in their own world, having their own experience from a place of curiosity you will find a fascination that never leaves.

Offering our presence in this way can allow our significant other to share more openly as well.

There’s nothing like an engaged, available listener to inspire a person to new heights.

After all, isn’t that what used to happen?

Your partner will feel seen, heard and even loved, unconsciously inviting the same from them.

Yet this is about being curious for ourselves, to create our own satisfying relationship experiences rather than expecting anything in return, for expectations deny possibilities.

Practice: Experience your next conversation with your partner as above rather than just listening with your intellect and see what happens!

Sexual Healing

February 11, 2016 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Sexual Healing, the Myth…

 

As a man, and a sexual male who is in a long term and committed relationship, I find it challenging to hear and read the current debate around sexual healing by male “healers” with women.

With this in mind, I have decided to speak out as a professional who works with men and women, both singles and those in long term relationships.

Sexual Healing Sessions

I have had many sessions with men and women, both as couples and singles, and most importantly on my own or with my partner Annette.

Either way, always following up with debriefing about my experience with her.spiritual-image-woman-hands-reaching-for-butterfly

I am also speaking from my place in my long term relationship with Annette, who is my lover, teacher, critic and business partner.

How I show up with her is my measure in how I am with a client, as it is also with her and her clients.

The relationship we share is a powerful space of deep clarity, challenge and compassion, and a gift that we both bring into our work.

We are “owner operators” in every sense of the phrase…..

Don’t get me wrong, I have on many occasions had sessions that involved varying degrees of nakedness and sexual touch.

One thing that I have not heard, in any of this “debate” around male sexual healers, is just how powerful a sexual healing experience can be for a woman, where she is fully clothed and not being physically touched.

Imagine a world where your intimate relationship is a source of connection and meaning...

How would it be, for you as woman to feel safe, and sexual in a way that is invited by a space that is clear, intense and healing?

Where the healing is in simply experiencing a deeply personal loving open hearted man in his sexuality, without personal agenda?

Where the opening is to herself rather than to the man, in a space held by clear masculine presence ?

“The myth is that sexual healing must involve nakedness or sexual touch, even sexual penetration”.

In fact, I believe the exact opposite is true in most cases.

Sexual Healing is not about sex

It is healing simply for a woman to be penetrated by clear masculine sexual heart presence while remaining fully clothed and not being physically touched.

In this space of not having sex, but in feeling her sexuality opening deeply as she opens her heart to herself, especially in a space held by deeply personal and loving masculine heart space.

Experiencing the difference between “universal” love and “deeply personal” love is a big part of what sexual healing is about, particularly while being held by clear healthy masculine presence, and this is not about having sex or even being sexual.

How many women have opened their hearts, only to have it quickly closed down by unconscious sex ?

Remembering, that most women have been hurt by unconscious men, and in too many cases, this masculine shadow or unconsciousness can also be cleverly disguised as “healing”.Witch at the stake

Abuse can happen when the woman opens to the healer rather than herself and is where she may loose herself and be susceptible to being taken advantage of.

Especially when she is moving towards her sexual empowerment and freedom.

Opening to herself

Clothed or not, a woman opening to herself will soon feel and tell a man with a hidden agenda where to go with it!

Over the years through our work, I have had many conversations with men “desiring” to learn the art of sexual healing and with out exception my direction with them is to learn about their own sexual heart connection first.tantric yes

How many women out there want to do something sexually empowering for themselves, but don’t want to have to bare their souls to more of the same, especially if it is even more cleverly disguised as “healing”.

Increasingly, people and particularly women have become fed up with the co dependancy that has plagued the modern Tantra movement and are expecting more depth and clarity from their experiences.

As a woman, simply trust your feelings first and foremost, and seek out a session that brings YOU in touch with your own awareness, coming into your feeling body and your heart, then from that place, connecting with what it is that you desire for yourself.

