And there are those delicious moments when it seems like you’re just flowing together, not knowing where one person ends and the other begins, and nobody appears to be giving, it’s just happening (called entrainment by the way).
The experience of it can transform our lovemaking experience from ordinary to magnificent!
It’s a mindset firstly, an opening of your mind, a letting go of control and allowing whatever is happening to be utterly as it is.
Yet it’s not just passively laying there.
It’s having your mind fully engaged in the moment, actively breathing and feeling your sensations fully.
Letting go of any inner fear or resistance you might have.
Totally surrendering to yourself through your lovers touch.
Rising to meet your lover’s touch, with your lips, hands, breasts, legs or hips.
Although you automatically feel more connected to your lover as a result, and they to you.
Surrender to yourself can look like surrender to your lover but the internal reality is very different, for you remain connected to and safely in charge of yourself, trusting yourself that you will be ok in whatever happens.
It does not mean tolerating something that feels uncomfortable, but asking yourself the question of are you letting it in?
Can you move your body in a way that opens it further?
Can you breathe in the sensations you’re feeling, transforming them?
Is there any resistance you can drop? Emotion you can acknowledge?
This can help us go underneath yourself into something unforeseen yet wonderful.
Sometimes surrendering invites activity, a rock of the hips, a surge of energy, heat, movement, coming from deep within.
At others it invites even deeper stillness, a sigh that opens into freedom, melts like wax in fire or expands into bliss with intuitive imagery of waterfalls, stars, mountains, earthly or spiritual beings. The potential is unlimited.
If what your lover is doing still doesn’t feel good, then ask for it to be changed.
Active receiving is one of the most precious gift you can give to both yourself and your lover as it opens not only the heart through the gratitude it brings, and the spirit through the acceptance it takes, but also the doorway to greater pleasure through the expansion it offers.
Give it a try sometime soon!