We’ll show you how letting go of the fantasy of happy ever after in your relationship
Can be the best thing that ever happened to it!
Despite how modern we’ve become, unless we’ve turned fashionably cynical, most of us still carry in our minds the old-fashioned idea of the perfect fairy tale relationship that’s happy-ever-after.
It looks a unique way for each of us but it has the same flavour of effortlessness.
We come to a relationship believing that if we find the right person, claim ownership of them, then set up house and have a family, we’ll somehow smoothly grow old together into our twilight years…all the way to a shared burial plot.
Holding onto this childish fantasy makes us lazy.
We take our relationship, our partners and even love itself for granted, making them our last priority instead of our first.
It’s like we believe that once we’re in a relationship, everything will magically be OK because we love each other.
We do the same with our sex lives, believing they should just happen spontaneously.
Yearning for this impossible mental picture drains our energy and attraction for what’s real, causing us to, consciously or unconsciously, demean what we have or look around for something better.
But real-life relationships don’t have to be less than perfect.
They can actually be better than we’ve ever imagined – literally beyond our wildest dreams!
Having an ideal fantasy makes the future seem safe and comforting, because we assume it’s certain.
Yet it’s as if we’re saying to life, “I know what’s coming, I know what to do and I don’t need any help.”
We close ourselves off to the vast potential of life that’s so much more than our minds could plan.
We keep trusting in the fantasy, rather than in ourselves and in love.
How about trusting in what’s real instead?
Falling in love with what’s here and now,
and with not needing to know
opens us up to the magic of what lies beyond us.
What do we mean by magic?
Magic is things that happen mysteriously and are impossible to explain or understand.
This magic could be newness, surprise, chance, serendipity or merely coincidence but it adds interest, and even enchantment into our relationships.
It can also refer to the surprising changes that occur from putting in some hard work and commitment.
Trusting in love means we don’t need the safety of knowing the end result, we know that what we most desire lives on the other side of fear and certainty.
Trusting that each step we take in the here and now creates the next step, and the next. And that each step creates our future.
What is it that you’re putting into your relationship right here and now?
Openness, energy, desire, honesty, curiosity, creativity, playfulness, vulnerability, courage, humility or love?
For ways to move from fairy tale to real and lasting love join us for one of our Couples Retreats.
Activity: Letting Go Of The Fairy Tale
Recognize and be willing to grieve the loss of your idealized fantasy relationship. For relationship to last your childlike ideals must die in the face of reality so that what is genuine, authentic and magical way beyond anything your limited mind will come up with can grow. Take a breath, relax, nothing is wrong here.
- Together or separately write all your dreams of perfection down on a piece of paper. The more you come up with the better. This might bring some fear and quite deep sadness, depending on how attached you’ve been to your fantasy, know this is healthy. Just let yourself have a good cry if you need to.
- Light a candle in a safe place and burn your paper.
- Imagine leaving these limitations safely behind you with a fresh new page appearing for you to create on.
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