 

 

 

 

Mind Blowing Oral Sex

January 26, 2016 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

For truly enjoyable, even inspiring Oral Sex

Forget about the best oral sex techniques you read in Cosmo or Men’s Health…Oral sex man giving woman

It’s not so much what or how you give and receive oral, but most importantly  where you’re coming from when you’re giving it…

And, this is not another on of those “Sex Tip articles with 10 instant success techniques”….

Instead, we’re going to explore where you’re coming from when you’re going down, and how that may look…

What doesn’t work:

The Performer:

This lover is not actually giving you head they’re taking from you…they’re making you feel good so they can too. they want to give you such a great orgasm (whether you really enjoy it or not) that their view of themselves as a hot lover is reaffirmed. Afterwards you can feel taken from rather than given to.

The Juice Extractor:

The Oral Sex Juice ExtractorThese lovers are all about the agenda- the oral sex is for one reason and one reason only- it’s the warm up for the ‘real’ sex act of penetration. So their actions are always done with a focus of getting somewhere else that’s better and as a result they drain all the juice out of the ‘right now’ moment for both you and themselves.

The Mr or Ms Technique:

Some lovers are more sensitive but still focussed on the right techniques to get the job done rather than for the pure enjoyment of the act itself. The thing about the being totally technique based is that you can feel your lovers ‘detachment’, there is no real intimacy exchanged. No matter how good the technique is something is missing.

Mr or Ms Clueless:

This is the lover that has absolutely no idea what to do, perhaps from a lack of experience, some negative experiences or simply a fear of inadequacy. As a result they’re disconnected from their bodies and running fear based stores in their minds about what will go wrong, rather than being present with their lover.

The Faker:the oral sex faker

This lover doesn’t have much idea how to go about oral love but they pretend they do and bull doze their way through, resulting in a less than satisfactory experience for both. Or they pretend they want to be there when they really don’t, with the same results.

The Do Gooder:

This is the needy or insecure lover who gives oral sex in order to get approval, love and attention from you, without which their sense of self is absent. Again, they are not really present in the act with you, they’re in their heads waiting for the love and approval to show up from you.

The Bookkeeper:

Your ‘Oh My God’ of pleasure is another score in the tally book for this lover who is always keeping tabs on who has given and who has received what. It may sound loving to want to keep the balance between giving and receiving equal but it ends up as a barter system with a “If you give me this then I’ll give you that” system which is anything but productive of genuine pleasure.

The Master Controller:

No oral sex orgasm“I’m going to have and orgasm no matter what, I just have to try hard enough to make it happen”. This lover is desperate for pleasure and is going for it no matter what. And their mind oriented and control focussed approach will be doing two things: creating a tiring experience for the lover doing their best to support them and limiting their own capacity for pleasure. Because really big pleasure does not come from a place of mind control- nice orgasms can but the eye rolling, head back, screaming, shuddering full body and beyond orgasm comes only from surrender of the mind to the body and even the heart.

And, what good loving oral sex can look and feel like…

Any “master lover’s”  oral technique starts way before they get to the coalface of their partner’s genitals. Their mindset is one of being really into pleasure, seeing it as play, joy, delight and a mutual exchange of energies.

Where giving and receiving blend into moments of pure enjoyment.oral sex lover

Where giving becomes receiving and receiving is an act of giving. Their focus is on letting go into the moment, surrendering their minds to their hearts and bodies, delighting in their senses.

They are not focussing on controlling their lover but offering to, teasing and savouring their lusciousness. Knowing they are making love to the whole person, not just a set of genitals.

With this approach the likely outcomes are:

The Master Oral Lover will enjoy themselves hugely and feel like they have received as much as given.

Their lover will feel seen, felt, ‘gotten’ as never before.

Technique becomes less important.happy oral sex lover
The two main techniques are:
1. Connecting with their own body first, breathing deeply, feeling their own heart and arousal, letting the love and arousal course gently through them so it will ‘resonate’ in their lover.

