Oztantra Blog – Love Sex & Passionate Relationships

Layers of Lovemaking

December 4, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

What comes to mind when you think of making love?

Is it connection, sensuality, pleasure, excitement, orgasm, release or something else?

Is it one or two of these things, or all of them?

Do you even call it making love? Or for you is it having sex, getting laid, rolling in the hay, even hiding the banana in the fruit salad? Apparently there are over 400 different words we have for this one act and what you like to call it can give you some clues as to the layers in it for you.

Think about it, no matter what you call it or do with it, making love is a multilayered ritual going on all around the world, in each country, city and town in each moment and has been since the beginning of time, no other human ritual is as primal as this one.

Here we identify the many layers that make up making love so you can see what is in it for you right now and what else you might like to explore:

The 9 layers of Lovemaking:

Arousal is the awakening of your physical sexual response- that hot, tingling, aliveness in your body, commonly accompanied by body tension.
Desire- the strong feeling of wanting to make love that can come from a thousand different places, often varying each time ie. the desire to feel pleasure, connection, wanted, ravished, to take or be taken, nurtured, loved, released etc.
Eroticism: the actions intending to arouse sexual desire.
Sensuality is gratification of the five senses- sight, sound, smell, taste and touch, which can involve sexual pleasure but is not limited to it.
High states of arousal can equally be found in high levels of relaxation when activated by the breath.
Emotional connection though the sharing of intimacy and love within sex.
Polarity play between masculine and feminine energies of action/dominance/penetration and beingness/surrender/receptivity.
Orgasm is where sexual pleasure rises to a peak, explodes and then subsides, with or without pelvic floor muscle contrations. During the explosive peak there is an experience of “little death’ or loss of the Ego rational mind, a moment of freedom from the idea of Self.
Transcendence where we go beyond the conditioned mind into a spiritual like state of freedom, being or bliss.

How would you choose to bring in new layers to what you’re currently experiencing?

If you would like some support in doing so contact us here and begin the conversation about what might be possible!

Sexual Breathing Enhances Your Pleasure

December 4, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Sexual Breathing brings more pleasure and more connection…

Start simply…breathe in down to your belly, breathe out through your mouth…this is the beginning of Sexual Breathing.

Once comfortable breathe in all the way down to your genitals, breathe out through your mouth…

Then squeeze your pelvic floor muscles as you inhale and relax them as you exhale…

Keep coming back to this practice, whether you are making love, self pleasuring, driving the car or sitting on the back verandah with a cuppa.

In lovemaking actively play with your breath

Sexual Breathing is consciously playing with your breath. Speeding your breath up increases your pleasure (build up slowly if you’re new to it), breathing fully and deeply spreads your pleasure through your body as it relaxes. Nb. You create room for more pleasure in a relaxed body than in one full of tension, especially as you get close to orgasm. This is true for both men and women. It might seem to fade a little at first as you relax, that’s just because it’s spreading. Keep breathing and relaxing and your pleasure will come back stronger! Once you go into orgasm take short sharp breaths to keep your pleasure going longer. This also reduces the ‘owie’ oversensitive feeling on your clitoris.

Get a little more fancy (and more powerful) here:

The Feminine & Masculine Breaths

Sexual Breathing begins with the Feminine Breath, as this is an energy building (or receptive) breath.

The Masculine Breath is a discharging breath so it makes sense to build your energy first.

Then you can try a free breath which combines both…

Try it alone first, then with your partner, one doing the feminine and the other masculine breath.

The Feminine Breath:

Lie on the floor or the bed on your back with your feet flat on the floor or bed with your knees up and leaning in a little. Your feet are up near your hips, and your sacrum is contacting the ground. Stay relaxed. Move very slowly. As you flatten your lower back your pelvis curls up. Add a deep inhalation as you do so. this in breathe is in through the mouth, breathing energy into the Yoni. Breathe all the way up to the chest. Expand the chest and then expand more. Draw the shoulders back and apart and inhale more. Take in everything you can imagine needing on your inhalation, on your breath. Take in all you have ever missed out on receiving on your inhalation. Take in so much so you feel totally full. Keep the inhale larger than the exhale..

Breathe out through the nose, constricting the throat slightly and sighing or making an “mmm” sound. As you breathe out slowly release the pelvic curl to sink into the ground, arching your lower back as you do so. Let go, let go, surrender all control. Visualize or feel the energy moving up from the pelvis and radiating out the heart. Pause at the bottom of the exhale.

Repeat at your own pace for 5 to 10 minutes, breathing in everything you need.

