Relax into bliss...

How does Tantric Sex differ from other kinds of sex?

Remembering there are many different layers and varieties of experience possible here is a quick snapshot:

Think of sex as it is often portrayed in the media, in the movies, in porn and in our imaginations- the setting is idyllic with soft lighting, music, (or whatever YOUR particular fantasy is). He is handsome, tanned, he's perfectly proportioned with a six pack, he's rich, generous and SO romantic with just the right words to melt you, and all the right moves. She is stunningly beautiful, slim with firm perky breast, hair styled, skin smooth and waxed, nails done, teeth whitened, natural makeup, gorgeous lingerie and she's hot, wet, and willling to try anything. the sex is spontaneous, effortless and explosive...

Think of how sex can be in reality- instead of your fantasy partner you're faced with your real life one who, no matter how wonderful, is still more human than perfect. It might be late at night after a long day, or a few drinks too many, or maybe you're trying to fit it in on a Sunday morning before the kids wake? Both of you are tired, at least one of you would rather sleep or just have a cuddle. You might be looking to offload some pent up stress, or to reassure yourself that your partner still loves you. You keep the light off or your eyes closed to stay in your fantasy, or avoid getting too close..... And when you get into bed perhaps you do the same old things you always do which can feel pretty good, even if they no longer light your fire like they used to. You might be aware of power plays simmering over who does/doesn't do/get what, but your itch is getting scratched. There is tensing to acheive orgasm as your bodies push to achive release and then finally there is that spill over into sleep where you can both disappear for a while....

In Tantric sex- you have a prior agreement to get together and share some intimate sensual, sexual time but have no agend for what will happen, whether this time will be for 10 minutes or 2 hours.

It isn't that long since your last time together so you have a strong sense of connection. There is no problem with the "lack of spontenaity" as you will be using tantric alchemy to consciously create something wonderful, rather than relying on chemistry to do it for you. Just coming into the space together allows you to relax and the sexual energy to arise. You are without fear of intimacy, being comfortable to be vulnerable and get really close. Your meditative mind clears in preparation for feeling.

You let go of any relationship frustrations and come into the here and now to open hour heart and meet the God or Goddess that exists within yourself and your lover, knowing sexual love has the power to heal and move you beyond the frustrations of the ego. You each share what your desires for the time are, feeling the joy of asking for what you want and being heard without judgement. With your tantric toolbox you find a way to embrace the desires of each in some way.  

You slowly come into awareness with your body, dropping into the flow of your life force energy which opens and tantalizes. Then you open to your beloved, fully present with them, connecting deeply through your eyes and your breath, with an attitude of gratitude. Together you slowly build intensity then relax, allowing it to spread through your whole bodies. Then rebuild intensity to the next peak, relax then spread the energy to build it again, enjoying the valleys of stillness in between. There is no goal of orgasm, no tensing or pushing for release. You are creating love together. Depending on your intention you can create increasing levels of intensity and scale the dizzy heights of pleasure, perhaps meeting the face of God, or just drift along together in bliss. Letting go of trying to force orgasmic pleasure allows it to happen. The love you create can be gentle and flowing or mind expandingly magical. There are so many wonderful pleasures to experience that scratching your itch doesn't seem to matter.

You decide to complete when the time is up. No matter what has taken place you each feel nurtured, renewed and loved.