How much fulfilment and pleasure are you currently experiencing with your sexual and intimate relating? Is it all that you desire? How can you have what you truly want?
- Are you one of the many women frustrated with sex? Not getting what you want?
- Can’t seem to find the partner you truly desire? Or keep attracting the same old types?
- Are you bored, would you rather avoid sex altogether, or settle for a hug?
- Perhaps you would like more sex but feel totally shut down?
- Or do you already enjoy sex and are keen to explore further?
Understanding your sexual energy is your life force energy
It is not just about sex.
In nurturing your life force/sexual energy, you will feel more vital, alive and radiant, attractive, beautiful and desirable. Comfortable in who you are, not needing the outside world to validate you.
In female sexuality no matter where you are on your sexual journey, there are possibilities for more learning, healing and growing in this crucial aspect of who you are – whether you express your passion sexually with a partner, or purely in living and loving life to the full in yourself!
10 Keys to Greater Sexual Pleasure
are important steps to begin taking your sex from cold or warm to wow!
But before you read the 10 Keys, it is important to have clarity on where you’re currently at – female sexuality begins with becoming aware why things might not be happening for you as you desire right now.
An important thing to remember is that you can’t change how your lover is, but you can change yourself. This is the first, and vital, step to welcoming in new and great things to happen! For when you change, this invites change in the other.
The 11 reasons we can deny ourselves sexual pleasure:
- We (like men) have been conditioned into thinking that sex is about physical pleasure and love is about romance and that the two are separate; that sex is naughty and that love is pure. This does not need to be true as having sex with your heart open unites sex and love, allowing us to feel pleasure and love at the same time.
- We have learned to approach sex in a more masculine way with orgasm the primary goal (as liberated women we want to claim it as a right, and right;y so), but trying to ‘make’ orgasm happen keeps us in our heads focussed on thinking – usually several things at once – rather than feeling. You can’t feel pleasure (or love) without being present in your body. In looking to make orgasm happen, as soon as we begin to feel pleasure we tense our bodies and our breath becomes shallow as we seek to build intensity through tension. We go quiet and still, or very active and pushing for the goal, all of which actually short circuits the pleasure.
- All this effort puts our body into a ‘doing’ mode rather than a ‘receptive’ one. A woman’s body is created as a vessel, is built to receive joy, which we can miss out on if we focus only on doing, rather than feeling, opening, receiving. By receiving here we mean allowing the pleasure to happen within us.
- WE don’t understand how as women we work at our deepest level sexually. A woman experiences most pleasure by opening into a place of flow inside of her, that is about opening her heart, both to herself and to her lover, rather than stimulating her genitals. It is about connection rather than stimulation. About opening to herself and letting go.
- We keep our hearts closed and our emotions cut off. We do this to avoid feeling vulnerable or getting hurt, or feeling pain we carry from the past. Yet an open heart is the most powerful aphrodisiac on earth – just ask anyone newly in love! And often we can demand our partner be emotionally open to us, without realizing how shut down our own hearts actually are.
- We are often trapped into believing we need the perfect partner to magically take us to heaven in bed and remain frustrated rather than actively seeking to help ourselves.
- focus more on having the exterior of our bodies perfect (or keeping the blankets up and the lights off), rather than feeling them and enjoying them just as they are.
- We don’t communicate. We let our partners get away with having emotionally disconnected sex by enduring it and not speaking up for our needs and inviting them into a deeper, more fulfilling experience.
- We put up with physically painful sex because we don’t understand how we can move beyond the pain and heal.
- We are unaware or afraid of the awesome power of our sexuality and so keep it under wraps, denying ourselves access to our inner radiance and beauty
- As we get older we say no to our sexuality, not understanding the extent of the gifts it can bring- including better health, as pleasure builds nitric oxide in the body, a powerful anti inflammatory, an antidote for many chronic diseases.
10 Keys to Greater Sexual Pleasure in Female Sexuality:
We invite you to spend a little time connecting with your deeper sexual self. When you are ready to explore, find a warm, quiet place and enough time to really enjoy yourself. With practice you can share this way of being with your beloved.
- Be in your body, not in your mind
In your body you will feel what is happening and notice any pleasurable sensations you can feel and enjoy, without worrying whether an orgasm is going to happen or not. Take the pressure off yourself.
- Breathe deeply
Breathe deeply into your belly, expanding your chest, then relax on the exhale, allowing yourself to ‘surrender’ into your body. Breathing is the number one key to sexual pleasure. Saying ‘ahhh’ on the exhale will assist.
- Focus on your yoni (vagina) and pelvic floor
Consciously allow these muscles to relax. You are likely to be surprised at how much tension you are carrying from unconscious tensions held there. PC squeeze (tighten and relax the muscles between your legs that you use to control the flow of urine) regularly as you breathe.
- Breathe and feel into your heart
Be aware of something in your life you are grateful for. Gratitude is a wonderful heart opener. Hold your breasts gently and lovingly in your hands. You can then stroke them gently or keep holding them, you don’t need to rely on your partner for this. Continue to breathe in to your heart. Feel whatever is there.
- Become aware of and feel any pleasurable sensations
Allow your hips to move in a flowing manner – back and forth, side to side, around in a circle. To strengthen your mind/breath/body connection, inhale as you arch your back, exhale as you flatten your lower back on the floor or bed in the way of the powerful ‘Firebreath’. Feel your sexual power arising, give yourself permission to fully enjoy your arousal. This is just for you and you are worth it!
- Use your voice
Allow yourself (and your partner) to hear your pleasure. Your voice is intricately connected to your sexual energy, so overcome any resistance and let your sounds be heard.
- Continue to notice the sensations in your body
Allow yourself to feel sensual. Sensation might feel warm or tingling, or even numbness at first. Don’t judge them or force them, just notice them. Allow them to be there just as they are. Enjoy them just as they are. Feel any emotions you become aware of, keep breathing and let them flow as shutting them off shuts off your pleasure. Feelings simply ask to be felt.
- Repeat the above steps if orgasm approaches
Let go of how it ‘should’ be. Your experience is unique, there is no right or wrong. Let your body go with the flow.
- Touch your genitals: self-pleasure
Touch them with love rather than technique. Perhaps using a vibrator or sex toy here to increase the sensations you experience can be a more direct way to orgasm or can allow first time sensations to become clearer. However it is vital to also explore just what your body can do on its own when touched with love to avoid numbing or missing your initial, more
- Expand pleasurable sensations thru your body
You can build on any pleasurable sensations by taking a long, slow, deep breath in. Imagine as you are breathing in that you are moving the orgasmic energy from its centre in your yoni (genitals) up through the centre of your body, as if through a golden straw, up into your belly, your heart, or your third eye (in the middle of your forehead) then as you relax with a sighing exhale allow the energy to continue spreading out through your whole body, or back to your genitals. This may seem unbelievable but where the mind goes the energy follows!
If you would like to learn more about female sexuality see The Power of Yoni Workshops for Women or an Individual Session to reunite your sex with self love.