Allow the body to shake or orgasm if it wants to, allow feelings to come, but return to the breath as soon as you can whatever else is going on. Pause, rest and observe your feelings for a few minutes.

The Masculine Breath:

Keep your knees up but allow your legs to fall apart slightly. Feet are still up near your hips. Continue to move very slowly with the pelvic curl but in the reverse direction to what you’ve just done. Tilt the pelvis down (or arch the back, pressing the sacrum into the ground) as you breathe into the heart. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth making the exhale bigger than the inhale.

Pause at the top of the inhale and slowly curl the pelvis up, flattening your lower back as you exhale out through the genitals with an open mouth, making a “ha” sound. Let everything go on the exhale.

Repeat at your own pace for 5 to 10 minutes, slowly moving your pelvis together with the breath.

Using either the masculine or the feminine movement, breathe both in and out through the mouth, more rapidly, keeping up a steady pace.

Or simply let go of all technique and let your body breathe and rock as it desires to.

Pause. Cease all and feel your body/mind. Lie quietly and notice what you’re experiencing.

You can use this as a sexual warm up or as a meditation.

Once you feel comfortable with your breathing invite your partner to join you, and breathe in the opposite way to each other. Breathe in and out together but one in masculine style and one in feminine. Your connection will flow quickly and powerfully. Enjoy!

You can add in a few Feminine/Masculine breaths anytime to add some juice to your love play.

NB. It is particularly valuable for women who generally breathe in the masculine style, or who find themselves in a masculine role to practice the Feminine Breath to nurture and re energise yourself.

If you would like to learn more about the power of your breath check out our coming events here.

Have You Ever Said No To Sex?

October 10, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

Saying NO To Sex…

Saying Yes to sex, especially a hell Yes! is an affirmation of yourself, of sex and even of life- it is after all an expression of your life force energy, and the more the you say Yes to it the more it will say yes to you!

And the opposite is also true, a no dampens your response. We can all say no to sex now and again… after a hard day at work, when we’re feeling low in energy or frustrated in our relationship, even men can turn their back at times. It’s important to honour our No’s and not make them wrong. (Nb. If you have a regular no you need to look at that).

But what about a time when you’ve said no without even realising it? If you find you’re just going through the motions in bed, struggling to find pleasure, connection or meaning in your lovemaking ask yourself the question: Have you made a decision to shut your sexuality down?

Our minds have a powerful influence on how we experience ourselves, including our love lives. If you’ve ever not been able to turn your mind off in sex, or daydreamed in an all too real fantasy you’ll know what we mean!

As funny as it might sound, it’s common for people to make the decision to say no to sex (or even pleasure) somewhere inside themselves even if they’ve long forgotten it since. Human beings are very logical creatures and our decision no doubt made good sense to us at the time. Now your internal decision maybe still lurking beneath the surface denying you the pleasure you’re capable of, even making it difficult for you to be fully present in your body. If this is the case, perhaps it’s time to explore your decision and let it go.

There are many and varied reasons you might have chosen, consciously or unconsciously, to shut down sexually, here are just a few. Perhaps you have:

Been continually rejected.
Negative judgements about yourself that make it difficult to feel good.
Been having a really stressful time in your life and just gave up on sex.
Been physically unwell.
Been unhappy in your relationship.
Fears about the emotional vulnerability in good sex.
Become older and believe your lack of desire is hormonal or natural.
Wanted to punish your partner in some way and so shut down and withheld.
Had someone cross your sexual boundary and you shut down to protect yourself.
Had a sexual experience that scared you in its pain or intensity.
Been conditioned by your family, society or religion that sex is wrong.
Had a traumatic time giving birth.
Made such a connection with your newborn child you have no room for your partner.
Been caught masturbating as a child and shamed about it.
Been sexually assaulted.

It’s important to realize that though you might not be able to change the external circumstances in which you said no to your sexual self you can change your belief about it and so change the way you experience your sexuality from here on.

How do you find what your own reason might have been?

Take out a pen and piece of paper, centre into your body (close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and let your attention settle inside yourself) and give yourself permission to write unfiltered. Begin each line with ‘I shut my sexuality down because…’ and write as fast as you can, almost without thinking or stopping to judge your answers. Just let them flow out of you, even if they might not be totally true when you look back at them later, just get them on paper for now.

When you have an answer that has a lot of energy or feels right in your gut take a few minutes to pause, reflect on the thought you’ve stopped at, breathe deep into the feeling(s) that comes with it. Let this feeling(s) flow through and out of you. Notice any details that fill themselves out in your mind as you do so.

