Tantra is famous for its unique approach to massage due to the openness, pleasure, connection and expansion that occurs in both the giver and receiver, and also to the common inclusion, rather than exclusion, of the genital regions. There are many forms of tantric massage, some that include genital touch and others that do not.
Importantly, Tantra massage is about touch with loving, conscious intention.
Where ever the mind goes the energy follows so the emotional and mental ‘space’ the masseur and person being massaged is very important. Tantric massage is about surrender – not the surrender of the receiver to the giver, but surrender of both into the process, into the present moment, and surrender of the mind into the heart.
Touching the whole person
Tantra massage is not just about touching the physical body, it is about the giver connecting with the receiver at the level of mind, heart, body and soul, resulting in an altered state of consciousness where both participants feel open, nurtured, energised and awakened.
It is not about achieving any desired outcome, ie. orgasm (although if one happens along the way it is very welcome- anywhere in the body, not only genitals). A goal-orientated focus keeps us in the limited, egoic mind that seeks achievement, rather than the unlimited or purely observer mind which can open to the unknown...
Tantra Massage is also about actively receiving. Rather than the receiver just lying there, he/she creates the environment with the giver that enhances the experience for both.
Here is a simple guide to tantric massage that outlines the key aspects, which you and your partner can apply in a way that works for you. You can try just a few or work your way towards all of them. Each of them is powerful on its own and will also enhance any lovemaking experience.
Steps for Tantra Massage:
- Intention and communication – Take a few minutes to share any fears, boundaries and desires each of you have. Clearly discuss what your desires and intent are for the massage with your partner so that you are in a consensual space eg. is genital touch to be included? It is vital that this is always clear before you begin, and should not be re-negotiated once the massage begins as the receiver shifts into an altered state of consciousness, often with expanded boundaries, which can lead to less than desirable choices. Time taken here is well worth the effort. This removes any hidden agendas and allows the giver to stay in the moment and the receiver to fully relax and surrender.
- If there is an expectation of sex at the end of, or as part of the massage this too should be clearly negotiated at the beginning.
- Setting a time limit – it can be helpful to set a time limit for the session as this helps determine how deep you allow yourselves to go.
- Giving/Receiving – Decide if one or both are going to receive, or if it will be a mutual exchange. There is no one way and it is nice to experience both giving and receiving separately. If a tantric massage is done fully the giver is receiving through the giving.
Setting the space – create an ambient space with soft lighting, music, oils or incense and a nice temperature for minimal clothing. Both people will be freshly showered and wearing something sensual if desired. This awakens all the senses.
- Centreing – before beginning, both giver and receiver bring their attention to their breath, breathing a little more deeply and slowly than usual, down into the belly.
- Bring your awareness to your heart, allow your heart to soften and open. Bring to your mind something about the other person that you appreciate. Share it with them if you like.
- Take a few moments to connect eyes without any words, inviting a deeper level of intimacy and trust. Then invite the receiver to lie down and get comfortable. Have cushions handy.
- Breathe slowly and deeply down to your belly, even down to your genitals if you feel comfortable as this awakens your sexual energy. Exhaling is through the mouth as this awakens the feeling body and will enhance your experience.
- Remember to speak up if at any time a particular touch doesn’t feel comfortable. First breathe and relax for a moment, see if you can let go of your resistance to it, but if not, ask for a change. Don’t make it personal, just be clear and direct in your communication.
- Allow yourself to move or make any sounds if they arise for you. This enhances your experience and encourages the giver. But let go of any need to perform as this keeps you in your head.
- Breathe in and out of your heart, imagining that you are breathing love or white light in through your left hand, up through your heart, out through your right hand and into the receiver, creating a circuit of energy.
- Imagine you have never seen this body before, that touching it is like exploring a world you’ve never seen before – not seeing arms, legs, hips, back, shoulders etc, which is of the logical mind. Rather, see shapes, curves, light, shadow, textures, temperatures and more which awaken the descriptive, poetic mind that communicates on many levels at once.
- Bring all of your awareness to the palms of your hand where you are touching, as your palms and tips of your fingers are energy giving centres. Connect the energy circuit to allow energy to move by keeping both hands or fingertips on your partner’s body at the same time (it’s a little like plugging the electrical cord into the socket). Experiment with speed and pressure to find a touch that allows you to feel the exchange of energy that is occurring between you – it will feel like a tingling warmth under your hand.
- Touch with the open palm of your hand as this is touching with your heart. It will feel energizing to you and great to your partner.
- Bring feeling and emotion into your touch: love, nurturing, compassion, as well as passion. Touch all chakras, front and back.
- When you find a ‘good’ area, leave it….and visit it often. Branch outward from it to another area. Any movement or touch, even greatly pleasurable ones, will lose its sensitivity if repeated continually.
- Always remember it is the brain which experiences the pleasure. The best techniques will give deeper results as the mind/body connection is opened. Each of the touch modalities has its Yin (soft) and Yang (firm) expression. Use both! The brain picks up more information, energy and healing when a yin stroke is followed by a yang one or vice versa.
Use a variety of strokes:
- Static touch (non-moving) can be exquisite.
- Moving touch, short strokes, circles, long strokes, spirals, sideway strokes and triangles.
- Squeezing, including kneading and pinching.
- You can also vary speed, depth, pressure and firmness of each touch.
Always check in frequently as to how the receiver is enjoying a particular touch. If they aren’t, don’t take it personally, it’s how their body is responding in this moment, just move on to something else.
A delightful extra – as you touch them, invite your partnerto breathe in as if they are breathing in from a pool of love just beyond their feet, up through their body and out the top of their head; and then to breathe out from this pool of love just beyond their head and out their feet. This washes their whole body with love, and allows them to receive actively, enhancing their experience.
This is just the very beginning of what is possible….
These simple steps will transform your experience of physical intimacy.
If you like these steps join us for a session or workshop to learn much more.
Our Oztantra Online course is one way of learning more of these skills from the convenience and privacy of your home.
Call us TOLL FREE 1800 TANTRA (826 872), email link