10 keys for you to increase your sexual pleasure into the purely Yummy range!

A quick word about where you are right now-
Are you one of the many women frustrated with the whole question of sex? Would you rather avoid it all together  and settle for a hug, or perhaps your would like more sex but feel totally shut down? Or do you already enjoy sex and are keen to explore further? No matter where you are on your sexual journey there are possibilities for learning, healing and growing in this crucial aspect of who we are- whether we express our passion sexually or purely in living and loving life! 

Before you read the 10 Keys to greater pleasure it is important to gain some awareness about why it might not be happening for you right now, as knolwedge is power. You will note that almost none of these reasons focus on your lover as you can't change them, but changing yourself can allow great things to happen!

10 ways we deny ourselves sexual pleasure (we are complex beings after all!):

1. We (like men) have been conditioned into thinking that sex is about physical pleasure and love is about romance and that the two are separate. That sex is in some way naughty and that love is pure. This does not need to be true as having sex with your heart open unites sex and love into one, allowing us to feel pleasure and love at the same time. 
2. We have learned to approach sex in a more masculine way with purely the goal of orgasm (as liberated women we rightly want to claim it as a right), but trying to "make" orgasm happen keeps us focussed on thinking (usually several things at once) rather than feeling. You can't feel pleasure (or love) without being present in your body.
3. In looking to make orgasm happen, as soon as we begin to feel pleasure we tense our bodies and shallow our breath, going quiet and still, or very active and pushing for the goal, all of which short circuits the pleasure.
4. All this effort puts our body into a "doing" mode rather than a receiving one, and a woman's body, being created as a vessel, is built to receive the joy of which we can miss out on if we focus only on doing.
5. We keep pur hearts closed and our emotions cut off (in the belief that emotions are wrong). We do this to avoid feeling vulnerable or getting hurt, or feeling pain we carry from the past. Yet an open heart is the most powerful aphrodisiac on earth- just ask anyone newly in love! Often we can demand our partner be emotionally open to us without realizing how shut down our own hearts actually are.
6. We often get trapped into believing we need the perfect partner to magically take us to heaven in bed and remain frustrated rather than actively doing what we can to help ourselves.
7. We focus more on having the exterior of our bodies perfect, rather than feeling them and enjoying them just as they are.
8. We let our partners get away with having emotionally disconnected sex by enduring it and not speaking up for our needs and inviting them into a deeper, more fulfilling experience.
9. We put up up with painful sex because we don't know how to heal.
10. We are unaware of, or afraid of the awesome power of our sexuality and so keep it under wraps, denying ourselves access to our inner radiance and beauty. 

The way for us as women to open to sexual pleasure is to focus on relaxation rather than tension and "trying to make" anything happen. And trusting that if we allow  it our body knows what to do.
We invite you to spend a little time connecting with your deeper sexual self. When you are ready to explore find a warm, quiet place and enough time to really enjoy yourself. With practice you can share this way of being with your beloved.

10 Keys to create (Yummy) sexual pleasure:
1. Be prepared to have your mind focussed inside your body rather than in thinking, so that you are actually able to feel what is happening within it. And to notice any pleasurable sensations you can feel and enjoy without worrying whether an orgasm is going to happen or not. Take the pressure off yourself.
2. Breathe a bit bigger than you usually do, deeply down into your belly, expanding your chest then relaxing on the exhale, allowing yourself to "surrender" into your body. Breathing is the number one key to sexual pleasure. Saying "ah" on the exhale will assist.
3. Bring your focus to your yoni (vagina) and pelvic floor muscles between your legs. Consciously allow these muscles to relax. You are likely to be surprised at how much tension you are carrying from unconscious freas and tensions held there. Pc squeeze (tighten and relax the muscles bewteen your legs that you use to control the flow of urine) regularly as you breathe.
4. Breathe and feel into your heart, be aware of something in your life you are grateful for. Gratitude is a wonderful heart opener. Hold your breasts gently and lovingly in your hands. You can then stroke them gently or keep holding them. Continue to breathe in to your heart.
5. Become aware of and feel any pleasurable sensations. Allow your hips to move in a flowing manner- back and forth, side to side, around in a circle. To strengthen your mind/breath/body connection inhale as you arch your back, exhale as you flatten your lower back on the floor or bed in the way of the powerful "Firebreath". Feel your sexual power arising, give yourself permission to fully enjoy your arousal. This is just for you and you are worth it!
6. Use your voice- allow yourself (and your partner) to hear your pleasure. Your voice is intricately connected to your sexual energy so overcome any resistance and let your sounds be heard.
7. Continue to notice the sensations you can feel in your body eg. perhaps warmth or tingling (or even numbness at first). Don't judge them or force them, just notice them. Allow them to be there just as they are. Enjoy them just as they are. Feel any emotions you become aware of, keep breathing and let them flow for emotions are feelings too and shutting them off shuts off your pleasure.
8. Continue the above steps if orgasm approaches. Let go of how it "should" be. Your experience is unique, there is no right or wrong. Let your body go with the flow.
9. Touch your genitals now if you would llike to, touching them with love rather than technique. Perhaps using a vibrator or sex toy here to increase the sensations you experience which can be a more direct way to orgasm or can allow first time sensations to become clearer. However it is vital to also explore just what your body can do on it's own when touched with just love to avoid numbing or missing your initial, more subtle at first, response.
10. Expanding pleasurable sensations with your breath- you can build on any pleasurable sensations by taking a long, slow, deep breath in and imagine as you are breathing in that you are moving the orgasmic energy from it's centre in your yoni up through your body, as if through a golden straw, up into your heart, or your Third Eye (in the middle of your forehead) then as you relax with a sighing exhale allow the energy to continue spreading through your whole body. Or back to your genitals. The longer you can inhale/exhale the more pleasure you can feel. You can inhale with several small "sips" if you like, making it a longer breath. If you try this just as you actually begin to orgasm it should convince you (if you need it) that there is a definite link between the breath and sexual pleasure. It can also relieve the post orgasm "owie, don't touch, sensation in the clitoris. Breathing the pleasure up to your heart transmutes pleasure into love, turning sex into love.

You will notice that the above keys are all things you can do for yourself- this means you can increase your pleasure without relying on your partner having to have the perfect technique. In fact the more in connection we are with our own bodies, the more receptive we are to our partner's touch. You will also be inpiring him to new heights himself!

After exploring your body in this way you might be ready to move on to exploring another aspect of your sexual self- your Gspot, also known as your Sacred Spot. And yes, you do have one- they usually just need to be awakened first before you can feel them. To find out more about this delicious aspect of our sexuality click here for more!