For truly enjoyable, even inspiring Oral Sex
Forget about the best oral sex techniques you read in Cosmo or Men’s Health…
It’s not so much what or how you give and receive oral, but most importantly where you’re coming from when you’re giving it…
And, this is not another on of those “Sex Tip articles with 10 instant success techniques”….
Instead, we’re going to explore where you’re coming from when you’re going down, and how that may look…
What doesn’t work:
This lover is not actually giving you head they’re taking from you…they’re making you feel good so they can too. they want to give you such a great orgasm (whether you really enjoy it or not) that their view of themselves as a hot lover is reaffirmed. Afterwards you can feel taken from rather than given to.
The Juice Extractor:
These lovers are all about the agenda- the oral sex is for one reason and one reason only- it’s the warm up for the ‘real’ sex act of penetration. So their actions are always done with a focus of getting somewhere else that’s better and as a result they drain all the juice out of the ‘right now’ moment for both you and themselves.
The Mr or Ms Technique:
Some lovers are more sensitive but still focussed on the right techniques to get the job done rather than for the pure enjoyment of the act itself. The thing about the being totally technique based is that you can feel your lovers ‘detachment’, there is no real intimacy exchanged. No matter how good the technique is something is missing.
Mr or Ms Clueless:
This is the lover that has absolutely no idea what to do, perhaps from a lack of experience, some negative experiences or simply a fear of inadequacy. As a result they’re disconnected from their bodies and running fear based stores in their minds about what will go wrong, rather than being present with their lover.
This lover doesn’t have much idea how to go about oral love but they pretend they do and bull doze their way through, resulting in a less than satisfactory experience for both. Or they pretend they want to be there when they really don’t, with the same results.
The Do Gooder:
This is the needy or insecure lover who gives oral sex in order to get approval, love and attention from you, without which their sense of self is absent. Again, they are not really present in the act with you, they’re in their heads waiting for the love and approval to show up from you.
Your ‘Oh My God’ of pleasure is another score in the tally book for this lover who is always keeping tabs on who has given and who has received what. It may sound loving to want to keep the balance between giving and receiving equal but it ends up as a barter system with a “If you give me this then I’ll give you that” system which is anything but productive of genuine pleasure.
The Master Controller:
“I’m going to have and orgasm no matter what, I just have to try hard enough to make it happen”. This lover is desperate for pleasure and is going for it no matter what. And their mind oriented and control focussed approach will be doing two things: creating a tiring experience for the lover doing their best to support them and limiting their own capacity for pleasure. Because really big pleasure does not come from a place of mind control- nice orgasms can but the eye rolling, head back, screaming, shuddering full body and beyond orgasm comes only from surrender of the mind to the body and even the heart.
And, what good loving oral sex can look and feel like…
Any “master lover’s” oral technique starts way before they get to the coalface of their partner’s genitals. Their mindset is one of being really into pleasure, seeing it as play, joy, delight and a mutual exchange of energies.
Where giving and receiving blend into moments of pure enjoyment.
Where giving becomes receiving and receiving is an act of giving. Their focus is on letting go into the moment, surrendering their minds to their hearts and bodies, delighting in their senses.
They are not focussing on controlling their lover but offering to, teasing and savouring their lusciousness. Knowing they are making love to the whole person, not just a set of genitals.
With this approach the likely outcomes are:
The Master Oral Lover will enjoy themselves hugely and feel like they have received as much as given.
Their lover will feel seen, felt, ‘gotten’ as never before.
Technique becomes less important.
The two main techniques are:
1. Connecting with their own body first, breathing deeply, feeling their own heart and arousal, letting the love and arousal course gently through them so it will ‘resonate’ in their lover.
- For woman receiving, it is important to start as far from the centre of her genitals as possible, slowly making your way to her clitoris, or her sex centre. And for man receiving, including or connecting with his lingam or cock early, but spreading your touch away or out to include other areas to broaden his focus of pleasure and encourage his awareness of pleasure sensations through out the rest of his body.
No matter what happens later, the master oral Lover is present right now in this moment as the main event rather than the entree.
It is important for both, particularly the receiver, to focus on breathing.
While the giver is creating variety, teasing and taking time combining moving in really close with intensity then moving away again.
A master oral lover will instinctively want to include their lovers belly, thighs, breasts and butts in their touch.
As well as the pubic bone, perineum, and her outer and inner vaginal lips.
Balls and perineum for men and perhaps the anus for both (remembering hygiene if your touching your woman’s vagina afterwards).
An attentive oral lover will also intuitively feel the value of long, continued strokes when it’s feeling really good for their lover.
They make occasional eye contact, letting their lover know that they’re really with them.
They encourage their lover to breathe deeply into the pleasure, breathing short and fast for intensity and alternating with deep and slow for spreading the pleasure through their body.
Doing their own occasional pelvic floor contractions to stimulate their own sexual energy and imagine it flowing through them.
An attentive oral lover will know the value of including their hands on surrounding areas as mentioned above as well as the vaginal opening, her gpsot and the shaft of the lingam/cock.
An attentive oral lover will surrender into the moment and into their heart, which will hold and support their lover into receiving while letting go and surrendering deeper into their own heart connected pleasure.