Sex and lovemaking come with such high expectations.
You want to be desired, pleasured, thrilled and fulfilled.
A big ask when you and your lover most often come to bed late at night after a hard day.
What probably most often happens is sedative sex, a quick way for you to get the job done and go off to sleep.
Still, probably somewhere deep in the back of your mind exists some deeply ingrained ideas about the kind of sex you should be having.
These ideas come from your ideal longings, past experiences (good and bad), romantic and pornographic images, as well as the messages you’ve received from your parents, friends, religion, society and even big Pharma about sex.
All of this leads to pressure to perform and live up to your unspoken expectations.
This is not your fault but it does create HUGE potential for disappointment when you actually get around to connecting sexually and making love.
We have a simple suggestion for quickly turning this recipe for disaster around.
When you move into the bedroom drop ALL of your expectations that come from your IDEAS about sex.
And while you’re at it, forget everything you currently think you know about sex.
Simply show up and see what happens.
How does this sound? Scary? Exciting? Exhilarating?
It’s actually freeing. Freeing yourself from your mind’s limitations.
This is simple but not easy to do.
If your lover is unwilling to join you and tries to stay in agenda be strong here and invite them to share the moment HERE and NOW with you. Let them know you’re not disappearing, you’re exploring something NEW.
To make lovemaking amazing…
You start by taking the time to breathe, relax and FEEL into your body.
And notice what’s present there.
Make whatever is there OK.
This is the fear point right here. Because our stories of infinite and exciting sexual possibilities will try to make where we’re at right now not enough.
Don’t allow this BULLSHIT to control you, because that is just what it is.
Then share what you’ve found with your lover. Allow your feelings to be there and say “no thanks, I’m not interested in you right now” to your should’s and expectations.
Even if one of you is hot to trot and the other is feeling more like a cuddle, it doesn’t matter if you don’t make it WRONG.
Not making it wrong allows it to soften and shift, allowing you each to connect in a new and more authentic place.
Start by simply being in each moment.
Instead of doing what your mind’s agenda believes should happen just wait and see what your body might want, if you give it time to let you know.
Start simply and slowly.
Hold each other.
Discover the mystery that lies inside each of you, that will be better than any ideas you can come up with because it will be real and it will make lovemaking amazing.