Everything old is new again!
Meet someone like Phillip & Sonia…
Phillip and Sonia were the classic case of two people who had lived together for many years only to end up like strangers facing each other across the dinner table thinking “who is this person I am living with, because I don’t really know who they are any more?” and “how on earth can I spend the rest of my life with them?”
Sonia, a 59 year old psychologist was used to sorting out other peoples relationships but couldn’t seem to close the gap between Phillip and herself. “It was like we had absolutely nothing in common. Even worse it felt like he didn’t want to be near me and would rather sit at his computer or play golf, anything was better than being with me. And this really hurt, causing me to put my own walls up and spend time with our children or my friends. Our intimacy and sex life was non existent”.
Phillip, a 65 year old retired consultant engineer was tired. “I was tired of feeling shut out by Sonia with her focus on everybody else except me. It was easier to focus on other things for me as well. It was a long time since we had really felt close, shared our feelings and dreams, and I couldn’t remember even having a cuddle let alone anything more. It’s been like living through the Cold War”.
It was a shock for Sonia to really hear what Phillip had to say. “I couldn’t believe he had felt closed out by me, I always believed it was the other way around. But between our kids, my work and my mother he had already gone long before I even started looking for him. And when we did have sex I wasn’t really present, still busy thinking of a hundred other things and not fully available to him. I could see why he started feeling rejected. Especially as this was exactly the same scenario he had lived with his own mother. I learned to slow down, re prioritize our relationship but even more importantly get more connected with my body and its long lost desires for connection and even pleasure which was harder than I thought. Once I let go of my fear and resistance it was amazing to discover what I was capable of!”
Being able to communicate clearly with Sonia about what was happening for him was challenging but rewarding for Phillip. “I felt like I didn’t have any right to complain. Life was pretty good and Sonia was a caring wife and mother. For a long time I believed I just needed to grow up and get over it. It was very validating to feel heard and understood. It made me want to get serious about creating some really good lovemaking for the first time in years. We’ve learned some techniques to reawaken our hearts and bodies to each other and take our lovemaking to a whole new level. I had to admit I’d never been that experienced or knowledgeable in this area so it was good to open up to something new. It feels like our dreams and desires are back in alignment and we have a path that will serve us for many years to come.
To maintain client confidentiality Phillip and Sonia’s story is a composite of Oztantra client histories.