  1. For woman receiving, it is important to start as far from the centre of her genitals as possible, slowly making your way to her clitoris, or her sex centre. And for man receiving, including or connecting with his lingam or cock early, but spreading your touch away or out to include other areas to broaden his focus of pleasure and encourage his awareness of pleasure sensations through out the rest of his body.

No matter what happens later, the master oral Lover is present right now in this moment as the main event rather than the entree.

It is important for both, particularly the receiver, to focus on breathing.

While the giver is creating variety, teasing and taking time combining moving in really close with intensity then moving away again.

A master oral lover will instinctively want to include their lovers belly, thighs, breasts and butts in their touch.

As well as the pubic bone, perineum,  and her outer and inner vaginal lips.

Balls and perineum for men and perhaps the anus for both (remembering hygiene if your touching your woman’s vagina afterwards).

An attentive oral lover will also intuitively feel the value of long, continued strokes when it’s feeling really good for their lover.

They make occasional eye contact, letting their lover know that they’re really with them.

They encourage their lover to breathe deeply into the pleasure, breathing short and fast for intensity and alternating with deep and slow for spreading the pleasure through their body.

Doing their own occasional pelvic floor contractions to stimulate their own sexual energy and imagine it flowing through them.

An attentive oral lover will know the value of including their hands on surrounding areas as mentioned above as well as the vaginal opening, her gpsot and the shaft of the lingam/cock.

An attentive oral lover will surrender into the moment and into their heart, which will hold and support their lover into receiving while letting go and surrendering deeper into their own heart connected pleasure.

Enjoy…..

Tantric Sex for Men – Oztantra

February 9, 2015 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Tantric sex for men

In my journey of self exploration and discovery, I have had many realisations, and one of them is tantric sex for men is mostly unexplored and poorly understood.

Actually, the more I discover about Tantric sex, the more I realise I don’t know, as I also believe that learning  Tantra is finding that place of limitless and connection  that exists in all of us.

I have also reached an understanding that with heart and sexuality connection where there exists potential for significant increases in pleasure and heart felt satisfaction with your partner.

What this actually looks and feels like for a man, is in his ability to be able to  fully tap into and connect with his own awesome power in all aspects of his life.

From the Boardroom to the Bedroom

This potential exists not only in the bedroom but from the boardroom to the clubroom and every aspect in between.
Oztantra
For a man connecting with his heart is also him connecting with his warrior self, as they reside in the same place in a man, in his heart.

Because, when a man confronts his fears and gives himself permission to fully connect his heart and sexuality also includes accessing and owning his warrior self. Warrior intensity comes from the power in a man’s heart, and the healthy masculine warrior is pure heart.

Our couples Retreat is the perfect forum for any man to learn these skills with his partner.

Warrior Sex

In recent times, the term “warrior” has had a bad rap, as so much of man’s unhealthy shadow is seen as coming from this aspect and most men have fear about this and hold this part of Bring out your intimate warrior to get the most out of tantra. Tantric sex for men.themselves in denial. As men, denying our warrior makes our unhealthy shadow aspect even deeper and much harder to manage.

If your wondering what this unhealthy masculine looks like, then examples are all around us. Watch any news media and nearly all the story’s are about money, sex or power. These aspects are all part of the healthy masculine as well, but the healthy masculine is heart connected which totally changes any outcome. Money, sex and power without heart is behind majority of conflicts, economic difficulties and environmental challenges. It takes heart connected masculine energy to change these problems, and that is the healthy warrior.

A man in his heart connected with his warrior is a man that will stand up and protect his heart, himself, family, community and his place in this world.

It is a challenge for any man to connect with and honor this part of himself, as so much of our cultural political correctness supports the shaming of this essential aspect of healthy and sacred masculinity. It takes real courage for a man to stand up for what he believes is right, as quite often this requires him challenging societal norms. Healthy masculine will also challenge and call out  wounded feminine behaviours but in a way that is healing for woman.

