Your Core Values are an important part of who you are.
They will be directing your behaviour in your relationship whether you know it or not.
So it’s much better to know and be in the drivers seat of your relationship…
Your core values are the main set of beliefs you carry from your upbringing and your life experience that you believe are important to who you are and the way you live and living them makes you feel good about yourself.
In times of challenge these are the beliefs that you keep coming back to, that are your ‘bottom line’.
Your core values are the ones that stay in place for very long periods of time and tend to endure even when other aspects of your life change.
Other values may change over time but core ones are more stable, more a part of your essential self. They determine your standards, your priorities, and they’re the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to. If you don’t have them, how will you know if you’re acting in your own best interests? How will you know if something feels right? How will you know if something feels wrong? How will you know when you need to step back and take action that may involve opting out? How can you stay you, if you don’t have your core values, the fundamental, absolutely necessary things that help to determine your sense of self and help you feel good and enjoy the good in life? How can you respect yourself if you’re quick to abandon your values to adopt someone else’s?
Partners who share core values find relationship easier to deal with times of difficulty. Few people will give up their core values for another’s, though they can shift over time.
There are no right or wrong core values, only the ones we choose to live by.
A few Examples of Core Values:
I treat others as I would like them to treat me
Complete honesty is best at all times
Money is more important than lifestyle
I believe in always being optimistic
Partners should share everything in relationship
I value having space for myself in relationship
I am monogamous in my relationship
My partner needs to share my political/religious/spiritual beliefs
Core Values Activity
Take the time to write out a list of your core values.
Start with what is most obvious and keeping your mind open work your way through to ones that may surprise you.
If you’re not sure of what they are look at the results of your choices and work your way back to the belief.
What do you believe these values offer you, and your relationship?
How are you going with living your core values? Are there any changes you can make so you are living in a place of integrity with yourself?
Pick a time to share some with your partner. Take the time to show them who you are.
Invite them to do the same.
Feel the increased level of connection, safety and love that can arise from having clarity in your shared values.
If you have differing values, notice how they impact on your relationship.