Do you somehow feel like you’re missing out on a little sexual something? Like there should be more to it than this? Is your sex life boring? Maybe your orgasms and/or erections aren’t as enjoyable or reliable as they used to?
Especially if you’re with a woman who is writhing in multi orgasmic waves of pleasure as you hold back to watch her with joy yet more than a little envy?
Does it seem like the results with new toys, extra porn and even a little BDSM are disappointing despite all the hype?
Well, don’t despair all is not lost, there is more than you are currently experiencing. You too can glimpse the infinite world of pleasure and even ecstasy that are like glimpsing into the 100 billion galaxies reported by NASA to exist in the universe.
And the first step is to claim more of your own pleasure. Not just in those final few seconds but the whole way through. You are so good at giving and being there for your lover but it is no longer your job to simply wait until they’ve had their share. Why not join in in more of your own?
Men who have learned to experience deep pleasure really know that not only does it feel amazing but is heart opening as well as body and soul nurturing for both himself AND his lover.
Ejaculation for the man has long been viewed as the natural completion of sex, his biological need to release sperm in order to procreate and the pleasure that came with it was automatic. So in this way man’s sexual pleasure has been covert, unlike a woman whose sexual pleasure is largely separate to her ability to procreate and she’s had to claim it for herself, he hasn’t yet had to, until now. So much more is possible for you!
In today’s society sex (at least in the west) has become freer, less procreation and more pleasure based (leaving aside the intimacy and connection factor in sex for now). With this focus women’s pleasure has rightly become more important and more achievable. Yet somehow man’s pleasure (and his potency) has become less, sadly with men reporting feeling selfish, even shameful if focussing on his own pleasure, so he emotionally disconnect from his partner and disappear in order to be able to feel pleasure rather than shame. Because of this he often derives more satisfaction in helping his lover come than in feeling his own pleasure. His few moments of ‘coming’, his greatest point of feeling pleasure feels frustratingly limited to him allowing boredom to set in. In reality he is capable of multiple orgasms and a choice in coming or not…
One of the challenges in being a man is believing you have to be the good provider and are therefore responsible for your partner’s pleasure is that in doing so you are coming from your conditioning rather than from what is possible. Your lover is actually responsible for creating their own pleasure. Yes, you can help by being there but it doesn’t mean you have to give up yourself in the process.
And your conditioning may even tell you that for you to be a good lover you need to be totally there for your partner as the more pleasure they have the better lover you’ll be. The challenge with this is that you are putting your rewards in your lover’s hands and setting yourself up for failure. Rely on her pleasure too often and she’ll feel manipulated, like she has to perform to make you feel good about yourself- if she either doesn’t want to disappoint you or she is pissed of about being in this position- she’ll bring out the time honoured fake orgasm.
When a man gives himself permission to really feel his own pleasure it allows him to feel more connected to himself and significantly reduces the pressure to perform that he often feels during love making, reducing his fear of failure and transforming his intimate connection into something truly magical.
Despite his conditioning it is not selfish for a man to let go of striving for the end goal and take the time to slow down and feel more along the way in lovemaking, in fact it is vital. For when a man is more familiar with feeling his pleasure it means he is more present and more in his body, inviting more potency, allowing pleasure to arise rather than having to force it.
Any man who chooses to be present in his body will open up to the full potential of pleasure during the whole love making session, rather than just his usual few seconds at the end. It’s the beginning of his ability to become multiply orgasmic if he desires. With practice this allows a man to be more present with his lover as well as his pleasure, no matter how intense. His lover will eat this up!
When a man understands that women actually enjoy feeling a man feeling his pleasure as it means she can feel more of him open and connected to her (similar to him enjoying feeling her pleasure) he can do so more easily without disappearing.
Taking responsibility for his own pleasure takes away the burden of having to ‘provide’ his partner with theirs whilst he is missing out. This takes away the subtle (and not so subtle) manipulations that can occur in trying to make his pleasure happen through the other person, allowing more intimacy and authenticity = even more pleasure.
Feeling himself and being at ease in his own pleasure allows him to enjoy that place in himself where he just loves to give from, with the giving coming direct from his heart- It’s truly yummy for the receiver!
When he’s connected with himself he will automatically be more aware of the subtleties of his experience and where his partner is at. It makes him less reliant on ‘technique’ and more available to intuitive understanding which is much juicier.
Both lovers benefit from the resonance in the matching energy vibrations of pleasure, where the pleasure in his body literally invites the pleasure in theirs to awaken, creating more pleasure for both.
And lastly, both open to the possibility of a more intimate, loving and deeper connection that happens through being embodied and available in your feelings, senses, emotions and pleasure that needing to perform for the other takes away. It offers glimpses into the mystery beyond getting it right and fearing failure.
So what do you do if you’re not totally focussing on your lover, trying to hold off or really going for your few seconds of pleasure?
- Choose to believe you are worthy as a person even without having any external goals to achieve.
- Know your pleasure is as vital to lovemaking as your lovers, the whole way through not just at the end.
- Make your goal getting present and connected with yourself and open to pleasure.
- Practice being present in your own body by having your attention focused inside of you until you can be aware of yours first, then include your lovers. Self pleasuring, especially with your other hand on your heart, is great for helping you learn this.
- Touch your own lingam (penis, cock) at times to connect with yourself and your own feelings. You don’t have to wait for your lover to do so. Mix up the touching with your body and theirs until you really get this. With practice it will become effortless.
- BREATHE deeper and slower. Mouth breathe (especially on exhalation).
- Slow down, be more in the moment, feel yourself, sexually and even emotionally.
Here you have it men, the more you let go of performing and feel your pleasure the more present and connected you will be to yourself. The more your lover will feel you. The more relaxed (yet excited), nurtured and satisfied both of you will feel.
And by the way, even though we do it for different reasons women who feel driven to perform can benefit from following the above steps as well…
If your sex life is boring and you want to find out more about how to change it call 1800 TANTRA or click here