Connecting with his warrior self is a journey deeply into himself and must include experiencing himself with other men in healthy masculine space.

A man connecting with his warrior is accessing his depth of inner masculine strength that all men have, yet most carry shame or confusion about connecting with this essential part of masculinity. Warrior is the healthy part of masculinity that grounds and holds safety for himself and those around him, especially when a man decides to open his heart and connect with his sexuality and with his partner.

Men have been shamed out of this place and have confusion as to what healthy masculine sexuality looks and feels like.

It is this healthy connection with his inner strength or warrior that will hold him grounded and safe in opening his heart in intimate sexual connection in his relationships.

Relationship Sex is the Best Sex

I also believe that for most men, this intensely pleasurable sexual potential is best achieved and maintained in committed and long term relationships, where all these aspects can flourish and develop.

This special and healthy gift of sacred masculinity requires nurturing, expression and connection.

Man’s fuel of desire for sexual connection comes from his open loving heart, and this is best achieved for most men in healthy relationships.

Healthy sexual desire is heart connected and heart energized for any man, and if in doubt ask a woman what she most desires in her man and it is usually to feel his loving open heart, to feel his power in loving presence.

Yet, for a man to tap into this sexual potential is much more than simply being physically capable, for it requires emotional awareness, connection and courage to really be able to connect to his true sexual heart capability.

This connection is internal and doesn’t require any mystical or esoteric skills from outside.

For any man, simply being emotionally aware and understanding and fully grasping and accessing his own vulnerable heart sexual connection is where it all begins.

Sexual Power

Strength of connection to his sexual power will require a man to be fully connected and grounded in his body and heart. This is not about being overtly sexual but simply recognizing and owning his heart intensity and sexual power. In this place, it is important for any man to claim and own his masculinity in how it is for him, and most often this may look different to how a woman would desire it to be. If in doubt, simply consider the differences between the romance industry for women and the porn industry for men. Both have their appeal, but don’t really appeal to the other. This is where men quite often become derailed in their journey into their masculinity, as they believe they have to play “the game” to get what they want from the opposite sex. This is why it is important that any man’s journey into his masculinity  requires plenty of healthy masculine connection.

When heart and sexuality are accessed and activated and connected, a man begins to feel his true power. It is in this place that man can truly connect with his inner warrior and feel his own strength and power surging through his body. Making love from this place is like nothing else, for a man can be fully in his power and feel it surging through his body, or simply be quiet and in stillness.

Mastering the skills of separating ejaculation and orgasm requires a man to feel his power, as men require access to their feeling of inner strength to manage and hold ejaculation energy successfully with out needing to shut it down. Ejaculation energy in a man is pure heart and is the energy force that creates life and requires clarity and focus to manage this energy into full bodied pleasure.

Ejaculation energy is pure heart energy with the power to create life.

Tantric lovemaking is about creating more of everything, including ramping up your ejaculation heart intensity and multi orgasmic energy and this also applies to women as well. In tantric lovemaking, this combined energy is truly breathtaking.

This masculine ejaculation heart energy creates heat for intense full body multiple orgasms, which further deepens open heart and inner connection and vulnerability with the power of sexual connection holding all this together.

It takes a man who is fully in his power to hold himself in this place and meet his partner in lovemaking.

The stronger heart connection that any man can create for himself in his relationship, the more loving pleasure he will experience during sex.

And, so will his partner, for a women desires to feel this part of her man, and if in doubt, ask her…..

In this place of accessing his masculine warrior strength during lovemaking will also impact on his partner in a deeply loving and subtle way. A woman will feel met, held and safe enabling her to open into her sacred surrender.

Gspot

A women’s Gspot is an energy point that is highly sensitive and receptive to this masculine energy and both can easily experience deeply loving, satisfying heart connected lovemaking with very little movement.

This is tantric lovemaking in its simplest form.

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