When you’re ready, forgive yourself or anyone else involved in the situation that needs forgiving (if you you’re not ready to do this just focus on yourself for now. You might have some further feelings that need to be felt before you find your heart opening again).

Now feel into your body, breathe into your genitals and see what they’re feeling – perhaps more awake, energized, lighter or more ready to open and explore. If so, go to it! You may need to let go of your decision a few times, even during lovemaking, if it’s an old one but with practice it will happen.

Touching Men & Women Differently

September 13, 2017 By Annette & Graeme Leave a Comment

As you may have noticed Men’s and Women’s bodies are different…

On the outside, the inside and in how they work.

When it comes to the way we like being touched we’re quite different too.

There are reasons for this, it’s how our bodies are wired, women magnetically and men electrically, we just need to learn how to make the most of them. Of course, as individuals we’re all unique in what we like but we can start with some common ground:

A Woman’s Body

A woman’s body is magnetic in its energy, attracting all over sensations in order to build the high level of sexual intensity she is capable of. Her sexuality is built of many layers and like a crockpot she is at her best over time. Her body works from the outside in, from the top of her head and the tips of her fingers and toes to her centre.

Touching a woman you start from the outside and work slowly towards the centre. Imagine she has a bikini on and the parts covered by the bikini are where you touch last. Stroking the less obvious places like her face, the back of her neck, her ams, hands, feet, inner thighs and buttocks all add to her sexual fire.

In touching her breasts and her sexual centre- her Yoni (the outer and inner parts of a woman’s genitals) you do the same- start from the outside and work your way in, it’s easy when you approach her in this way. Touching her breast, you start at the outside, holding the whole breast in your hand then slowly stroke your way to its apex, the nipple. With her Yoni you start outside with her belly, thighs and pubic area. Then move to her perineum (between the vagina and anus), outer lips, inner lips, clitoris, then move inside. Inside you begin at her entrance and move to the GSpot and the A and O Spots if desired.

Given time and proper awakening woman is capable of high states of bliss- where relaxation, pleasure and love merge into one. She is capable of orgasms in many different places, many times over, even in her heart and soul. She is capable of ejaculation, a clear, sweet smelling liquid released from her Prostate gland through the urethra, with or without orgasm. Ejaculation can be a few mls up to a few cups, squirted or flowing.

Her sexual energy is magnetic, attracting and negative in quality. Lovemaking transforms it positive, which is why after sex a woman often has an excess of energy and wants to talk or get up and take on the world. Her sexual energy is endless when fully awakened.

This awakening can take anywhere from a few minutes to hours, up to a lifetime.

A Man’s body

A man’s sexuality has traditionally been thought of as straight forward as a microwave- 2-3 mins and beep, beep, beep, he’s done, with his ejaculatory orgasm the apex of his experience. And that for him sex and love are completely separate. This is a gross misunderstanding and merely the outcome of his conditioning rather than his ultimate sexual reality. Man’s sexual energy is electrical, positive and discharging in nature.

In fact, he is capable of equal and matching sexual intensity to a woman, including her capacity for multiple orgasms, both with and without ejaculation. He can have both full bodied pleasure and orgasms without even a hint of an erection or needing to ejaculate, though he most likely doesn’t know it yet.

In touching a man’s body you start as his sexual centre- at his penis, cock or Lingam (wand of Light- yes, guys you have a light sabre between your legs!). You start at his centre and invite him to spread his sexual pleasure through the rest of his body, rather than remaining and being released from here. You help him in this by stroking one hand from his Lingam across the rest of his body, inviting his sensations and attention to follow, whilst keeping your other hand on his Lingam, his sexual power centre. Beginning at his centre he can relax, open and expand, seeing that he doesn’t need to wait until those few moments at the end for his pleasure.

In connecting with his sex centre this way he feels he has permission to more freely share of his heart, that he has no need to keep it separate and protected. It gives him an experience of his body that is not filled with tension and the primal need to release. Reminding him to breathe deeply and fully will help his pleasure to expand through his body.

Man’s lovemaking transforms his electrical energy negative and is why it can be draining for him if he constantly discharges it from his body. This is where Tantric style lovemaking, which has him move his energy up through his body allowing him to charge his body with it and retain it when he ejaculates is a more restorative pathway.

This awakening can take anywhere from a few minutes to hours up to a lifetime.

Now that you understand the differences between Men and Women’s bodies go play and see the results!

You might find yourself experiencing more orgasmic pleasure as a result!

To see more ways to touch each other see Tantra Massage.

If you’d like to learn more come along to our weekend workshop soon!

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