Building relationship with the void is a necessary relationship skill
Contrary to our fears the void is a place of abundant healing.
In the feeling realm there is a vital piece of the puzzle which is a feeling state called The Void. The Void is the place inside us of nothingness, or no-thing-ness. It is a place inside us of high awareness with an absence of feeling, of emotion. The void, if we are willing to allow and experience it is a place of exquisite wonder, beyond calm, beyond peace, a different flavour of Big Love. For us in our world of things, of possession, of needs, this idea of nothing can seem at best pointless, at worst terrifying. We can even label it depression, yet it is not the bleak greyness or blankness of the depression family (some may say it is underneath depression), it is profound nothingness. This is what the eastern mystics do so well, and whilst we might not need to rid ourselves of our worldly possessions and live on the road without money like a sadhu, a life of nothingness it does have much to teach us. If we can be OK with our experiences of nothingness we can let go of the endless need to get, to have, to do, to accumulate, to be and to achieve. Not that these are bad things in themselves, our lives are richer for them. But if they control us we are out of control of ourselves. And the way to find this control within is to be willing to be OK in our nothingness, to welcome it in as a precious gift and experience for a time and receive its profound healing. Just like the night sky can be a relief after the intensity of a hot, sunny day. So if you come across nothingness in your ABC practice welcome it in!
Being comfortable will help you deal with any feelings of abandonment that might come up for you in relationship. After all our partners can’t always be there when we need them. Instead you can get in connection with yourself by actively going into your inner void rather than suffering in your external one…
Practice: The Void Meditation
- Sit comfortably upright with your eyes closed.
- Breathe deeply and slowly, scan your body and get present with what you’re feeling.
- Concentrate your gaze into the back of third eye.
- Imagine the crown of your head has opened and you can see through the roof of your building, up into the sky, through the clouds, way, way out into the blackness and stillness of space. At first you can see the stars above you then you see them all around you. You pause here feeling the beauty and the wonder of it.
- Then you move further out and the stars are further apart and the blackness and stillness is all you’re aware. The blackness that seems like nothingness. Beyond feeling, beyond desire, beyond all. Experience whatever this is like for you.
- Allow the nothingness to envelope you until all you are aware of is your breath in the nothingness. Stay here until you feel complete.
- Then bring your awareness back in through space, clouds, sky, ceiling and crown back into your body grounded with the earth. Welcome back!
Nothingness is an important key in your sexual practice too. For if you cannot let go of doing, of striving in sex you will never experience its true gifts, you’ll never find the magic that can arise within it. This is the meaning behind the Indian Tantra Temple at Khajuraho which is covered with thousands of highly erotic sculptures, considered vulgar or pornographic in the west. A student of this temple must meditate on each erotic image until he has come to peace with the lustful desires it inspires before he is allowed to enter the vast space that lies within the temple itself. A lustful mind will imagine a real orgy going on inside these temples, even more sex than is depicted on the outside, when actually inside is the vastness of nothing, where true peace lives. This understanding allows us to no longer be controlled by sex, to no longer destroy love at the expense of lust.
The practice: To join in sexual union with no foreplay and no orgasm.
The Reason: Why would we suggest you give up foreplay & orgasms altogether? The practice of Daily devotion is to take you to the place that is beyond doing in sex, to the place of being, as in meditation.
It allows men to let go of performance anxiety, having to get it right, and for women to relax with no expectation of having to give anything. This practice will also take you beyond orgasm, and beyond orgasm focus is where you need to go if you want to take your sexuality to its highest level.
The How: Can be done at the beginning or end of the day x 10 mins. Or anytime for any length of time.Or for a total relationship renew optimally x 1 hour, each day for 14 days (a great to start on your holidays).
To commence the practice get into sexual union without foreplay, using lots of lubricant. You can use your hand to create an erection or you may like to experiment with “soft entry” where the soft, lubricated lingam is taken between the thumb and forefingers and “threaded” into the yoni.
Using just enough movement to gain an erection (if you’ve used soft entry) and to maintain the physical connection. Get into a position that is comfortable- scissors is good (see below).
Move just enough to sustain erection! Even if you lose your erection just having your genitals so close will have a similar energy boosting effect and if you do the practice last thing a night you can even fall asleep this way.
Just breathe and be present with each other, have eyes open occasionally.
Use this time of being in union as a lovemaking meditation, eventually you will discover there is no orgasm like no orgasm. You may also experience a range of other phenomena such as visions, moments of exquisite peace, bliss etc.
Regular practice even for a few minutes will increase your energetic connection and increase levels of desire for connection with each other.
The Position: Scissors position- man lies on his side, woman lies on her back with both legs over his hips then slides her uppermost leg between his so your legs are entwined. You can support yourself with pillows if desired. You may like to connect a hand to your lover’s heart to connect your upper bodies to complete the energy circuit.